


After The War

by loneackerman



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 1920s, Aftermath, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dark Comedy, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Jazz Age, POV Alternating, Post-Canon, Post-War, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, rivamika
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:27:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 120,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27668180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loneackerman/pseuds/loneackerman
Summary: Both of them are prideful, edgy, aimless and lonely. But what remains when everyone they love deserts them?Mikasa is careful to touch Levi. While Levi is afraid to touch Mikasa. Both terrified that they will turn into stars, exploding into dust.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Annie Leonhart, Mikasa Ackerman & Levi, Mikasa Ackerman/Levi, Pieck Finger/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 259
Kudos: 482





	1. Good night, Levi. Good night, Mikasa.

#### 

MIKASA

The rustling sound of the leaves was the first thing she heard when she opened her eyes in the beaming rays of the orange sky. Her eyes,— still hazy, sluggish and somewhat moist, often she would describe it as one of her frozen window tiles she would usually touch back in the barracks.

But the place her body was laying right now, was nowhere near the barracks, not even the least that looked like one of the quarters she shared with Sasha. The sudden memory of that girl— that Sasha, that glutton, funny, noisy, irksome girl, her roommate, her squad mate, her best friend, her family. Just the thought of it made her stomach inwardly turn up and down, almost waiting for her to throw up the last meal she had.

But she never really ate. Never really had an appetite to begin with. 

The great war ended eight days ago, if she would recall but stubbornly refuse to recall all the memories that happened after the last war and during the last war. It was poison to her mind, to her tongue, to her stomach, to her body. She doesn't mind that she looked like a rotting corpse, waiting to be a worm fodder, leaving all of her trails and duties in this world without walls.

Duties. She ran a swift touch on her hair, completely feeling her thin boney digits spike daggers to her scalp. Right, duties. She must have been suffering from a mild mental illness of PTSD, or maybe Schizophrenia painfully laughing as she tiredly remembered that there was no more military duties left in this world, that this world she has been living for the last eight days is a world that has been cleared of fear, replacing it with freedom.

_Bullshit_ , she spat before she closed her eyes once again and tucked her back in the bed that was now under the touch of beaming rays of purple and pink. Just like the color of her old young cardigan.

_If the world was free, then why wasn't I?_

Eight days ago the great war ended. But also eight days ago did the world lost almost eighty percent of its population due to the stupid rumbling. Eight days ago did she see innocent lives being murdered, being stomped like insects in the ground. Eight days ago a lot of her comrades sacrificed their lives. Eight days ago she jumped off that flying boat, trying to play the heroine in the story. Eight days ago she saw the remaining Squad Levi desperately convincing Eren to stop. Eight days ago did Eren say no and truly parted ways with her. Eight days ago when Armin cried while saying her last good bye to her. And eight days ago she made the first big decision in her life, that she killed her family, her first love, her best friend, Eren Yeager.

That eight days ago was when the world without walls truly received freedom, sparing the remaining lives that were about to be crushed but didn't crush enough to change their lives as well as their views about hatred towards Eldians like her. All she could remember was that day, eight days ago, when she could only hear scream and wail and thank you and thank god and you are a hero and we will change and the monster is now dead—

It was enough. She didn't want to think what else had happened as she tucked herself deeper in the aging white-but-now-dirty-white linens, trying to hold back her tears. 

Most of the time she didn't care what the hell day is it, let alone time, because that's how the hell it should be. If Eren and Armin died, then she should have also bit the dust in the process. But damn the walls, because she was still here, she was still in Marley, alive and breathing but looking like a dead sack of ugly potatoes. 

Now she wanted to puke her guts out, let alone the quote spilled guts and glory. She let herself throw out the remaining yellow liquids from her hungry stomach spilling it angrily at the dirty old white linen. Then that's the time when she heard someone went uninvited in her impromptu tent.

She could hear the trembling voice and steps, the "Hey, what's wrong?", the "You're not looking good, you're paler" and whatsoever comforting conversation she didn't want to hear. Just end my life, she thought as she now recognized the girl who was trying to help her clean her shitty linen. Pieck Finger.

Not that she gave a damn about her, but she was the only woman right now that she knew, and maybe she would get along if she didn't open her mouth frequently. She let Pieck help her sit down, as she also let Pieck run a damp cloth on her forehead then on her chin. "You have a fever, Mikasa. I could try find some medicine but given the situation—"

"I'm fine." She hissed, obviously trying to let Pieck know that she wasn't in the mood to have a conversation.

"I'm really thankful for your actions, now if you let me, just let me help you with your—" Pieck was really insisting and that made her glare at her. 

She chose not to speak, not to say anything that would make the girl sad, or just simply not to feel anything at all. Because if she would let herself feel anything, then she would sorrowfully miss Armin in all the possible ways she could miss him but the painful fact that it was not gonna help the situation because Armin wasn't there, and because Armin is dead. She winced when Pieck tried to comb her disheveled hair.

"Jean is worried about you, Mikasa. Connie is asking me constantly how are you doing... And Reiner, he's not in the state of sanity right now, but he's also worried about you." Pieck said once again as she folded the dirty linen while looking at her, with her eyes down.

She suddenly wanted to laugh. She completely forgot about her friends, her family for almost seven years, even though Reiner was a traitor— shit, they were all a traitor, and the painful truth that these guys are the only ones left with her. She nodded as her reply to Pieck, but also mentally passed her that she didn't want to hear more about friends, that knowing them that they are okay is enough. 

Before Pieck left, she was left with a pack of cold biscuits and a small canteen of water. Mikasa ignored Pieck walking out of her tent, then leaving the food untouched. She closed her eyes, drifting from the world without Eren and Armin.

It was dark when she woke up. She shrugged sheepishly, believing herself that she was dumb to actually care about the time and date. She could still see the trampled impromptu tent, so she assumed that she was still in the foreign land of Marley. 

_Marley._ She clicked her tongue with the unfamiliarity of the word that was once the land of their enemy. She thought of it ironically, because this was the last place she would want to go and perhaps die, but here she was. Letting herself be weak in the territory of their enemies.

She stood up from the rickety impromptu bed, with her legs wobbling feeling like a jelly, she walked herself outside. Enemies, she thought of that word again that it now felt dormant, because in this world... There should be no more enemies. For she ended it eight days ago.

Still wobbling, she made past her way to the open ground revealing the never ending sky filled with stars of different colors, of different sizes. She once remembered the night before retaking Wall Maria, when she, and Eren and Armin were talking underneath the stars about the endless dreams of sea and sand and freedom. 

But right now, she was left all alone.

She made her way to the lonely pile of wood, sitting herself while completely ignoring the cool breeze of the wind. For a while she let her guard off, when she heard footsteps.

"Mikasa?!" Her name felt foreign, albeit it was already literally foreign, but foreign was the only word she could describe right now. It was foreign for her friends, and was too foreign for herself; she didn't even recognize the intonations. She chose not to speak again, already knowing the owner of that voice.

Connie hastily walked towards her, completely forgetting that he was out to fetch water canteens for Reiner and Jean. Connie didn't hesitate sitting beside her as this should be the first time he saw her since the last war. "What the hell happened to you? You're so skinny! And you looked like you didn't take a bath!"

Mikasa wasn't sure if she was hearing Connie's word correctly. If he was mocking, or concerned, or just what. She could remember that Connie was mad at her because of her rotten ideology about her obsessive devotion to Eren that led Sasha's unjustified death, and now it doesn't make sense why Connie was talking to her with a hint of concern. She shrugged, letting herself look mute, as she realized the last time she took a bath. It seemed forever.

Connie sighed. Not really knowing what more to say, because if it was so hard for him to lose Sasha, then it would be much harder for Mikasa to lose not just Eren, but Armin too. Yet things shouldn't stay just like that, and they all need to move on. Connie was self-admitted silly and dumb so he tested the waters once more. "Mikasa, losing both of your friends, no, family... Is hard. We all understand that... But we need to move on."

Mikasa stiffened as she tried to avert Connie's gaze. She was not ready to hear confrontations. She was not ready to be comforted. She was not ready to move on. So she remained speechless.

"In two days, we're leaving Marley. Fix yourself and take a bath, Mikasa." She remained herself avoiding Connie's gaze while he continued to talk and talk about fixing herself and then left her so suddenly without saying anything.

She wished she brought the biscuit and water canteen Pieck left her. She could feel herself hungry just the thought of leaving Marley. Just the thought of arriving back to where it all began.

Back at home. 

#### 

LEVI

"Shut the fuck up."

His crude remark was the first phrase that his mouth spat right the moment he opened his eyes. He was irritated, sluggish, dirty, and constantly vexed. Especially that he finally found himself a slumber about an hour ago but then was completely wrecked by the noise of Jean and Connie's nonsense conversation.

He stood up as he sighed, throwing glares that could kill people if it contains dagger. He made his way on threshold of the tent, but before he could truly exit. Connie called him.

"Captain Levi! We're leaving in two days!"

_Finally._ He fucking thought as he could finally leave this hell of a hole leaving the remains of the genocide, of the shitty gruesome war which shed blood of almost eighty percent of the people. He remained impassive as he raised one of his straight brow to Connie. "Good."

Eight days without a proper bath, without a proper meal, and without tea was a total hell for him. He didn't even realize how the fuck did he have endure it, given the circumstances that he got one of his eye blind, his beautiful face now looking like Frankenstein, plus two of his fingers lost. 

But the war did end. And that was the last war. And that he accomplished his promise, that he finally killed Zeke Yeager with his own hands.

_But why the fuck do I seem so unsettled?_

He shrugged. He didn't even feel happy that the war had ended. He felt rather strange, and unfamiliar. All his life, all he did was to fight, fight, and fight. He didn't really know what else to do other than fighting and surviving. He was a killing machine. He was a soldier. He was not even a human to begin with all because of his Ackershit genes. In short, he was lost after they won the last war.

He remembered his bastard uncle saying that: everyone was a slave to something. Now that the war has finished, and that Zeke and Erwin and Hange and all of his veteran friends are dead, he was left with nothing.

He was alone.

That thought didn't scare him that much because he knew very much that he was alone since the day his mother died. What irked him was that he has no motive, no dreams, no goals that would keep him from moving forward. Just like when the hatred and fighting have finally died when they won the last war, he believed that humanity's strongest soldier was also buried down like a dead man's corpse.

He continued to walk towards the open ground. He was too tired of resting in his filthy impromptu tent along with the two annoying brats who frequently intake pig piss like it was the end of the world. He scoffed thinking that this was a fucking start of a new world, at least for them.

Then he spotted Reiner. The bastard in which he couldn't kill during the retake of Wall Maria. But, in this world without walls was also a world without hatred, that Reiner did also assist his squad to stop the gruesome rumbling caused by Eren Yeager.

He shivered just by the name of his former subordinate who he swore to protect back then in the Survey Corps. He suddenly felt betrayed. He brushed off his thoughts as he made his way towards the drinking Reiner.

"Captain... Uhm, what brought you here?" Levi could sense the mixed nervousness and shock of Reiner's words. He sat down beside him.

"Never mind me." He continued to position himself on the wobbly bench, running down his three finger hand to his hair as some form of habit.

Reiner slowly looked at Levi's poorly lacking digits, hiding his pity away from him. "If you could be a shifter, then those fingers would sure grow back..." Reiner jokes.

"Too bad I'm an Ackerman." Levi deadpanned, trying to compliment back Reiner's obvious joke. "We're leaving in two days. Are you still coming? But shit, there's no wall for you to break again." This time, Levi let his dark humor do the joke which obviously made Reiner uncomfortable.

"This is my hometown... I'm staying. With Pieck, Annie, Falco, and Gabi. This is a one in a million chance that I won't even know if it would happen, I'd make sure to spend it with the people I love." Reiner spoke as he looked like he already memorized the answer to the question.

_Talk about spending it with people you love. You're fucking lucky, you damn bastard. Well, how about us?_

Levi decided not to respond, not that he was lost for words, but just because he couldn't find the right words to say. He couldn't relate, he guessed. So he closed his eyes and let silence fill the tension between them.

"So captain... Does it mean that only you, Jean and Connie are leaving?" Reiner was a bit talkative and Levi could swear that if he still has his amputated finger, he would make Reiner eat it.

"Yeah. Maybe. Don't know." He replied as he stretched his arms, making his vertebra clank out popping sounds. He motioned himself to stand up, leaving Reiner behind because he doesn't want to have another conversation about Reiner lecturing him that he should seize his remaining life, that he should enjoy this one in a million chance.

But walls be damned, Reiner was acting like a cat running around the porridge as he opened his mouth for another dialogue. "Captain Levi... About, uhm—"

Levi was never one to beat around the bush so he replied quickly. "Ask and get it over."

"Mikasa. She finally went out of her tent. Connie told us she was so skinny. Pieck also informed us that she was not eating properly, and that she has been throwing up. She's hopeless..." Reiner suddenly looked sad, averting his gaze to the sandy ground.

Levi wanted to fucking laugh so bad because how the hell did he completely forget about her. That's right. It has been eight days since he last saw her, eight days since he saw her killed Eren Yeager. He was insensitive at that part, he never visited her, never even had the initiative to ask the two brats how she is, even though she is residing at the female zone. He wanted to choke with his own saliva because after all the camaraderie and trust they have built, why the hell did he leave her unnoticed, completely forgotten like some minor character when in fact she was the heroine in this story? He looked completely chaotic as he stuttered mentally the words he struggled to reply. 

"I don't know... Is she coming?" Was all he could manage to say even though the sudden want of him asking Reiner what was Mikasa doing, how was she feeling, is she sick, and whatever questions he failed to bring himself the last seven days. He clicked his teeth as he whispered to himself _"I'm the worst."_

Reiner shrugged as he shook his head. Levi understands that Reiner doesn't know the answer to his question, that he is not obligated to answer his damn question.

So without saying anything, he slid his hands to his pocket then left.

Levi could see the sun approaching. Back before the time where killing titans was just his child play, Erwin would noisily announce that it was the start of a new day. But right now? There seemed to be no difference whether the sun or the moon would be approaching. The last people here in Marley don't sleep, nap, or even rest nowadays. All they did was worship, pray, party, feast, and a lot more obnoxious occasions that made him annoyed.

People of different races tend to be more caring, more open, more talkative and shits. If his right eye wasn't damaged that bad, he'd be rolling his eyes twenty four seven. Because this feeling was new to him, back before this feeling tends to be the goal they all shared— Erwin, Hange, Moblit, Mike, and his last squad wanted so bad to attain. But now that they have attained it, he felt fucking bad because the price of it was to get all his friends killed just leaving three annoying brats with him. Sometimes he wondered, why does he even hold the title of Humanity's Strongest when he couldn't protect the precious lives of people dear to him. He doesn't know the answer yet he struggled so hard to find it.

Levi fidgeted the harness that he was still wearing. It has been eight days since the harness was begging for him to dispose of it since the harness wasn't needed anymore. But eight days after that shit was over, he couldn't find any reason to dispose of it, hence thinking that this harness was the reason why he survived, and maybe the last memory of something he had been doing all his life. So he let the leather harness consume him like a parasite, oh wait, the leather harness let him consume it like Levi was some kind of parasite sucking up on an innocent host.

Then far he heard a sound of clang, bells ringing indicating that it was breakfast time. He stood up in the place he was sitting, as he secretly hoped to find a nice cup of tea waiting for him.

His way back to the makeshift cafeteria was worse than he could imagine. For the past seven days all he did was keep himself unnoticed, subtle, and idle. He didn't want to hear commotions, such as praises for him and gratefulness. When he topped the rank quickly turning him into a captain of the Survey Corps, all he did hear were praises and thanks. Not that he was an arrogant douche, or someone who can't appreciate people's gratitude, but just the reason that it irked him so much when people only see him as some sort of weapon and a killing machine.

Not that he would openly admit it, but he somehow wished back then to have a normal life.

_But here's the beginning of normal life, so why can't I accept it?_

He brushed off his thoughts once again as he silently nodded to all the people he didn't even know as he entered the tent that serves food. He looked around, silently observing and eyeing a lot of refugees who appeared to be so hungry yet smiling as they made a line to get a bowl of that tasteless porridge he hated. But shit happened, and even if it's just temporary, they are also a refugee right now and they must eat that boring porridge in order to survive.

_Tch._

His eyes kept lingering until he found his companions, or the two annoying brats he wanted to punch every time they got drunk on their shared impromptu tent. But even if the brats constantly irked him, he was glad that he had them because they were the only people left with him through the war.

And Mikasa.

He scoffed bitterly, while his thoughts mused why he acted such an impassive man who couldn't get anything to do unless it was an order. But fuck, there was no orders as there were no superiors or whatever. The world wasn't the same as yesterday so it means that he should also change to keep moving around.

"Captain Levi! There's tea! I managed to get you a cup!" He could hear Jean's excitedly annoying voice as he raised one hand to him.

_Fucking hell, finally._

He hastily strode over to where Jean and Connie were sitting. Connie moved his ass swiftly, giving him a little space to sit down since the makeshift dining table was too small. It would be the first time he would actually eat with them since forever, because he was too busy sulking unimportant shit that he even forgot about the important matters for this world without walls. He picked up the tea that was placed in a porcelain cup. The porcelain cup looked shit and old and almost shattered, as he traced the broken lines using his ring finger. But it doesn't matter as he weirdly picked the rim of the cup and gently placed the rim on his stitched lips.

"This tea tastes like shit," Everyone knew that Levi wasn't a man of words and when the rare times come that he needed to spat words of decisions and affirmations, his tongue would move independently spatting out only crude words to say. Nevertheless of what he said, he could see Jean and Connie chuckling as they shove their tasteless porridge right into their mouth.

His peripheral version sensed Reiner walked towards their makeshift table along with the two brats, Annie, and Pieck. He could hear the young boy Falco greeted him but he decided to give no response such as looking or nodding as he sipped down more of his shitty tea. It's better to be this way, he thought.

He used his auditory sense to observed what the youngsters were talking about, and they were probably talking all about planning new dreams, new goals, sharing some old memories from the barracks, laughter, heartbreaks, about how Mikasa constantly dumped Jean, about how Connie was ultimately jealous about Niccolo, about how Annie terribly missed Armin. A mixed of happy and sorrowful stories flooded their shared air as the brats chatted like there was no tomorrow. Then he remembered, they were leaving soon and this might be the last time they would see each other because every one of them would surely part away.

All sorrowful hello always have its beautiful goodbye. Or maybe the other way around.

He let the last drop of his shitty tea lingered his poisonous tongue before deciding that he should go back to their impromptu tent and finally have a peaceful slumber without the two brats in it. Before any of his plans happen, Connie called his name again. "Captain Levi!"

"Hm?"

He finally glanced around the people surrounding him. All eyes were on him, like they were waiting for him to say anything important that he soon realized that he wasn't actually paying attention to their chitchats. "What?"

"What's your plan after we get back to Paradis?"

Levi felt inwardly stiff, mute, and uncomfortable. He should have expected that question earlier, he should have been ready to answer it especially that that question was the question to his melancholic thoughts about describing how useless of a trash he was right now after the war. But his body still reacted as if it was surprised, as if somebody he didn't know asked him what present he wanted for his birthday. He opened his mouth half but then closed it because of hesitations. What the hell was stopping him anyway? "I really don't know."

He could see the constipated faces of the ex-Marleyan warriors. No one actually wanted to talk to him except Reiner especially when he knew that bastard Zeke told every warriors that he was a dangerous devil of Paradis island. But going back to the topic, he didn't really have plans to begin with. He could say to himself and he could actually hear Hange and Erwin laugh that right now, he felt like a thin paper waiting for the waves to take him wherever.

"How about marriage, captain? Don't you ever think of having a family?"

A shiver was sent down to his spine upon hearing the word of family. He felt frozen, he felt chilly, but at the same time he felt hot. Not for the lewd reason, but he felt hot because of embarrassment that he actually forgot that he still has one family— uhh, distant relative? Blood relative? He didn't care as she was the closest of all the family he could get right now and yet he was ignoring him like he was a spoiled bad brat. "I don't even know." Was all he could reply even though he was itching to ask these brats where he could find Mikasa right now. He sighed as he finally stood up, making his hard decision to go back and beg his mind to sleep.

He doesn't care what faces everyone was making as he was striding to the exit when Jean called him for the last time. He stopped and he listened.

"It is best captain, if you would, ugh. Please visit her. Please visit Mikasa. She's hopeless. No plans— well actually she has. Her only plan right now is to die. I don't know about the two of you but, god. You are the only family she has." Jean stared at him with his eyes pleading, completely feeling pity for the both of them.

For the last few years, maybe almost a decade, he perfectly overcame spilling any emotions on his face. A man like Levi, was a perfect example of a stoic statue face who wouldn't give a damn if he was hurting or what. But fuck that, because the moment he heard the last sentence that Jean uttered, he felt his eyelids dropped the same way his stitched lips curved down.

He walked away without saying anything in return. 

#### 

MIKASA

The last person she wanted to see was Levi Ackerman.

_No_ , she thought. She should rephrase it. The last person she wanted to see her suffering like a beaten llama piñata was Levi Ackerman. The surname felt surreal, felt twisted and unfamiliar in her dehydrated tongue. It was no secret already that they shared the same surname, meaning that they shared the same clan, and maybe he was the closest family she could ever get right now.

Just like the ended war, all her grudge and disappointments toward her captain have also ended the moment she killed Eren. She was even sure that she bid her goodbye to Levi because she thought that their actions were a complete suicidal action, and neither of them would have the chance to survive.

But shit got to be kidding, because they were both lucky and maybe unlucky, and both alive to be breathing in the foreign territory of Marley.

She wondered what the hell was that shorty was doing because she hadn't seen him the moment the war ended. And then she thought that maybe it was better this way, because she doesn't want to have another conversation with Levi telling her about the things she shouldn't regret, that the past was the past and that she couldn't do anything to change it but to live it.

It was already an hour since the bells rang indicating that it was breakfast time, and as usual, she doesn't really have an appetite to eat as well as talking with whoever comrade who wished to visit her. She could feel her legs having spasms, due to the lack of locomotive actions she has been up to these past few days.

So she positioned herself to sit down for the nth time, feeling practically satisfied like it was some childish task she quickly finished. The weather today was humid, and her clothes feel so sticky and sweaty. She can't deny that she already smells like horse shit, she stinks a lot and that made her add on the reason why she didn't want Levi to see her. She was already pestering herself, and it might be a pity to involve her captain with the pestering stink she has done.

For the first time in her life without walls, she finally decided to take some big action. And that was to bath her filthy sticky body.

Coercion may be her main motive on why she found herself in the communal makeshift bathroom looking for a dipper and a pail. It was no surprise that they are experiencing water shortage, like what kind of post-war does she expect? Feast and party? She scoffed. Of course everything was mayhem, physically and mentally.

She opened the lid of the last drum that was filled with cold water, as she said to herself that this would be the first and last bath she would take before leaving Marley. She found a half husked coconut, making it her dipper. She soaked herself as she scrubbed her body aggressively. She wanted to get rid of the stain, the wounds, the pain, and the memories. If her odor was stinking so bad, then make the memories of her war body worse. 

Making her assumptions correct, there was no towel available from the communal bathroom. It was a good thing that she thought advance as she brought the discarded linen from her rickety bed making it as a source of fabric that would dry her soaking body. As she exited the pile of woods after three full hours of her extra curricular bathroom series, a pair of two eyes surprised her. Annie and Pieck.

But she wasn't really in the mood to talk about anything so she just walked passed them silently, not urging her to give gestures or something. She doesn't want to talk with Annie right now because she knew that the chances of talking about Armin was high, especially when Armin admitted his love interest for Annie before he died.

She felt sad, not for the reason she missed Armin, but she felt terribly sad because things were going good with both Armin and Annie and then suddenly, it just ended like that. Why do they all have to suffer, anyway?

She didn't know and she didn't have the effort to care. All she knew was she was going with Connie and Jean back home, and maybe... If she would be lucky, find something that would suit her interest in the world without Armin and Eren.

_Is Captain Levi going back home too?_

Her sudden realization of Levi made her shiver. To think that Connie and Pieck never mentioned Levi to her. She inwardly cackled because what in the world was wrong with her, how would her uninvited visitors would dare to have a conversation with her when she didn't want to talk about anything? She felt like a useless dumb trash.

When she made her way back to her tent, she picked up her discarded filthy clothes. She snorted, glaring at her filthy button down polo, and black trousers... Thinking that the bath she took was useless because she forgot that she doesn't have an extra pair of clothes. If only she wasn't a timid girl from the past days, then maybe she should have gotten at least a pair of clothes from the ration that were distributed. She sighed, making her complicated life a little less complicated, as she clothed herself back again with her filthy clothes.

She stayed another couple of hours in her impromptu tent. She hated being there, she hated being alone, but there was no other option she would choose. Maybe if she hated being alone, then she much hated having useless conversation with people. She ran her hand across her raven hair, thinking when the hell did she become difficult like this. 

_Ahh, because I have no purpose anymore._

The bells rang for the third time this day, alarming that it was dinner time, and Mikasa couldn't deny anymore that she was getting really hungry. Her stomach growls heavily, as she could feel her vile rising up towards her throat. She needed to eat something but she also needed isolation from everyone.

Which was which.

She huffed, mentally punching herself because she was Mikasa Ackerman, and her pride was always ahead of her. She didn't choose the latter part as she tucked herself back to sleep. If she survived the war, then maybe she could survive her hunger.

She closed her eyes and hoped that the next time she opened it, it would be her departure for Paradis.

Her hazy eyes woke up to a low, dead, cold, and sexy voice. She must have been dreaming because she cannot see anything, let alone the darkness filled the void. Dreams can be surreal as was the voice that woke her up from the liminal state of her passive and impassive mind.

"Oi." 

The low, dead, cold, and sexy voice was now louder as she could hear a pair of stomping foot steps. She rubbed her eyes as she tried to remember what day was today. Even though that was the fucking dumbest thing she could ever think right now instead of guessing the owner of the voice of her unwanted visitor in the middle of the night. She snapped herself as she realized the only person who can invade her just like that. 

"Captain?"

She heard no reply but instead she heard more footsteps striding closer to her, and then he stopped when she heard a clank of tray atop her bunk.

"Eat."

_Eat? Wait, what? Is it breakfast? What the hell time is it? Did I sleep too much? Or, are we going to depart back home?_ She has too many thoughts, so she hastily sits totally ignoring her disheveled bed hair, let alone her poor posture.

"Uhm, I, uhm, Captain—" She could see the clown in herself as she stuttered her slurred voice trying to rummage a lot of questions in her thoughts.

"Eat. A boring porridge and a slice of apple were all I could manage to save." She couldn't see Levi clearly, but she felt that Levi sat beside the tray of food he placed at the bunk. 

She was grateful that it was dark that Levi couldn't see her filthy clothes, but maybe it wasn't just because of the filthy clothes but it was more than that, because she didn't want Levi to see her like this, all looking and feeling like a useless garbage that needed to be disposed of immediately. She was moody right now but it didn't feel right to shove him away when all he did was bring her a tray of food. 

"Why... Are you here?" Mikasa asked, biting her lower lip as she could feel the stinging of her eyes. Why is she even close to her tears? It's just her captain, her impassive unfortunate distant relative comrade.

"Tch." He scoffed, that ever present annoying scoff that she was too annoyed to hear but right now it felt alright and welcomed. "Don't make me regret that I shared my favorite fruit with you. So eat."

"I, uhm, thank you... If you like you could eat the slice of apple—"

"Mikasa." Levi turned to face Mikasa as she could see the glaring steel-blue eyes that were illuminated by the small ray of the moon. She could see that although he was glaring at her, his brows are furrowed but with a hint of concern she has probably never seen before. "That porridge is tasteless. I don't want you throwing up one more time just because you can't handle that tasteless shit, so pair it up with a slice of apple. That apple may not be fresh but it is sweet. Just trust me."

_Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me._ Those words seemed so warm right now, so close to home that she almost forgot that it was only the same words that the captain told her countless times whenever she doubted his strange actions. If she would be overreacting, she could say that she could go another day with just the words 'trust me' circling around, playing merry-go-round in her fucked up mind. She looked closely at her captain, who still has his bored gaze on her, as she pulled the food tray in her direction.

She munched, almost taking two spoonful at a time because she was terribly hungry and she wouldn't mind if that porridge tasted shit and if Levi even brought a day old moldy bread, she would willingly eat it just to satisfy her violent hunger. She knew she was eating impatiently yet saving the best for the last, as she finished first the boring porridge before she devoured Levi's favorite fruit. 

And Levi was right. The apple was sweet. She wondered when the hell did her greedy captain learn to share? She shrugged, not even noticing that Levi was staring at her the whole time.

Once she finished that delicious slice of apple, she reached for her water canteen and gulped it out so fast, enough for the both of them to hear her harsh gulps. She was already waiting for Levi to scold her, or even insult her, or just grimace as a reaction but to her surprise, Levi just sat there without spatting a thing.

"...thank you. For bringing the food."

She could hear his scoffing again, his nose scrunching as he huffed out a sigh.

"It's nothing. Now, go back to sleep."

She didn't reply as she let the silence fill the lulling tension between them. She didn't want to sleep again to be honest, but she didn't also want to feel alone. The hard part was there were no in-betweens, yet the harder part was that she couldn't bring herself to talk to Levi. 

She could feel him standing up already as he removed the tray from the bunk, then she suddenly felt lonely and much alone. Just the thought of him going back to his tent feels just like he was slipping apart just like Eren and Armin. The thought could literally drive her insane. She wanted to break the silence, wanted to break the tension because that is what was needed.

"Levi," She called him by his name, not thinking if it was too soundly or soundless, dropping out his rank, sounding all too personal and intimate. "Levi," She called her again, not hesitating if it would cause her voice to be hoarse, but this time his name tasted like honey sticking up her throat and clouding back her thoughts. "Levi..."

Levi stopped. And remained silent for a few minutes. This was not getting any good, as she could feel her throat tightening by his honey glazed name, her eyes stinging just because she all felt nothing but loneliness. 

"Mikasa." She heard him call her name again for the second time around and she was not used to it because she never heard him call her name that many times. Levi looked at her wearily before he continued speaking. "You need to sleep,"

"But—"

"You need to sleep, so you could wake up. So later you'll eat another shitty porridge for breakfast. I don't want to—" Levi paused as he took another step in which Mikasa couldn't determine if it was a step away or close to her. She wished it was a step closer to her but then she heard Levi again. "I don't want to see you like that."

She should feel offended. If she was still her past self, she'd feel enraged and annoyed. She would surely get off on her heels then strike Levi hitting him right in his youthful face. But she only felt defeated right now. Only felt lonely and vague, but never offended. That her wish earlier to not let Levi see her like that did actually come true and that thing does hurt her more than she could admit.

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't. Don't waste your sorry for a worthless man like me. If there was someone who should be sorry, it should be me."

"I don't want to feel alone," She spat out the revelation that fogged her up for days. _More like I don't want you to go, Levi..._

He sighed. Then his free hand reaches something into his sideways. "You won't. We'll be leaving later this dusk. Fix yourself." Then he threw a piece of cloth to Mikasa. "Change your filthy top. That's also clean because that's mine."

He strode a few more steps to the threshold of her tent as he spoke once again. "Good night, you stupid brat." He left without waiting for her reply.

She actually didn't understand what he meant that he should be the one who's sorry and things like that. Levi left already, but the stingy feeling in her eyes didn't. She picked up the piece of cloth— clean cloth that Levi had thrown her. She smelled, and it did smell clean, nice, warm, pine, and... 

The smell reminded her of him. _Just like home._

Seems like her unwanted visitor for the first time, turned to be her needed visitor. 

#### 

LEVI

The moment that he fully exited Mikasa's impromptu tent, he finally let out his stuck up breath. Levi wasn't thinking. He knew that for sure, he wasn't thinking enough, wasn't thinking methodically just like the way he is. His mind has been clouded, making him harder to think since the moment Jean pleaded with him to talk with Mikasa.

Everyone said that Mikasa was hopeless, but not everyone did understand that he was as hopeless too.

His walk back to his tent was shitty. He could feel himself tremble as he walked, wobbly just like the moment he was caught up on an explosion with a thunder spear. He never thought he could feel like this, feel so breathless and weak and clumsy and shit just because Mikasa called his name three times.

And it explained why he wasn't thinking. Because a normal person would stay. Would comfort her. Would hug her. Would stay with her even if it means just by talking about anything small and nonsense. It was clear that Mikasa was alone, and the moment that he visited her, Mikasa felt less alone but then alone again just because he wasn't clearly thinking about his actions. Just because he left.

Yes, he managed to bring her food. Managed to share his favorite fruit, the last and only apple he could find in the small ration of food, and he was so hungry because he didn't want to eat that tasteless porridge yet he managed to give her a slice. But truth be told, it wasn't enough. It was the least needed, he should admit. Because even though it was dark, even though he couldn't clearly see her face, he knew that she wanted him to stay and that was what most needed.

Yet cowardice consumed him. All he talked was about the shitty porridge. About how she should eat later this breakfast. About how she was filthy. About how he didn't want to see her like that. He felt like a child, a bullied child telling his enemies that he doesn't want to see them because they stink and all look ugly. But it was not his intention, he doesn't hate her just because she was filthy. He told her that maybe he doesn't want to see her like that— weak, hopeless, worthless, and useless just like the man he is right now. 

Without any disciplinary actions waiting for him, he kicked the lonely calm rock that went flying past the communal bathroom. He needed a release. He needed to be violent, he needed to kill something, slay titans or what or just anything to keep him stable and alive.

But the truth is, there was no more left in this world to kill. There was no more reason left to be violent. This was a new world, a world without walls, a world without Erwin and Hange and his comrades, a world that should be mended with peace.

And maybe that was what was killing him and making him useless.

He stayed for another hour outside before he went back to their shared tepee. 

He doesn't even know the point of going back inside when all he does is to toss and turn and tumble in the rickety makeshift bunk. Still, he went back inside, thinking that an hour of sleep is better than nothing.

His bunk was in the middle, making it between Connie and Jean. He checked first the drooling Connie, mouth agape in his heavy slumber as he passed by making his way to his rickety bunk. Then he heard something. Something that would bring him down to his nerves.

Moans.

He winced, scrunching up his nose, mouthing _how shitty can this day get?_

The moans— short breath, wet sounds, and whatever wild animal howls he could describe were making him grimace. He was told before that he was a cat in human form so maybe that could be the reason why those lewd, public fuckers didn't notice his presence.

Well, who could that be? Fucking in the middle of the literal dark, already enjoying the perks of this new world? He already knew that the man was Jean, but he didn't quite guess who could be the woman who would bravely dare to have an interest with the so-called Horseface boy. The little creak sound that the rickety bunk was squeezing, made him winced more. Although he has shown his aversion, he gave a few moments of wiretap before disturbing them.

"Gross." He mumbled loud enough making the two fuckers lift their head alarmingly from the covered blanket which revealed Jean and... Pieck. Levi glanced away, forcing himself to stare at the drooling Connie who looked like he was out and away in another dimension. Even if he was badly bruised, he still has enough dignity not to engage himself in other people's porn.

"I, uhm, captain, we're—"

"I know. You're fucking."

"No, we're, uhm, sorr—"

The stuttering voice of Jean made him more disgusted and uncomfortable. He didn't know if he should be the one to go out to let Jean enjoy his sexual session, or vice versa. Not that it really matters, but that's how it really looked like. "Yeah. Do you want me to go out, so you could finish your extra curricular activities?"

This time, it was Pieck who answered. "Sorry uhm, captain. We should just go out." Sounding so docile, as if they commit a lawful act, Pieck motioned Jean to follow her while she nervously fixed her blouse. Jean followed suit, picking up his discarded polo while fixing the buttons of his trouser, trying to say something back to Levi. "Uhm, sir, I—"

Levi cut him off, completely annoyed by the way Jean stuttered like he has some sort of tongue disorder. He didn't know if Jean could see him shaking his head, but nonetheless, he didn't care. He watched Jean as he exited the tepee before completely removing his boots and tucking himself back to his insomniac sleep. He reminded himself once again that if earlier, he needed a violent release for his anxiety... then maybe Jean needed some sort of sexual release. Fair enough.

_Tch._

He woke up to the loud ringing of bells, indicating that it was breakfast time. His eyes sluggishly opened, trying to recollect his last memory, his forgettable short dreams, and his tipsy state of mind. He must have been oversleeping for at least four to five hours, and it irked him that none of his two roommates took the initiative of waking him. 

He straightened his seat from his bunk, absent mindedly dusting his knee, then he reached for his boots. He looked around, having his past memory recollected when he saw no sight of Jean and Connie. He was about to complain that he cannot find his extra shirt, but then remembered that he gave it to Mikasa last night.

Then he sank again in the old rickety bunk, pinching the bridge of his nose. _Should I go? Should I eat that shitty porridge? Should I see her?_

The last question definitely made him more restless. Sleep has never been a remedy for his problems, maybe that explains the reason why he sleeps like a demon— not really sleeping at all except for last night. He sighed, shaking his head while running a hand to his disheveled bed hair. He looked shit for starters.

He stayed for another fifteen minutes, totally contemplating himself in the middle of a civil argument in his damned mind about whether he should go eat breakfast or not.

Wait, he should rephrase it.

Whether he should go see her or not.

Fucking complicated, he mentally uttered to himself that why does things get so very complicated especially right now. He was already old to be acting like a teenager experiencing some rebellious phase. He fixed the wrinkle of his polo, and the wrinkle of his harness as he finally decided to go see her.

_To eat breakfast, you idiot._

"Captain! I managed to get a cup of tea for you!" This time, it was Connie who called him and motioned him to follow suit at their makeshift dining table. He walked towards their direction, nodding at Connie, while glaring conspicuous at Jean. Not that he cared about the secret extra-curricular that happened last night, it just grossed him to think that they really did it there in front of a drooling dumb teenager heavily in his slumber. He bet that Connie doesn't even know anything.

He sat at the small space provided, while reaching out for the cup of tea he assumed that tasted shit again. Nevertheless, he placed his fingers at the rim of the cup then lifted up as it touched his stitched lips. "Tastes like shit." Was all he could ever say.

Connie chuckled while shoving two breads at a time on his large mouth, while Jean tensely played a spoon of his tasteless porridge. Jean was about to say something, he could guess that Jean was about to apologize for his behaviors, when the ex-Marleyan warriors arrived.

Like again, he didn't lift his head or greet or respond or whatever communication he doesn't really need to attend. It was always like this the way it begins, so it is how it ends. He sipped his tea as he finished it, looking like he doesn't give a fuck about anyone, then he stood up and looked around.

He was eyeing the food ration, if there was something left, even if it's just little so he could bring it to her once again. He constantly needed to remind himself that if he was a total shit for words, then maybe he should compromise his actions.

"You're looking for something?"

The food hall was a bit loud this morning, especially a lot of kids are present today, so he doesn't really recognize the voice of whoever was calling him. He turned first to check if it was Connie who called him but was only surprised to see the youngsters with all eyes wide. He furrowed his brows as he was about to ask that if they have seen a stupid ghost or what when a warm hand grab his wrist. He turned around immediately.

"Ackerman?"

Mikasa nodded and gave him a very small smile, as she proceeded herself to sit at the seat he was sitting before he stood up. He observed her narrowly, as if he had his eyes only for the quaint woman. There she was, already having a spoon in her left hand, ready to scoop the shitty porridge and take a big bite of _wait, what the hell?_

"You're gonna eat that shit?" He couldn't stop his mouth from saying shit because his eyes couldn't believe that Mikasa's bread had an actual mold in it. His face suddenly scrunched trying to hold back himself from being sick. They may be refugees for now, but he swore to himself ever since the day he was poor as a rat that he would never eat moldy bread even if he couldn't take his hunger.

"Yeah... It was the last bread." She looked like she was about to feast pork ribs when she grabbed a spoonful of porridge and shoved it to her mouth when Levi spoke again.

"Connie, exchange your bread with Mikasa—"

"Sir, it's okay—"

"Mikasa." He glared the moment he called her once again. He could see it with his peripheral version that all eyes were already on them, trying to analyze what was wrong with Levi in the early morning. But he didn't really care about what others would think of him as he spoke again. "Connie loves moldy bread. So exchange it with him."

Connie gulped, his eyes tensed, as he nodded repeatedly offering his bitten bread to Mikasa while looking at the direction of the intimidating Levi. "Here, I, uhm, I already bit it, but let me exchange that moldy bread, shit Captain, I love moldy breads...!" 

Looking as impassive as ever, Levi nodded and mouthed 'thanks' as he stood there for another moment. He couldn't think of an excuse of why he couldn't leave or why he should stay or whatever. All he knew was right now, the scene was pleasing, letting him observe a picturesque he thought he couldn't see anymore. Everyone was silent, letting Mikasa enjoy her first time shitty breakfast with everyone. 

He couldn't tell the face that Mikasa was wearing but he hoped he made her smile even if it's just a bit.

He mentally noted himself to buy Connie meat the moment they get back home. 

#### 

MIKASA

Mikasa didn't actually know what to feel when she saw Connie looking like a pale turd, exchanging his bitten bread for her moldy bread. In fact, if she wasn't so restless and sleepless, she would be laughing out loud. The scene was really funny, something that really brightened up her mood, all thanks to Le— Captain Levi. She smiled a little, even though she had her face against him. 

This was the first time she had taken her post-war breakfast, along with the remaining Levi Squad, and the ex-Marleyan warriors. She took a quick glance at everybody, studying their amused demeanor, especially Jean, who appeared to be very flushed... And embarrassed. She shoveled another spoon of the tasteless porridge she managed to get before it ran out. She couldn't deny that the shitty porridge actually tasted good for a hungry girl like her.

"Connie, are you sure about that bread?" She asked worriedly, trying to ignore her inward grin of the comical scene earlier.

Connie took a big bite of the moldy bread while nodding tersely, giving her one of his thumbs up. She knew that even if Connie was a glutton like Sasha, he cannot beat Sasha when it comes to eating food that has an actual angry army of fungi in it. It looked chaotic.

She silently mumbled another thank you, not really knowing if she was referring to Connie, or at the person at her back. She bit her lip when she heard Levi scoffed, obviously disgusted by the gruesome moldy meal of Connie. If Levi wasn't too persistent and scary, she should have been the one who's eating that disgusting moldy bread. She realized that she hasn't given any gratitude towards her captain, so she spoke shyly making it a little soundless, yet soundly just for Levi to hear. "Thank you, captain."

The post-war made her less of a person as she could admit it. But after witnessing the moment last night, of how an impassive person could literally sneak her tent just to bring her a meal and a change of cloth, she was awed. Truly impressed. Not that she would admit it to herself, but she felt cared. And that person, her superior, deserved more than words. 

Without anything yet to offer but words of gratification, she sensed her captain left. She couldn't see the face he was making. She didn't even hear a single word. She should be furious, or just annoyed by the way that Levi acted like an asshole by walking out. She wasn't really offended or annoyed or angry, but she did realize that instead of feeling those things, she was actually worried about him.

Everyone in the table appeared unaffected when the captain left, so she assumed that it was already normal, like a daily habit in which everyone was used to. And for the first time in post-war, she finally regained an effort to have a conversation.

"Uhm, why did he leave?"

Reiner bit the conversation. "He's always like that, Ackerman."

"Stop calling her Ackerman, you dumb guy. Captain Levi is an Ackerman too!" Connie replied as he spat some crumbles in Jean's flushed face.

Totally ignoring Jean's curse and furrow brows, Mikasa asked another question. "Since when?"

"Since forever, Mikasa. Captain Levi was always distant. Did you crack your head that you forgot?"

Mikasa felt like a scolded child, unaware of how unchallenging and obvious her question was. She almost forgot. Captain Levi was a distant person. A cold, boring, asshole, brutal, impassive, humorless, blunt and outrageous person. He kicked Eren numerous times. He manhandled women like Hange and Historia just to force his commands. He beat Jean just because they were rowdy. He killed a lot of people with no hesitations while he tortured someone without a conscience.

In fact. He was the devil of Paradis.

_But what makes him differ from me? I've done things that could counterfeit his sins._

She sighed. She should be distant with Levi too. Not just because Levi was an Ackerman, then she could befriend him and act like a family, a close buddy, a sister, a cousin, or whatever relationship that could make her close to his chasm. But maybe perhaps she wanted to feel more? More than those things she mentioned? She shook her head and ignored the rising blush on her face. It didn't feel right, she should be still mourning, not feeling like a lovesick teenager.

Nevertheless, she couldn't hate him again. And the obvious truth be told, she wanted him to be closer. He was the closest family she could get in a time like this.

She wasn't in the mood for conversation so after she finished her meal, she left. She didn't want to feel all messed up and glum again, so she decided to stroll down the sandy ground of Marley. 

_So this was it. The aftermath of the war._

The solution of her homeland. The efforts of the Survey Corps. The sacrifices of her dear comrades and family: Ian, Hannes, Moblit, Erwin, Sasha, Zachley, Pyxis, Keith, Hange, Armin, and Eren. And a very lot more to mention.

The sandy ground reminds her of Armin. About how he loved the beach. The sea. The other earthly things in which he couldn't stop talking about. Those things Armin and Eren could only understand but even though she couldn't understand their earthly desires and dreams, she felt happy. Because she was with them. She has a family and that's what all she could need.

If only she knew that this was the price of their dreams, then she should have strangled both of them in their sleeps back in the barracks. She couldn't help but to feel frustrated, sad, lonely, vague, annoyed, and hell. It was too complicated to understand what she was feeling.

She pinched the bridge of her nose while she heavily dropped her eyelids, preventing herself from shedding a tear. It was not the perfect time nor place to be emotional.

She strode more steps, finding herself a little bit away from the dozens of canopy in which they called a temporary home. But she was a refugee, a foreigner, and it was not home for her. She stumbled hastily as she failed to notice that there were a lot of kids playing tag.

She was about to stand, when a hand was offered to her. She didn't need to know who's hand was it, as she didn't need to remind herself that pity was never an option. She took the hand that was composed of three hardworking fingers.

"Thanks."

Just like any other scenarios, Levi didn't reply. But instead, Levi let his eyes do the talking. She could feel that he was staring at her, his flickering steel-blue orbs that were wishing to tell her something she didn't know. So she stared back, completely ignoring the shouting kids at their background, while trying to look at his lifeless burning eyes with passion, destruction, and longing.

And again, it was Levi who broke the gaze. He winced as he took back his hand gently, trying to show her that he took his hand because he was hurt and not offended. She apologized when she realized that she squeezed his hand too much, as she composed her dread longing self. 

It took them a few minutes of awkward silence, before enjoying the tranquility of each other. He was sitting by now at the leafless tree, as he motioned her to sit beside him. Levi was always like that, a man of few non-existent words. 

"Captain—" She broke the silence but then soon was cut afterwards.

"Levi. _Just Levi._ " He replied without a beat, like a phrase he memorized from the first day at the Corps.

"Levi." She called his name once again, like the way she did last night, all along coming back to her tongue like some sort of rich honey that would take half a year of paycheck before its purchase. She bit her lower lip, now lost in what she was about to say.

"Hm?" He replied impassively, but she didn't fail to notice that Levi was now looking at her, orbs filled with empathy.

"Are you always like this?"

"Like what?"

"Bored." 

Then she heard a chuckle. She didn't expect to hear a chuckle from him as she didn't expect to bluntly burst out the words she told him. She was awkwardly dumb at conversations and this would probably be the time she would welcome nasty insults from Levi.

So she replied once more, trying to make the conversation alive and less awkward. "Sorry. Didn't mean that."

"I don't mind. _We're not just good at words anyway._ "

"But you are a good person."

"A good person cannot be good in all aspects, Mikasa. We need to understand that." Levi huffed an imaginary air, as he swiftly ran a hand to his hair, trying to sound a little more patient, and hoping that she would understand the meaning between those words.

And she did understand that as she turned her face in front of him, completely at a loss for words, mentally shouting at him that all she wanted right now was someone to comfort her because she was too damn lost. All a while, she does understand what he said, that a complete example for that is what Eren did, and what she did, and what Levi did, and what everyone did. Everything was slowly falling into pieces, slowly tearing her apart with a merciless agony. She pinched the bridge of her nose once again, while this time, defeated by the running agony of her tears.

Levi said nothing as usual, but when she was completely in a havoc of her streaming bottled up emotions, she felt his warm hands wiping up the tears that were falling in her cheeks. This was what she hoped, what she needed; to be comforted like a child because she had too much, she had enough of everything. By the loss of his words and compromises of his actions, she was grateful.

She let that moment linger for a little more, while they both watched the kids running happily in the sandy ground. She wished she could be a child again, running carelessly, without having destructional thoughts that could drive her insane. 

_Stay._ One word that has been rent-free in her mind since the beginning of last night.

_Stay, please._ Two words she didn't free this morning before he left.

_Stay with me._ Three words that her mind was begging to say, pleading her lifeless eyes while she leaned gently in his caring hand. 

But she kept it inside and just as Levi said, they weren't good with words. 

#### 

LEVI

Unpredictable.

That's the only understandable word Levi could think right now. Could think and analyze after he parted ways with Mikasa. 

He didn't know how much time they spent just sitting by the leafless tree, wasting a ton of goddamn time like it was money to waste. For him, he should be irked by that. He was meticulous and methodical, conserving time by doing things that should matter, should be important, and should have an effect on him. He was a practical man, stepping aside his emotions, always his cerebrum than his hypothalamus.

But the moment he saw the girl worth a hundred soldiers showing a side of weakness just for his eyes to see, he flipped.

That scene he shared with Mikasa Ackerman was different. It was his first time. His first time to cup a cheek. His first time to wipe tears. His first time to actually comfort someone without even saying anything, without even trying anything. And it felt scary, unaware of the good and bad consequences of caring for someone not just because she was a pretty girl. But because she was what the unpredictable world has left him.

Nevertheless, he brushed off his thoughts about the sulking silly thing called care or love or whatever... He constantly told himself that he was old, that she might be a relative, that he would never be capable of loving someone perfectly. He was a cold lonely man.

_That's how the world goes for me._

He sighed as he waited for Connie and Jean to pack their little things and souvenirs from the war. He told himself that he should not have those wishful thinking, that he should not get too attached with the last people left for him. Soon enough, they will all be back home, and would part ways as a start of a new roller coaster ride.

The last plane the Marleyan hid was just enough for just the four of them. It was like the boat plane in which he rode which Hange sacrificed her life just for the sake of the goddamn plane. He felt a little lonely, missing Hange, but he quickly brushed it aside. He didn't want to remember his dead friends. However, it was none of Levi's concern as he was definitely homesick and cannot wait to take a proper bath back home.

He could see Connie hugging Reiner, Jean hugging Pieck, and Mikasa silently nodding towards Annie. He heard his squad uttered their last good bye, their last greetings before they truly disappear from each other's world. The ex-Marleyan warriors along with the other Marleyan people, offered him a snappy salute, calling him Captain once again, before they waved their hands good bye as they muttered their gratitude.

He scoffed. "You're all too damn rowdy." Before proceeding into the plane. He could hear laughter from everyone, and then Mikasa followed suit.

He noticed that Mikasa was wearing his shirt. He couldn't help but to smile inwardly, masked with his stoic look. How he wished he was more expressive to tell her that it fit her perfectly.

Then it was Connie's turned to follow inside, his eyes and nose swollen because of crying. Levi didn't really understand what the hell was wrong with these kids, but he set aside his snarky remarks as he scoffed one more time.

Then Jean. He glanced sideward to Jean, obviously mocking him. "Thought you're gonna stay, horseface."

Everyone looked amused by the way he spoke to Jean, expressionless and blunt. Connie chokes a little bit, trying to die down his laughter at the poor sullen Jean.

"Everybody here?" The Marleyan Pilot asked as once again announced their names. 

Soaring into the sky, flying like a free bird was what Levi always wanted. He was undeniably good with his 3DMG skills, making him look like a hybrid of a man that has a pair of huge angel wings. But flying inside a plane was a whole different thing for him. He felt trapped and breathless.

He observed the two brats- Connie and Jean, who were leaning their ugly faces in the window pane. They were amazed by the beaming rays of the setting sun. It almost looked perfect and unexceptionally beautiful, but then he remembered the price they paid just to attain these things. He gave a deep breath, ignoring the glance Mikasa gave.

Truth be told, he wanted to talk to her. About what happened earlier. He wanted to console her, wanted to comfort her. He never felt too bothered by ignoring her, but he didn't want to get too attached. In just a few hours or maybe a few days, they will all part their ways. He didn't want to miss her. He didn't want to feel more alone than he is right now. 

Leaving him the choice to ignore the steady, longing glances Mikasa was offering. He closed his eyes, focusing his ears to the boisterous sound the engine was giving.

Paradis looked like a disaster. 

Levi watched the youngsters drop their jaws, tears streaming from their eyes. Wall Maria and the city of Shiganshina was underneath a never ending pile of rubbles. From the sky they could not even recognize the houses, and the thousands of people who died along the process of the war. It was shattered just like the remaining ounces of hope left in their hearts.

"We can't crash-land the plane here, soldiers." Levi heard the pilot saying things he actually understood. He just can't really respond immediately, not even leaving his attention from the teary face of his brats. "Soldiers?" The pilot called once again.

"Move north. If you could see a city, preferably Trost, then crash-land it next to the city. We do not want to attract people." Levi said without looking at the pilot. He remained his gaze towards Mikasa, who was in deep shock and sorrow.

He felt a thundering bang in his chest, an unexplainable fury stomping in his heavy heart. He never felt this feeling before, a feeling in which he was so angry he wanted to beat someone. Even if his brats constantly irked him to his nerves, he couldn't deny that he cared for them even if it's a little bit. The look on their faces, made him uncomfortably furious. They have suffered too much, saving Eren's reckless ass countless times, and this is what has given them as an exchange. He never felt so angry with the dead Eren Yeager.

But he mends his fiery feelings just enough for him to feel, because he didn't want to constantly hurt Mikasa Ackerman just for the subtle cause of blaming Eren's sinful actions. 

Levi remained silent all throughout the way.

#### 

MIKASA

When the plane landed them near the city of Trost just as Levi told the pilot, her legs wobbly fell onto the ground. She was in shock, damaged, and culpable. 

Of course she has seen this all. She has known this before even meeting Hange and stopping Eren. She was here. And she was also the reason of it even if she didn't really understand why she fucking couldn't stop blaming herself for Eren's sinful action. But now, coming all along back to the island she called home... was totally buffering her stupefied mind out. She needed a break from all of this.

She can't simply explain the cynical havoc of thoughts and emotion she was having. 

She felt a hand run over his shoulder, it was Connie's hand. Connie was assisting her to get up, that they should keep moving. It was already dark indeed, they didn't know what time it was because Levi kept on complaining about how he lost his pocket watch. Her hands feel the grassy ground before completely standing up.

"Mikasa, are you okay?" Jean asked.

If she wasn't tired she would have answered Jean that she was not absolutely okay and she was in an emotional breakdown right now, that she cannot understand what she was feeling, what she was missing and the only thing she wanted right now was the scarf Eren gave her or maybe someone to console her. But she chose to hide those feelings as he replied wearily. "I'm okay."

"You are not." Never beating around the bush, Levi replied but never looking at her. The least she wanted to deal with now was Levi's truthful snarky remarks.

They continued walking away towards the city, hoping that they could find refuge in the city HQ.

"Captain Levi?!" The military police were too shocked to see Levi's face. 

She observed Levi's impassive irritated face as he conversed with the MP's asking them to hand him the keys to the city HQ of the legion. She remembered that Levi was away for a whole damn month, so he didn't know what actually happened back in the city.

"What do you mean? Where are the other Survey Corps?"

"Captain Levi, they were either eaten by titans or-"

"Alright. I fucking get it." Mikasa saw Levi turned to them raising his brows as if he was waiting for a long shit of explanation. He needed explanation, determining the next step of their lowlives. "Care to explain, soldiers?"

Jean started talking nervously, explaining one by one, perfectly detailed what actually happened since the day Levi left in the carriage with that bastard of a monkey. They kept on talking even while walking, remembering every hurtful detail that happened making their ways towards the HQ. If Mikasa could actually remember, Trost was also the city in which she thought Eren died, but then miraculously brought back alive attaining one single goal, but now that everything was over...

Eren Yeager finally have rest, freed from the slavery of restlessly seeking for freedom. 

Mikasa only followed the men, not speaking her thoughts and memories, making her look like she was only a ghost of the past. She could hear the changed expressions of her captain; shouting, annoyed, tensed, sad, shocked, in awe, and many more to mention. It was a revelation, and she didn't even care why she didn't talk about the topic with Levi while sitting by the tree back in Marley. Which brings her thought back again.

She wasn't that idiot not to notice that after the caring incident between them, Levi appeared to be very distant. She was perturbed, thinking logically if she has done something offensive to cause the captain to act like he has some stick stuck up on his ass. But all she could remember was she indirectly asked comfort from all the people she never expected to. The cool breeze of the night was touching her skin harshly, causing her hands to tremble.

She closed her eyes even while walking, afraid that the trembling of her hands was not because of the cold, but all because she was beginning to feel uneasy to see the captain leaving her in this new world.

The MP's already left them once they reached the HQ. They were given food: a loaf, and a bowl of corn soup. It was not the best, but she could say that it was better than the rationed food in Marley. She started eating it, not even giving a fuck about what the men would say about her eating lax. She was hungry, tired, sad, mourning, and apathetic. She has a ball of unsorted emotions in her head right now, and the last thing she wanted to deal with was Levi's complaining about how his tea tastes like shit. After eating, the full-packed HQ before- now turned looking like a cemetery in ages, was disturbed by four pairs of feet, finding for a suitable room to retire the night. Connie went ahead to Sasha's room, Jean went to the quarters in which he used to share with Armin and Connie, then leaving Levi and Mikasa alone.

Again, none of them were speaking, making them perfectly like strangers who have met for the first time. They were both introverts, which was a blessing, but also a curse because they just can't find the right words to fill in the void. Neither of them want to talk, afraid of saying something unintentional, resulting to hurt each other. But the night was not getting any younger, as was their restless bodies. They needed to retire, they needed to be alone by themselves to cry out the unsorted feelings they have.

"Good night, Levi."

"Good night, Mikasa."

_See you, tomorrow._ She wanted to say, but before she could tell him that, he was already walking at the other side of the wing, with his head bobbed down. She reminded herself once again that they were not good with words, a parallel to Levi's action. She glanced away, walking isolated in the deafening silence of the corridors. She chose to retire at her own room, stripping out of the cloth Levi gave her as she should have wished that it was her anxiety she was stripping away.

She didn't dream of Eren and Armin that night.


	2. Au Revoir

#### 

LEVI

The clamorous knock at the door was what woke Levi up in his hour of sleep. Sleep deprivation wasn't new to him, as he was having this since forever, but booming off his door in the early morning disturbing his restless, insomniac sleep, was a thing he hated to death. He shouted angrily.

"What?!"

"Sir, it's Jean! We have orders from the queen!"

His restless, insomniac mind didn't help his state of mind early in the morning as his brain appeared reloading the reason why the queen wanted to see them. He opened his eyes, observing his surroundings, clicking his teeth at the thought that the room he have retired was fucking unsanitary. (at his standards, perhaps)

He stood lazily, then he unlocked his door, revealing an ugly horse face. "Jean, it's fucking early in the morning."

"I know that captain, but the MP's relayed a letter in which the queen ordered us to see her. Historia wants news, I guess." Jean said, fidgeting the hem of his oxford.

Levi scoffed, sounding too vexed as he replied. "Fucking gossipers. At least they could have waited until we took a shit in this damn castle. Now, we have no time to take a long sweet dump." Levi ordered Jean to wake Connie up, and threatened them to at least take a serious bath. He was about to stop Jean, asking him to also wake Mikasa up, but then changed his mind telling himself that he should wake her up instead. Double time.

Now that he was fully awake, attentive and shits, he realized that he didn't retire at his own room, but at the Commander's room. Erwin and Hange's room. He closed his eyes, mind silently arguing if he should cry or complain about the tremendous clutter of the room. 

But the cleaning lax of his friends seemed to be petty for him at the time being because he finally had the moment to mourn for the both of them. Hange and Erwin were as special as Isabel and Furlan for him; they were his friends, they were his family. But now that they were all gone, what was left with him?

Depression.

He was actually past crying, so he moved away, looking all around the room, catching stupid memories of his comrades. That's the least he could do, cherish the hidden memories, moving on, and silently uttering a prayer of gratitude for them. His friends don't have graves, their bodies scattered to different places in the goddamn world, and he thought to himself that if he continued to think of them, he won't be able to stop himself from crying. 

He fixed his hair, straightened the wrinkle of his oxford shirt, then left the room. He doesn't know where Mikasa retired that night, but the only guess he could think of right now was no other than her room. So he went straight ahead at the other side of the wing, finding her room.

To think of it, that aside from his insomnia and his dead friends, Mikasa was part of the reason he didn't catch enough sleep. His mind would take him countless times back to that forsaken corridor, silently whispering to him her good night, instantly regretting why he turned his back pretending he doesn't have anymore to say. Like: _Sleep well, brat._

When he arrived at her door, he knocked. Then he knocked again, three times. But there was no response, making him think that it may be the wrong room. Without hesitation, he swiftly opened the door knob, letting the door jolt open, revealing a curled up girl on the messy bed.

"Mikasa. You need to wake up."

He sighed, patience testing his waters as he strode closer to Mikasa. She was curled in a fetal position, a quilt blanket covering her up to her neck. Her eyes were still close, but the bulging reddish eye bags underneath her eyes revealed that she was crying for a long time. Levi's goal was to stray far from her, too afraid of attachments, but the moment his hand involuntarily swept the few strands of her hair from her face, Levi's goal was doomed. 

He couldn't let her dwell in an agony of a sick past. He couldn't let her see himself in her. He couldn't stand to see her alone. She was his mirror, and he was her mirror too. 

He quietly patted her head, shaking it gently, while calling out her name.

"Hey," She sluggishly opened her eyes. Mikasa stared at him dumbly, recognizing him in total surprise. "Captain?"

"Just Levi. Come on, we have orders from the queen."

#### 

MIKASA

The MP's provided them with a carriage, securing their five hours travel to Mitras comfortably. Mikasa didn't have time to eat breakfast, as well as finding suitable clothes or uniforms that would be presentable upon the meeting of the queen. Things were still blurred, and waking up in the presence of Levi had her curiously thought if she took cannabis the night before. Her trench uniform was long gone as well as her jacket, so she had no other choice but to wear Levi's homely oxford shirt. She followed suit inside the carriage, sitting beside Levi. She just hopes that Levi won't notice her clothing lax and the rumble of her hungry stomach.

"Yo, Jean. Why aren't we informed that Historia was pregnant?"

Connie's revelation had both Jean and Mikasa eyes widened. She raised one of her brows to Connie, waiting for an explanation. "She was?"

"Yeah. She gave birth a week ago. I heard it from the MP's, they were talking about it. Did you know it too, captain?" Connie shifted his gaze towards Levi.

"I do." Was all Levi said that caused another confusion in Mikasa's mind.

"Then why didn't you tell us?" Jean replied.

"It was ordered. The only one who knew it was some of the high-ranking MP's, Hange, I, and... Eren." Levi quickly turned his gaze back to the window, obviously avoiding follow up questions. She knows that Levi has already predicted her, but her tongue was still itching, still hazed why Historia's pregnancy was kept a secret. So she looked at Jean, a creasing frown in her forehead. She was about to say something but then Connie cut her off.

"We could ask Historia later, okay? For now, let's enjoy the view!" 

The four of them stayed silent all throughout the trip.

It was roughly after lunch when they arrived at Mitras. Not exactly at Mitras, but maybe in the isolated fields, because they were taken in a house barn near Mitras. So this is where Historia has been after all those months she went missing in action.

Mikasa couldn't deny the rising tension and sweating of her nape. She should feel delighted, seeing a close comrade in her past, especially that comrade have birthed a baby in a new world. But the unfamiliar feeling was standing between her feelings and she had no idea what to do about it. She moved along with Connie, following Jean and Levi in the front.

The barn house was guarded by five high-ranking MP's, including Hitch Dreyse and the right hand woman of Commander Pyxis, Anka. Just seeing Anka made her sorrowfully sorry, remembering that the wise, kind, and old Commander Pyxis wasted his life by being turned into a mindless titan. She would admit that she kinda missed her old comrades. Her makeshift family.

They were welcomed with a salute, calling them sir, ma'am, and the cringing heroes of Paradis. She told herself that she would retire after this meeting, making her spend the next of her sorry life somewhere away from all of this. Connie gestured to her to follow suit, to make herself comfortable inside the barn house. She sat at the sofa, her position in front of Levi.

Then out of some room, Historia appeared. "Guys!"

They all attempted to bow their heads as a sign of respect, but then immediately cut off by Historia. "It's okay! Now make yourself comfortable." She smiled as she sat beside Jean, asking Hitch to bring them something to eat.

"Our majesty, what brings us here?" Levi asked, looking bored out of his life.

"Well," Historia paused, looking wearily at Mikasa. "Why is it the only four of you?"

"Sasha was hit." Connie replied, his face now stoned, bobbing his head down. Mikasa realized that it has only been what, two months? Yet so many things have happened to them. So many deaths, so many lives were stolen. Then she found herself again asking why the hell were they the only ones left? She was lost again in her never ending daydream when Historia called her. "Mikasa, are you okay?"

"I'm o-"

"She's not okay." Levi cut her off before she could answer, leaving an elephant in the room.

Jean grabbed the moment, informing Historia about the things that happened. "We killed a lot of our comrades, you see, the war has done a great damage not only to the world, but also to our mental state. We have won, but we have lost so many lives, many comrades."

"Hange's dead. Dumb fucker shitty glasses wanted to die cool." Levi spat out bluntly, not making eye contact with anyone in the room.

"I see... I'm sorry..." Historia bobbed down his head, almost looking exactly the same position like Connie. Mikasa noticed that Historia's hair had grown longer, big eye bags underneath her eyes, looking a little older than the rest of them. She wondered if that was because of her government duties? Or her parental duties? Mikasa was concerned about Historia's partner, if he had been treating Historia kindly or what. Before she could even ask Historia where her husband was, Historia asked them a question that would definitely stab Mikasa's well-being. "Where's Armin? And Eren?"

Nobody dared to answer Historia's question, leaving the room with tension and silence in the air. Jean was giving her a few glimpses, Connie still bobbed down obviously avoiding, and Levi. Levi was known for being straight to the point, but not this time, because he remained silent, almost telling her mentally that it is okay if she does not want to answer the question.

The latter one was the optional choice, but it wasn't the practical one. Eventually, Historia would know what happened to her family, and assuming that Historia would call her a thousand times consoling her about the loss of her family, when she should be moving on. It should be now or never, so she voiced out her mind telling that: "Armin sacrificed himself like Hange. While Eren..." She paused, holding back her tears. "I killed Eren."

It was not expected, because she should be the one who should be weeping, but she couldn't believe what she was seeing; Historia's ocean eyes widened, with tears streaming heavily. She was about to say something but then again cut off by the maid who called Historia from the room. "My majesty, your son is crying!"

_Shit_ , she forgot. She forgot that Historia has a baby, and that baby was actually killing her mind, sinking her down in confusion and other things. Historia quickly managed to walk towards the room and assumingly, fetch the crying baby. Nobody dared to follow her, not even the nosy Connie. So, she let her eyes lingered in the small barn house, observing the ruffles of the fancy curtains, the dusty carpet which Levi hasn't stepped foot onto, and the small stuffed toys that she assumed were for the baby. She could hear her heart beating abnormally, but she was offered by a glass of water by Anka.

"I'm sorry for the crying of my little boy," Historia went out of the room, now holding her baby in her arms. They couldn't see the baby's face, as it was covered with a small linen, facing her chest. She continued like nothing happened. "The reason I called you guys for, uhm, I want to offer you guys another job. I heard that the Survey Corps will soon be disbanded."

Silence filled the room. Until Levi replied. "Disbanded?"

"Don't worry, the government will be sending you your retirement fee. It also comes with a pension every month, and the fact that it is bigger." She paused, as she wiped her tears. "But I need your help for my orphanage, as you could see," Historia slowly tilted her son's head, trying to show her soldiers her son. "I would be really busy taking motherhood alone."

Right the moment Historia finished her sentence, she revealed her son's face which caused Mikasa to accidentally drop her glass of water. The shattering glass was enough to break the silence and tension surrounding the air, making all of them turn their heads towards Mikasa.

Brown hair, thick brows, and the familiar green emerald orbs emerged into her face. "That... that boy you are holding," Mikasa was gasping for air, her visions are starting to move in circular motion, accompanied with the trembling in her whole body. She wanted to scream, to shower her rage, to slice off everyone on her way because all these times she was betrayed. "Who... is his father?"

"Mikasa." Without wasting any time, she felt Levi stood from his seat. But she can't let this go anymore. She was treated stupidly, making her an imbecile.

"Is it Eren?" Mikasa bluntly said. "Is he? Is he the father?" This time she shouted, her whole body shaking abruptly. 

"Yes..."

All eyes were on them, she could feel her power surging in every nerve of her body, making her ready for a fight between prey and predator. But on the small side of logical and sentient discernment of her, the baby was just an innocent being, unaware of the sins his father and mother have committed. Her head suddenly felt a powerful throb, making her stand up from her seat. She has no reason to stay anymore, let alone the nerve to just see Eren's boy. "Then I refuse to obey your command, your majesty."

She hastily strode outside, leaving everyone still absorbing that goddamn information.

#### 

LEVI

Levi was already standing up, shaking his head reluctantly. He didn't expect things to be fucked up like the way Jean fucked Pieck, and the mysterious way Eren fucked Historia. The words he was thinking, making illogical comparisons like stupid idioms, all too comical except the fact he couldn't bring himself but to feel engulfed. How the hell did he act so stupid, not thinking about who was the father of that boy? Perhaps, he has been so focused on the killing monkey game, that he actually forgot shitty things that were supposed to matter. 

But none of it matters anymore as he walked out, swiftly following Mikasa. He didn't care if he was disrespecting the queen, he didn't care if there would be soldiers along his way, he could still punch them even if he only had three fingers left. 

He couldn't believe how that stubborn brat managed to get away, for she was not anymore in his sight. He scoffed, looking all around the place, thinking _where the hell did that brat go?_ He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, while he continued searching. 

He couldn't really blame her for her sudden emotional outbreak. She was more than hurt, she was damaged and in pain, and he also assumed that she felt betrayed. To tell the truth, Levi didn't actually care about things like these, he believed that the brat was too old enough to handle her own havoc, but shit be erasing his principles as he searched for Mikasa with concern filling his eyes.

_Damn brat, she couldn't be in that stinking stable, would she?_

Nonetheless, breaking two of his principles, he checked the stinging stable full of unnoticed horse shit, as he finally found what he had been looking for. He inhaled a deep breath despite the ludicrous stink of the filthy stable, hoping that the words he was going to say won't fail him. 

"Mikasa..."

"Go away,"

"Not a chance."

"Captain, please."

That girl never pleaded with anyone, but today was a different day as he could see her slumped onto the filthy hays, her legs curled back reaching her chest, with her face bobbed down and wet. He could pretend that her face was wet with sweat and not with tears. However, it still didn't matter as he broke three of his principles. "Let's get you out of here."

Still not meeting his gaze, she replied slowly. "Leave me alone, Levi."

Sure, Levi would leave her be if that's what she wants. Levi would just walk away, pretending that it was nothing, that it was some dramatic skit of some stupid brat. Levi would just scoff irritated, and would surely screamed at her for her insubordination. Sure, Levi would desert her just like everybody he cared about left him.

But fuck the walls, fuck the queen, fuck the MP's, fuck everyone in between them, as he scarcely told his mind to fuck his principles and his beliefs. He would never go after some brat like this, but here he was. Enduring the filthy stable that could make him vomit just by seeing the horrible unforgivable horse shit that no one dared to shovel. Still not moving, not breaking a sweat, waiting patiently for Mikasa to calm down. "I won't."

His face was still impassive, almost hating himself for forgetting how to display the real him. He was trying to think how he could deal with this brat, when Mikasa raised her head, eyes locking with him. All at once, Levi's face moved involuntarily, revealing his true emotions.

"Why did everyone betray me, Levi?"

The question was simple. But he soon realized that the question was actually complex, let alone that the question was not answerable by yes or no. She needed answers with solutions, answers with explanations, answers that would let her heart and mind be calm even if it is just a few peaceful minutes. Levi clicked his teeth, preparing himself to answer her without adding more salt to the infested wound.

He bend one of his knee while reaching a hand to pat her shoulder. Their eyes still locking, he carefully spat out his miserable words. "I never did. And I will never betray you." He paused, as he put another hand to her chin, making her look at him straight in the eye. "Now, let's go back. The stable's fucking filthy."

"I don't want to see Historia... I don't want to see Eren's child." Those words are the only thing he needed to hear to understand that it was time to go back to the HQ. He simply nodded, offering his hand to her, pulling her upwards so they could finally exit the filthy stable. He didn't say anything and he hope that Mikasa understand it well that some words of comfort are not meant to be spoken.

"Jean, Connie. We're leaving."

He stood in the doorway, leaving Mikasa outside, observing the two obnoxious brats cooing the newborn brat. He realized that he hasn't even look at the baby's facial features. With his glaring, weary eyes, the two obnoxious brats caught his attention.

"Captain? Too fast?"

He scoffed. "Do I need to remind your petty asses what the hell just happened?"

"But Captain, we haven't even eaten yet!" Conny shrilled, making another elephant in the room in which Levi sourly reacted. It was obvious that they do not really want to go, perfectly for the reason of not going back to that shithole HQ where food are scarce and taste like shit. He couldn't even get a decent tea.

But Mikasa right now was much important than his obsession for tea. He could ask Mikasa to find him a good blend of tea once she is okay.

Then Historia suddenly appeared from the kitchen. Levi didn't want to look like in derision, so he kept his mouth shut, wearing his impassive feature. "Captain, I'm actually sorry about the sudden information... How's Mikasa?"

"She's fucking okay." Levi deadpanned.

"I'm glad that she's-"

Brats these days are actually shitting the hell out of him. How the hell could this queen could set aside her common sense, actually witnessing the sullen Mikasa earlier. Impatiently, he replied. "Historia, your majesty, she is not just okay. She is fucking in dread and despair, leaving a mountain of damage on her stubborn brain. Now will you excuse me?"

"...last question captain, do you accept the offer?"

Right. The offer. To work as a babysitter in Historia's orphanage. Sure, he would accept that. The orphanage was one of the projects he approved, giving the kids from the underground a chance to feel the sun, a chance to take the privilege of being a kid, a chance to have a normal life in which he never experienced. Sure, he would gladly accept that offer. He would do that because he actually has no goals left, he actually has nothing to do in his boring sorry life. 

If Historia should have asked him that question before Mikasa's infectious outbreak, he would gladly accept and forced it to himself like a loyal servant he was. But that was before. 

Because right now, he have something else on his mind. Levi was a person of many things but he would never be a liar.

"I won't accept your offer."

Ignoring the tittle-tattle of Connie and Jean, he asked Hitch if he could borrow two of the lonely horses back at the stable.

#### 

MIKASA

The ride back home was something Mikasa didn't expect. She should be in the carriage, sitting her ass comfortably, enjoying the warm gust that the small carriage has to offer. 

But no, instead, she was galloping, riding a lonely horse while the cold breeze harshly touched her skin. The horse smelled shitty, enough for her to see Levi grimaced in every two seconds.

Nonetheless the shitty situation they were in, she was grateful. Because she's finally out of the barn house, finally out of Mitras, finally away from Historia and her newborn baby. The fast gallops did actually help her breath, taking her intoxicated mind away from all the problems she had witnessed.

"Still good?" Levi called her.

"Yeah. Just adjusting a bit." She replied, looking at Levi's direction. Her mind wanders back at the stable, contemplating what tables have turned that made Levi bent his principles about the filthy stable. "Levi, can I ask something?"

"You're already asking something."

Still snarky, she thought. She asked herself if she was sure that the man who had helped him in the filthy stable was Levi. "Why did you do that?"

She heard Levi humming a little, a cue for her to proceed with her question. "Why didn't you leave?" She was curious, she wanted answers, she wanted reasons. 

"Is there a reason for me to leave?"

Yes, she thought. Yes he has all the reason to leave. Yes, because he still has a life ahead of him, a duty and a reason, not unlike her because she was a living useless trash. But cowardice consumed her, like a new infesting trait that pesters her. She knew the truth that he could leave her for a million reasons, yet she couldn't bring herself to say it because truth be told, she didn't want to be alone. So she let Levi's question remain unanswered.

They were now riding at full speed, while the darkness of the never ending horizon was embracing them. Levi told her once that they should reach Trost at around twenty hundred hours, estimating that they left Mitras around sixteen hundred hours. Now her mind seemed to be bombarded with questions why Jean and Connie haven't left with them.

_Maybe they have reasons to stay._

Gripping tightly on her rein, engulfed by the silence her companion has to offer, she gazes towards the blazing embers of the sky.

She reached the HQ first, leaving Levi behind. Levi told her that he has some errands to attend to, but not really telling her what business he has. 

_Stupid me, it's not any of my business._

She tied her worn out horse back to the stables, offering the horse water, and a small carrot she managed to find. That carrot should have been her dinner, if she hasn't been considerate with the horse. But then again, she reminded herself that without this lonely horse, she would still be crying back at the filthy stable. She patted the horse and went back inside. 

As she rounded through the empty HQ, never in her life she thought that this busy castle would be somehow dead in state. She was all alone inside, no Jean, no Connie, and no Levi. She made her way towards the mess hall, observing the little tables she used to dine with the squad. With Connie, Jean, Sasha, Armin, and Eren. Those happy times. Those times the only problem they had was killing a bunch of titans and morons. She sighed exasperatingly, feeling alone again, and hungry.

"Stupid brat, I was looking for you."

_Okay_ , she was not alone anymore. The snarky remark of her companion reminded her that she was not alone, literally and figuratively. "Yeah..."

Levi walked towards her, pulling two chairs together, putting down the paper bag in the small dining table. He sat, and motioned her to also sit beside him. "Dinner. This is all I can get."

Levi pulled the mystery items from the paper bag, revealing two apples, a handful of blackberries, two croissants, and a small can of Earl Gray tea. Mikasa's stomach rumbled angrily just by seeing the French pastry which Levi bought. "Where did you get these?"

"I stole it." Levi deadpanned as he shoveled an apple to his mouth. 

She grabbed a half of the blackberries, shoving it to her mouth before she could reply. "For real?"

She heard him scoff as he pulled himself from the chair, striding towards the screaming kettle. He fetched the kettle first, before fetching a pair of teacups. She reminded herself that she should brew him tea the next time, observing how Levi only has eight working fingers. Not that she pity him, but she was worried about him. She was busy with her thoughts while devouring the sweet, juicy apple when Levi approached their small dining table.

"Let me help you, sir."

She heard him scoffed again, as he replied. "How many times would I tell you to drop the rank? It's Levi. _Lee-vai_."

She reached for the kettle, as she poured hot water unto the two teacups. It was actually a good thing that Levi brought instant tea, storing it in small bags, saving their time in perfectly brewing. She dropped the teabags in the teacups, letting it sink. 

She knew beforehand that Levi was not a fan of instant food and drinks, so she readied her ear, waiting for his complaints.

But instead of complaints, Levi was talking like a civilized person. "The errand I told you, that's it. I bought us food. I don't know what you like, but I hope you wouldn't mind me sharing my favorite food with you."

"What are you talking about?" She paused, reaching for the fancy French bread. "These foods you brought were so good! I mean, I never knew you were into these things. Like this French goody bread. Taste nothing like the moldy bread back then." She bit another hungry bite of the croissant.

"Can you stop reminding me of that? It's really disgusting. I hate those shits. And what do you think, you stupid brat? This captain has what those ignorant MP pigs were lacking, 'class'." She wondered where he got his money, call a halt to the penniless pocket her trouser has to offer. She observed him drink his tea, weirdly placing his fingers along the rim of the cup, sipping it like he was always used to. She was about to ask him why does he hold his tea like that, when he said another word. "Not that good, but this should do the rigid thirst I am experiencing."

She doesn't need to remind herself that she was actually enjoying her companion. That she felt an inner peace, after all those days. Not because of the meal he fed her, but just because of his presence, his tranquil presence. She continued to dine with Levi, throwing short glances whenever he would be looking away. Levi was not in his best condition, a perfect example would be the deep cuts in his youthful face. But that was none of her concern, making her the perfect counterfeit of him.

As if she was looking in a mirror, she could clearly see herself in him.

They finished their peaceful dinner, submitting themselves into the silence both of them have to offer. Mikasa volunteered to clean the table, rinsing the dirty dishes away. That's the least she could do right now, maintaining a livable environment for Levi's screeching OCD. Levi wasn't actually in the mood to argue and command her to make the whole place spotless, in which another thing she should be grateful.

She mentally noted herself to find Levi later, offering him to mend his stitches.

After making a few rounds in the castle, she found Levi somewhere she never expected. At the rooftop, gazing at the stars. 

She continued to observe the calmness Levi was dozing, wondering if Levi was always like that. It was her first time to see him gazing like a child, like an innocent child having dreams, silently praying for a wishing star to cross and grant a childish wish. But truth be told, they were no longer kids, no longer having their innocence, no longer having wishes in a world which pained the both of them. She recalled back again the sacrifice Hange made, just for them to fly, which everyone was crying so badly that left her a stinging question why Levi never cried. She also recalled the time where Erwin died, and she never learned if Levi really cried or what.

Maybe she was just seeing the side Levi masked for him to be called Humanity's Strongest. Yet now that she learned a caring side from him, somewhere in the smallest cavity of her brain desire to learn more about the real him. The real Levi Ackerman.

"Come out, I know you're hiding."

She strode over him, making a beeline, slowly putting her gaze up to see the dazzling stars. Of course, she knew that Levi was surely a cat in his past life. She sat beside him, her feet hanging in the walls of the castle. This was the third time she sat beside him comfortably.

"I was looking for you." She extended a hand in his direction, letting him see the alcohol and bandages she brought. "If you won't mind, let me clean your wounds."

"Thanks, but-"

"I insist, sir."

She could feel his nose wrinkling, obviously annoyed by her constant calling of sir. "Sorry, habits, I guess..."

"That's okay. Old habits are hard to die. Just mend the wounds carefully." He turned his face on her, giving her a head start by pulling off the bandage surrounding his face. He reached the small source of light with his free hand, levelling it to his face so that Mikasa could see better.

With the help of the light, Mikasa was having a full view of the captain's face. The moment he finished pulling off his bandages, Mikasa was revealed with a long scar from his chin, then to his lips, then to his cheek, running over the middle of his right eye. She didn't have the time to notice it before, given their circumstances, but right now, the screaming scar was really hard to ignore making Levi uncomfortably looking down. She held his chin, trying to ignore her hand trembling because this would be the first time she would be holding the delicate face of her captain. Nonetheless, she found herself staring at the captain's orbs.  
Levi's eyes were always a mystery to them, as she could remember hearing one of Jean and Eren's arguments about Levi's narrowed eyes.

_"He has gray eyes!"_

_"No, you stupid horseface! He has blue eyes!"_

_"Huh? I thought he had black eyes?" Connie added._

The memory made her inwardly smile, trying to suppress to dig deeper the memories that would send her to her deathbed, crying. She looked closely, observing Levi's orbs, and finally realized that the pupil of his eyes was never black, but has a midnight blue color, making the color of his irises indigo. She has seen a lot of blue eyed people, but Levi's eyes were the most beautiful kind of blue she has ever seen.

"Don't forget to breathe, brat."

She ignored Levi's stupid comment, as she gently rubbed a wad of cotton in his wound. The wound has probably dried, but it was always better to clean it to avoid further infections. She could feel Levi winced, but she held his chin firmly to pass a message to not make any unnecessary movements. She couldn't stop seeing his eyes, wishing that if Eren would be here, then he would know what eye color Levi has.

The thought of Eren somehow made her flinch, causing her to stop nursing Levi. She was not done with her painful thoughts, she was still not okay about the sudden revelation, and she doubt that she could totally forget everything that happened to her. Guilt was starting to consume her again, making her hands a bit more unrelaxed, dropping it from the face of her captain. She was speechless, visions becoming a little blurry, but then a warm hand pulled her again into her reality.

"What's wrong?" She heard him asked her, his indigo eyes locking straight into her grayish smoky eyes. She would always be grateful for him, for all the things she have realized, and for the things she might not yet realize. "Nothing, Levi. Thank you, uhm, for the food."

He nodded wordlessly, as he turned his gaze back again at the never ending glowing horizon. Levi wasn't really good at words, but she knew that Levi's few choice of words would always be the ideal thing to say for a sheer moment just like this. She resumed fixing back his bandage, careful not to touch him that much, afraid that Levi would turn like stars, exploding into dust.

#### 

LEVI

He was thankful for the small act of kindness she did. Not everyday could he witness a drunk Mikasa like the one he had seen a while ago.

_Hmm, can black tea rob the sober state of a person?_

Because if not, then what side of Mikasa was he seeing a while ago? He shrugged as he tossed and turned constantly in his pristine white bed. He decided to retire back to his own quarter, as he needed to fix some things in his room. Things like dusting, and inspecting the few things he owned.

He snapped his neck, stretching his arms, causing his vertebra to pop one by one. He could tell it was already twenty three hundred hours, an approximate of an hour and a half since the last encounter between him and Mikasa. Like the usual, there was nothing really to talk about, avoiding all the possible dialogue that might hurt her. He understood that the damage was already big, and he didn't want to add more salt to it. He stood as he walked towards his cabinet.

He only owns a few things, constantly reminding himself that materialistic things are only temporary, no one ever knows when they will end up as a titan fodder. He pulled his polished cabinet, revealing a few things which he managed to save from the past. There stood the tea can he won from the underground, the small emblem patches of his comrades, a few weird gifts from Hange, and the book that Erwin gave him. He dusted it with the brush Armin gave him as a present for his birthday.

When he was done, he closed it back, never allowing the sadness to consume him. People look at him as impassive, expressionless, and cold, but the truth is that he was only good at hiding feelings. Moments like these could actually reveal his weak side, could actually break his hard mask. This is what attachment has brought him, what attachment has caused him. Heartbreak, loneliness, suffering, and abandonment. 

Which led him to a big swirling question of opening a small passage for Mikasa to come inside his shattered self. He has certainly said to himself that he was avoiding her to avoid attachments, to lessen the hurt and damage just because maybe by tomorrow or the end of the week, they would all part their ways.

Mikasa might be his long distant family, but she also has a life ahead of her. And he didn't want his sorry life to bother her.

After a long time of achieving sleep, he was actually asleep for about two hours, but then a loud boisterous knock jolted him awake. 

"For fuck's sake... What the hell do you goddamn brats want?" 

"Captain Levi, I'm one of the Military Police, Commanding Officer Wincerzein. I came to relay a letter, presumably from the government." 

Annoyed for the second time in a row, he opened his door ajar, offering his hand to reach the goddamn letter. He was not in the mood for conversing shits or whatever. It's fucking five in the morning. He closed the door as he placed the letters on his office table without looking at any of it.

He was too cranky to read the letters, thinking that seeing any letter from the alphabet might be the death of him. He sat in his arm chair, as he dozed back off to sleep.

Levi put on his civilian clothes- his black coat, and his altered trouser, pairing it with an oxford shirt and shoes. He woke up at around eight hundred hours, bathing himself first thing in the morning. He was ready to go, explore the goddamn city of Trost with the letters inside the pocket of his coat.

Then he realized something was missing.

His cravat.

_Shitty glasses, you pain in the ass. Wished you have told me where the hell did you put my cravat._ He sighed, raking a hand on his growing undercut. He needs to shave it, he thought. But not now. He has more important matters today, let alone the grieving of his infamous cravat.

Levi was not a well off person to begin with. The people who knew a little bit of his past, were already dead, but none of them actually knew the reason behind his cravat. His cravat, that ever pristine white small piece of cloth that would be dangling from his collar, making it a perfectly part of his person. 

But that was not just some piece of cloth, something more meaningful, something he could call his prized possession. That cravat symbolizes the day he went up from the slums of the underground, bringing with him his late mother's cloth which was actually tailored and fixed by Kenny. The night before he served the Survey Corps, he cut a small piece from it, as he bleached meticulously the cloth, tailoring it to the size of a muffler in which wore it as his cravat.

But now that cravat was gone, almost making him lose a special part of his life.

He exited his room, leaving his thoughts behind, as he strolled through the quiet corridors of the HQ. He passed by the door leading to Mikasa's room, but didn't take the initiative to greet her or even inform her that he was going out. He was never her concern, and it was ridiculous for him to barge in her room telling her _"I'm off"_ out of nowhere, especially when his presence isn't requested. Just like the grace of a cat, he left unheeded.

The outskirts of the city is where he could locate the local bank, allowing himself to retrieve and apply his retirement fee and monthly pension. He read the letter earlier, informing him that he could retrieve money from a certain bank name Bank of Paradis. He wore aviator sunglasses which Connie got him for his birthday last year to avoid unwanted attraction. 

After he left his details, he signed a piece of shitty paper that screams: _"Here's your retirement fee! Now die."_ He left the bank, retrieving a few wad of crispy bills, thinking how the hell would he spend his remaining balance. He could literally call himself rich right now, just only thinking of the large amount the government has paid him. Plus the monthly pension and shits. So off he went to his other destination, the Plaza.

The Plaza was a bit rowdy for today, making Levi obviously vexed as he continued to stroll down the pavement. His eyes wandered the busy stores, thinking what he would eat for today's lunch. At first, he was tempted to dine at a fancy European restaurant, telling himself that he could now drink the finest of the tea, but then he remembered the gloomy brat starving herself to death.

_Tch. I just literally told myself countless times not to get attached._

Sighing, he went inside a simple restaurant. He ordered two servings of Caesar salad, paired with two servings of devilled eggs, then two strawberry puffs for dessert. He kindly approached the waiter to neatly pack it as 'to-go' for the obvious reason that he was unfortunate not to enjoy a hot meal for lunch.

_Stupid. Salads are supposed to be cold._

After getting them lunch, he went to the local dressmaker, asking the tailor to make him another one of his civilian clothes, but this time, he asked the tailor not to make it black, but instead make it like the color of his eyes. He noticed that Mikasa was staring too much at his indigo eyes.

He passed by some few beggars, and he gave them an equal amount of money that was good for a week of food. He might have a crude mouth, but Levi would always remember where he came from.

Last stop is the old merchant who sells him his cleaning companions. He bought a broom, a few rags, a bottle of bleach, and a small dustpan. He was already content with what he had, so he decided to go back.

"Captain! Where the hell have you been?" Connie was running towards his direction, gaping like a stupid fish out of water. "We thought you had deserted us!"

With his deathly glare that could send Connie straight to hell, he answered. "And where the hell would I go?" Levi's day actually started with some shitty MP annoying the hell out of him, then when he got back at the HQ, he didn't expect that the brats would also be back ensuing him a shit hole of a day. He only wished that these brats ate their lunch because there was no way in hell he would be giving out his lunch for them.

He motioned Connie to follow suit, passing by the shabby walkway full of untrimmed weeds which displeases Levi to his bones. He soon asked Connie where Jean was, telling them that they have important matters to discuss, such as their retirement fee and other discussion about the disbandment of the Corps. Now that they were getting closer inside, he couldn't stop thinking what the hell was he actually gonna do, now that the only purpose of him would soon be disbanded. He fidgeted the hem of his wrinkled coat.

"Captain! Oh god, I thought you were already deserted." Jean welcomed him with another derision of aphorism which winced him to the back of his mind. Why do these people actually think that he would desert out of nowhere? And if he actually does, where should he go? He doesn't even have a wife or a lover to begin with.

"Put some sense in your brain, Jean. What in the walls would make you think of that?"

"Historia was teary-eyed when you walked out, escorting Mikasa back! We actually thought that you eloped with her."

Jean cut the buzz cut boy off, "You're the only one who thought that the captain would elope with Mikasa. Besides, they are relatives. That's-"

"Enough." Levi didn't want to hear the end of Jean's word, assuming that it would end with _'that's okay, that's alright, that's impossible, or that's disgusting'_. It was true, he was already old for heartbreak warfare, and everything would not make sense if he would elope with her. Mikasa might punch me, or worst, puke the guts out of her, he thought. "Anyway, bring your petty asses to my office. We need to discuss something."

He left Connie with Jean, as he proceeded to Mikasa's room.

"I brought you lunch." The door was open ajar, as Levi didn't feel the need to knock. He stood at the doorsill, making his presence notified by Mikasa. When he assumed that it was safe to enter, he took a few steps as he put the paper bag in her side table.

"You don't need to, Levi."

"I insist." Was all he could say. Mikasa was right, absolutely unerring. He didn't need to bring her meal every time, calling a halt on the cue that bringing her meal wasn't also requested. Levi bit his lower stitched lip, feelings he was feeling right now was akin to foreign, making him regret the decision of not dining in an exclusive European restaurant before. Times like this, he would probably walk away not giving a damn shit, but here he was, stoned and not moving in her room. He chose only the safe words to continue. "You need to eat."

Her eyebrows were readable, she was showing a sign of shun, but her eyes were definitely not in the position to lie. He could read her today like an open book, a skill he could definitely do in others but never at Mikasa Ackerman. Yet today was a fair exception. 

"Thank you."

He nodded, not thinking of fruitcakes which could destroy the tension between them. When he realized that there was no more reason to stay, his heels spun, exiting her room.

"Levi, wait." Mikasa called him, and he did stop, but didn't turn to see her face.

Thirty seconds had barely passed, before she muttered another sentence which made Levi froze. "Why did you leave me this morning?"

Levi proved himself right, that when he read her like an open book, the hunch he had told himself about her eyes turned out to be surprisingly right. She was afraid of the feeling of abandonment and rejection. Levi spun his heels again, turning to face her, with his brows resting low.

"Stupid. I just bought cleaning materials, I'll make you clean later."

#### 

MIKASA

She had eaten eggs before, but never the kind of garnished eggs Levi brought her for lunch. The yolk has a kind of filling, making it taste tangier, creamier, and a little bit of spicy? She didn't know what to call it, she never had fancy foods before. She wrote a mental note to herself, reminding her to ask Levi what kind of eggs she was eating because she definitely loved it. If she hadn't been serving in the military with Levi, she could easily mistaken him as an opulent man. 

She finished the salad and eggs, leaving her another fancy dessert that is colored pink. She inwardly smiled, when she brought the pink buns to her nose. Smells like strawberry, buttery, and really good. She quickly regretted the words she said to Levi that he didn't need to bring her lunch, thanking him secretly. When she was done with her meal, she quickly changed her outfit, dressing her in a simple oxford shirt and gray trousers.

She left her room, proceeding to Levi's office as what he told her earlier.

"What do you mean, Jean?" She heard Levi talking the moment she stood in the doorsill, wiretapping obvious conversation among the men. 

"Connie and I, are uhm, gonna work for Historia." The name of Eren's secret lover made her winced, and sour. Her heart suddenly was beating abnormally, the fear of Connie and Jean leaving her. Ever since her parents died, Mikasa started to create makeshift families, sublimating her trauma to be satisfied in an obvious way. First she had Eren's family, then Eren and Armin, then the Levi Squad. Those three mentioned were her makeshift families, and she all cared for them equally.

Making her tremble with the fear of another abandonment.

She made her presence noticed as she walked without knocking or saluting. She didn't need to, the Survey Corps were disbanded. 

"Mikasa?"

She nodded as a response to Connie's calling, but never setting her eyes on anyone. She didn't want her happy lunch mood to get wrecked by some comrade who betrayed her. The room was quiet, a terse type of quiet, which was making her shiver even if the room isn't chilly. 

"As I was saying, the government has already given us our retirement fees. These letters," Levi held the letters to each one of them. "Are the only things you need to show at the local bank." He paused again, looking as if he was about to cut someone off, looking bored at Connie's direction. "And of course, your presence is needed. Don't ask me dumb questions."

"Do we also have monthly pensions?"

"Yeah. I went to the local bank this morning, got my letters exchanged for a wad of bills. The monthly pension will be sent via mailman, so expect it at your post mail every month." She could see Levi's gaze shift in her direction. She wondered, what kind of mask was Levi wearing right now? She listened as Levi continued his ted-talks. "As for the retirement fee, it's a huge ass of money, so you need to retrieve it personally at the bank." Her eyes suddenly widened at the thought of huge ass money. "Now, any questions? Because I will be adjourning this last meeting for us."

The last sentence which Levi spat, made her hang her head low. So this was it. The last meeting. This is the start of their new world, the final parting of them. For her, this would be the start of her pathetic boring life. She heard it clear that Connie and Jean have already made their plans, made their goals clear about how they would live it in this world without walls.

The thought made her want to vomit, made her want to pluck her own eyes out, because she wouldn't deny that she doesn't want to see a new world without her family. Her forehead is creating a lot of beads of sweat, diverting her attention back to the day where Armin and Eren died. 

"Mikasa. Calm down." Levi's low, dead, and cold voice pulled her back. She looked at him, with eyes weary, not knowing what to do with her life. And of course, the fear that he would be leaving too.

She noticed Jean and Connie looking at her sweating face. She waved a hand, telling them to ignore her, that it was just constipation she was experiencing. Connie proceeded to say what he was going to say. "It's been a pleasure and an honor to serve with you guys. I'm gonna miss you."

"You guys are my family... Thank you, Captain Levi for teaching us everything." Jean added, making Levi to scoff, but then nodded afterwards.

"If there's a chance you guys will change your mind, Jean and I will be waiting for the both of you at the orphanage-"

"Thank you, Connie. But no. I'll see the both of you when I see you." She observed the straight face Levi was making, wondering what plans he have if he isn't going to serve at the orphanage.

That was a question that was bothering her since last night, but then forgot it, then remembered it again right now. Why didn't Levi want to serve under the command of the queen? Levi was a good captain, and good member, and a good leader. But he was also a man who's used in serving orders. And the orphanage? It was Levi's approved project, making her wonder even more what the hell was in the mind of her captain? Needless to say, she was curious, she wanted to know, she wanted to learn if Levi was also just like her... Floating like a balloon in the air, with nowhere to go.

She listened to Jean and Connie's plans, like Jean planning to visit his mother here in Trost while tagging along Connie because he doesn't want to feel lonely. Ragako was still under construction, let alone Connie doesn't really have a home to go to. 

Which leaves her another rhetorical question. _Home._

She doesn't have any home to begin with. She understood that she cannot stay longer in the HQ, the Survey Corps will soon be disbanded in around two weeks. She doesn't have a companion, family, or a house, or just anything. She didn't even have her scarf, that filthy piece of tattered cloth she sought comfort from. She'd be starting again in scratch, and she doesn't know how to do it alone.

She put a mask on her face as she watched Connie and Jean bid their last farewell. She was hugged by the both of them, spilling tears on her raven hair. As much as she wanted to plead for them not to go, they already have plans which they made, and she didn't want to be an interruption just for that. Jean and Connie were already with their luggage, emptying their belongings back in their quarters. They gave a final salute, then a friendly wave, as they entered the carriage. 

_Good bye, Jean. Good bye, Connie._

The word _'goodbye'_ tasted like vile in her tongue. But she reminded herself that she needed to get used to it. That when the next time she needed to use it, she won't shed a tear. For who knows when she will be using the same word when Levi decided to get rid of her.

Right after the carriage left, watching it from afar as the carriage shrink in a smaller image, she headed back to the castle without saying anything. Her peripheral vision could see Levi looking at her, but not following her, and the thought of that made her heart pangs a little.

#### 

LEVI

Saying goodbye has never been this hard and messed up. For all the people he cared about, death was the only option of their ultimatum. Never having the chance to say goodbye, always unexpectedly surprising him like a thief in the night. But Connie and Jean were an exception, they were almost the first people who bid an actual goodbye without deaths and suffering. They were the people who resemble _'au revoir'_ , with a living life ahead of them.

For Levi, he was feeling happy and sad at the same time. Happy because his comrades, squadron, friends, and family will be trekking another path in life finding their goals which either made them regret or not. On the other hand, he was sad because the two irksome stupid brats were also a part of the people he trust, his makeshift family.

And all a while, two members of his makeshift family left him again behind. 

_Funny, because I can't still get used to it._

He sighed, as he scrubbed the floorboard of his room. It has been an hour since the two irksome brats left, leaving Mikasa to him. It has also been an hour since Mikasa left him without words, disappearing back into her room. He knew he ignored her for purpose, he has his reasons of preventing himself to get attached. She was another goodbye in this new world, and he didn't want to miss her. He scrubbed the floorboard harder, making him clean on his hands and knees, trying to get rid of the dust, but also the loneliness he was feeling.

He didn't know why he didn't call her. He was making an aphorism, stabbing every corner of his mind: If you're not here to stay, then immediately leave.

He knew he was doing damage just by staying, making the both of them attract like magnets, and by that... He of all people should know that it's going to tear their worlds apart, leaving the both of them hurt. So he should decide. He needs to make a decision, he needs to make up his mind if he should leave or not.

Perhaps, he should already have an answer by tomorrow. And he should take his actions sooner, if he wanted to save the both of them from drifting away in this world.

He left the floorboard unfinished.

#### 

MIKASA

Mikasa often dreams of anything, and when she dreams, she only dreams about nightmares. When she opened her eyes, she was sweating so bad, gasping for air like a fish out of water. She dreamed a series about the murder of her parents, the death of Carla Yeager, the death of Hannes, the death of Sasha, the sacrifice of her dear comrades like Hange and Armin, and the killing of Eren.

She checked her pocket watch, it's two hundred hours in the morning. She has been sleeping for around four hours, and the duration of that sleep only gave her a bunch of horrible nightmares she never wanted to remember.

But life was unfair, creating a storm in a teacup she never requested. She sat herself at her bunk, as she pulled the quilt blanket to wipe off the sweat of her face. She was feeling uneasy, her state of mind mutilated, and on the edge of breaking down. Her nightmares couldn't stop visiting her, making a stick up in her ass, together with Connie and Jean's last goodbye. 

She didn't want to be like this, she hated feeling apprehensive, she hated another abandonment. It feels like everything would collapse at the time being, and if everything would collapse, she would surely found herself underneath the rubbles.

She would never say it, but she needed to be save.

Her tears are streaming without her noticing it. Her mind is clouded of thoughts of abandonment, of everyone she love and she hold dear, vanishing. Mikasa was a simple person, a woman with a few words and emotions, an independent person, a strong kind of girl. 

But right now she wanted someone to hold her, to hold her and never let go.

As if her heels were its own person, acting on its own will, trying to stop the evanescence of her damned mind. She found herself running outside her room, sprinting towards the direction of the spotless room she never thought she would seek, the room of her impassive captain. She prayed this time hoping that he will listen, that he won't call her stupid, that he will show her leniency.

Just even a bit, just even if it is fake. 

#### 

LEVI

Just like every other restless night, Levi was sipping on his tea. It's two hundred hours in the morning, funny how he is the only one who can't get a good night's sleep amidst the start of the new world. The floorboards are done, as well as dusting away his few belongings.

In three days he has decided that he will pack his few belongings.

In three days he has decided that he will leave.

In three days he has decided that he will no longer be a part of her world.

_It is for the better, she and I will get used to it just like the old days._

He already has a plan for later, he would ask her for a sumptuous breakfast, then maybe send her to the local bank. He would ask her to accompany him to the dressmaker shop, making her choose another tailored outfit for him, and maybe repaying her deeds with a custom dress she would like to wear. He would be taking her to the river side, and maybe buy a bouquet of indigo tulips so she could see her smile for one final time. He won't tell her more about himself because it would be useless, because he would desert her. Levi wasn't used to these things, but he would do it just for her, because in three days he would be leaving her.

He said he won't rub salt, but he did realize that his plans were not just rubbing salt to the infested wound, but it was instead massacring the infested wound. He was gonna hurt her, and he was gonna hurt himself too, but can he be selfish just this once?

The thoughts lingered around the walls of his room, as he placed the rim of the porcelain cup in his stitched lips. He sipped his tea benevolently, like the way a lover kisses his lady. He thought of a lot of plans already, about how he would live his sorry life in this new world, about how he would spend the rest of his life collecting tea and bleach. He had arranged the plans the way he does it in the Survey Corps, but he never had an idea how to tell her that he would be leaving for good.

He was afraid to turn just like the many people who have left her, but Levi was a prideful complicated man, and he thought that this would be the best for the both of them.

He was done with his tea and thought session when a loud knock banged his door. This time, he had no reason left to be annoyed. Swiftly running a hand in his hair, he strode down the door and opened it.

The scene made him froze, sending a chill to every piece of his spine. There was Mikasa Ackerman standing in his doorsill, her hair disheveled, her eyes so red, her cheeks so wet. He could feel that she was cold, yet she was gasping like a stupid fish wanting for water, but what an unfortune because he could only give her air.

Levi opened the door widely, a gesture for her to come in. This was the moment he wanted to avoid so bad, the moment where he could see Mikasa at her very very weak side. He should have left the moment they arrived at Trost. He shouldn't have let him console her back in Marley. He shouldn't have done the things which lead him to this spot where he could feel himself getting weak just by seeing her. He was about to grab her wrist and lead her back to her room when Mikasa finally spoke.

"Levi..."

His name has never been spoken that tamed, let alone a lot of chauvinist people say his name impolitely. His name was the mixed of responsibility and duties, making himself less of a person but more of a weapon. No one has ever called him the way Mikasa called him, making him melt like a thin ice popsicle in the middle of a hot scorching weather. 

He couldn't move his jaws, like he totally forgot how to speak, how to use his words. Speechless, his eyes land perfectly on her pouty lips. Then he watched carefully how she moved her lips, how she spoke like a fallen angel asking for salvation. "Please say something, Levi."

"What is it, Mikasa?" At last he formed something, even though it is something stupidly obvious, at least he has found a few choice of words in his dumbfounded brain. Mikasa was still at the doorsill, but things happened fast when he realized that Mikasa was clinging onto him, gripping tightly her hands in his muscled forearms while quietly mouthing 'please'.

Levi watched her mouthed the sacred word countless times, as he tried to regain composure. _I can't be like this, not now, not forever._ He needs to do something, he needs to act like a man, he needs to think of ways in which he could comfort the brat without making her too attached with him.

But his thoughts were an understatement, because it was like asking for a pig to fly. Other words, he cannot comfort her without the exchange of attachments. _Shit got to be damn, I can't fucking think!_

"Look, Mikasa... Please calm down." He placed his hands at her shoulder, gripping it gently, "Is there something you want to talk?" then he moved one hand to her chin, the way he did it in the stable. "Mikasa. Look at me."

With both of their eyes locking, Levi was left speechless. He could clearly see her glassy eyes, spilling tears like it was the only thing it can do. With the state of this, Levi could never go, making him regret all those things he have planned.

"I don't want to be alone, Levi." Mikasa gently spoke, as she move her body a little bit closer to him. "Don't leave like Connie and Jean," She took a halt between her sentences, treating the space between them as revered. Levi knew that if he would fail to stop her close the chasm, then he knew he cannot do it later on. He needs to stop it now, but her eyes were the ones who's stopping him and his actions. "Do not leave me, Levi..." Mikasa closed the space between them, as she nuzzled her sobbing face carefully in his clavicle.

As if it was perfectly planned that the universe didn't allow him to think of ways he would bid his farewell to her. He pulled her closer, extending his arms as he wrapped it in her lanky body. Embracing her warm like it was the end of the world, when it should be the start of their new world.

Out of the many mask Levi wore, he finally put an end to his vizard as he revealed his true self by choosing to stay, or simply just to be with her.

After a few moments of just staying like that, Mikasa quietly uttered, using her words to make him understand her better. "Please stay with me, Levi."

It was needless to say, like the way his hand ruffled her raven hair. Levi was the one who told her that they aren't good with words, but he didn't care, as he answered her in a form of reassurance, in a form of bond that he would never try to break again. Sometimes, a few word is good, like a proverbial verse for a thirsty soul.

"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Au Revoir - to seeing again, goodbye until we meet again.
> 
> This is by far the chapter I enjoyed writing. It's hard to catch and predict Levi's emotions, making it harder for me to express his feelings in words. Hope you enjoyed Chapter 2! Comment below what you think of it. Thank you!


	3. Come Taste The Stars

#### 

MIKASA

Mikasa was twiddling the muffler Levi lent her. They were walking downtown, heading towards the local bank to get her retirement fee and to apply for her monthly pension.

In fact, she wasn't old, she was way too young to still get a job, and having a monthly pension didn't really look right. But it was the government who insisted, it was their own decision to disband the Corps. Maybe the monarch doesn't want to leave a bad image, abandoning the soldiers of the legion, or whatever. It didn't really interest her.

She could remember Levi saying: "Just take the money and make good use of it." She was actually hesitant at first, taking a huge amount of money and spending it on whatever things she like, while her guilt quietly consumes her because she cannot ignore the beggars and the poor taxpayers. But there was nothing she could do, even if she returned the money to the government, the chauvinist pigs would only spend the money to feed themselves pig piss.

So she followed Levi's opinion, and decided to make good use of that money. Which brings her mind the incident which happened last two days ago.

Levi wasn't a gentleman, let alone his style of manhandling women explains it. But the night she burst into his room, nuzzling her damned head into his chest, pleading with him not to leave her in this cold world... She totally saw that Levi wasn't a gentleman.

Because he was more than that. Much more than Jean offering her flowers. Much more than Eren wrapping his scarf around her. Much more than all the men who praised her for her beauty and strength. Levi lacks in height and in words, but it was okay for her. Because Levi was the only one who understand her weakness without pushing her away or even judging her.

That night, when she was done crying out her life, emptying the sadness that filled her heart, Levi walked her back into her room bringing her the assurance that he won't leave her.

He didn't kiss her just like in romantic books she read, and it was okay. Yet instead, the morning she woke she was surprised that Levi brought her a sumptuous breakfast already placed in her side table with a note saying:

_I'm just cleaning. Bon Appetit._

The thought of that made her smile, as she decided that she would also clean on her hands and knees without complaining. She made her mind that Levi's OCD about cleanliness would be another step she would follow forever.

"You alright?" Levi asked which brought her presence back again. She was daydreaming in the middle of their walk, and that was reckless of her, not thinking that she may fall down on her knees.

"I'm okay," she twiddled once again the muffler she was wearing, "Thanks for this. I didn't know you wear things like this." 

She heard him scoff while shaking his head. "It was a gift from shitty glasses last year. Never got the chance to use it."

Right. She remembered that this man still has a birthday. She wondered how old is Levi? Aside from the color of his eyes, his age was a mystery that nobody knows. No, no, wait. His whole life was a mystery, aside from the rumors that he was a thug back then. She shook her head, brushing off her malicious thoughts which led her to think about Hange instead.

Hange and Erwin. Those dead people are not just their superiors, but those two people are Levi's close friends. They were his family, just like Eren and Armin to her. She wondered if Levi was just like her, mourning about his two friends in the dead of the night just because he can't sleep. She wondered if Levi was still mad for her insubordination because he threatened him with a blade just to save Armin. She wondered if Levi regrets stopping Eren because he lost Hange in the process. All those things she thought that made her uneasy and terribly sorry was cut off by Levi.

"Mikasa. Stop thinking too much."

After retrieving money at the bank, she was dumbfounded by the huge amount of money she was given. It was not really enough to buy her a property, but it was enough to buy her food for a couple of years. Her stomach was rumbling so she decided that it was her time to treat Levi for lunch.

She knew how meticulous her companion is, so she brought him in a simple yet the cleanest restaurant she assumed.

"Captain Levi!" A fat man with orange hair called him. She totally forgot that Levi was really famous over their island. "What brought you here, captain? And is she Mikasa?"

Levi just nodded, totally sending the fat man a message he doesn't want to have a conversation right now. Mikasa nodded too, an act of recognizing the fat man as she drew her orders. Two medium sized baguettes, a bar of butter, six slices of bacon, and two cups of Lady Gray tea. She was feeling fancy so that was their lunch.

She watched Levi as he meticulously picked the fork and knife, attempting to slice the fine French bread. She knew that Levi was right-handed, as he struggled to use his left hand doing simple things such as writing and slicing. The only thing she knew that the captain could be an orthodox was when using blades and daggers in fighting. She took his bread and sliced it fast, not giving Levi the time to say no.

"Did you wash your hands, you brat?"

Of course, that was the obvious question. Levi's phobia about mildew was killing everyone, and the microscopic germs that reside in her fingers would never be an exception. But she wanted to eat already, so she just nodded and lied.

She watched him carefully as he placed his fingers in the rim of his teacup, weirdly picking it up and raising to touch his lips.

She wonders when she will learn more about Levi.

#### 

LEVI

Innovation wasn't new to their island since the beginning of the Marley pester. He could see the officials, welcoming a few technologies such as bicycles, cars, telephones, gramophones, a box that spat ice (he was talking about air-condition) and many other more. He could never fail to see how the city changed in a few months, partying like party animals, spending almost every night in shabby bars.

He wondered what's new with the hell hole of a bar. He has been in a bar a few times when he was still with Kenny, and it irked him to the bones. He doesn't want the smell of cheap beers, doesn't want the company of cheap girls. 

Then a man looking all fancy in a vest handed him something. "Monsieur, if you have the time, I suggest you bring your wife and try our music."

Before he could even say: _I'm not interested_ or _she is not my wife_ or glare at the fancy looking man, Mikasa grabbed his wrist as she told the man yes, while pulling the small leaflet from Levi.

"Jazz?" Mikasa dumbly asked.

"You accepted the fancy shit's offer when you don't even know what Jazz means."

"What does Jazz mean, Levi?"

He scoffed, looking all irritated. "I don't know what that shit means, but since you accepted the fancy shit's offer, then we'll stubbornly have to find it out." He yanked Mikasa's hand from his wrist, as he fished the wallet from his pocket, pulling out a few bills.

He ignored Mikasa's glances as he dropped money along the street beggars. He didn't want to be noticed for his small good acts. He wasn't a pretentious man, and the feeling of staying true to himself since the night Mikasa sought him, made him a little more of a normal person.

They walked towards the river, finding a loveseat bench. He sat first, motioning Mikasa to sit beside him, but Mikasa refused, telling him that she had something else to buy. It was a good thing that the clouds were hanging low, covering the sun's heated rays. He calmly enjoyed the tranquility and the view of the flowing river has to offer.

Truth be told, if Mikasa never went to his room, then he wouldn't be here glancing at the river. He would be back at the HQ, sulking himself while emptying his room, thinking about a million ways on how to say goodbye without hurting her. A scene so real yet ridiculous, but he broke that plan for him that night.

For the first time, he felt that he could finally breathe. That he thought that he had no purpose in this life anymore, but then a person who was just like him— strong, independent, and prideful, actually sought out for him to stay, to not leave her in this sad, cold world.

He was afraid to get attached, avoiding her at all cause, but at the end this was all he needed. He laughed inwardly, telling himself how stupid can he get that he didn't realize all of these things as he let his pride consumed him. Now that he did promise her that he won't leave, he told himself that he won't regret this decision, like any other decision he made in the past.

Of course, he was still complex and still has a lot of unsorted emotions, but that could wait. He still has a bigger problem, like the place he would stay when the monarch retrieves the HQ.

_Where should we stay?_

"Lost in the ocean of your thoughts?" He was surprised by Mikasa's calm voice, unnoticed behind the bench he was sitting.

"No."

"You're not a good liar, captain—"

"Just Levi. How many times—"

"Alright, old man." Mikasa mockingly replied while motioning him to move his ass so she could sit beside him. When she was next to him, she handed him a small paper bag. 

"Did you actually join Sasha's glutton cult?"

He could see her rolling her eyes telling him to just open the freaking paper bag or else she would pluck his good eye. So he opened it and was revealed with an eye patch, and a glove that is custom for three fingers. "Where did you get this?"

"It's a secret."

He scoffed, observing the black eye patch, hesitantly thinking if he should give it a try. Then he touched the custom glove that was made out of silk, one of the few fabrics which cost a lot of money. Before he could react and tell her that she should not waste her money on him, she cut him off.

"I know what you're thinking Levi. Don't worry. I stole those."

_Fucking funny,_ he thought. But his face only showed her a straight face while observing how Mikasa grinned a few inches. It was obvious that she didn't want him to scold her for whatever of his prideful reason, making him keep his mouth shut. He first tried to put the glove on.

And it fits perfectly, hiding his amputated fingers in the silky soft glove, making him feel relieved for some reasons he doesn't see.

When he was about to try the eye patch, Mikasa helped him put out the bandage surrounding his eye. He opened his poor eye, trying for the million times if his eye could still see even in the faintest of small vision.

"Are you... Blind?"

Mikasa asked him truthfully, which caused him to feel a little weary.

"Not really. I still have one eye working, you see." He replied, trying to move his poor eye, hoping to find light, but unfortunately, there is none.

"I hope your iris won't be affected." Mikasa finished untangling his bandages as she carefully snatched the eye patch from Levi's hand. He knew that Mikasa was somehow amused just by seeing the color of his mystery narrowed eyes, so he hoped that his indigo eyes won't turn gray and clouded like a dead man's eye.

After Mikasa carefully placed the eye patch, covering his poor eye, she suggested that he should need a haircut. That was not an understatement for he was also itching to shave a few trims of his hair. His undercut is growing stubbornly like the weeds that reside near the river.

Unfamiliar of the muscle memory of curling his lips upward, Levi smiled a little.

They got back to the HQ at seventeen hundred hours, spending their time at the plaza buying a few goods like bread, vegetables, eggs, and oatmeal. Levi thought for the better practicality, trying to minimize their way of spending. 

"Why didn't you buy us meat?" Mikasa asked while pouting her lips, looking like a scalded dog.

"So my assumptions are correct. You joined potato girl's glutton cult."

"Hey, no—"

"I'm not gonna eat meat." Levi deadpanned, moving their groceries to the cupboard cabinet.

"And why is that?"

"I decided to be a fucking cow," 

"I don't want to be a cow, Levi."

Levi sighed as he finished stacking up their groceries. He turned around and faced Mikasa. "Too bad, you're gonna be a cow. And unfortunately for you, you're not gonna eat meat until the day you're done with it and decided to leave."

Levi didn't realize what he said not until the silence engulfed them. He could see Mikasa's brow, slowly mulling down, her pink lips pouting more. He was about to say that he didn't mean it that he was just being an ass when Mikasa spoke slowly.

"I guess, I'm going to be a cow too."

He rake a hand to his hair, looking at her apologetically. He didn't want her to sulk, and he didn't want him to be the reason for that. But damn the walls, he didn't know what the hell should he do because he was not good with consoling and he was not good at the choices of his words, so he decided to use the safe word.

"Then let's live our second lives as cows. Fucking vegetarians."

#### 

MIKASA

Mikasa was so full that night, she already forgot that she had sworn to follow Levi's rules of cleanliness by slipping out of her cleaning duties like taking out the trash and shoveling horse shit. She never thought that being vegetarian was also something a good thing to try.

Well, she loves animals right. And she didn't want to add more casualties in the world just like Levi said.

Going back to her bountiful feast, she moved her lazy ass when Levi glared daggers to her. So she lazily picked up the trash and dusted the table where they dine. She went out of the castle, the few stars shining beneath her. If Levi's petty nitpicking wouldn't bother her, it was actually a good moment to stargaze at the rooftop, emptying a few bottles of wine.

She won't admit it, but she wanted to see Levi get drunk and act funny and maybe tell her stories about his past.

She was smiling stupidly as she shoved down the pile of horse shit, their borrowed horses made. She petted the horses' manes, running her hand so tenderly, as if she was going to miss them so badly because in a few days she will be leaving their second home.

But she will be leaving with Levi, so the thought doesn't hurt that bad.

"Thank you for all those times. May you be free." She uttered while she caressed the heads of the horses. She'd definitely gonna miss them, and if Levi would allow her to steal the horses, then she would do it. She exited the stable and made her way back at the castle.

Just like Levi, she had certain problems that needed an immediate solution. Where should they go now?

Brushing her thoughts, she found Levi still sitting at the mess hall. She approached him even though she had nothing really to say. He was her only companion, and it would be rude if she would be a useless free-loader in his eyes.

"Come with me." Levi said as he stood up, motioning her to follow.

She followed Levi wordlessly, even though she didn't know where he was planning to go, or to do. She hoped that they would go again at the rooftop, talking about nonsense until sleep haunts them and such. But Levi wasn't taking her there, as he followed suit into an old familiar room.

"Why are we in the commander's room?"

"Cleaning."

Mikasa wrinkled her nose. She wasn't in the mood to have arguments with Levi, but she wasn't also in the mood to clean. She wanted to waste time doing what a normal sad teenager would do, not to clean some dead people's room just because her companion's OCD is prickling him. "Levi, uhm, don't you think it's a little too late?"

He scoffed. "Just kidding. I know you're a slothful brat. Just help me find something."

Good grief, she thought. At least they won't spend the last few days in the HQ acting like a maid. So she went inside, listening to what Levi ordered her. She was asked to find a piece of paper, more like a map with directions. She had really no idea what they would do with a map, for the reason that they had no expeditions to venture and whatever. But she still tried to find it assuming that Levi wanted to be a bounty hunter, or a voyager, or an explorer, or maybe Levi wanted to imitate Marco Polo. She didn't want to judge Levi's ambition but she wished that Levi would just be like her. A simple gardener. 

"What the hell are you smiling for?"

"Nothing..."

"Alright. Back to work then."

Still snarky and cranky, she does not hate him for that. He was her captain for around five to six years, and she knew the façade he always displays outside. It's just that she wished that she would be able to understand his actions more, especially now that he was the only one she got.

She continued searching, but it was Levi who found that paper first. He announced it by cursing, saying: "Disgusting. It's fucking full of dirt!" Then he handed it to her, and she knew exactly what to do. So she wiped it and dusted it at the expense of his cleaning standards, before returning it back to him.

"Why do you need a map?"

"I'm gonna venture outside the wall."

"Huh?"

"Tch. No. I'm just looking for a good spot on this island." Levi replied, distinguishing the small legends of the map of Paradis. He was pointing somewhere in the map, while raising his brows. She still didn't get what it meant. So she decided to ask.

"Levi, talk to me like you're civilized. What's that for?"

"Alright." He turned to face her, as he pointed his left hand to the map. "You see that big ass forest? We're gonna clean that shit."

"You're the worst."

"I am, but I am not joking. Look, Mikasa. The monarch's gonna kick our asses in a few days, and I won't accept the fact that we're gonna be homeless even if it's just for a few days." Levi cleared his throat, inhaling thoroughly. Then he continued. "In short, I'm looking for a property to buy."

"But I don't have that enough money to buy,"

"Then don't buy." This time, Levi halts to look at her. "You said you don't want me to leave right?"

She nodded, afraid where the conversation was going. Just the thought of moving away from the HQ, scares her to the bone. She knew that Levi was painstaking and particular in every aspect of his life, but she would bug him to death even if it means for them to live homelessly. She didn't want another world where she would be alone. A world without Levi.

But Mikasa seemed to understand Levi's point differently. So she was flabbergasted when Levi brought his mouth to speak.

"Then come live with me."

They spent a few more hours in the commander's room, discussing the same problem they had in days. Mikasa has always been abstaining from discussions since the beginning, but tonight's discussion was an exception. She answered Levi not just by yes or no, but she answered Levi attentively, obvious in her face that she was excited and giddy.

Levi suggested to her a lot of places to think about. He asked if she wanted to reside in the forest outside Maria, or would she want to be somewhere near the Capital like Ovrud and Stohess, or if she wanted to be in a busy city like Karanese and Chlorba, and last if she wanted a beach house near the fort. But there was one thing on her mind.

"Where will you get the money, Levi?"

"At the bank."

"I know that." She sighed while she rolled her eyes. "I mean, how? We cannot really buy a property even with our money combined."

"Mikasa. I'm the Captain of the Survey Corps. Next to the commander. Second highest in position. It would be a chagrin if those pigs would repay my deeds with just a handful of money. I could buy three properties at the same time if I wanted to."

"Are you gonna buy three properties?"

"No." He smirked, while he continued to list out more options to choose. Levi may be an irksome, sarcastic, shorty of a person, but she was allured by his charm making her bite her lower lip. She continued to listen to Levi's never ending list of places, but there was only one place she thought as an ideal place to live.

"Can we live at the meadows?" She asked, not even knowing where a place would be suitable, but she wanted to live at the meadows just like in her childhood. 

"Is that what you really want?" Levi replied without missing a beat.

"Yeah. I'd love that. I love to grow herbs, vegetables, flowers, and many more. I love to live a simple life."

"If that's what you want, Mikasa. Then alright." Levi nodded, folding the list of places he wrote in something like a paper plane. He referred to the map, pointing his good hands in meadow-like figures. "Let's see. There's a meadow near the city of Chlorba. With a huge ass lake."

She nodded, the sound of adding a lake in a nearby meadow would be something peaceful to live. The thought of it made her like a kid again. But then she recalled something.

"How about you Levi? Don't you have preferences?"

"Anywhere is fine." He halts, "Anywhere clean, I mean." Then he folded the map like the way he found it and then he put it back under the messy paperwork of the late commander Hange Zoe. He reminds her that she needed to remind him to bring the map once they contact the local realtor tomorrow.

She watched him stretch his arms, giving her an arched look telling her that it's time to retire the night. She dipped down her head as she followed suit in the corridor. When they reached the intersection where they should part their nights, she called Levi.

"Thank you."

Levi stopped, listening attentively. Usually he won't say anything, and Mikasa knew that, but to her surprise Levi actually responded this time.

"You are welcome."

They parted their ways as they went to their respective rooms. Mikasa couldn't hide her joy, so she smiled so happily while changing into her nightgown. 

And for the first time after the war, she slept peacefully. 

#### 

LEVI

Levi was always patient with Mikasa since the day he first encountered her at the forest. There were a lot of times she shouted at him, argued, mocked him, and even threatened him. But never he reciprocated her insubordinations. If he would remember, she was the only person he was always patient with. 

But not this morning. He won't tolerate her lazy bum anymore, as he barged into her room. "Wake up, brat! Fun time is over."

Mikasa yawned, looking like she was just born into the world. "Huh?"

He rolled his one good eye. He didn't want to be rude with her, but he didn't want Mikasa to ruin his plans for the day. He had to choose. Which is which.

_Fucking idiot of a gloomy brat._ "Oi, if you won't get your ass up, I'll splash a bucket of water in your bed."

"Right, captain... Five more minutes."

He sighed, defeated as he left her room. He knew that line so well, and he knew it wasn't just going to be five minutes. So instead, he went to the kitchen and brewed a cup of tea. Maybe he should prepare a lot of patience for this day.

After sipping and finishing his tea, he went to retrieve the map at the commander's room and suddenly noticed the big mirror hanging in the walls. Usually he didn't actually have time to look at himself in the mirror, but now that he got all the time in the world, he stopped by.

He fixed his curtained hair, letting it touch his eye patch. He judiciously traced the scar of his face while urging to stop the frowning of his face. He reminded himself that there was nothing he could do with it, that it was already all in the past. He tried to move his lips to curl upwardly, practicing to smile.

He still has a pretty face though.

He fixed the collar of his oxford shirt, aligning it with the collar of his black coat. He neatly dusted the invisible wrinkle of his suit, trying to check as much as possible if he had missed anything that would break his code of perfection. He also fixed his belt, unbuckling it then buckling it for the third time around. He checked his oxford shoes, then he smiled when he saw that it was polished and spotless.

He tucked a handkerchief inside his coat, and now he is ready to go.

_Fucking brat, what time is it?_

He strode towards the mess hall, trying to calm his short-temper. He decided that he will wait for another ten minutes. And if she's still sleeping the hell out of her life, Levi might force to scrub her with a mop the way he did it to Hange back then.

"Hey, Levi! Okay, I'm done."

He instantly grimaced when he saw her. Oh, for fuck's sake. Levi facepalmed as he noticed that she was still wearing the shirt he gave her. "Don't you have any other clothes to wear?"

"But I washed it and-"

"Okay, nevermind. Let's go." He wanted to scold her more, but they were already fifteen minutes late than the time he planned. So off they go to the busy town of Trost.

He reminded himself that he should buy her a dress or two later. 

The local realtor was looking at him, with face somewhere between starstrucked and flabbergasted. However, Levi remained a straight face, not showing any emotions at all. 

"Captain Levi?" Finally, the realtor used his mouth but made Levi vexed. How many more people will be treating him like some artist? "What, uhm, happened to your face?" Or would be pitying his handsome face? He hated unwanted attention like this.

"Uhm, we're just playing pirates." Mikasa replied. _Oh, fucking great. Now I'm a pirate._

"Alright, fuss is over. I'm looking for a property for sale. Are there any residential houses near the meadows of Chlorba?"

The realtor gestured his hand to wait, as he pulled a pile of dusty files from his wooden cabinet. He looked thoroughly, hoping to find the place that Levi wants. It took them like fifteen minutes, before the realtor handed them a few lists of paper files. The realtor proceeds with the talking, explaining that all of the properties he has shown them are near the meadows, in the meadows, and in the meadows near the lake. Levi raised a brow at Mikasa, asking her once again where she liked.

"The latter one, I guess."

The realtor looked at them with his eyes intrigued. Levi already bet what the realtor was thinking, probably insights of him eloping with a young girl or what. Now that he thought of it, he was actually eloping with a young girl. Or should he be calling it as elope when it was Mikasa who convinced him? He didn't know. 

And he didn't really care what others would think of his life. He doesn't give a pot of shit about it.

The realtor handed them blueprints of the brand new houses that are in the meadows near the lake. He asked first if the house was under construction, as he explained that he needs it to be livable by next week. Good thing that there are two houses which are ready for occupancy. He just needs to choose the architectural design he wants. He asked first which Mikasa prefers, but Mikasa shows no interest in the design of houses, she said that she just wanted a huge garden.

"I'll take the western bungalow styled in craftsman. Make sure it has a huge lawn."

The realtor looked perky as he nodded, realizing that the property Levi was buying cost a lot of money. 

"I'll pay the full price in check. In two days, allow us to take a tour of the property, and by next week we'll be moving soon."

The realtor's eyes dazzled when he heard that Levi will be paying the property in full terms, making him excitedly run to get the papers which needed to be signed. He handed Levi the agreement forms, the reservation forms, and the title form of the property. He signed: Levi Ackerman

Things were all set, and he noticed the excitement beneath Mikasa's eyes. He was also happy, but he won't show it. It wasn't that important for him anyway. So when they reached the threshold of the door, the realtor called them once again.

"Captain Levi, may I ask?"

He raised his brows as he hummed.

"Is she your wife?"

Levi and Mikasa looked at each other with discreet awkwardness. Out of the many questions he could sassed, but this question made him unprepared. He couldn't find an applicable answer, and he didn't want to explain the complicated terms he and Mikasa were involved in. Levi was about to say no when Mikasa answered which surprised him.

"We're family." Was all she said. The realtor nodded as he waved them goodbye, and when they were walking out he actually saw that Mikasa Ackerman- the stoned, emotionless girl, was actually blushing.

What a time to be alive. 

Levi took her to lunch, then he stopped by the local dressmaker to ask for the outfit he requested about four days ago. Luckily, the suit he requested was already done, so he could actually take it.

"Indigo?" Mikasa astoundingly asked the color of his suit.

"No, it's red." Levi deadpanned.

"Alright, Levi. You are funny. Really funny to the point you looked constipated."

He wagged his head, inwardly laughing out loud because of her shitty joke which she obviously got from him. He went to pay the old tailor for his suit, then he caught sight of the beautiful dress worn by the mannequin. It was a knee length fitted dress, sleeveless and styled with a V-neck. Then he glanced at Mikasa, then back again at the dress.

He of course, of all the people knew style in particular, and he knew that the mixture of dark cyan and black were a good choice of color to pair her porcelain skin. Never beating around the bush, he asked the old tailor how much while pointing at the dress.

"Sir, it's for display..."

"I'll double the price." He saw the old tailor smile with his dentures, as he stripped the dress from the mannequin and then he kindly asked Levi. "For whom, sir?"

"For the lady."

The tailor called Mikasa, who strangely gave the tailor a dumbfounded look. Levi could hear her say that she wasn't going to buy that, that she was just looking at it, and other words of hesitation until the tailor told her that it was paid by Levi that made her hold her tongue. She glanced a little at Levi, and Levi responded by telling her to go on.

When she was done fitting the dress, the tailor accompanied her to Levi. She awkwardly displays her dress, revealing her curves and porcelain skin. Levi nodded, and wordlessly approved of it.

"Thanks... But why?"

"I don't want someone to see me with a sack of potato."

"You really are not good with words, Levi." She bitterly scoffed, sounding all too weird.

"Yeah. Sure I am." Levi snickered, while he pushed Mikasa a little. "You said yes to that fancy shit, right? You can't attend a saloon wearing shitty clothes."

"So we're going to that Jazz without knowing what it really means?"

This time, he scoffed. "That's why we're going. To know what it means." He pushed her out of the dressmaker shop as he kindly told the old tailor to make another two sets of suits for him. 

He told her to follow suit, informing her that they will spend the rest of their day shopping for clothes. Levi didn't explain, hoping that Mikasa was a big girl to understand what he meant. He told her to get an appropriate oxford shoes for casual days, then maybe a block-heel Mary Jane or kitten heels to match her new dress. She was confused about what he was saying, so he just shrugged and told her not to wear her combat boots because they are not anymore in the war.

He didn't expect that shopping with girls are fucking complicated. Back then, it was only Farlan who accompanied Isabel. Then Auruo to Petra. Then Moblit to Hange. Then Connie to Sasha. Even though these women he mentioned always bug him to death to accompany them because he has a good taste when it comes to fashion. Then he actually recalled that he didn't really see Mikasa shopping for her clothes or what. It was always that stupid scarf, cardigan and an oxford shirt she was wearing.

He sighed, asking himself why does life always need to be complicated for him.

"Get a turtle neck blouse, then a crepe skirt. That would be for casual days."

"How do you know so many about this?" Mikasa asked while she was busy choosing in a pile of sale items in a woman's boutique. He hated when she asked too many questions. So he just shrugged and waited for her patiently.

_The next fucking time I'll go shopping, I'll make sure to leave her behind._ Levi thought, while he picked a cloche hat he thinks that suits her.

#### 

MIKASA

When Mikasa woke up the next day, she quickly changed into her cleaning outfit. Nothing really special as she just added a mask, bandana, and apron to her outfit. Before, she detested that ridiculous kind of outfit that Eren and Levi wore, but now it was making so much sense to her.

She concluded that if there was one thing which Levi was scared of, it was mildew. 

She laughed it off while scrubbing the floorboard of her room wondering what breakfast she would eat. She definitely is craving for that fancy garnished egg, and maybe an orange juice would pair it better. Now that she was thinking of it, she wondered if Levi was already awake so she could ask him what he wanted for breakfast.

After cleaning, she changed into the clothes Levi suggested. A black turtle neck top, then a short crepe skirt. She put on her oxford shoes as she observed her appearance in the mirror. She smiled because she loved the way she looked. She looked good and new.

She hatted the cloche hat to her head, placidly enjoying the way it suits her.

"Where are you going?" Levi was already at the countertop, sipping his morning tea when he asked her.

"Good morning to you too. I'm going nowhere." Mikasa deadpanned.

Levi looked at her perplexed, but his eyes are somehow showing an amusing interest. She bit inwardly her cheek, as she could bet that Levi silently approved of how the way she looked. However, her rumbling stomach stole the spotlight so she asked Levi if he wanted to eat breakfast with her.

She could tell that Levi wasn't cranky when he didn't throw any snarky remarks or even argued even if it's just a little. He just nodded, and told her to wait because he needs to change his outfit. Levi wore simple long sleeves, paired with a black trouser. Like the way he clothed back when they fought for the uprising monarch. Except that he doesn't have any harness clinging on his body.

When they were walking she teased him. "Says the one who doesn't want to be seen with a potato sack." She snickered, trying to pissed Levi off. But to her dismay, Levi just looked at her with a mundane look of a hectic Monday morning.

Mikasa ordered flapjacks with a crème on top, glazing it with maple syrup. She was drooling when the waitress placed her order on their table, adding a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. She couldn't wait to devour it. And as usual, she didn't care what Levi had to say about her eating lax.

While she was slicing the luscious flapjacks, she noticed the food Levi ordered. She sometimes hardly thinks if Levi really eats like a human, always only having a small portion on his plate. She even recalled that Levi let her finished the bacon she ordered before deciding to be a vegetarian. She wondered if it has something to do with his past, or just maybe Levi swiftly decided to not eat because he decides that the breakfast diner they were eating was filthy. 

"Stop staring and eat your flapjacks, Mikasa." She was too distracted at creating stories for her captain, as she failed to notice that he was also staring at her. 

"I could say the same for you, except that you don't have flapjacks at your clean plate."

He scoffed playfully, when he plunged the malted milk biscuits at her face. While slowly stirring his tea, almost like bored. "This Orange Pekoe tea just doesn't match flapjacks. Besides, I'm not that hungry."

She just wagged then continued to finish her meal. The ambiance of the Breakfast Diner they were dining at was just so good, it was placid, and was accompanied by a background music which made Mikasa tap her foot. The rhythm was catchy and classy, making her feel at ease. If the diner has a dancefloor, and if she was confident enough, she might dance her morning all the way.

She was walking side by side with Levi when she felt someone seized the attention of Levi. Then there's that feeling she doesn't know where it is coming. She stopped and turned to see Levi being surrounded by a huddle of girls, mostly by teenagers and young adults.

In fact, she shouldn't be surprised. There was also a time at Trost when merchants suspected her and Sasha as one of the women Levi had. It doesn't really occur to bother her back then because she doesn't think of it as a big deal. But right now? Seeing her companion and former captain being surrounded by a huddle of women made her uncomfortably bothered.

It's not that she suspected Levi to be a philanderer, in truth when she never heard any love interest with the said captain. She doesn't know, but she was feeling something similar to the way she felt when she saw Eren and Historia at the orphanage. 

Setting aside her silly thoughts, she trekked towards the direction of Levi and called him. Then she heard an intrigued woman talk.

"Don't tell me you are already dating someone, captain?"

She raised her brows as she waited for Levi to answer. But as always, Levi looked bored and dead, obviously uninterested with her fangirls. Mikasa thought that if Levi could summon the devil, he would do it just to save himself from unwanted attraction. 

"Yeah. I am." She heard him reply as he walked faster, leaving Mikasa in front of the huddle. 

She didn't expect that the captain was dating someone. Her face created a sour and exasperating look and somehow, she felt a little bit jealous?

Maybe covetous was the term if he was dating someone. She didn't really know.

#### 

LEVI

Levi was sitting alone at his office. It was just sixteen hundred hours, but he was so fucking exhausted. Well, what could be the reason for his exhaustion? Of course, those unwanted attention from a woman- a huddle of women, he named it. 

Not that he was conceited or what, but Levi doesn't really like the idea of women flirting with him. Aside from the fact that he is clumsy with things like that, Levi is not a man to settle with romantic love or lustful love. Maybe he gets the idea of falling in love, but not now. He didn't want to think of things like that especially when he was raised in the Underground, where everything was uncertain.

Of course, even if Levi wasn't a liar, there are still lies he would commit. Like white lies, a lie he told a while ago. Levi wasn't dating anyone, let alone he has a part-time lover at night. He just wanted to get away with the trouble of dealing with a lot of irksome questions.

Levi inhaled a deep breath before he gulped a glass of water. There are times like this when he was just feeling stagnant, feeling nothing but a void in his life. He sometimes asks himself uncanny why he feels abnormal, or just the simple question why he wasn't that normal? Hange would normally remind him that he was getting old, that he needed to fuck someone to get a hold of that release. Even Jean told him to get married or something like mingling with women. Either way sounds too disgusting, unsanitary, and immoral for him. 

He stood up from his armchair when he noticed a paper peeking from his coat jacket. He was about to throw it in the bin when he realized it was the leaflet that fancy shit gave them two days ago. He hasn't really read the content, so he took a better look of it to know what that shitty Jazz means.

_The Hat Bar_

_Come hear Jazz on Friday, at nineteen hundred hours._

_Dress up that classy look, but wear your comfortable shoes! You'll never know when the tempo's gonna drag you down. See you, when we see you!_

_Alright, so shitty Jazz is a type of music to begin with._ He guessed he'll go tonight, he hasn't listened to good music for ages. He just hopes that this bugging Jazz won't disappoint him. 

He could tell he was looking forward as he pushed himself to bathe.

He's not sure what the leaflet said, but there's no way he's gonna dance at the rhythm. He doesn't know how to dance, and he doesn't want to embarrass himself in front of the people who would also be listening to Jazz.

So he dressed himself in one of his altered suits, a 'Brompton' lounge suit, which Erwin gave him for his birthday a few years ago. It's a good choice to wear tonight, because it is not too tight, and not too lousy. He put on a brown vest inside, thinking that it was February, and for sure it would be too chilly. And oh, for the first time, he wore his black necktie that matched his black coat. He got it from Kenny's stupid closet back when he was still a thug. 

He chose shoes in which has a few inches of heels, a brown medallion toe wholecut. It was needless to say because his partner for tonight will be wearing heels.

He checked the time, it was just seventeen hundred hours, as he sprayed eau de parfum masking his whole body with a musk of sage and white tea. He plunged a pristine white handkerchief to his coat, and he decided that it was time to fetch the stubborn brat who wanted to go to a fancy shit's offer.

"Go away, Levi..." Mikasa slowly said after he barged into her room. Levi was getting irritated because Mikasa had her back against him, constantly avoiding to look at him. He sighed, observing how the quilt blanket covered her dead like body. Levi was confused, a while ago the girl was happy eating breakfast, then was also talkative while walking, and oh, okay. He kinda gets it.

But he didn't say it.

"Let's go, we'll be going to Jazz right?" He sighed, as he pulled the stool in her room. "Get your ass up before I change my mind."

Mikasa didn't reply immediately. Instead, she was sulking in her rickety bed like a young girl who didn't get what she wanted. Of course, Levi doesn't have time for this, he didn't want his outfit to go to waste. So he called her again. "Mikasa."

"I'm tired Levi. Go to jazz with your woman." Mikasa bitterly muttered.

Bingo. Another one of his assumptions was proven correct. He was getting better, he can read her easily like an open book. He did see that, but he didn't understand why she was acting like that? Could she be jealous?

_She can't be. That's just fucking ridiculous._

And Levi doesn't want to fall in love. Making her attached with him was enough, he constantly told himself that it was the only one he could handle. So he answered her patiently without adding any insults.

"I'm not dating anyone, okay? It's obviously a lie. So don't waste my outfit for tonight's Jazz."

Quickly, Mikasa turned to see him, and she was immediately astounded. Of course, if anyone would see Levi looking all neat and classy in his 'Brompton' lounge suit, hospitals would be filled with patients who suffer from Kennedy's disease, making one's jaw drop open. 

He was an eye-candy, and he smelled really good and clean. So wordlessly narrowing her eyes, she stood up and went to the bathroom for a quick bath. Levi hung a few moments in her room, before exiting and waiting at the corridor.

_Why is she taking so damn long? She must be taking a shit._

It was a quarter away from eighteen hundred hours when Mikasa got out of her room. Like what Levi told her, she wore the dress Levi bought. She looked amazing with the fitted dress, as she paired it with the kitten heels Levi suggested. Levi observed her like she was one of his brooms, and then wordlessly nodded telling her she's good to go.

Levi noticed that she didn't have any perfumes, so he sprayed her with his.

The bar was also downtown, making them trek the pavements carefully. He won't tell her that his shoes also have an inch or two of heels, but it wasn't any of his concern as long as she doesn't notice it. The city tonight was overflowing with city lights, paired with a lot of kids playing and circling around. It has only been what? Two weeks? Three weeks? Yet, they all look so placid like nothing big happened.

Well, for normal civilians, nothing really big actually happens. They have just been freed without knowing or giving a damn regardless. He didn't want to think about the details of the shitty war, because he didn't want to ruin his lovely jazz night. 

More like he didn't want his companion to have a sad face. 

So when they found the saloon, The Hat Bar, he acted like a gentleman pulling the door and letting her in first. He didn't notice it, but Mikasa smiled at his small gesture.

The bar was not like any of the underground bars Kenny had brought him. The bar looked simple, but it was elegant and stylish. The bar or saloon, rather, was illuminated with a yellow-dimmed light, making the interior cozy. There was a long countertop, matched with rotating stools that made his thin eyebrow raise. It was actually good, not that he would give compliments about it, but the winery display made it awesome. 

At the walls there were posters screaming: _Jazz Music!_ , _Liberate yourself with us!_ , and a lot of sayings that made him bob his head. Then the last thing that caught his eyes was the center of the bar; in which a set of instruments were placed like piano, drums, sax, and others he doesn't know names.

He glanced sideways at Mikasa's reaction. And just like him, he felt that she was feeling good and satisfied.

"What do you think of it, Levi?"

"Not bad." Was all he said. That was the closest to a compliment he could give. He didn't know, but he looks like he was always saving compliments, for something, someone. He inhaled, then he pulled Mikasa at the bar, asking her if she wanted to eat anything. No, both of them were hungry so he took the initiative to order something. He ordered a platter of tomato and mozzarella skewers, and an olive platter.

When their orders arrived, Levi found Mikasa's sour face funny. Of course, she went vegetarian just because she wanted to be with him. So he gave him the mozza skewers, telling her it tasted better than meat. 

"Sir, how about a glass of wine or anything?"

"I'll take an Old Fashion," he halts, then he asks if Mikasa wanted a drink or two. She nodded, but told him that she doesn't know any of the drinks so she told him that she'll get what Pyxis was always drinking, which made him grimaced. Then he decided to pick a drink for her as he continued. "And a glass of Champagne for the lady."

He lets his good eye rest at the image of his companion. She is Mikasa, his stubborn subordinate, his comrade, his makeshift family, the person he shared his surname, and the only one left with him to enjoy Jazz tonight. He won't tell her, but she was alluring to his eyes. He didn't expect her to be this stunning, to be this gorgeous. He was feeling something, something that made him want to protect her. 

If he could say something about her, he would say she's worth the stay.

But Levi won't tell it, because again... He found the idea of falling in love, out of context and ridiculous. The waiter served them their drinks and he motioned Mikasa to taste the drink he ordered for her.

"Levi, it's good! It's like tasting the stars!" Mikasa excitedly took another sip of her star-tasted Champagne. He leaned closer, holding his lowball glass the way he holds his teacup. "Silly brat. Do you even know what the stars taste like?"

Mikasa shook his head no, then she laughed carelessly. If Levi thought she was alluring earlier, then he couldn't think of more adjectives higher than alluring to describe her happy face. She was enjoying the night, and that was enough for him.

They were talking about how good the Champagne was, when suddenly a group of people started to use the instruments like it was only child play. Then someone from the back shouted saying: "It's starting to play!"

Then the one who's playing the saxophone, blew the mouthpiece gently, indicating that the song was about to play. Followed by the reckless tapping of piano keys, then making the cymbals cry at every beat of the sound. Needless to say, the band was creating harmony in perfect intonation.

Levi found Mikasa agape, with her hands involuntarily tapping at the table. It was true, the music was good, relaxing, and perky. _So this is Jazz_...

Then from the back of the stage, appeared a man wearing a bowler and a bowtie. He took the microphone confidently, then started singing as his body grooved to the tempo of the music. 

_**Oh, honey, oh honey, I never felt this way** ___

____

_**Romantically I'm up in the air** _

____

____

"So this is Jazz!" Mikasa shouted while obviously enjoying the enticing music.

____

Levi nodded, as he let his foot tap along the beat of the infesting sound of Jazz.

____

____

_**It's funny, so funny me taking it this way** _

____

_**Don't know if I should** _

____

____

He silently watched how the crowd were all smiles. The music was undeniably good, and luckily the singer doesn't look like some stoned guy singing in the underground. He took note of what the singer was singing.

____

____

_**But gee, it feels good** _

____

_**I'm flying high but I've got a feeling I'm falling** _

____

____

"You good?" He asked Mikasa even if he already knew the answer.

____

____

_**Falling for nobody else but you** _

____

____

She turned to look at him, with her eyes dazzling, like stars she described at the taste of her Champagne. "I'm more than good, Levi!"

____

____

_**You caught my eye** _

____

_**Cause I've got a feeling I'm falling** _

____

____

He nodded as he encouraged her to enjoy the moment. The bar was cozy, the moment was good, the music was delicate, and maybe like heaven in one good room. It was a rare moment in which he could publicly see Mikasa enjoying for the first time, and it felt so ethereal that he wanted to be selfish once in a while. He could see her smiling at him, sipping her second glass of Champagne like some sophisticated woman he read on the books he found at Hange's messy shelf. 

____

____

_**Falling for nobody else but you** _

____

____

He was feeling spontaneous as he wished for the fleeting moment not to end.

____

____

____

#### 

MIKASA

____

____

Mikasa drank five glasses of Champagne that night. It was like vice, addicting and exciting. The jazz band named 'Chocolate Dandies', soon finished playing after singing their fifth song. It was a blast, something she didn't see it coming, something she surprisingly enjoyed. 

____

It was already twenty-two hundred hours, when Levi decided that it was time to retire the night, making them exit the bar with little smiles on their lips. Usually, she won't admit that she enjoyed Levi's company, or she's too shy to use foreign words like compliments, but this time she felt the urge to say it to him like she was just reporting a weather forecast. 

____

"The night is beautiful, Levi." She declared it as she smiled more, but she didn't try to look at the face he was making. Knowing Levi, every compliment he would be receiving will only be reciprocated with his dark jokes, or snarky insults. Mikasa doesn't want to ruin her once in a lifetime compliment about the night she was having.

____

But Levi was always full of surprises as he replied after a few moments of tranquil silence. "And so is _you_."

____

She couldn't believe what she just heard, so she asked him what with her eyes so wide, but only to be replied with: "I know you heard it, you bawdy brat."

____

She was about to reply sarcastically, telling him that he looked handsome but he was just short, but then her remarks were cut off when she heard him chuckled lowly. For Mikasa, he was not just classy and elegant tonight, but he was also dandy and sultry.

____

She asked herself why she never saw this side of him back then.

____

They continued to walk, catching sight of the intriguing city lights that illuminate the misty ambience they were strolling. The cool breeze was scrunching up her sleeveless outfit, making her regret that she didn't brought any cardigan with her. Of course, she didn't bring her one because she doesn't even have a classy coat to match her outfit. So she just squeezed into her arms, while trying to act cool.

____

But Levi isn't going to try and play her game of charades. She suddenly felt a warm like cloak, covering her shoulders and her upper torso. Then she smelled the clean scent of sage and white tea musk, making her head looked at Levi. If she could remember, this was like a scene in the movie Connie repeatedly told her back in the barracks.

____

"It's okay, uhm," She started, while tugging Levi's coat. She do not want to be a damsel in distress, for she knew that Levi wasn't some human immune to cold, making her the reason for his future hypothermia. She was thinking so many, making her brain entangled for complicated reasons.

____

"Don't be a stubborn brat by giving back my coat. You're obviously shivering, even my bad eye caught that." Levi halted, staring into her eyes like she was his prey. So she just nodded, inwardly slapping herself why does she need to be complicated at all the time. She watched him placed his hands in his pocket, looking all good in his brown vest.

____

____

____

When they arrived the castle, she heard Levi telling her not to wait for him because he has an errand to do. It was a beautiful night, not that she would call it a romantic night, but it was obvious that she wanted to retire back in their respective rooms together. So she asked.

____

"Can I come?"

____

Then she saw Levi looked at her with an unpleasant expression on his face. She raised her brows, waiting for a response, trying not to overthink what Levi meant. 

____

"Are you serious?" Levi asked then she nodded. She noticed Levi paused again, a small look of hesitation on his face. Then he continued while he rolled the sleeves of his oxford shirt. "Fine. Help me shovel horse shit. I'm not going to let a night pass without cleaning the stables."

____

____

Mikasa wished she hadn't asked him.

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If ever you're wondering about the jazzy song included, please listen to: I've Got A Feelin' I'm Falling - Willard Robison
> 
> Thank you for reading the last chapter. Your comments warmed my heart so much. For this chapter, I focused on their dialogues, how Levi expresses himself unpredictably while letting Mikasa use more of her words. I tried to lighten the mood in this chapter, by adding some fluff scenes and of course, the famous Jazz. As what I've tagged, the story would focus at a time in 1920's. I hope you did enjoy this chapter! Thank you and please do leave a comment. (:


	4. Sleepless Night

#### 

LEVI

Levi and Mikasa arrived at the stop where the realtor told them to wait. It was a sunny day, a perfect day for sightseeing and checking out the property Levi was about to buy.

Not giving a damn about what Mikasa was barking, he wore his chukka boots paired with a lousy dark gray oxford shirt. He's not in the mood to dress that classy, as he told Mikasa that they were only just buying a house, and he didn't want his ankles to get itchy, assuming that no one trimmed weeds in that place.

"When the hell did you care about fashion?" He asked.

"Just this morning, old man." She deadpanned, which he ignored while waiting for the realtor. He inwardly smiled at that snarky remark.

When the realtor arrived, he was driving a Ford Touring car, which he immediately caught Mikasa's jaw to drop. It wasn't that new to him, he has already seen a car back at Marley, which made him question himself if Mikasa does pay attention to things that surround her. She looked like she was living in caves for ages. He motioned her to sit at the back of the car, while he sat beside the realtor. They were riding a car, so the trip duration would only last for an hour or two. He wore the sunglasses he brought with him.

Levi's eyes widened while he pursed his lips. It was a good thing that he was wearing sunglasses, enough to cover his amusing eyes. It was true, Levi was raised in the underground, with no sun and grass, with no peace and assurance. When he served in the Survey Corps, although every expedition he ventured, his sight was always full of big ass trees, but he never really got the moment to appreciate the beauty of nature.

It was only nine hundred hours, the sun was happily shining from above them, let alone the different kinds of flowers that were growing from the vast meadows. There were only a few sight of residential houses, making the area calmly quiet.

"Captain?" The realtor asked him which interrupted his daydreams. He slightly peeked from his sunglasses, humming as a reply. 

The realtor asked him if the place was good, while leading them to the real deal. He replied: "Not bad." Which made Mikasa raise her brow, trying to argue with him that he shouldn't only describe it as not bad, because she was obviously in love with the place. He just shrugged, hiding his amusement while following the realtor.

The next deal was the house he was buying. Levi never felt so mesmerized before that he actually took his sunglasses off. He observed the craftsman style house, the way he saw the horizon of the blue sky for the first time. It was simple, a western bungalow with the design of a mini Bandon. The walls were not like stones like castles, but it was perfectly built with sturdy wood, making the brick stone chimney appear in the spotlight. Levi noticed the porch, it has a welcoming presence, making him think about getting a rattan rocking chair. He also noticed that it was a two-story bungalow, even having a small place called an attic. But that was just the outer appearance.

Mikasa pushed him to go inside, to check it out first because he was the one who's gonna purchase it. He snorted, telling her that she should go first because the thought of dust made him hesitant. The realtor noticed, then nervously asked if the place didn't interest him or what, but Mikasa butted in.

"Oh, just don't mind him. He's just really meticulous when it comes to cleanliness. Levi thinks a family of germs live here."

He observed the both of them laughing and making fun of his OCD, yet he just sighed and kept his mouth shut. He followed suit after Mikasa entered. 

It was spacious inside, allowing them a good view of the kitchen and living room. He halts at the fireplace, seemingly approving of it. He first checked the second story, finding two good rooms and a big bathroom in which a tub can fit. He mentally approved of it, thinking that they won't share a room. He went downstairs to find a quokka-looking Mikasa, erratically amazed by the beauty of the house. He strode towards her then asked her.

"You like it here?"

"Levi, I don't like it here. I love it instead." She smiled at him, giving the realtor a thumbs up. 

"The decision is yours, Captain Levi. Does it fit your standards?"

"Anything for the lady." He looked at the realtor with an approving look, then he turned his gaze at Mikasa's face. "Though the house appeared to be a little grubby, I must make the lady clean on her hands and knees." He smiled as he put his sunglasses back, asking the realtor for the final papers that needed to be signed. As what Levi said, he tossed the check which served as the payment for the house. The realtor informed him that the city of Chlorba is just a twenty minutes ride using horse, then less with a car ride. He asked where they could buy goods such as furniture, appliances, and a lot more things that could fill the house with essentials before moving here.

"Why don't you buy a car, captain? If you could pay a house at full price, then you could buy a car in a blink of an eye."

"I'll think about it."

He strode at the stairs of the porch, making him think about the house he had shared with his mother. The small room he had shared with Kenny. The quarters he shared with Isabel and Furlan. The cabin he shared with his trusted squad. Then the castle he shared with Hange and Erwin. All houses and quarters he had been have embossed a precious memory in his mind, making him inwardly emotional just by seeing the house he was going to buy. 

For the first time, he wished that they were all alive, having tea parties at his huge lawn.

#### 

MIKASA

Mikasa was busy choosing furniture at a shop near Ragako Village. It was her turn to spend, she didn't want Levi to carry all the expenses. So even though Levi refused and had constant arguments with her, she still won by threatening him to give him a loaf of mold.

She didn't really have any ideas about choosing or decorating, so Levi left her with the only choice to just decorate her room with simple and minimalist things. Levi explained to her that she doesn't need to buy a double bunk like the one she used in the barracks, instead she should buy a double sized bunk or whatever. Just not like things she was used in the military. She agreed with him, leading her to buy a queen sized brass bunk, paired with a spring mattress. 

Next item she bought was an oak dresser with a good stand of mirrors. Ever since that Jazz night, when she saw a lot of girls wearing pretty cosmetics on their faces, she began to feel conscious about herself. She mentally noted herself to dress a little more lively than she was. 

Since the Marley innovation wasn't new to their island, and people began to adapt to technologies, she found herself wanting to buy a candle-stick telephone even though she had no one to call with.

But Mikasa was a girl, and of course her shopping instincts will sometimes take over her, so she bought a candle-stick telephone and a box fridge. Telling herself that she won't regret it, and that she would only laugh if Levi would scold her for her impulsiveness.

Which lead Mikasa found herself smiling more often, laughing about things in which she doesn't feel funny before, sometimes feeling hopeful about herself in this new world. Ever since Eren told her about how he hated her and his continuous rejection about her, she became dull and lifeless. But because of her love and devotion towards him, she didn't make a life for herself, didn't enjoy the precious moments when everyone she loved was still alive.

She was so lost, not until she found comfort just by staying with Levi. She didn't actually know what happened, what caused her to feel secured whenever Levi's around.

_Maybe because he was the only one left?_

She still has a lot of unsorted feelings about him, but Levi was the only one who made her feel hopeful again. He may be always annoyed with her, and she might need to endure him being a grumpy cat, but despite those petty things, she knew that staying with him was the best decision she made.

I'm gonna give him a small stool so he could reach the cupboards. She thought as she laughed, adding the wooden stool on her list of purchases.

It was past eighteen hundred hours when she finished shopping for her new home— for Levi's house. She still feels gawky calling it as her house, or their house, or what, because it was clear that Levi and her doesn't have a relationship to begin with. Now that it came across her mind, Mikasa wondered about it.

_He's just my superior and I'm his subordinate._

_No, no, no,_ she shook her head realizing that both of them have retired from the military.

_He's a friend?_

Not at all, because friends don't live with each other. 

_Family...?_

She nodded at her own idea, Levi being a family just like Armin and Eren. She thought that it would not be a big difference, that she was always familiar in living with boys.

She gave the old merchant Levi's new address, and told him to ship it in a matter of four days. She paid the down payment in half, so assuming that Levi would be with her to see the things she was gonna pay for the delivery, Levi would think that she got it all from sale.

She galloped and rode her borrowed horse back to the castle, reminding herself to buy dinner at the local pizzeria.

"So what did you buy?" Levi asked her while reading his local newspaper. As usual, he was drinking his favorite black tea.

"Just... A few things." She made her way towards him, tossing the paper bag in his lap. "I bought us dinner. I don't know the taste of it, but the name was catchy..."

Levi looked at her like he was scrutinizing her. Like she failed him, like she did something too unforgivable. She frowned, rolling her eyes.

"You bought us greasy pizza." 

"At least I bought one with leafy vegetables to satisfy your vegetarian fetish." She deadpanned, fishing out her slice of Margherita pizza, taking a big bite in front of Levi.

"That's so funny, Mikasa. I might die out of laughter."

She ignored him as she continued eating her slice of pizza, making her way towards the cupboard. She reached for a teacup, then poured water from the kettle, as she teasingly sank Levi's precious black tea.

"God. This tea tastes so awful. It also comes with a funny name. Darjeeling." She teasingly grimaced, making her remarks as a comeback for Levi's never ending sarcastic shits. She noticed Levi as he narrowed his eyes, then opened his mouth but then closed it back.

She knew she won again just the way he shook his head while taking a bite of that greasy pizza.

She won't tell him but he was right. The pizza was greasy. 

The next morning she woke up, she found a big note screaming at her door.

_There's normal eggs in the pantry. Don't starve yourself by waiting for me. I won't be back until dusk._

_**-L** _

_Just normal? I wish he bought me those fancy eggs instead._ Shaking her head as she walked along the lonely corridor, Mikasa thought that it would be the time for her to visit her squamates room.

She has no appetite to eat this morning because of the solitary aura the castle has provided her. Levi told her not to starve herself, but would it be considered starving if she does not feel hungry at all? 

She sighed, as she can't comprehend her sulking thoughts. Last night, she was all snarky and funny. Then she woke up feeling unsettled and alone, digging down deeper as she made her mind to visit the rooms of her dead friends. She hated feeling this way, having mood swings like a typical bimbo teenager. 

She first made her way to Sasha's quarter. It was the typical room for Sasha, messy and full of discarded food wrappers. She sometimes thinks that Sasha has a hoarding disorder, making her room look like a silly museum full of excessive funny items. Nonetheless, she won't scrutinize her anymore, she wasn't even Levi in the first place. She pulled the stool beside the bunk, as she silently imagined that Sasha was still there, sleeping with her mouth drooling. 

She noticed that some of Sasha's belongings were not there anymore, realizing that Connie and Jean might have taken some stuff to keep it as a remembrance. She wasn't going to do those things, let alone that she would be living with a person who hated clutter. 

But she ignored that dilemma, taking the last memory of Sasha's bow and arrow. She didn't bother herself to clean the room, afraid that if she touched any of the clutter, her memories of Sasha would fade. She exited the room, picking up the bow and arrow.

She next went to Armin's room. The nostalgia brought her back, as she unfamiliarly entered the room. They were not allowed to enter a boy's quarter, not unless it was an office minute or an emergency meeting. But the legion was disbanded, and her friend was dead, so for the first time and last time, she became an insurgent.

As she thought of it, Armin's room was full of books. Small, big, thin, thick, old, and dusty books filled the shelves of her friend. She hurtfully smiled, remembering the ocean story Armin would tell her when they were young. She made her way in front of the shelves, finding that book as she wanted to read it one more time. She wants to do something for Armin, something like reciprocating to him the stories he told her. 

But when she found that book of life and nature, she became speechless. She wanted to read it for him, she wanted to narrate it to Armin one more time that she was very thankful for his sacrifice. She hugged the book in her arms, not caring if it was grubby and old. And just like Sasha's belongings, she brought the book with her as she exited the room, preparing herself mentally for the next room.

She took a deep breath as she halted, facing the room of the one who saved her from those traffickers. Eren has not been in this room for so many years, but it was still Eren's room, and assuming that Eren left a few things inside.

She opened it and the smell of fusty scent hit her nose the way it hit her eyes. The room was almost empty, cobwebs residing in every corner of the room, making it lonesome in a very putrid way. But she didn't care as she stepped foot onto the creaking floorboards, walking towards Eren's lonely bunk. 

She stayed silent for a very long time, curling herself in Eren's linen-free bunk. She noticed the side table, then she pulled it revealing the basement key.

_Why of all people, it must be you?_

She voiced out her thoughts, as her lifeless eyes stinging her throbbing headache. She loved Eren, she won't deny that. For her, Eren was her family, her savior, her best friend, her sworn liege. Eren was her world, and it hurts her to know that she was just another friend in Eren's life. 

That's why the moment she saw Historia with their child, she felt bitter and betrayed. Out of all people, she didn't expect it to be Historia. She thought she was doing something good by saving Eren and Historia's life countless times while risking her own. And in return, this is all what they did to her. 

But Eren was dead, and the baby has nothing to do with it. She hid her emotions, like the way she always did. She let her bottled feelings scatter in the room of Eren, knowing that there would be no one to comfort her for the time being. 

#### 

LEVI

He finished buying a few essential stuff for his new house at around seventeen hundred hours. He thought to himself that he wanted to move to his new house earlier, that he cannot wait for another few days. It was already paid full, the lack of furniture and appliances are the only hindrance why he cannot move in early.

So he first bought some of the necessities, like a kitchen stove and an armchair. He told himself that his bunk could wait, for he doesn't even sleep at bed. He told the merchant to ship it at his new address, while paying for everything in full. He decided to buy the following furniture after they moved in.

Well, we got all the time right now.

Of course, it was already dusk, and he decided to buy them dinner before retiring back at the castle. He mentally discussed with himself that he really needs to learn how to cook when he moves in, because they can't stay forever buying meals at restaurants if they don't want to get broke.

While he was steadying his borrowed horse, Levi saw a few people driving off with their cars. The thought of driving a car made him intrigued, recalling that the realtor told him that he could buy a car in the blink of his eye.

_Fuck, alright. I'm going to buy that shit when I don't even know how that thing works._

He galloped, leaving the thought that he doesn't know how to drive. He bought devilled eggs and cheese-filled ravioli for dinner.

When he got back, the castle looked like some haunted castle who had been deserted for a hundred of years. It was dark and there was no light everywhere.

Running a hand to his hair, he scoffed irritatingly, mouthing: _Fucking lazy brat_.

He first made his way towards the stable, feeding their borrowed horse some carrots and cabbage he bought. He left water as he let the horses rest. After letting himself inside the castle, he opened the lamp-post so the castle wouldn't look so scary at all. Same goes with the mess hall, and the kitchen. He made rounds at the castle, finding Mikasa impatiently. 

_Tch. If she's fucking dead, I'm going to ask the gods to bring her alive so I could kill her one more time._

He went to her room, but she was not there. He went to the old barracks hoping to find her, but still none. He wondered where the hell could she go, assuming that she was only here because her horse was left untouched. 

He was hungry and he didn't want the food to grow cold. So he thinks harder, leaving him the decision to check Armin or Eren's room. 

And there she was.

_Sleeping like a fucking koala bear._

He entered Eren's filthy room, careful not to let his oxford shoes catch dirt as he made a beeline towards the bed where Mikasa was curled up. He looked at her face, trying to recognize if she had been crying to her deathbed or what, but she was just sleeping, her mouth drooling like an imbecile brat.

Usually, Levi wouldn't care about the things he found disgusting that was out of his league. But she was now his companion, and he doesn't want to have a putrid companion so he needs to wake her up and tell her to bathe just to get rid of the germs she obtained in Eren's room.

"Mikasa. Wake up." He calmly shook her, his other hand not putting the paper bag down.

Not lifting her head, she replied as she was still in her dreams. "Why do you always need to leave me, Eren?" 

He sighed. "Mikasa. I am not that asshat."

This time, she opened her eyes sluggishly, yawning her life out. Levi noticed that she looked shocked, trying to ask him what time now. He replied that it was already after dusk, scrutinizing her if she had done something the whole day, but she said that she was so tired that she only slept.

Obviously not impressed with her, he did not ask her if she starved herself. Because Levi obviously knows the answer. He collected the remaining patience of him, asking her to eat with him in the kitchen.

"You brought us dinner?" She asked, while following him suit towards the kitchen.

"Just devilled eggs and ravioli."

He didn't entertain more of her questions like _was the egg from Satan?_ Or _was the egg that bad?_ And any other childish question he didn't sign up for just by ordering devilled eggs. He fished the meal as he completed the set of cutlery in the small countertop. 

"God, these eggs are what I fancied in the morning!"

"Just because I left you normal eggs, doesn't mean you'll starve yourself and act crazy by sleeping in a grubby room." He explained to her with a hint of concern, slicing his cheese-filled ravioli assiduously. He watched the lifeless Mikasa, devouring hungrily her Satan spawned eggs. He wondered what the hell would happen to the girl if he actually left her.

He gave a deep breath, as he moved his part of devilled eggs to her. He noticed how she loved the garnished eggs, that it won't really be a bother if he would give his part to her. He resumed eating, not trying to listen to her shy hesitations.

"Thanks... What did you do the entire day?"

"Shopping. How about you?"

She hesitated for a moment, as she ceased eating her fancy eggs. "Sleep."

"I know that. Anything else?"

"..."

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. I understand." He finished his food as he stood up, putting his plate to the sink. He reached for the kettle, as he filled it with water, technically voicing that it was time for tea. He knew he shouldn't dig deeper, shouldn't explore more about the things that bother her. Both of them have nightmares, personal and private nightmares that cannot be shared.

Maybe?

"I just missed them. Sasha, Armin, and..." She paused, stuffing her mouth with devilled eggs. Levi just stood there looking at the boiling kettle, not trying to look at her in the face. Then she continued. "I missed Eren."

He didn't say a word. Because he didn't understand why she would miss someone who betrayed her and treated her stupidly. But he didn't say a word just because he also didn't understand her feelings, and he was afraid that he might hurt her with his words.

"Don't you miss anyone, Levi?"

Levi heard her ask him. His face suddenly looked dejected, hearing the question for the first time from someone he didn't expect. Perhaps, no one dared ask him that question.

"I do."

"What keeps you from moving around?" She walked her way towards the sink, putting her plate and cutlery. He knew she was waiting for an answer, but at the same time he knew that she was careful because she didn't want to sound like someone who wants to invade his past. 

"I don't know Mikasa. I just don't know." He answered, looking discouraged by the way he didn't know how to answer that simple question. It was true, he was floating like a balloon, like paper boats floating baffled in a flood rain. If Mikasa didn't convince him to stay, he actually had no idea where the hell would he go. Would he travel far? Would he still buy a house? Would he do the things like he was doing right now?

If it wasn't for her, then he would never know the answer. But unfortunately, he still can't think of an answer to give her.

So he continued, trying to trust her to understand him more. "Armin and Eren."

"What about Armin and Eren?" She asked, while rinsing the plates.

"They were your family. Your makeshift family." He paused, reaching for the screaming kettle as he reached the tea canister. "I had the same one too, you know?"  
He watched her stop her movements as she listened to him closely.

"Armin always reminded me of Furlan. He was intelligent, he was always patient, and he also has the same blonde hair." He poured hot water on his teacup, as he sank a teabag. "While Eren... That stupid brat. He was a pain in the ass, just like Isabel. Always outgoing, always had those big dreams, always stubborn... Their energy drained me to hell, but their stupidly green eyes always refreshed me. Full of wonders, full of hope but also hatred."

Levi watched Mikasa absorb the story he was telling, while he gave her a cup of tea. His story wasn't done, as he continued more. "But both Furlan and Isabel died, the first expedition we ventured together."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's not anyone's fault." He watched her take the tea from his hands. "Then comes Erwin and Hange, a second version of Isabel and Furlan, Eren and Armin. It was not a good beginning, I originally planned to kill that fucking eyebrows."

She tried to hold her tea the way Levi does it. "Who are you back before, Levi?"

"Just a strong person who cannot save anyone I love."

#### 

MIKASA

Mikasa can't think of words to say to Levi. She was there, in front of him, trying to hold her teacup the way Levi does it but no matter how she positioned her fingers in the rim, she just can't do it.

_"Just a strong person who cannot save anyone I love."_

The lonely sentence kept on circling and circling on her mind as she cannot think of how to respond to him. Should she console him? Should she comfort him? Should she be apologetic? 

To hear Levi say it to her like saying it as easy as pie, made her feel a lot of emotions. She felt trusted and she felt comfortable with his presence. But that won't be enough, because that would be selfish, only giving ways to her problem without even thinking that no matter how emotionless Levi looked, he was so damaged on the inside.

Now she feels guilty. She never really thought of how Levi felt all those times she blamed him in the past. All she thought about was Eren, Eren, Eren, and Eren. _What a shame..._

"Oi. Don't ever think about crying you stupid brat." Levi snapped her, as he sipped the few drops of his tea.

"I just can't think of words to say."

"Then don't think. I told you we're not good at words." Levi replied without missing a beat, his eyes constantly avoiding her eyes.

Mikasa thought that he had it again. That they're not good with words shit again, but in fact of all the people she had a conversation with, it was always Levi's words who spoke so much more than the literal sentence itself. Sure he can't stop having a potty mouth, but that was also part of the package of him being true and assessed in every word he said. In short, he made a lot of sense, be it sarcastically, or truthfully. His words never betrayed his calm demeanor.

So she needs to try. To retaliate whatever comfort she sought to him. She needs to use her words, at least to try something she won't regret.

"Tell me more about Isabel and Furlan, Levi. I want to know them, I want to know their stories, about the things you talked about in the dark, about how similar they are with Eren and Armin." She paused, trying to get Levi's attention. She wished he would understand what she meant. She hoped as she continued one thing she wanted to say after the war had ended. "Tell me Levi, I want to know more about you." 

She waited for Levi's response. She understands if he doesn't want to reply, or to take her offer. That was okay, because she's not someone who always wants her action to be reciprocated. She does not want to force Levi, as she does not want to look like an invader in his life. For her, it was always the thought that counts.

So she was surprised when Levi nodded, offering her his good hand while telling her: "Alright. Let's watch the stars together."

They sat at the rooftop like the way they sat the second night they arrived here. With both of their legs hanging on the wall, Mikasa never felt so restful than before. Despite the dark evening, the stars are shining so bright that illuminated Levi like some celestial being. She could see he was gazing at the stars again.

"I used to do this with Isabel and Furlan."

"I also used to do this with Eren and Armin." She replied, playfully swinging her legs.

"I know. I caught the three of you before the retake of wall Maria." Levi replied, not taking his eyes away from the never ending horizon. "That's the first time I heard about the ocean."

She turned her face in the direction of Levi. She was observing him thoroughly, like some masterpiece in a museum of exhibits. If he told her that her family reminded him of his makeshift family, then she brings back the thought of her and him being unmistakably alike in almost a lot of things. She brushed it off, thinking that maybe she was the one who saw that, so she asked him more about Isabel and Furlan.

Levi told her a lot of things about them, he described how he always got a throbbing headache because of the foolishness of the two irksome brats. She chuckled lightly, exchanging stories about how Armin and Eren were exactly the same. They told each other how their friends exactly shared the same dreams of dreaming a world without walls, a world with an infinite dream of freedom, and how both Levi and Mikasa felt out of place but that was okay for the both of them, because seeing their friends happy made them happy too.

Mikasa noticed how Levi only shared stories regarding his friends, but he still hasn't told her anything about his own stories, his own past. Perhaps this was his way to get rid of the loneliness? To share memories about his dead friends so he could still preserve the memories? She wondered how many people knew about his stories like this? And if she was the only one who knows about it, then how long have he bottled up his emotions like that? 

She told herself that she would patiently wait for the day Levi would be really free to talk about things like that, cause she understands that Levi has his own nightmares just like her.

"How I funnily bear a grudge with you back then, now makes me think that I'm actually holding a grudge with a person who's exactly like me." She said, raising her head to gaze up the stars just like Levi.

"Stupid. Don't tell me you realize that only now?"

"I realized it uhm, a few days ago. Why?"

Levi scoffed, now turning to look at her. "I can't believe I'm having a mirror of myself who's actually a fool." He ran his hand in his hair, making his hair slick back. "I know you and I are exactly the same back in that forest."

She smiled, accepting how the way he called her stupid without offending her. She wondered more about Levi, wanted to know more about him. Maybe the next time they would have a talk like this, she would ask him about the underground she once heard, and maybe ask him a few things about his parents. She wanted to know why he would kill Erwin, and how the hell can he deal with Hange's eccentricities. She would ask him many things, like why does he hold his cup like that, like the way she wanted him to ask her a lot of things.

"Thank you."

It was rare to hear him say words like that, and she should feel special about it. But instead of responding with words, she let her actions speak for her, as her head fall into his shoulders while giving him a smile of security.

It was one hundred hours when they decided to call a halt for the night. She let him lead the way, allowing him to escort her back into her room. She didn't expect the night to flow so smoothly, making her unsorted emotions lessen a little bit. 

They were nearing her room when she heard Levi speak.

"You could take your friends' belongings." He paused as he opened the door for her, then removed his eyepatch which revealed Mikasa a pair of beautiful eyes. "I won't mind, just make sure it's clean."

_So he knew._

#### 

LEVI

Levi doesn't want to be touched. 

Leaning his back against his armchair, it was six hundred hours in the morning yet not a single ounce of sleep hadn't visited him. He found himself asking a lot of questions, that if he doesn't want to be touched...

Then why does her head feel so good on his shoulder?

He knew it himself that he wasn't a person who wants to talk about his past, let alone the memories of his dead friends.

Then why does he feel so comfortable telling her all those memories?

He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to focus on counting his sheep, but only to be visited by Mikasa's curious eyes. Oh how he loved to see those eyes, those gray smoky eyes who wanted to know more about his friends, more about his past, and more about the real him.

But even though his desires were lingering at the back of his mind, he never allowed someone to know more about him, afraid that they would just turn into the hundred corpses he encountered back then.

But what was stopping him?

The world was free. And so he should be.

Again what was stopping him?

Mikasa told him herself that she doesn't want to live without him. That she doesn't want to be alone. That she needs him.

All those hints of assurance that was laid nakedly in front of him, still made him weary and startled. It's not that there was something wrong with the world, or there was something wrong with her...

But he believes that there was something wrong with him.

He was scared, preventing Mikasa to turn like one of the people he loved. That if he would let her touch him, she would be cursed. That if he would let her get to know him better, she would disappear. That if he would love her that much, she would turn like stars, exploding into dust.

Levi was strong, hence called 'Humanity's Strongest', but he wasn't some deity who could bring back the dead or rewrite the past the way he wants, making him pushed into his desperations. 

He sighed, while he walked towards his bed, taking off his shirt. It was indeed chilly that morning, but he was sweating insane. Afraid that there would be something wrong, that the cycle of the curse of abandonment would continue.

_Okay, okay. Enough. Stop thinking._

He turned off his table lamp, seeing the uninvited rays of the early morning entering his room. Inwardly laughing at himself that he wasted another good night, overthinking uncertain thoughts.

But maybe he could sometimes be selfish? He asked that himself, trying to divert his thoughts back to the memory of last night. The way he felt so comfortable by Mikasa's presence. The way he wanted her next to him, and just like her, he was seeking for her presence.

He was fucking confused. Irritated because it was just one simple thing yet he made it very complicated. It was a simple question answerable by yes or no, yet he wants to provide a solution and a thousand words essay just to justify his feelings, his weaknesses.

Not that Levi would admit he loves her, but he thinks she is very important to him. If she thought he was the one who saved her, then it was her for him.

She's so important that he just doesn't want her to suffer the same fate as the others.

_I just need a good cup of tea, I guess._

Restlessly starting his morning while listening to the silent chirps of the birds outside his room when a knock broke the bothering silence of his room. He was so confused right now, to the point he didn't know what to feel. It would be an understatement if he would say that he won't love her in any forms, because it is like asking for a pig to fly.

But sooner or later, he needs to untangle his feelings. He told himself that if he doesn't have any plan of loving her, he must tell it soon. He waited for a few moments before he drowsily called her to come in.

Of course, it's got to be her.

He watched her enter the door with a small smile on her face, of course she looked ravishing, looking entirely pleasing just the way she is. He watched her make a beeline towards him, like the way he watched himself foolishly be confused on the million things he knew the answer for.

"Want to have some tea?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for patiently waiting for the update! For this chapter, since four is a luckless number, I just have to do it. Kidding aside, since Levi is clumsy when it comes to love, I do not want to take his advancements go smoothly. I tried to write his character true to his complex nature. While for Mikasa, I want her to develop her possible canonical character. She is a sweet, passionate girl who does not think only about Eren.
> 
> Anyway, that's it! Thank you for the support and comments. It really made me happy. So please comment below what you think on this chapter. (:


	5. Crescent Moon

#### 

MIKASA

Mikasa has never been excited to leave a place she somehow called home. She had already packed all her belongings, just waiting for the covered wagon to arrive. Levi suggested that they would be using wagons, instead of renting a touring car because Levi doesn't want to feel enclosed with all the things they would bring with them.

Truth be told, they just have a few belongings to begin with. Mikasa placed all her clothes in a small old Finnigan suitcase she found at Armin's quarter. She also put inside the straw hat and the book that Armin kept, Eren's basement key, and a dagger she got from Levi a few years ago. She tied her kitten heels dangling in the suitcase, while she wore her combat boots just in case she needed to ride a horse.

Like what Levi said, she brought with her Sasha's bow and arrow. Then she found herself looking at the storeroom in which the Survey Corps kept its weapon, and hesitantly thought if she should keep a set for herself. She knew that if the legion would be soon disbanded, then all of the remains of the legion would be turned into waste the moment the monarch retrieved the castle.

_Levi wouldn't mind a set or two..._

So she picked the set looking the newest, as she wrapped it in a big cheesecloth she found hanging on the walls. Soon she went to check on the kitchen, trying to find food she can bring along the trip. 

But instead of grabbing the eggs and loaves, Mikasa noticed that Levi hadn't taken possession of the tea set he used to share with Erwin and Hange. She could describe that it was not just an ordinary old tea set, but it was a Lacquer set, which she could distinguish that it might be a gift for Erwin from the higher ups. She remembered that she also used it when she brought a tray to Levi's room. She first packed the eggs and loaves in the kitchen basket, while also putting the tea set inside. There's no way she would want to leave something like that.

Lastly, is that she picked her bed linen and her quilt blanket. She knew that she had suffered crying underneath the comfort of the linens she brought with her, but that was also to remind her that after all, she had surpassed her problems bit by bit.

She stood along the corridor and silently said good bye to her second home. She walked without tears in her eyes, hastily finding Levi outside.

When she got outside, Levi was already standing there with his belongings. Maybe she gets the reason now why didn't Levi want to feel enclosed in a touring car because damn be the walls, Levi is like bringing the whole castle with him.

"What's with all that clutter?"

"Don't overreact you brat. The two suitcases are the only two I own." Levi replied, not batting an eye at her. So she checked it instead, scrutinizing why Levi would bring someone's things if he doesn't want clutter in the first place.

She looked closely then she realized why. Levi brought with him Hange's leather briefcase, the one where Hange placed all the crazy drawings she made Moblit sketched. Then he brought with him at least five books which Erwin owned, revealing a neat handwriting of Erwin Smith. She also checked the travelling chest which revealed a few things she never seen before like: an old tea canister, a few patches of the Survey Corps, a fedora hat, and a torn white cloth. She looked at Levi after she had seen those things, but in response, Levi just shrugged while wearing his cloak.

The rest of the things he brought were just his crazy cleaning agents. And even though Mikasa told Levi that he was bringing the old castle, she had more things she brought than Levi. Nonetheless, she gently helped Levi place all their things in the covered wagon.

"Are we bringing Midnight and Sunny?" She asked out of the blue, talking to him like he already knew the name of their borrowed horses.

"What?" Levi paused, trying to analyze who she was talking about. "Mikasa, we only have two rooms, not unless you want two brats residing in your room."

"No, I mean, can we bring the horses with us?" She cleared it to him, thinking how funny Levi sounded not knowing the name of their horses.

"What fucking horrible names... I'm surprised they haven't ditch you." He scoffed, then turned around to sight the lonely horses. "Do you want to?"

She nodded, looking at the two lonely horses at the stable. She realized that Levi rented a covered wagon that comes with horses, leaving Sunny and Midnight behind. She somehow felt it was wrong to just leave the horses, even though it was borrowed, because sooner or later she knew that the monarch would only treat the horses like some kind of weaponry. She hoped that Levi could read her thoughts, as she looked at him one more time with pleading eyes.

"Fine. Just clean their shit every night, and if you don't, I'll make sure you'll eat horseshit for the rest of your sorry life."

The duration of their trip was about two to three hours. Sitting beside Levi while enjoying the hot day's view, she couldn't help herself but to glance at Levi. Levi was wearing sunglasses, and she couldn't deny how he looked manly and awesome. It's like that the sunglasses were invented for him to wear. She kept on looking at him, especially when he's not looking around and she can't seem to understand what she was feeling.

She never felt like this before, feeling all funny and giddy seeing Levi. Ever since the Jazz encounter, she loved the way Levi looked. Followed by the sightseeing, she liked how Levi considered her opinions. Then their moment at that roof, she obviously adored how Levi shared something personal with her.

She won't deny that she actually brought him a tray of breakfast for him, unlike the way she denies how she felt hot just by seeing Levi in his topless state. 

_No, no, no... Damn. He's my superior..._

All those things she never noticed before, suddenly hits her like a lightning split a rock crack open. That's why right now, while sitting beside Levi, she suddenly wished she was shorter than him, so he could be taller than her.

_Shorty, he he he._

But all those happy fleeting moments of daydreaming the shorty captain, are suddenly replaced by a consternation she felt that Levi won't look at her the same way she does. It's right, she was just a young girl, she of all people should know that Levi will never have an interest with her even though if they are distantly related setting aside the taboo of incestuous feelings.

But related or what, she knew she didn't care. Right now, she wanted to shower someone with her affections, hoping that someone would do the same way too.

#### 

LEVI

Levi glanced at her the same way she does it with him. Usually he would find this extremely annoying, telling her to stop the hell of it because he didn't like being watched. 

But no, he just let her. Let her until she became tired of it and fell asleep.

Now that she was asleep, he got all what it takes to observe her peaceful face. He looked at her like she was a pretty art in a museum full of crappy things, setting aside his vague feelings of not falling in love or what. He sighed, taking off his sunglasses.

He knew how she suddenly cared for him. Like the way she brought him a good cup of tea that sleepless morning, ignoring his musing thoughts of contemplating about giving in his desires or trying to play martyr like kissing a fool.

_She and I aren't in the military anymore._

He reminded himself one more time that from this day on he won't see her as a subordinate, but he should see her as a family, a friend, and a woman.

And that made him unwearyingly insane. He knew that a man and woman can fall in love, he knew that a man and a woman could develop feelings because they were always together. Levi was surely aware of all those things yet he didn't do anything to stop it.

And that was fucking unfair, because he does not consider his own feelings. He knew she won't ever love him that way because she is fucking in love with that bastard ass, Eren Yeager. 

He puts back his sunglasses as he avoids looking at her. For his own good.

They arrived at their new house at around ten hundred hours. The realtor stayed true to their deals, cleaning every stubborn weed that resided in his stone filled pathway. It was good, seeing his new house, his own house. He jumped out from the wagon, as he wiped his face with his pristine white handkerchief.

"Oi. Wake up."

He called out to her, inwardly hoping to see her surprised face asking dumb questions like _are we here already? I must be dreaming?_ or whatever that he would find funny coming from the expressionless and silent Mikasa Ackerman.

"It's really beautiful." Was all she said, yawning and smiling at the grace of her beautiful face. He nodded, offering her a hand, so she could get out of the wagon and helped him unload their things.

Levi won't usually let her do manly things like carrying heavy objects, but Jesus Christ. He actually forgot that she was Mikasa Ackerman, strongest soldier next to him, and he lacks his finger so he chose the practical decision.

"Unload that all before we have lunch."

"What? Aren't we gonna eat?"

He scoffed, trying to tease her again. "Again and again with your membership with potato brat's glutton cult. When would your membership expire?" He knew she was flushed, mocking him with something like _midget shit_ , but he ignored her as he entered his beautiful house.

Their beautiful house.

Levi could hear her complaining something about getting hungry again, because he ordered her to clean the whole house until sixteen hundred hours. At first, he could hear her complain about why they needed to clean the house, it was already cleaned by the local realtor. He explained that they can't depend on it, afraid that someone might have a cleaning lax. Next time she complains, why does she need to redo it all over again, when she already cleaned on her hands and knees? He scoffed, telling her that the house must reach his standards- almost close to perfection. Then the third time she complained was that she was so hungry, that she felt like she had been cleaning since the day she was born, exaggerating that her knuckles would bleed. Levi just shook his head, inwardly smiling that despite her overreaction, the house looked neat and spotless.

"Levi, please, just let me eat something." He heard her say that word again, telling to himself that they are done with cleaning for today. Not that he would admit, but she did good passing his cleaning standards.

Without replying anything, he tossed her a small paper bag with two croissants in it. He was tempted to tease her again with the endless glutton cult, because when the hell did she become a pig? He bought that even though it is expensive, but anything for her because she loved that fancy French bread. 

Mikasa caught the paper bag with both of her hands fast, "Thank God for the croissant!" She exclaimed, pulling out her cleaning gloves as she shoveled bread into her mouth. Although Levi would see the scene unsanitary, she reminded her of him back when he was a hungry destitute in the past.

"Do I look like God to you?" Levi deadpanned.

She looked at him, then she rolled her eyes. Then looked at him again, and then offered him the other untouched croissant. He gave a sigh, reminding her of Isabel, the way she offered her good bread to him when they had nothing. So he leaned closer to her, then he patted and ruffled her hair. He used his words this time. "That's all for you."

She smiled with crumbs in her mouth, making Levi offer her his handkerchief.

"Finally!" He heard her shout again. This Mikasa he had been hanging around, was a little noisy compared to the Mikasa subordinate who he called a gloomy brat. But at least, she wasn't barking Eren for the million times, and that's a fucking huge advancement.

So he checked her, it was already eighteen hundred hours, and they have already finished unpacking their few belongings in the respective rooms. They were done for the day, yet they still didn't have dinner. He bet that in a few hours, this loyalist member of SGC (Sasha's Glutton Cult) would whine at him again to feed her. So last one time, he decided that they would just eat somewhere in the city of Chlorba.

That's to celebrate new beginnings.

"Take a bathe, and dress neatly." He told her, while setting his cleaning agents aside. He decided that he will use the bathroom after her, because he could take a bath in a matter of minutes.

"Huh?" She looked like she still doesn't get what Levi said. "I might develop spasms, I mean, I overworked and-"

"And who the hell told you shitty stuff like that?"

"Hange..."

Fucking shitty glasses, he thought. When the hell did people give a damn about physical illness? Back then in the military no one gave a damn if you lost your arm just like Erwin. He shook his head, almost looking like he was too exhausted, he could retire a night without dinner. But he still has a brat to feed, and starving her was a thing he hated.

"Mikasa. I'm taking you for dinner, okay? If you don't want to, then I could just cook sunny side-up" before he could even finish his sentence, Mikasa swiftly moved like a flash, heading towards the bathroom like she had forgotten what she had said with muscle spasms. "Eggs. This is all your doings, Hange and Sasha. Crazy fuckers."

He continued to arrange the kitchen, trying to observe if there was something out of order, until he noticed the big basket Mikasa brought. He sighed, trying to think if this girl had a secret hoarding issue, as he opened the basket revealing him something he never expected.

His hands involuntarily moved to pick the lacquer tea set like it used to, joyful memories of his two dead friends flashing in his vision. He gently settled the tea set at the drawer of his center island, while he silently thanked Mikasa for her small action.

They arrived in the city outskirts of Chlorba in half an hour of horse riding. It was also the same city as Trost, but with less noise. He has been here at least once or twice, but only for military duties, so he wasn't really that familiar with the streets or establishments. 

First goal is to find a diner. So he asked her. "What do you want to eat?"

"Anything." She replied, and it irked him. There was no food such as anything, let alone he didn't even hear foods that are named with 'anything'. So he replied sarcastically. "Alright, you want a tasteless porridge?"

She stopped, as she raised her brows, trying to get what Levi meant. But instead of getting a decent reply, she answered something that disgusted him to death. "Let's have bread full of molds, I want to taste what Connie ate."

 _Fucking snarky_ , he winced at her, as he looked around, hoping to find a good restaurant they could have dinner at. Then he found a classy looking restaurant, thinking that it was okay to spend a few wads of cash, smiling playfully that he still had a ton of cash. So he led her to the classy restaurant called: Speakeasy.

The interior was not like the bar they went to, but it also had the same yellow-dimmed light which illuminated the whole area. At every table decorated with white linens, he could see a personal hanging lamp, making the table bright. The waiter accompanied them to their table as he kindly asked for the menu. Since their dinner time is running a little too late, and he doesn't want to argue with her so he ordered: Potato and Corn Soup for appetizer, then Picasso's Broccoli Slaw and Ratatouille for their main dish. He told the waiter that he will just order their desserts a little later before finishing their meals.

The food was taking forever to arrive, so he told her that he was just going to the bathroom to wash his hands for the ten times that night. She tediously said yes, her eyes lingering all over the fancy restaurant.

He passed by the small calendar hanging at the walls of the bathroom, then he looked closer. February 10.

_Shit, wait. That brat's birthday is today?_

Of course how could he forget it? It was just one of the days where his whole squad would start a fire in the kitchen by burning off three cakes in a row. He was constantly bugged by Connie that he should help them, but he would just decline reasoning out the pile of paperwork he needed to be done. He would just sometimes give her something like a box of biscuits, or anything he found when shopping for his cleaning materials. Birthdays aren't special back then, almost everyday they have constantly lived in fear, forgetting and almost hating the day they are brought into this world. He wasn't like Eren, who constantly shouted that he was special just because he was born into this world.

For Levi, he was just an accident brought into this world, acknowledging his bastard of a father who impregnated his prostitute mother. 

Brushing aside his lonely thoughts, he stepped outside as he walked towards the front of the house, asking the host if they had something to offer for someone who's having a special day.

"Name sir?"

"Mikasa Ackerman."

"I mean your name sir?"

"Levi. If you have a strawberry shortcake, please do serve us. And two glasses of the very best Champagne." He settled, telling the host that it was his companion's birthday, that at least made something extra special because it was going to be her first time to celebrate it. 

_How could she forget her own birthday?_

#### 

MIKASA

Mikasa waited at the table for around fifteen minutes. She was afraid that Levi got swallowed in the bathroom, or the worst if he had suffered from diarrhea. There was no way he could pay for tonight, thinking that she only brought a few good bills in her wallet.

_Why does he have to eat fancy all the time?_

Setting aside her companion's painstaking classy attitude, she felt relaxed with the aura that the restaurant was giving her. Of course, she needs to really learn to eat her vegetables, seeing for herself that Levi ordered another meal without meat in it. She knew that Levi was really serious, taking vegetarian as his permanent lifestyle.

Then Levi finally arrived. So she asked: "Did you enjoy a long, sweet dump, Mr. Ackerman?"

He glared at her, absent mindedly dusting his coat as he replied hastily: "Funny."

Truth is, living with Levi and hearing him cuss and make poop jokes twenty-four seven is something you could really adapt. He was infesting her with his snark, crude remarks, and even with his dark humor shits, making her spat it out like she was used to. Before, she never used those words, always conserving words and speaking it with pride and delicateness. But not now. She could be totally mistaken to be Levi, only if she was short and has an undercut. 

Their meals arrived shortly after Levi arrived, making their whole table smelled fantastically. The aroma was killing her, making her drool like she hasn't eaten in ages. When the waiter was done settling their meals, she looked at Levi asking him for a head start. She finished that vegetable soup in like three minutes, not looking if Levi would comment on another SGC.

They finished both of their meals full and bounty, though it was vegetables, she can't deny it tasted so good that she wanted to try it sometimes at home.

_Home..._

The word sent a shiver to her spine, constantly musing to herself how many times she has said home to the wrong person? Mikasa was just simple, all she needed was a home and someone to love, someone to take care of. But the way she lost her family, her home, made her constantly hopeless and in vain. If it wasn't for Levi, that if he hadn't saved her from drowning from her sorry life, then she wouldn't have experienced another home.

For her, he was her new home. 

Levi gave him a shelter, even fed her, and even welcomed her to his life. That was so much more than enough, that she constantly told herself that she would repay him by following her life to him. She would clean on her hands and knees even though she's a grouch regarding that, she would take care of him even when he caught an infectious disease, and maybe love him when the world gets a little colder for the both of them. All these things she has thought, made her warm and a little less mournful. All thanks to the person in front of her, meticulously slicing his ratatouille while inspecting it at his standards. 

Then some waiter appeared at their table holding a cake and Champagne, vocally singing some words she had forgotten long ago. _Happy birthday, to you!_

She was shocked, mouth opened, and eyes widened at the direction of Levi's smirking face. How could she forget her own birthday? She nodded happily, saying thank you to the waiters who have wonderfully sang her happy birthday. She was really flabbergasted, even after the waiter served them a slice of strawberry shortcake, then poured Champagne into their tulip glasses. She watched how the bubbles developed into full, while smelling the scent of the drink she once called stars.

As usual, Levi never said anything. He was just there, carefully observing the way she held her tulip glass like she has always done it. She smiled at him, putting a slice of cake in her mouth, tasting it like it was the best thing that happened in her life. She whispered to herself: "It's so delicious..." 

"I know."

"You do?" She raised her brows at him, thinking if he was saying something between the lines. She knew it by now that when Levi used his words, there was always something in-between.

"I do." Levi took a sip of his Champagne, weirdly holding the tulip glass again like it was one of his teacups. She never really understands how and why he does this, being odd and rare. "I'm the one who ordered that. I hope you like it."

She nodded wordlessly, her face showing to him that she does not just like it, but she loved every bit of it that she might finish a bottle of Champagne tonight. She wondered, how did he remember her birthday? She smiled at it, thinking that Levi always has a soft spot in his heart but only to be masked with a heavy blanket.

She forgave him for letting her clean for hours as she said: "Thank you."

"Happy birthday, Mikasa."

They were walking with their horses downtown at twenty-one hundred hours, side by side. She was so full, finishing almost a glass of Strawberry Champagne that night, so Levi told her not to move around so she wouldn't have an indigestion. Even though it was her birthday, of course, Levi threatened her that he will make her eat her puke if ever she vomits. Normally, she would get annoyed or something, but she just smiled and told him okay.

She noticed that Levi stopped in front of a haberdasher and told her to wait. She said okay, as she guided the two horses at a bench near the shop. She was always used to this, Levi having so many errands and shits she sometimes doesn't ask. She just thinks that Levi's OCD is that kind of worst, that he needs to recheck bills three times when he hands it to the cashier.

"What did you buy this time?"

"Nothing." Was all he said as he mounted two paper bags on the satchel dangling at Midnight. She wanted to ask him more, but knowing Levi, he sometimes preferred secrecy of his own and would actually be grateful if she would hold her tongue. So they strode more, engulfed in the silencing tranquility of the altruistic city.

They were so close, yet not speaking, as she accidentally brushed her hand to his hand. He was so warm, and the warm was actually alluring her in this breezy kind of cold weather. She glanced at him, trying to scrutinize if he had reacted or what, but no, he was still wearing that impassive face.

She holds her breath, her other hand gripping tightly on the horse's rein. Skeptical if she would give in on her humanly desires, or she would just ignore it the way she ignored a lot of emotions in her past. But that's not the thing she wanted to ask herself, but she wanted to ask what was stopping her anyway?

It was obvious that she liked him, yet she still didn't really understand the way she was feeling because she was very new to this and there was nothing really stopping her this time. So she gave a deep breath, as she raised her head to see the crescent moon and gave in to her desires.

She let her hand do what she wanted as she reached for his warm hand. She grabbed it the way her actions expressed that she was desiring for a physical connection, something good, maybe something bad too. But didn't she touch him a lot of times? Those little gestures of hand offering? Her hand was already resting in his hand; in loose grip style, trying to check if Levi would reject it or squeeze her hand.

But Levi didn't do anything. He just let her hand rest at his hand, and that was okay for her. She tried to move her fingers, brushing it to his long perfect fingers, treating it cautious with a little subtlety. She let it that way even though they don't speak. They're not good at words anyway.

When it was time for their hands to part, time to gallop out of the suburb back to their peaceful home, she noticed the way he looked at her.

First, he looked at their intertwined hands before taking the first move to part it out. He didn't say anything, he just looked at it like it was the most precious thing he had held, and that scared Mikasa.

Treating her like a precious thing, that she was that fragile, and she knew the look he was giving; it was the look of someone afraid to drop a valuable possession, afraid to death that it will shatter apart.

She can't breathe at that moment, reciprocating the look she was given, but this time with a hint of paradox. She doesn't want it that way, she doesn't want to be treated like porcelain, only to be shown if there's an occasional worth. She wanted to be like the cravat he wore, everyday dangling in his neck like some part of him, yet he treated it with passion and care. She shook her head, stopping the thoughts that clouded her mind. It was her birthday right? 

"Mikasa." She heard him call her, his face with a hint of genuine concern, almost singing to her lullabies she listened when she was young.

Levi looked at her one more time, but this time, his face more relaxed as he uttered it in some kind of reverie.

"Let's go home."

#### 

LEVI

Levi woke up the next day sleeping on his arm chair. He actually had a four hours sleep, making it the longest sleep he had in awhile. He stretched his arms upward, letting his vertebra clanked. 

He hasn't forgotten the things he bought yesterday as he quietly made way downstairs, pulling a pen from Hange's dirty leather briefcase. When he reached his center island, he struggling wrote with his left hand, ignoring hardly his bad penmanship.

_**For shitty brats like you.** _

_**-L** _

It was hard for him to decline the messy penmanship his left hand has to offer. Of course, he was Levi. Levi the neat freak, Levi the particular painstaking king of Paradis. His handwritings are so good, one could even mistakenly think it was from a local newspaper font. But it was killing him, illegibly writing notes because he can't face the cowardice to tell something special to Mikasa. He placed the mysterious paper bag beside his note as he headed outside to be familiar with the place he now resides.

It was actually cold today, he regretted that he didn't bring the muffler Hange gave him. He was walking all over the place, observing how the land was so fertile that he could actually plant different kinds of tea leaves. 

He smiled at that idea.

Ever since, Levi always wanted a peaceful life. A life where he would spend his days roaming and brewing in his little tea shop, a life where he won't be fighting anymore.

But true to the gods, if it would be seen in another man's perspective, a life where Levi was living right now would be the perfect scenario for his dream. A peaceful life where he has a nice house, a huge lawn perfect to grow herbs, a world that mends with peace, and a world where he could be normal.

He sighed, picking up the stray rock while tossing it as far as he could. His thought lingered back again at the intimate holding hands he shared with Mikasa Ackerman last night. Levi was not getting any good at this, straying his feelings much further than he imagined. He just fucking told himself how he did not want to fall in love, about how he didn't want to try it because he was not the perfect person for her that he might just hurt her or what...

But there he was. Holding her hand like a lovesick teenager who treated their relationship like it was _you-and-me-against-the-world_. _I'm the fucking worst asshole ever_ , he inwardly said, squeezing his shivering hands into his pockets. It was so fucking true that right now he could be able to live a peaceful life, but fighting seemed to be a part of his body, as he was still fighting, but fighting a civil war between his emotions and drives.

He wondered when the hell could this fucking shit stops. It's driving everyone insane.

Levi didn't notice that he had walked away from his house. He was consumed by the vast meadows, looking all peaceful with a lot of flowers and herbs. The sun was not shining, being covered with a smog of angry clouds which can only be seen in snow.

 _Fucking weather_ , he said as he thought he was the only one who can't understand his shitty feelings. He was really shivering, the type of cold which can be experienced in a wide place like this. Back in the underground, the area was always crowded with people shrinking like a can of sardines, making the air he breathed always dirty and inadequate. While in the city, back in the suburbs, the cold breeze didn't seem to bother him like this cold because of the countless residents with their stone-made houses.

Still, as stubborn as he is, he continued walking and walking and walking. He loves it here, he loves how the tranquil silence was heavenly consuming his anxiety. Even if he doesn't understand his feelings right now, now is the time he wishes for it to go away.

The pretty flowers, he could name it as: Narcissus and Poppies, simply reminded Levi of her. Since the day she barged into his room, she had her own renewal. He could see that, he could perfectly see that and that made him so envious of her. Because how the hell can she adapt to her own feelings that fast?

Ignoring his recent musings, he started to pick the flowers. Picking out the most splendid he could observe while carefully plucking out the Narcissus from their roots. He doesn't know what kind of flowers she would want, but he knew that she loved it, the way he could see her back at the garden of the castle. He wasn't a botanist, but he knew how the Narcissus flowers would fit in every detail for her, not that she was narcissistic, but for the reason that she was forced to bloom for the beauty of nature even when everything was dormant and dead.

"Lost in the ocean of your thoughts?"

He heard that line again. Of course, it's got to be her again. His brows were creasing low, as he stopped plucking flowers, momentarily thinking of what to reply. Would he lie? Would he pretend he was okay? He could tell himself he was becoming a fucking moody bitch just because he can't sort out some of his emotions, and yet there she was again, stepping into his peaceful morning uninvited the way she uninvitedly come into his life.

He stood up from his position, but not yet turning around to look at her. "Yes."

"Oh."

He gave a deep breath, ignoring his shivering body due to the cool breeze as he listened to her weariness. Levi wanted her to ask him what, or why, or force him to spat it out even though he doesn't like that idea. He was so unpredictable at this moment, he even fucking forgot the way he felt back at that Jazz night all because he was scared to face his feelings.

"Then tell me what it is." At last, he heard her speak again, as he turned to look at her. She was already wearing the gift Levi gave her, and the dark-green scarf looked almost perfectly beautiful clinging into her neck. He just looked at her like that, his eyes only glancing at her glassy eyes and it somehow made him calm.

He broke the gaze by placing his shivering hands at her dark-green scarf, gently hoisting the scarf up to cover her mouth; to prevent her from speaking words that would make him lose himself again. He could see her appalled in a way that made him worry, but nonetheless he needs to ignore it.

When he was done with her scarf, he tugged the small splendid flower in her auricle, gently and almost kind while saying the words that would betray him sooner or later.

"You are important, Mikasa." _You are important to me._ He didn't say the last sentence as he walked past through her, squinting his eyes like nothing happened.

Levi pretended he didn't hear the constant shouting of his name.

#### 

MIKASA

She was sulking in her room while hearing the dripping of the rain. Her eyes, restlessly lingered in the newly painted walls of her room, making her much tired than before. It was just five hundred hours, but she was already wide awake, her thoughts musing rapidly in her mind while tossing and turning on her huge bed.

_Why?_

A few weeks have already passed, making the things she has purchased before delivered into Levi's house. She made herself busy the past few weeks, decorating her new room, cleaning on her hands and knees even without the supervision of her housemate, learning how to make a stable for the horses, improving her cooking skills by reading the book she bought, and using the embroidery set Levi gave her along with the scarf.

All those things she did just to keep herself busy, to ignore whatever the hell that was bugging her these past few weeks. She sighed, as she reached for the scarf that was neatly folded in her side table. She wondered what wrong she did this time? For Levi to act that way?

For the past few weeks, Levi appeared to be distant. Mikasa noticed that right after she had called him a thousand times, yet he never replied, or even looked at her. At first, she thought that Levi was just having his mood swings, his usual Levi syndrome. She let it pass, not forcing herself to ask what's wrong because he appeared isolated.

But days came by, and Mikasa felt that he was still distant, he was still having himself far away in a world where she can't reach him. She watches him every time she does something clumsy, trying to get his attention. But no, Levi would just look at her impassively, then proceed on whatever the hell he was doing.

At meal times, Levi rarely eats with her together. She was quietly observing how he didn't actually eat, retiring a day with just one meal or just one cup of tea in his stomach. She was worried that he may develop an ulcer, or he may faint somewhere when she's not around. When he rarely eats together with her, he would just finish the meal she prepared and comment with his eyes hanging low: "Not bad."

She didn't understand why he was acting like that. Is she not cleaning enough? Is she cooking meals that might poison him, that's why he refused to eat? Or was he tired of living with her?

The last question made her shiver. She wrapped the dark-green scarf Levi gave her, while nuzzling it gently to her face. She didn't even have the chance to express her gratitude about the gift, but she constantly told herself that it was Levi's fault because he was acting like a little bitch.

It was now raining hard as she decided to move around the house. She closed the door of her room, as she made her way downstairs. The house was still empty- still looking empty for her not because it was inadequate of furniture and appliances, but she felt like she was the only one living here.

While her other companion, acting dead in his room.

Now that she thought about it, she never saw Levi's room. She made herself so busy with a lot of things, she even forgot to inspect every corner of the house. She ran a hand to her hair, touching the ends of it, thinking that she needed a haircut sooner. 

_Same goes with that damn shorty. His hair is uncomfortably long._

She sighed, ignoring how Levi pestered her mind every day. She made her way to the kitchen, contemplating if she should brew coffee for herself, or should she brew tea for the both of them? She pulled an island chair, as she sat, while getting the tea canister at the center drawer. _He won,_ she thought.

When the kettle was screaming, she turned it off. Preparing the peppermint and acai berry leaves, she decided to take a look upstairs if Levi was sleeping or not. At least she should know if she would be taking her tea alone this rainy morning.

Levi's door was ajar. For her, it was the first time she had seen it like this. The door leading her apathetic housemate was always closed, always shut from the world she was living.

At first, she was hesitant to come in. Knocking was not really an option, she knew that Levi would just give her snide remarks about being courteous when she was being nosy inside. So instead, she peeked from the ajar door, trying to locate where the hell was that grumpy cat.

She still couldn't see him, so she opened the door very quiet, not making a sound as she went inside. The rain was still pouring, but not that hard, making the room a little dim only to be supported by an ignored torchiere floor lamp.

_He must have left that not too long ago._

She observed the room, an almost empty room which only consisted of a chest, a floor lamp, a chiffonier, and an armchair. She can't believe that Levi was actually sleeping in his armchair. So she strode towards him, calmly like the grace of a cat.

All thanks to the floor lamp, she could see his features clearly despite the gloomy weather. And there he was, slouching in his armrest, eyes closed with the tip of his hair reaching his cheeks.

She looked at him closely, observing how the book he was holding covered his frowning lips below his pointed celestial nose. His brows aren't furrowed, but it looked more relaxed than ever. She observed his closed hooded eyes, how peaceful it was when he was resting.

Mikasa suddenly remembered the memories where Sasha was bugging her about the captain, about how handsome he looked, about how his youthful face was always in the mouth of the new recruits. She felt like a fool when she ignored those things before, but now that his face was in front of him, she couldn't deny that he really had a pretty face despite the threading scars. She looked more closely, observing how his hair began to grow a little longer where his undercut ain't an undercut anymore. 

She could feel her heart beating rapidly, beating a pace like a mouse's heartbeat, and she couldn't decipher if she was feeling nervous just because she was afraid to get caught or... if she was feeling it because she felt too intimately close to him.

Her eyes suddenly felt low, suddenly feeling sad remembering why Levi distanced himself with her. She stood there for another minute, carefully memorizing his peaceful face, trying to emboss his pretty face at the back of her mind. When she decided that it was enough, that her lonely cup of tea was waiting downstairs, she spun her heels away from him.

Secretly hoping that he would notice her, that he would tell her to stay.

But when she was about to close his door, she heard him cough. At first, she told herself to wait for another cough before closing his door completely. But when she heard him cough rasping the second time, she went back uninvited. She never heard him cough, and that thing was alarming her as she quietly strode back to Levi.

How the hell didn't she notice that Levi actually had his pointed nose all red? She was too busy treating his face like some hot gent at a magazine, that she thought that his face was just reddish because of the floor lamp.

So she pulled the book that covered his mouth which revealed a very chapped lips. She could see his mouth agape, trying to breath there instead of his nose. Shit, she mumbled, as she held a hand to check if he was breathing okay.

To her surprise, Levi was breathing hot and heavily. She soon placed her other hand at his forehead, swaying his curtained bangs to the side, as she felt the hot temperature scorching at the back of her hand.

Levi soon opened his eyes; his weary, glassy looking eyes that looked like he was staring right into her soul. She could say that she was waiting for him to devour her, by trespassing into his room, and by touching him. But still, she moved her hands to his cheeks, trying to warm him with her gentle hands.

"Levi," She mumbled quietly. "You have a fever..."

"I know." Was all he said, his voice so raspy, not breaking the gaze with her. She wondered, _if he already knew that there was already a frog stuck up in his throat, then why the hell didn't he tell me?_ She was growing irritated with him, with his _trying-to-be-tough-shits_ and by that, this was all he got. She held her patience as she replied.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Stupid..." He paused, covering his mouth, as he blew another cough. "You're gonna catch it, dumb brat."

She wiped with the back of her hands the beading sweat of his forehead. She knew that she was waiting to get scold, because this was way too fucking unsanitary for the neat freak. She needs to do something and making a snarky comeback was least of her concerns. So she told Levi to just _fucking wait_ , that she would get a clean hand towel and a basin with hot water. 

Mikasa went back with a clean towel, a basin with hot water, and an aspironal she got from the first aid kit. It was still raining, so she couldn't gallop to the city to find a suitable medicine that would kill the brave virus who dared to enter Levi's immune system.

Levi was still there, slouching like a pale kid, not arguing if he wants to get cured or what. She asked him when he started to feel this way, and he replied that he was feeling funny, two or three weeks ago. He said he can't really remember, he just really lost the appetite to eat.

"I can't believe you. You just scattered viruses all over the house!" She exclaimed, dipping the towel in the basin. "Now I need to disinfect and sanitize the house on my hands and knees all alone!" She squeezed the now warm towel, then she gently wiped it on his pretty face.

Levi's face remained impassive, not giving a hint of whatever he was thinking. She ignored that, as she continued wiping his face thoroughly, so he could feel a bit of remedy. "Jesus, Levi. Just look how hot you are!"

"Thanks." She noticed the way his smirk quickly disappeared as he closed his eyes. Mikasa didn't understand why he said thanks, but it was obvious because she just called him hot.

Sighing, she continued to wipe his face gently, then next was his neck. She carefully dampens the towel into his neck, trying to cup if Levi has a bulging lymph node in his neck. To her relief, there was none, so she just continued what she was doing, not breaking gaze with Levi's closed eyes.

Mikasa noticed that Levi hasn't changed the button-down shirt he was wearing since last night. She was shy, almost hesitant to ask him if she could do anything, worried that the cloth he was wearing was soaked with his own sweat. She never thought that asking a man to undress his top was harder than slaying titans who quadruple her size.

She first chewed inwardly her cheek, then gave a deep breath. "Uhm, Levi," She paused as her hands grabbed the collar of his shirt, almost fidgeting it nervously. "I'm going to undress your top, if it's okay..."

"Yeah." He replied lowly, his eyes still closed, almost looking like he was soon to kick the bucket. She has never seen Levi sick (she has no time to process his sickness back at the war), making her begrudgingly want to scold him for his recklessness. So she unbuttoned his shirt carefully, not really touching his skin. 

When she finished it, she ordered Levi to arched his back a little, as she removed the shirt from his shoulders, then completely yanked the shirt off his body. His shirt was a little soaked, but it didn't surprise her when she smelled the scent of fresh clean sweat, peppermint, and sandalwood clinging perfectly on his day old shirt. She folded it neatly as she placed it beside the book. 

Mikasa would admit that she actually liked the smell of him.

She took back the basin, as she dipped the towel back again, then squeezed before she wiped it to his body. She ignored the building zoo at her stomach, as she carefully wiped the towel on his pectoral muscle, then to his obliques, then to his perfectly shaped abs. It was true, Levi just doesn't have a pretty face, but he also has a pretty body, making him look like a fine-looking doll.

Mikasa felt him winced as she dampened the soaked towel all over his torso. Of course, she was feeling nervous, funny, weird, and all other things she can't even describe just by seeing Levi like that; half-naked and weak in front of her. It's like asking a lion to devour a cute sleeping sheep in front of it. So she needs to cut whatever the hell she was thinking, as she stopped wiping off his body.

She pulled a drawer from the chiffonier, then she picked comfortable long-sleeves for Levi to wear. She brought it to him, then dressed him comfortably before offering a spoon of aspironal. "Just swallow it, okay?"

He nodded, his eyes still closed like it was glued for a long time, as he opened his mouth to drink whatever that bitter liquid was. After they were done with everything, Mikasa ordered him to rest well.

"Let's go." She said, circling his finger onto his shoulder caps.

"Where to?"

"You need to rest well. You can't rest at your stupid armchair, so do as what I say." She said, observing how he sluggishly lifted his eyelids to see her. "I'm taking you to bed, Levi."

She knew she won the way he restlessly moved his body to get up. _Am I still sure this is Levi?_ She thought, secretly praising that a fever can tame the ambivalence of Levi _fucking_ Ackerman. She guided him to her room, fixing her bed to make Levi comfortable. She knew her room was not in his standards, but that's not her fault anymore. He didn't bought himself a stupid bed.

She tucked him with her quilt blanket, observing the rise and fall of his chest. How she actually missed him even though they were together, how she missed their conversations so bad, and even the irksome sarcastic remarks of that damn runt. She just stood there at the corner, skeptical to do anything that would disappoint him, afraid that Levi would send her away and far from him again.

"Mikasa." He calls her. "Will you please get the book I'm reading?"

She obliged quickly, it's not common for Levi to say something like please too gently, she even mistaken that she was hallucinating. She went back to his room, then she picked the book Levi was reading.

Of course, she was curious what kind of book Levi reads. The book was so old that the title can't even be recognized. So she flipped a few pages, trying to scan a lot of ancient vocabularies she didn't even understand, until one page immediately caught her eyes.

It was underlined in smudged ink, almost looking like the person who underlined it has an enigmatic distressing problem about that one thing called: love. She paused, taking a minute to read it, to decipher the words between the lines.

_**“In a word, it was impossible for me to separate her, in the past or in the present, from the innermost life of my life.”** _

_**“Once for all; I knew to my sorrow, often and often, if not always, that I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be.”** _

_Why are you so hard to understand, Levi?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crescent Moon - symbolizes time and admiration the way it represents instincts and just being passive. I just think it would be a better comparison for the both of Ackerman, as they mirror each other the same way they differ from one another.
> 
> If ever you are wondering what book Levi reads: Great Expectation - Charles Dickens  
> If you want to listen to something that could relate this chapter, please try: I Am A Fool To Want You - Chet Baker. The lyrics speak the chapter itself.
> 
> -
> 
> Hello once again, thank you so much for the uplifting comments, supports, kudos, bookmarks, and reblogs! I'm really in awe, I mean you guys are fucking awesome! As I've told, I will try to stay true with Levi's complex character while working out how can he bring himself to love someone without conflict. For Mikasa, she's a great character, and knowing that she canonically trusted Levi, it won't be hard for her to determine what she's really feeling.  
> I hope you do enjoy this chapter, I know this was a rollercoaster, and let's see the upcoming chapters what would change between them. Please leave a comment what you think, and thank you! (:


	6. All Too Well

#### 

LEVI

Levi actually forgot the feeling of being sick. Setting aside the injuries he had obtained during the war, Levi didn't really have time before to notice and coddle up a blanket just because he was feeling sick and he was running a fever.

But shit like this is funnily new to him. The last time he caught a cold was when Kenny found him down that hell hole. He doesn't even remember the symptoms, so that's why when he caught a common cold, all he could describe was that he was feeling funny. That there's a fucking frog up in his throat, making him lose the appetite to eat. His nose also feels funny, making a sticky liquid drip from it.

Which he found really disgusting, that he even wanted to remove his nose. His good eye was also a little hazy, making it harder for him to recognize the unfamiliar room he was staying in. Which may be a bad thing because he can't really recall the things that happened to him before he fell into a deep sleep.

So when Levi opened his eyes, the room was only illuminated by a small yellow light, making it harder for him to recognize what time it was. He can't decipher if he was actually awake, or maybe dreaming? He didn't know as he spat out the words that surprised even him.

"Mother?"

Levi was seeing someone he thought was his mother. She looks just the same, wearing that white ridged blouse, with her bangs swept into the side of her face. Her eyes were closed as she was sitting down on a stool in front of him. That scene just looked familiar in the small memories of his past, so when he reached his hands to touch her, he was actually stunned.

"Sorry." He said, pulling back his hand as he seemed to disturb the slumber of his now-awake companion. "I just thought... You are her."

Mikasa pushed him back to bed, as she held her hand onto his forehead, checking if he was still burning or what. She looked at him with her eyes so gentle, but with a hint of a little loneliness. "It's okay. I'll pretend I don't hear."

He looked around one more time, observing her newly painted room, but in actuality he was just avoiding to look at her. What Mikasa said was correct, and he won't deny it that she will just pretend that she didn't hear it, almost afraid to know things that would make him want to avoid her. Levi gave a deep breath, his breath was actually hot the way he could feel it burn his throat, the way he could feel him burn her indirectly.

"You," he paused, trying to rest his back a little. "My mother resembles you a little... If only you got smaller eyes." He now looked at her, studying her expressions, how it turned from sad to curious, from curious to astounded, from astounded to 'I want to hear more'.

So he nodded, giving her the signal that it was okay to talk about his mother, or her parents, or whoever dead people she wants to bring up.

"Is your mother pretty?"

"I guess... I can't really remember most of her features." He tugged at the quilt blanket that was covering him, observing how the quilt blanket had so many stitches from repair. Wondering why she needed to bring the tumbledown quilt when she could buy a new one. He lets his hand rest in his lap as he continues. "Black hair, small eyes, gray eyes, pointed nose, ugh... Maybe like Kenny but the female version."

He could see the way she shifted her seat, almost looking like he was telling her a fairy fucking tale. "So I looked like Kenny too?"

_For fuck's sake_ , he thought as he shook his head, letting her analyze that the way she just said it was either too funny or too shitty.

"Kenny is ugly. You're not."

"Oh." Was all she said as she reached for the basin with warm water. Levi noticed how she carefully dipped the towel, squeezing it thoroughly before putting it at his forehead. He wondered how long he was down, enough for her to care for him that way? Levi isn't used to things like this, he grew up where nobody was taking care of him, making this feeling akin to foreign.

"My mother died when I was four—uhm, no actually. I can't even remember when she died." He paused, letting her continue to wipe the warm towel on his face. Mikasa looked hyped, the way her hands trembled a little, almost shocked that Levi was actually telling things like this to her. So he continued. "I'm not as strong as before. I was about to be a worm fodder not until Kenny found his dead rotting sister with her malnourished son at the base of that stupid bunk."

"My parents... Died in front of me, while... Trying to protect me..." Levi could notice the stuttering sound that Mikasa produced, he clearly could realize that Mikasa was indirectly showing him her comfort through the similarities of gruesome events they were both involved in. 

"I know." He reached his forehead to wipe the excess water. "My mother died in front of me too. She died because we are fucking poor."

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be." He paused, locking his eyes at her. "Food was scarce before, sometimes we eat, sometimes we don't. We don't even have sunlight, people at the underground would most likely die before seeing the sun." He gave a deep breath, breaking his gaze away from Mikasa's teary eyes. "Can't you believe I actually eat frogs and moldy bread?"

There was silence in the air. His peripheral vision could sense that Mikasa was slowly bobbing her head down and her thorough squeezing with the towel appeared to stop. The room was quiet, almost looking like it was empty, that nobody actually lived their lives here, but only to exist and seek room for shelter.

Mikasa broke the silence by standing up to retrieve something from her oak dresser. "I never knew anything about you..."

"Because I never told anyone. You're the first person to learn my life." Levi replied, his eyes still staring at the ceiling. He attentively listened to the footsteps, the start of the dripping rain, and to the rustling crunch of paper bags. Then her voice- that voice he knew he can't ignore. "You're always important Mikasa."

Levi noticed the way Mikasa stopped. He can't see her face, but nonetheless he can't think of anything to tell her, he can't even express his gratitude that he was sleeping on her goddamn bunk. Let alone apologizing for his damn behavior he has shown her the past few weeks.

"Did I do anything wrong?"

He knew that question was already coming, but still he hadn't prepared any of an answer to express his thoughts. Be it yes or no. He just can't answer her because she didn't do anything wrong, he just can't understand himself and he didn't want her to understand either.

So he just looked at her instead, his good eye pleading, almost looking like he was the one waiting for an answer. Mikasa continued to strode towards him, with two saucers on her hands, placing it on her side table neatly. She pulled the drawer, revealing it with the knife he gave her, then she quickly picked the apple to peel it.

"You don't need to, Mikasa."

She cuts him off quickly. "I insist, Levi." Then she placed the sliced apple on his hand. "Eat, Levi." He noticed how she looked at him fiercely in her eyes as she continued peeling an orange without breaking gaze with him. "You've been down for a day."

"I am?"

A moment. "Yes." This time, his hand suddenly felt warm. "And I'm scared, I don't know what to do with you." He noticed the way Mikasa caressed his hand was gentle, almost heavenly, but there was a strong force almost telling him not to let go.

So he just let it stay that way, afraid to reciprocate things, just like the night of her birthday. He wanted to hold her hands so badly, wanted her to lay beside him, but all those things would suddenly disappear whenever he would think that if he would love her, she would turn into stars.

"Have you ever been in love?" He asked suddenly out of the blue, not giving her enough warnings, not giving her enough time. 

"Huh"

He cuts her off by telling: "Nevermind." He was afraid that she would answer yes, that she would support her answer by telling him that she has been in love with Eren, or might be, that she finally came to a point she realized she loved him too. That scared him to death, much more than Petra's love confession he didn't reciprocate back from those years.

For Levi, confessions like Petra were easier, because he knew he didn't love her from the start. But for Mikasa, it was different. It was harder, much complicated, because he knew there was something burning like autumn flames in the deep of his heart.

Setting aside his feelings, he ate the apple she sliced, then he asked her for the oranges, but never looking straight into her eyes. It was true, the war changed them. The end of the war changed them too, and now he lets his own cowardice consume him. He reached for the glass of water beside Mikasa's bed, slowly drinking it, waiting if she had something else to say.

Another moment. Then another moment. But no one was speaking, and they both knew it was for the best even if not speaking means complicating things that were meant to be solved.

_"We're not good at words anyway."_

He remembered his own line. His own words were conflicting with him, almost poisoning him in every angle, almost intoxicating his lungs the way he coughed blood. He sometimes regretted that he told her that, but the ugly truth was there was nothing he could do. So he watched how she moved the saucers, refilling his glass with clean water, and leaving him a few medicines he has never seen.

Perhaps he could assume that Mikasa was straight with her words, that when she told him that she doesn't know what to do the moment he was down, she galloped down the suburbs, just to buy him medicine even if it was raining hard. 

But Levi didn't know that.

So when Mikasa was done with the things, and they both knew it was still dark, that Levi still needed to rest, he noticed the way she looked at him. Her eyes were looking directly at him, almost piercing it in the way that was painful and pleasurable. Her gray eyes, illuminated by the dimmed goose-neck lamp, a flicker burning inside, almost telling him that she was already lonely, and it would be a little lonelier if he would continue to shove her away.

A moment. He watched her bring her lips to move, telling him with sandpaper on her throat: "I should go," She reached the doorknob slowly, circling it to open, and when the door creaked open, she continued. "I'll be staying downstairs, so rest well... Levi."

His name sounded unwell like the way her footsteps sounded so loud, almost a force telling him to make it stop. What to stop? The sound she was making? The creaking floorboard? Or her?

"Mikasa." He called her again the way he asked her for the book he totally had forgotten. Can he really prove Charles Dicken to be right? That she will always be a part of him no matter what, no matter when? He needs to know. So he continued, making Mikasa stop for the night or the early morning or whatever fucking time it was. He continued, aware that she would turn into stars, and maybe if he would keep her close, he could turn into stars too.

It was not a command, but more of a request, a supplication indeed. "Stay with me."

#### 

MIKASA

_A gust of steam engulfed her. Before, she let her anchors hooked at walls, buildings, and the nape of the stinking titans. But things appeared to change when she let her anchors hooked at the big bony skeleton, and worst, at the neck of her own people._

_The continuous explosions of thunder spears, the continuous thickness of schwing made by the blades, and the continuous screaming of her squamates. A nightmare, it was, but that nightmare did happen for them. She could see beneath her were thousands of colossal titans, rumbling, almost killing them off. But she needs to fight, she needs to still believe that there was another world with the childish happy version of Eren._

_So she fought heavily, emptying her thunder spears, drawing her blades continuously, eliminating all threats of titans. She still believes, still believes that-_

_"CAPTAIN!" She called him, no, she shouted at him because he was Humanity's Strongest Soldier and there he was, beaten, coughing blood tremendously. Her beading sweats circled on her forehead, then to her nape, then to her spine. She never felt anxiety like this, so she tried to kill many more while telling herself that he is an Ackerman, that Levi would never die. Don't you die on me, Captain, please..._

_But things went fast when Levi tried to save Connie, how he risked his life offering his good leg to that bastard of a titan snake or whatever, and when she drew her blade to kill it... Levi was free-falling, looking like a bird who had been shot._

Mikasa was panting even before she opened her eyes. It was already morning, a small ray beaming from her little window. Still catching her breath, and slowing down her beating heart, she hastily looked around.

"Levi...?"

A second. She completely calmed herself before calling out again. She just woke up from a nightmare from the past. She didn't want to startle Levi, who was sleeping on the other side of her bed. So she held her hand first, as she soothed the trembling, before reaching out to him.

But when she was about to touch him, his hand caught her hand. His hand was still hot, almost looking like the fever had a plan to reside on his body. She held his hand gently, moving her body a little closer to him. "You're alive..."

He simply nodded, his eyes still closed, his cheeks flushed red. So she held a hand to his forehead, checking if he was okay, but only to find out he was burning hot. Mikasa quickly got off on her heels, running downstairs to boil a kettle with hot water.

When she was done with the hot water, she filled the basin quickly, adding eucalyptus oil she once read in Dr. Yeager's book. She fetched a clean face towel, before moving upstairs hastily. She glanced at the old grandfather clock, letting her know that it was nine hundred hours.

_How long have I been sleeping?_

When she barged into the room, she found Levi in a curled position. Her eyes hang low, observing how Levi was so sick, like the one she saw in her dream this morning. She strolled towards the side of her bed where Levi was laying, but only to find out that Levi wasn't covered in the quilt blanket... Instead she was the one who woke up covered in a blanket. Her realization was somehow stuck in her throat, couldn't decipher if she would be in awe, or she would be annoyed with him because even when he was so cold, he chose to cover her with the blanket.

She dipped the towel again like for the thousand times, squeezing thoroughly before wiping it off his forehead. She moved Levi, placing his back against the bed, covering him again with the quilt blanket. She observed his eyes were still closed, the way she felt his heart was.

"Why did you do that?"

"You..." He paused, reaching for her hands, gripping it tightly like he was looking for something warm. "Were shivering this morning,"

"We could have shared Levi," She squeezed back his cold calloused hand, unlike the way he didn't squeeze her hand whenever she would hold his. "You know that."

"Disrespecting you is not in my choice." Levi replied without missing a beat, his hands slowly breaking away from her, almost looking like he had only been carried away by the burning of his fever. She looked at him, his eyes still close, but his brows were furrowed, his lips were curling down.

"You're not disrespecting me." She replied, her hand grabbing his hands tightly, almost never letting it go. She used her other hand to retrieve the towel, as she wiped his forehead again, wiping it with a stronger force, almost telling him that it was not a sin to hold somebody's hand. When she was done, she checked his neck, throwing her modesty aside as she put her hand inside his shirt. "I need you to take your clothes off, you're awfully soaking with your sweat."

Levi obliged, but before he could even pull his shirt, Mikasa was already doing it, nursing him like a mother hen, hitting her with the past memories Levi had shared last night. She suddenly felt awfully sad, asking herself if Levi had always been alone, that she wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to be cared at all. So she removed his shirt as she wiped his body with the warm towel, rubbing eucalyptus oil at every spot which could help him soothe the cold. 

She got up as she walked towards their bathroom, filling the bathtub with hot water. She doesn't have the time to argue with him, setting her mind that he needs to take a bath because honestly, Levi's OCD was infecting her.

"Can you get up?" She asked him, offering her hand while informing him that she prepared a hot bath for him. He just nodded, his face was so pale, his lips so chapped he can't even say a single 'brat' or 'shit'. She leads him the way he leads her back to her room when she asks him to stay, slowly, but never breaking gaze.

When they reached the bathroom, the steam already covered the whole area. Mikasa bit her lower lip, trembling, hesitant to ask if she should stay or what. She told herself inwardly: _I'm used to seeing Armin and Eren taking a bath when they were kids..._

But Levi was not a child. But she asked him nonetheless: "Should I remove your pants?"

A moment. "No."

"Oh." She paused, averting her eyes, making the situation more awkward. But can she blame the both of them? Back in the war, there was none like this. Even if they were caught stripped in the middle of the battle, no one would give a single damn about it. Might as well quote something like ignorance is bliss. So she gulped an imaginary air before continuing. "I'll just, uhm, turn around, I guess."

"Mikasa." She heard him take a deep breath, her name suddenly felt like grass in her teeth. "If you're concerned about me, then thanks, I guess." He turned around, his face still pale, yet his torso was sweating so bad. "But I'm not gonna drown my ass here, not unless you really want to see me take a bath."

She felt her cheeks burned red, flushing violently, rewinding the things she had actually told him, asking herself how her stupidity heads out at a time like this. Mikasa nodded awkwardly, observing how his face remained calm, how his face looked like he was a philanderer, that he has said this to a lot of women before.

So she spun her heels, slowly making her way out, but her tongue suddenly betrayed her. "You've showered with women before?"

"Stupid." He replied without missing a beat, cocky yet placid. She could hear him unbuckle his belt, making her cheeks sting a little, wondering if Levi felt the same too. She heard him one more time before truly making an exit: "Get out before I kick your ass."

A soup of chicken broth was all she knew to prepare whenever someone in her household was sick. It was almost a tradition, from her parent's house to the Yeager's house, then from the 104th to the Levi squad. It's always like that, a bowl of chicken broth paired with a tasteless loaf, and if they're lucky enough they'll get to have cheese.

But things were different now, as all of the people she used to live with, have either vanished away, or drifted through different paths in their lives. Levi Ackerman was the only one left with her, and almost impeccably unsafe to say that she was sharing a household with him.

So her fingers stick while flipping the pages of a recipe book she bought on sale, running through the pages, hoping to find a good recipe of a simple vegetable broth. She remembered her mother, then Carla, who always told her that she must learn how to cook good meals if she wants to see her husband smile after a long tiring day.

But truth be told, Levi Ackerman was not her husband, and it just happened that they shared the same surname and the same burdens. Levi did not have a long tiring day, but he was unusually sick. And most of all, Levi Ackerman just looks like the person who has completely forgotten how to smile so free.

She shrugged as she prepared the ingredients, multitasking other things like boiling hard-boiled eggs and boiling hot water for tea.

When she was done, she gathered her hard work on a food tray, then carefully moved upstairs, and then placed the tray at a table inside her room. Levi wasn't there yet, and it was almost eleven hundred hours, and not a single particle of Levi fucking Ackerman was getting on her skin hair.

Afraid to see him naked, the way they awkwardly had their shenanigans a while ago, she went first to his room to fetch a pair of clean clothes. She totally forgot to bring him clothes a while ago, thinking that may be the reason why he actually decided to retire in the bathroom.

_Long sleeves, comfortable trousers, and uhm... boxers?_

Her cheeks flushed as she hastily picked out his black undergarment, calming herself down, thinking that she had done this many times for Armin and Eren. Well, she needs to do it not unless she planned on making her former captain go commando.

"Levi?" She called out his name, knocking too soft at the bathroom door.

A moment. There was no response. So she knocked again twice, but much louder than before, yet there was no response. So she gave a deep breath, almost praying that nothing happened to him. She opened the door, slowly, with a hint of silent permission.

Levi was leaning hardly against the bathtub, bare chest, and to Mikasa's relief his pelvis was covered by a towel. It was really awkward at the moment, at the same time she found herself getting mildly irritated with Levi because he was too reckless for this kind of cold weather. Wasting no time, she shook Levi slightly, asking him to wake up. Levi's body was so cold, and if he wasn't that naked she would carry him like a sack of potato.

Mikasa always loves the feeling of caring for someone, be it just simple things like serving someone meals, or asking if they are fine. But not things like this because it scared her really. She doesn't really care if she also caught the same virus from Levi, but she was more afraid that Levi won't recover.

_How old was he?_

She sighed, reminding herself constantly that they were getting old, that maybe the injuries they have obtained from the war would somehow make a comeback at them be it a simple cold or what. She can't let that happen to Levi as much as she doesn't want him to leave her like everyone. So she grabbed Levi, assisted his dead-weight body towards the bed.

"Levi," She called him, her voice sounding too gentle but with a tone of command. She doesn't know if Levi was unconscious or if he just preferred to sleep in the bathroom. "Please listen to me even if just once... Will you?"

The soup was getting colder, the room was getting colder, and even his body was getting colder. She observed him once again, his perfectly shaped torso, his small pretty face, and his longer hair.

She knew he was still Levi, but sometimes she can't decipher if he was still the Levi she was seeing from all those years.

_He looked... weak._

Mikasa curled her lips when she realized that she just figured out the truth. It was true though, he was weak, frail, and he can't always be the strongest soldier just like before. Even she can't really admit it, let alone tell him out loud. So instead of musing more, she grabbed a fresh towel from her cabinet then wiped the hell out of Levi. She placed a hand in his forehead, and he was still burning bad.

She took the long sleeves she brought, then she gently wore it to him, treating him extra cautious like a fragile child. When she was done, she cupped his cheek smoothly, tracing his scars like it was the first time she had seen it. 

"Hey..."

This time he winced, then sluggishly opened his eyes. He just nodded at her, not even knowing what the hell Mikasa was saying in the first place.

"Levi... I need you to put on your trousers." She averted her gaze as she brought his undergarment and trouser at his hands. "Can you do it alone?"

"Yeah..." He looked at her, his eyes were looking all sad and weary. "Sorry." So she just nodded and left the room.

Mikasa spent another fifteen minutes dusting the second floor of Levi's house before finally asking if she could enter her bedroom. Cleaning has also been a part of her routine, making sure that there are no speck of dust at every corner of the house.

So she knocked then asked, and when she received the go signal, she entered. She caught Levi drinking the honey lemon tea she prepared him and that somehow made her smile. She was carefully observing him, the way his hair fell so silky, the way his tired eyes were looking at her, almost telling her something.

Mikasa took a seat beside him, placing another hand to check his temperature. If she could have only counted, maybe she was doing this for the hundred times. Nonetheless, she stayed in silence, not uttering a single word, just hearing the slow gulps of tea from Levi.

"Sorry... and thank you."

"It's nothing, Levi..."

This time, it was Levi who moved, it was Levi who slowly reached for her hands. The way she liked it, the way she sometimes inwardly hoped for it. "Mikasa, I mean it."

His cold hand- his three digit hand, she could feel him trying to squeeze her hands, but instead she cupped it, letting her warm engulfed his cold sad hand. Mikasa looked at him, his eyes were in a daze, almost looking so distant from everything, but she knew he was trying so bad.

A feeling like this was so new to her. Both of them were always reserved, always hiding words, always hiding emotions. She was awkward, the same time Levi was clumsy. She can't put to words how she could tell him that he looked like a doll, so pretty yet lifeless. She can't say that to him because she knew it herself that she was also a doll not until Levi decided to pick her up.

Mikasa was grateful because even if Levi picked her as a doll, he never played with her and instead gave her life with his cold hands. So she broke her hands from his, then she slowly reached for his cheeks.

She cupped it, tracing his scar once again, placing a finger in his stitched lips. She looked at him, with tenderness in her eyes, hoping that it would reach him even if it's just a little. Levi's thin lips were incredibly soft, making her the urge to feel it with her lips, maybe later, or sooner, but not now. Not now.

Closing her eyes while her hands still in face, she never felt this kind of fondness. A fondness she can describe, like the way she could tell Hange with Moblit, the way she could tell Annie with Armin. The fondness that she have seen when Levi saved her, the fondness like the night where Levi would tell her his deep secrets. She wondered, _have they ever been truly in love?_

And if so, how does it feel? Does it hurt? Does it feel good? Does it make you so desperate? She wants to know. She needs to know.

But those comrades of her were either dead or far. There was no way of knowing it, leaving her the only option to find it for herself. She knew she heard Levi a while ago, asking her the same thing she wanted to ask him, but she can't really decode if the timing was sooner or later. Both of them can be consumed by cowardice sometimes, and she was always against that.

She gave a deep breath as she removed her hands from his face. She doesn't want to see his impassive face so she just let her eyes closed, imaginary stars twinkling at her dark visions. She was about to say something when a cold hand reached for her chin, and it totally shocked her, opening her eyes wide.

His eyes glanced tight, his indigo orbs- now looking dull gray were looking at her with intentions she haven't seen before. Mikasa noticed the way Levi pursed his lips, then slowly opened it, as if he was breathing with anticipation. Mikasa could hear her heart beating so hard, her brain now intoxicated with a feeling of keenness, and if Levi would move himself a little closer, her lips would be the one to act for the both of them.

"Mikasa..." He called her, but this time, her name was like liquid sugar, like sugar cubes she paired with Levi's bitter black tea. She closed her eyes, embracing the moment, almost smelling the perfect scent of spearmint from Levi's clean breath.

But instead of doing anything Mikasa predicted, Levi pulled her closer, nuzzling his face on her clavicle, his hot breaths touching delicately her skin. She could feel his hand run from her chin, then to her shoulder cap, then to her forearm. Levi gripped it tighter as he pulled her much closer, almost seeking for her warm.

She smiled even though she didn't expect this. She lets her lips rest at the crown of his head, not being bothered or affected if it would be taking her overboard, the way Levi embraced her so needy. 

It was enough for her. So she whispered: "Don't let go, okay?"

#### 

LEVI

As much as he hated those gray rainy skies, he sometimes missed it.

It has been almost a week since Levi recovered from his not-so-common cold sickness which also resulted in a few days of purely bed rest all thanks to his housemate, Mikasa Ackerman. At first, he was worried that he had scattered viruses all over his house, making microscopic germs reside at every corner of his impeccable spotless house. But at the same time, he felt a little shy to ask Mikasa to clean thoroughly, even if he was itching to command her, all just because of what happened the last several days between them.

He sighed, placing the kettle in the stove, while peeking beyond the little window in his kitchen. Outside, he could see her doing her little activities such as gardening, and making a stable for the horses. His face soon began to relax when he saw her hatted her straw hat, humming as she happily petted the horses.

_What the hell did I do to witness such grace?_

It was just six hundred hours when he decided that it was tea time, making his way downstairs, taking note that Mikasa was always missing every time he opened his eyes in the morning. Ever since Mikasa took him to her bed, he has been staying in that room, and has been sleeping on the other side of her bed with a pillow in the middle. Mikasa told him that he was being such a prude, that back in the middle of the war, they already had been sleeping together and sharing the same tent. He groaned, then told her that it was different, because back then it was sleeping with the squad, and right now it was just the two of them. She didn't argue when he told her that he simply respects her muliebrity.

The screaming of the kettle pulled him back from his morning muses, breaking gaze away from the tranquil scenery Mikasa has to offer. He poured the hot water on his teacup, then added the strainer with his black tea leaves. After waiting for a few moments, Levi blew his hot tea then he sipped as he tried to determine the strong flavor.

_Milk and honey, I guess..._

He reached for the fresh milk that was delivered to them this early morning, pouring a little ounce to another teacup. He then added his strong black tea, stirring it slowly, while adding a teaspoon of honey in it. He brought his lips to taste it, then he hums when he thought it was good for Mikasa's liking.

She brought him tea almost every hour so that he does not even need to think about whether he likes to have one or no. But this morning, maybe as a gratitude, he decided to make her a good cup of tea, showering it with the right amount of sweetness to counterfeit its bitterness.

Levi glanced at the window one more time before pulling out his coat and her scarf, exiting the backdoor with two cups of tea in his hands.

"Stop putting dead people on our lawn, Mikasa." He simply said while strolling his way towards her, offering the tea he made her.

"What did you say?" She asked, taking the tea, while putting on a damn big smile. Levi shrugged, analyzing if there was something funny about the way he said it. So he sipped first his tea, before coming up with a reply.

"Dead people."

"No," She replied without a beat, then she paused to drink the tea Levi made her. She soon stopped after having the first sip, her eyes dazzling the way she tasted champagne for the first time. She smiled again, a droplet of tea sitting on her impeccable cupid's bow. "You just said what, Levi?"

Levi sighed, thinking that she was playing another game of charade, and he was not really in the mood for that. Often times like this he would be pissed at her and would most likely tell her to fuck off, but thanks to the endearing look she was giving, Levi patiently answered: "Stop putting dead people on our lawn."

"You just said on _our_ lawn." She smiled, emphasizing the word 'our' to him like it was the first time she had learned it. He nodded, giving her an arched brow, signaling her to continue more. "You just said _our_ , Levi. You just said it."

"Yeah, I did..." He paused, really being creeped out by her weird smiling antics. "And what the fuck is wrong with that?"

"So..." She sipped her tea again, her eyes forming like a crescent moon in the night she held his hand. The morning breeze was gently touching both of their skins, making them shiver but in a good way. "Your house is also my house... is that what you mean, Levi?"

He listened to her the way he drank his black tea, dearly and almost savoring every drop of the bitter liquid. He stopped, then he hums, then he looks at her. The birds were chirping so softly, like the way her raven hair falls softly on her face, like the way he looked at her right now. Soft yet intensive, endearing yet enraging. He took a few more steps to reach her, and when he did, he simply wrapped the dark-green scarf around her neck.

"Stupid woman..." He mumbled, his hands still tugging at the end of her scarf, fixing it carefully the way he does it with his cravat. "It has always been our house," Levi halts, as he broke his gaze from her, now looking at the direction of the dancing flowers beyond the endless meadow. He opened his mouth but soon closed it, thinking was it really necessary to say it? Was he really preventing poison to spill from his dangerous mouth?

"Levi..." Mikasa called him, sounding like a whisper and a plea, like grapefruit in his tea. He listened too close, but still the words he failed to say lingered in his hankered mind. _"It has always been our house," It has always been our home._

Levi soon heard her chuckled, as she tugged her scarf up to her red cheeks, the way his heart suddenly skipped a beat. _For Erwin's dumb eyebrow's sake,_ he thought to himself the same time his eyes moved constantly to catch her sight. Levi knew it all too well, that she was jesting with a double-edged sword, and if the time came she thwacked him right... Just like wall Maria, Levi's parapets are enough to get breached.

He followed her to the little graves she made, her wood carvings were the ones that served as tombstones. Mikasa made eleven figures: Eren, Armin, Erwin, Hange, Sasha, Isabel, Furlan, Kenny, her mother, her father and Levi's mother. She looked at him with furrowed brows, following up with words like: "Uhm, I don't know the name of your mother... or your father."

"I don't know who my father is," He paused as he kneeled. "I'm just an illegitimate son of a prostitute." Levi simply said that, his face impassive, his posture relaxed. As if he practiced that line for a million years, and as if it doesn't hurt every single fucking time. He looked at Mikasa first, he could see that her face was shocked, that her face suddenly wanted to comfort him. He shrugged, then he pulled out the wood carving of his mother, then he gently whispered to her, almost telling her another secret of his own: "Kuchel Ackerman, write it down for me."

She nodded, as her hand reached for the little figure. Levi knew that when he felt her hand brushed onto his, he felt a gentle grasp. He smiled when she looked away.

Although Levi told her to stop shitting their lawn with dead people, at the end he found peace just by looking at it. He won't tell her, but she was right. All of their families, friends, and comrades never had a grave to start with. (Except Sasha) Their bodies were scattered to different places, different times. They do not have the time to grieve before, do not have time to mourn. And now that they all have the time in their hands, it was peacefully perfect, having something to remember them. At least now he could maybe sleep peacefully at night thinking that the both of them could always remember and honor the loving memories of their families.

Mikasa cooked a simple lunch for them, a sautéed cauliflower with carrots. Levi could tell that her cooking skills were definitely better than him, and it really warmed his heart the way the food warmed his mouth. When was the last time someone cooked for him? "It's good." Was all he said, as soon as he rinsed the dishes and cleaned their dining room.

After they finished everything, Levi found himself sitting at his newly bought Davenport style sofa. He looked around the living room, thinking that the house still looked empty, that they needed to buy a few more furniture and maybe a few appliances to keep their boredom away. He looked around again, thinking that Mikasa's cleaning lax was definitely improving, he could see his reflection in his floor tiles. Levi found himself relief, that he found a new partner to help him with his cleaning. He noted himself to give her a new set of cleaning tools as a gift for her punctuality.

"I'm off."

He raised one of his brow, looking at the well-dressed Mikasa Ackerman walking downwards the stairs. It was only fourteen hundred hours, and he wouldn't be really surprised if Mikasa was bored and decided to kill some people outside. Kidding aside, he just nodded and said two words that definitely surprised her.

"Come back."

Levi watched her wave her hands with the scarf he gave her, as she closed the front door, and went running towards the stable. It has always been like that, a few simple words, and a few simple gestures. Mikasa was the kind of companion who doesn't really need words, who doesn't really question him a lot, and living with her for a while somehow made him cordial.

#### 

MIKASA

As much as she wanted to go to Yalkell or the shops near Ragako, Mikasa ditched that because she didn't want Levi to wait for her that long. So she settled her shopping again at Chlorba, contemplating thoughts on what she would buy.

First on her list were their daily groceries: carrots, potatoes, broccoli, olives, apples, grapes, and a lot more vegetables and fruits they would be eating. It has almost been two months since she started being vegetarian, and believe it or not, she was really getting used to it. She chuckled, playfully grabbing the reins of Sunny while galloping past the suburbs. She remembered Levi looking all so bored at their sofa, so she mentally noted to herself that she would buy a crystal radio for the damn shorty.

Mikasa felt that ever since Levi got sick, he became soft with her. It's not that it was alarming, or something bad she would describe, but she found herself suddenly becoming touchy with him. 

Her cheeks flushed red, and she won't deny it as she tugged on the scarf Levi gave her.

The red scarf that Eren gave her, was lost during the war. She knew she had it, but during the killing process of Eren, she can't remember where the hell did she drop it. Did she wrap it at Eren's neck? Did she use it as a makeshift bandage for Levi's leg? Or did she just drop it out of somewhere? She can't really recall. And it was something she wouldn't really want to recall either. All those grotesque memories from the war made her stomach turn upside down, and she was overcoming it through the days, through the weeks, and hopefully through the years.

Remembering her mother's line, she would live her life from now on. She would live it freely the way she desires it, the way she can finally find herself. The red scarf from Eren would never be replaced, she knew that all too well, but the dark-green scarf from Levi only means that she has accepted a new life that was given to her by someone new. By Levi Ackerman.

Just like the way she rode her horse attentively, she dared herself to never look back. There was always a life awaiting for her.

As soon as she was done buying their groceries, Mikasa headed out at a little shop which sells radios. Although she knew that Levi would probably scold her for her impulsiveness when it comes to shopping for new things, she couldn't stop herself from inwardly smiling. Imagining a scenario where they are both just hanging around at the living room, sipping black tea paired with malted milk biscuits, listening to jazz from the radio she bought, while enjoying a full view of a captivating sunset from the window.

She was about to pay for the radio when a hand suddenly pulled her shoulders.

"Hey."

Mikasa turned around and couldn't actually believe what she was seeing. "Annie...?"

" _Hell_ to you too, Ackerman." Annie smiled at her, her hand gripping tightly her shoulder cap. "I mean, hello to you too."

Annie was still wearing that hooded cream jacket she has been wearing ever since the day Mikasa met her. With Levi's screeching OCD that began to infect her normal brain, she couldn't help but to ask herself inwardly if Annie has been washing that stinking hoodie. But of course she wasn't Levi, so she just kept her mouth shut, almost staggered to see Annie in Paradis.

"What are you doing here, Annie?"

"I'm just... bored. You know."

She nodded, then she told Annie to wait because she still needed to pay for the crystal radio she bought. After paying for it, she led Annie towards the bench near the shop and was again surprised to see Falco petting her horse. "Good day, Ms. Mikasa!"

"Annie, don't tell me you flew all the way here?" She asked, turning around to see the ocean-eyed girl which reminds her of Armin. She didn't know what to feel. Should she feel glad? Or should she feel sad? Either way, there's no time for that.

"It's going to be a waste if we don't use those wings." Annie was now sitting on the bench, scattering a few pieces of bread that attracted the stray cats. She continued, "Besides, I want to check how the hell you guys are."

Mikasa sat beside her, observing how Annie was somehow a really good person despite the sins she had committed. She watched how the stray cats move towards them, some cats can be seen like her, and some cats can be seen like Annie. She inwardly smiled, thinking too comically about the comparisons she has done with them and the cats. "I'm fine. And you?"

"Moving on, I guess." Annie replied without missing a beat, her ocean-eyes now hanging low. She won't say it, but Annie looked a lot like sad like her back when she was so lost after they have returned in Paradis. She continued to listen to Annie, still curious about why she was here with Falco. "That noisy girl, Hitch, told me to come to Mitras if I want to see her bitch looking face."

"Yeah..."

"I know, Mikasa. I'm gonna leave that part." Annie paused, almost looking like she had predicted and assumed what the hell had happened back in Mitras. The mentions of Historia's name and probably the baby himself could be destructive weapons to breach the bubble Mikasa made for herself in order to protect her own good. Trying not to get any affected by it, Mikasa hummed, letting Annie to continue her stories. "Then I've seen that horse looking face same with the dumb buzz-cut boy." Annie chuckled, slowly biting her bread.

Falco strode towards them, waving a careful wave, afraid that Annie might scold him for interruption. Mikasa thought that Annie may be a small girl, but she can be terrifying the same way as her. She moved closer to Annie, letting Falco sit beside her. "How's Jean and Connie?"

"Still dumb." Annie paused, then looked at her. "I've been wanting to see you, you know. I haven't thanked you enough."

"There's no need, Annie." Mikasa carefully tugged the scarf up to cover her face, her gray eyes hanging low, sensing if Annie might have been lonely too, ever since the day Armin died. For her, she must have been special for both the ocean-eyed couple as she was the first one to know that there was an intimate connection between the couple. She knew that if losing Armin had hurt her, then might as well it hurt Annie so much too. "Why don't you come over at our place? Well... our place can be really spotless compared to the grubby inns you and Falco might be retiring for the night."

"Sounds good." Was all Annie said, offering her a nostalgic smile, while motioning Falco to follow them.

_Levi won't mind, I guess..._

Mikasa led them the way towards their house. They were just walking, telling Annie and Falco not to use their titan powers so they cannot attract people. She loaded all her groceries saddled at Sunny, while listening to Annie's tumultuous adventures. She wondered, when the hell did this bored looking girl suddenly become talkative?

"I honestly have no idea that I will see you at that radio shop." Annie paused, almost looking amazed by the overwhelming meadow. She continued, "I asked those two dumb creeps where you are, and told me that they lost connection with you. They feel guilty, I guess."

Mikasa halted for a moment, thinking that it has almost been two months since their last farewell with each other. Even if they parted ways, they will always be a family to her. "It couldn't be helped, something like that. I don't, you know, want to see Historia for some personal reasons."

Annie shrugged, then she nodded, then she shouted at Falco not to wander apart from them. Mikasa pondered if Annie understands her silence the way Levi does? Because if she does, then a million thanks she would give her enough to reach Marley.

"We've been here for like three days, I just visited Chlorba because I remembered that girl Carly told me that this city has the finest haberdashery shops. I want to give something to my father, before we go home." Annie halted, picking a poppy flower from the mellow grass. "What brings you here, Mikasa?"

"I live near the city of Chlorba. Just went some grocery shopping..."

"Jesus," Annie looked shocked, looking back to see the groceries she bought, then looked back at her again. "That's too much to eat, who are you? Sasha?"

Mikasa chuckled softly as she shook her head. The mention of her dear bestfriend Sasha, made her feel a little bit warm, a little more nostalgic from the past. She can't believe that here she was, talking with the one she tried to kill back before, acting like old companions. Even though they have clashed before, there was so much more than she can think of all the similarities she has with Annie. Mikasa seemed to be at a loss for words, so she just listened to Annie's stories, not questioning her with Armin. If Levi did the same to her, then maybe she could do the same for Annie.

They were once both lost girls.

It was already sixteen hundred hours, when they arrived at the fence of Mikasa and Levi's house. The house looked quietly normal, as she opened the gate of the fence and led her two visitors to come inside. 

"You live here, Ms. Mikasa? Whoa, it's beautifully huge for one person!" Falco suddenly butted in, his eyes lingered all over the place. She just nodded, walking Sunny inside the stable, while asking Annie to hold the things she had shopped for. She still doesn't know how to approach Levi, or how to tell her two visitors that they would be also dealing with a damn short neat-freak.

"Please, uhm, leave your shoes outside." Mikasa halted as she removed her shoes, then carefully getting the grocery bag from Annie. "Dirt is not really welcome inside..." She found Annie to be quizzical, then she shrugged as she opened the door extra gentle. 

"I didn't know you had such a beautiful and clean house, Mikasa." Annie told her, removing her shoes, poking Falco to do the same. "That's new for a change, huh?"

_Oh, Annie. You'll never know._ Mikasa thought, her mind silently contemplating if she should tell Annie the things that happened in the last two months or not. As much as she was an introvert, she still misses the feeling of having a heart to heart girl talk the way she and Sasha shared. "You'll see it, Annie. You'll just see."

Mikasa led them to the davenport sofa, silently searching her eyes for Levi. Levi must be upstairs, taking a bath, or maybe taking a shit. She shook her head as she continued to the kitchen, putting all the grocery items to its respective places. She hastily arranged everything, then brewed three cups of tea, as she pulled a carton box of orange juice for Falco. She missed the sight of young kids.

When she was done, she served them a tray of three cups of Earl Grey tea, a saucer of ginger nut biscuits, and an orange juice for Falco. She put the tray onto the coffee table which Levi constantly called it as his 'tea' table for the reason that he does not use the table for coffee. Mikasa took a deep breath as she sat down, urging her visitors to eat the snacks she offered. Falco soon sipped his orange juice, then Annie on her Earl Grey Tea.

"You mistakenly brewed an extra cup, huh?" Annie asked nonchalantly, shoving a ginger nut in her mouth. Mikasa noticed that Annie was giving her a strange curious look ever since she stepped foot inside the house, but that was the least of her concern especially she hasn't told her what's up with her these past months.

Falco was savoring the ginger nut biscuit, happily eating like it was the first time he had tasted it. She was about to ask Falco if he wanted to bring some home when a low, dead, and cold voice suddenly interrupted them from upstairs.

There's her answer to the missing person she was wondering. "Mikasa, I didn't know you were back-" Levi halts as he was stupefied, staring at her and her visitors. He slowly went downstairs, easing pressure from his left leg, then finally stepped foot on the floor tiles. Levi was done taking a bath, his wet hair showing, his scent of fresh soap and sandalwood filling the whole area. Mikasa was silently thankful that Levi didn't go down topless.

Looking at her visitors, Annie's jaw suddenly dropped while Falco stopped eating the famous ginger nut biscuits. She looked back at Levi, his face still impassive, as if he was struggling to find the right welcoming words to say. Or were her visitors actually welcomed to his house?

She broke the silence by telling Levi she brewed him tea. Levi just nodded at her, and continued to stroll towards their directions. He sat beside the almost terrified Falco, intimidated by Levi's dark aura. The impassivity of Levi was now replaced with a playful, bored look. "What? I'm not going to eat you, stupid brats."

A moment. Then Annie broke the silence. "I didn't know you guys were living together."

"No one knows." Mikasa replied hastily, her eyes breaking with everyone. She felt her cheeks flushed red, so she hid it by tugging the scarf up. It was true though, now that Annie mentioned it, no one really knows that both Levi and her were living together. Not even Jean and Connie, not even everyone in the single island. It's not that they were trying to hide it, like committing a sinful act, but both of them were just longing for peace, and it just happened that they found it with each other. "No one needs to know, I'm happy with the way we are."

"If you say so, Mikasa. I just hope this midget won't threaten you to cut your limbs off." Annie said finally relaxed, her back leaning against the sofa, while trying to reach for another ginger nut biscuit. Mikasa noticed the way Levi rolled his eyes, the way Falco suddenly scolded Annie. "Shut up, Ms. Annie! You're smaller than Captain Levi, and I don't want my ass to get kicked!"

This time, Mikasa chuckled as if she was breathing a ball of relief. "Hey, Levi..." She paused as she looked at him with her eyes so gentle, piercing all the way to Levi's eyes. "Is it alright if they stay the night?"

"As long as they won't mess around. And as long as these brats would help you shovel horse shit."

They all laughed in unison, having an unofficial tea party, in an unexpected time at the place she could call: Ackerman residence.

#### 

LEVI

After drinking tea, Levi told the women that he would just go for a walk outside, leaving them to talk about anything under the sun that doesn't really involve him. It was good for him to see Mikasa like that, having small talk with someone who has the same gender as her. At least she could tell that blonde brat about her newly developed cleaning skills, and probably would suggest Annie to wash her hoodie every once in a while.

_Fucking grubby brat,_ he inwardly thought, thinking that the first time he have seen her wore that was like five years ago. The thought made him grimaced.

"Sir, can I join you for a walk?"

Levi hummed, as he strolled more to the open fields of the peaceful meadow. It was seventeen hundred hours, and in just a few minutes, they would be witnessing the beauty of the sunset. He continued walking with Falco at his side before asking him a question that intrigued him. "Care to explain what brought you here?"

"Oh, nothing, sir!" Falco nervously replied, his steps faltering the same way with his voice. "I just want to pick flowers for, uhm, you know... Gabi."

Levi sighed, What a lovesick brat, he thought as he looked at Falco's reddish tomato face. He carefully observed the young brat, how he awkwardly announced his truthful intentions. Even though that was not really the answer Levi was looking for, because he was expecting explanations like where they found Mikasa and something more like that, he gave way to listen to Falco's love shit confessions.

Hoping he could maybe learn something from the lovesick brat.

"Where's the other brat? Why isn't she with you?" Levi asked, leading them closer to the daisies and poppies.

"Reiner didn't allow her to join with us." Falco paused, as he followed Levi suit to the hay he could see the sight of the never ending flowers. "She's too reckless, and whoa... You live in such a wondrous place, sir!"

He hummed again, as he trekked more steps which allowed them to see a full view of the calming meadow, while the wind blew heavily against their skins. "I'm glad I live here, kid. I'm glad I took this." Levi said that without taking any breaks, almost sure of what he told the young brat. It doesn't matter whether he was stating the obvious fact that he actually bought and took this place, or he was stating more than the obvious fact... that he was glad because he took his life here living with Mikasa Ackerman. He sighed as he smiled a little, pointing to the hay where he told Falco to get the flowers he wanted.

Levi didn't follow Falco, he just stood there and watched the young brat happily running towards the flower-filled hay. The end of the war has changed them, and even Levi could see the changes that changed the warrior kids. He was relieved that he could see the kids be kids again, that the normal people be normal again, and he silently hoped that if there's a chance, he wished he could see them adapting to changes too. 

"Do you want me to pick flowers for her, sir?" Levi noticed that Falco was calling him, asking him the weirdest question he has been asked. Of course, Levi isn't stupid to ask who's _her_ Falco was referring to. It's got to be her, of course, it has always been. So he answered in the most discreet way as possible: "If you want to, then go ahead."

After a few moments, Falco was running towards him, with the freshly picked flowers on the young brat's arms. It was too damn many, and if he was being cocky, he'd be asking the lovesick brat if he planned to put on a flower shop. But he wasn't in the mood for snarky remarks, as he observed how the young brat has too much damn energy for efforts like this. 

"Captain Levi," Falco paused as he was catching his breath, his voice sounded like he was ordering Levi. "I always wanted to give Gabi freshly picked flowers, but there are no flowers blooming at Liberio, so when I saw this heaven, I immediately grabbed the chance."

Levi gave the boy an arched brow, trying to contemplate what the kid was telling. "And?"

"You should bring her flowers everyday, sir." Levi was being offered with a club of flowers as he listened more to the boy. "Flowers don't always bloom like these." He took the flowers using his good hand, then carried it like the way a man would give a woman on every date nights. He already understood what the hell the young brat meant, and he was afraid that he might turn out to be correct.

"Falco, thank you for the flowers." Levi simply said that, watching the sunset from afar. "But she isn't my wife, or my anything. We just happened to be living together." Levi broke the gaze from the sunset, as he turned to look at the boy. His dull gray eyes hang low, as he was trying to explain something really vague that even adults can't really understand. How can a boy like Falco can put and tell him his feelings in just a single phrase?

"But you like her, sir." Falco exclaimed, his voice now sounding collected and gentle. "No, wait, you just don't like her, sir." Levi noticed the way the boy looked directly at him. "But _you love her._ "

If Levi was good at expressing his emotions, then maybe he would be shocked the same way his actions would act. But he wasn't, so he can't really describe the face he was making. "You don't just come here you brat, and tell those things to me." 

Falco shrugged, almost looking like he won some lottery shit, the same face he saw with the underground kids whenever they could steal some meat. Levi just let him there, not waiting if there was more that the brat was telling him, even though deep inside he wished that there was more.

"You know, sir... I confessed to Gabi that I like her."

Levi scoffed, bored of hearing the brat's lovesick shits confessions although he just told himself to hear more about it. He was enjoying it somehow, but it kind of made him cringe. He wasn't used to confessions and love even though he was hearing it multiple times with Hange's fucking tumultuous unconditional love for titans. "And why the hell do I need that to know?"

"So you could confess to her too." The boy replied without missing a beat, displaying a different kind of bravery in front of Humanity's Strongest. Levi was astounded, how can other people willingly admit something so uncertain, something so vague? Perhaps, it must have been only him. Perhaps, he needs to fall himself into desperation.

Not knowing what more to reply, Levi just desperately sighed, then turned his gaze back at the sunset. He watched it carefully, how the orange skies turned into a purplish red, until it turned into a mixture of colors he couldn't describe. The clouds were shrinking too soon, engulfed by the endless horizon of beauty. He recalled the book he read about Carl Jung's stupid interpretation of sunsets, that maybe if he would risk something dangerous in a way that's dauntless and beautiful, then maybe he would ascent. Maybe he would come to see terms with eyes wide opened, that even the gods would willfully acknowledge it.

Then maybe that's why sunsets can turn into a lot of unpredictable colors... for people to accept the outcome, no matter if the color was a favorite, no matter if the color was dull and shitty.

Levi could see the twinkling daze in the young boy's eyes, caught by the beauty of the horizon. He spoke, almost like a whisper, gentle and calm. "You may be a stupid brat... But you got guts, huh."

Falco chuckled as he thanked Levi for letting him pick the flowers, for letting him see the sunset. Levi soon told Falco to move along because Mikasa might be cooking dinner at any moment, and it would be rude if they would keep the women waiting for them.

He watched the young boy run with too many flowers in his arms, guessing it may be for Gabi and Annie. He looked back at the ending sunset, catching a glimpse of the heavenly scenario, catching a glimpse of another flower he has never seen in Falco's arms.

Levi picked the yellow red-tipped rose, and headed back home. All too well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please pardon for the very late update. My anxiety was screeching the hell out of me regarding the latest chapter of AOT, so please pardon if the quality of this chapter didn't satisfy you guys. Anyway, this fanfic is a slow burn, so I really get it if you want them to fucking kiss already LMAO (same, me too), but still, thank you for all your kind supports and comments. I enjoyed adding Annie and Falco, I know this adorable characters can help them figure out their feelings.
> 
> Leave a comment below, and thank you!


	7. If And Only If

#### 

MIKASA

A quarter before five hundred hours, she found herself watching the peaceful slumber of Annie and Falco. Mikasa let her two visitors sleep with her at the bed, making Levi sleep on the couch.

Funny, because Levi was the real owner of this house, yet he was the one who even suggested letting her two visitors have the room since they don't have any guest rooms. Mikasa told him that she will accompany Levi back to his room, but he just declined for the two obvious reasons: Levi doesn't want the two nosy brats to think something malicious, and Levi doesn't have any bed to begin with. That's why he slept on the couch.

Can't make herself sleep again, she stood up from the bed, leaving her two visitors snoring at the breaking dawn of the morning. Mikasa recalled the stories she shared with Annie last night, and it somehow relieved her. She looked back at the bed again, observing Annie's stern features, now looking so calm and dainty.

She wondered, how can Annie possess the bravery of not breaking down? How does Annie keep moving on? And how did Annie have the guts to find her, and share stories of Armin?

Mikasa could see the way Annie's eyes twinkle every time she mentioned her childhood stories of Armin. Annie listened closely, almost looking like she was savoring every word, seizing every memory she can squeeze through. The mixture of pain, sadness, happiness, and nostalgia simply blends at Annie's blue ocean eyes, adding a vibrant color to her dull eyes before.

If this isn't what love means, then maybe Mikasa wouldn't understand.

She smiled at the thought, happy that her brother was loved beyond an infinite even before he died. She can only hope that Annie would continuously move on, bringing the memories of Armin in her heart, while smiling and living the life that also awaits her. It sounds absurd and unbelievable, but Mikasa wants the best for Annie.

Closing the door behind her, she strode and found the sleeping Levi on the couch of their second floor. She quietly walked, opening the curtains a little bit open, so she could study the features of her housemate.

Truth is, Mikasa has been doing this almost everyday. She would insist herself to get up before Levi, just so she could see his sleeping face. She doesn't know, but ever since Levi shared the bed with her (of course just sleeping), his features became so soft, as if there were no traces of war in his face.

Her nightmares began to fade too, only dreaming of blankness, and sometimes she dreams of calm waters. She can't figure out if she has been sleeping well because of her adjustments, or simply because of the person who has been sleeping at the other side of her bed.

Mikasa noticed that the blanket was detached from Levi, making him in a curled cold position. She gently pulled the blanket up, carefully trying not to touch him, then she tenderly covered him up to his neck.

"Then you'd tell me he's just a friend."

Shocked and stupefied by the words, she accidentally nabbed the person behind her. She looked behind, preventing herself from speaking, afraid that they would wake up Levi. So she gestured her hand down, silently telling Annie that they should go downstairs if her mouth is itching to chat this early morning.

"You almost wake him up." She said, while mixing hot water with cocoa powder. She knew that Annie has a sweet tooth, hearing it second from Sasha, so instead of serving her tea she opts to serve her hot chocolate paired with crème brulee.

"What if I wake him up?" Annie stated, her head nodding, satisfied by the taste of her hot chocolate. Annie continued, "What will you do then, huh?"

"Probably he'd be the one to cut your limbs off." Mikasa replied, her lips touching the rim of the mug she poured her hot chocolate in. She smiled as the steam touched her cheeks, seizing the early morning with her sudden visitor.

"Mikasa." Annie called her, her blue-ocean eyes staring at her. "Stop fucking with me," She paused, clearing her throat, then confidently continued. "I know you like that peculiar shorty."

Mikasa halted, her gray eyes looking back at Annie. The nerve of this sudden visitor to tell her about her feelings? But did it hurt her that someone can actually read her feelings? Perhaps no. Not even a little bit. So she broke the gaze with Annie, her eyes falling back at her chocolate drink.

Annie moved her lips again, never breaking a gaze on her. "See. I'm correct."

"You just can't tell that, Annie."

"Why not?" Annie asked, her tactics seemed to be working as well. "Tell me, Mikasa. Do you get to choose the person you'll fall for?" She asked coolly, spooning her crème brulee like nothing happened.

The question suddenly hit Mikasa hard. It was not a metaphor, but just a simple phrase. But the tensed chill that was sent in every cavity of her bone, made her drop her spoon right back into the mug. 

Mikasa's mind seemed to drift from far away. She has been asked a lot of questions, few of them are about love, but none of them like the question Annie asked. Can she really choose the person she'll fall for?

Eren. Her mind goes back to Eren. She loved him more than anything, she even devoted her sorry life for him, yet that was just that. Mikasa's love for Eren was more of a love like Philia, or a love like Storge, or maybe something complicated that she doesn't even realize. Maybe she did force herself to fall, and all it did was fail.

She swept her bangs, now thinking of Jean. She felt herself stupid, because why would she think of Jean in the second place? It was always a one-sided love, and it was always her who shove Jean away. But she considered it for a moment, thinking critically the reason why Jean liked her because maybe he accidentally fell for her without even knowing it.

Mikasa thought about all the possible ideas she could come up with, yet the question still lingers at the back of her mind, hankered and unanswered.

"I thought you understood the thing that Armin and I shared." Annie broke the silence by bringing Armin, her ocean-blue eyes now glassy.

"I did... I just don't know the answer to your question."

"You know the answer, Mikasa." Annie swept her bangs, then she pulled back her hair and tied it into a bun. Mikasa noticed that Annie's hands were trembling a little, almost gripping her scalp a little obvious. Was it because she missed Armin? Was it because Annie was itching to slap her face with answers? _What? What?_ Mikasa thought. "Anyway, Mikasa. We'll be leaving soon, maybe after lunch... So figure it for yourself."

_What if I chose a different path?_

The exact line she said back, lingered the walls of their house, filling the early morning with regrets and guilt. Mikasa didn't plan this, and she couldn't hate Annie for the sudden interrogation of whoever she wants to love. Annie was leaving soon and it would be unfair if she wouldn't tell her what she truly felt, perhaps what the real her felt in this new world; in this world without a liege, a world without walls.

She moved her lips so slow, now trying to be certain of her words. It was only Annie, and maybe like the way she trusted Levi, she could trust her too.

"He is important to me." Mikasa said, making Annie look at her. She continued, "He is my family now, Annie. He picked me up when I couldn't walk, he saved me when I was drifting far from this world." Mikasa paused, her tongue felt soft like reciting poetry, the way her eyes confidently spoke for her actions, in the sincerest way she could be. "I need him, Annie. I can't see a new world without him," 

A moment. 

Releasing her breath, as she whispered closely, his name in the texture of satin petals: "Without Levi."

She could see how Annie curled her lips upward, giving her a pat on her shoulders. Annie didn't tell her anything, didn't ask her more, though she just nodded and continued drinking her hot- now cold chocolate drink. Even though she didn't answered Annie's question directly, they both stayed in silence, letting the chirping of the birds fill the tranquil clean kitchen. 

It was just six hundred hours, and she knew that anytime, Levi would be joining them for his bitter black and peppermint tea.

#### 

LEVI

"Ugh, go to hell one-eyed Grinch." 

He could hear Annie's bored way of saying hello. That thing made him grimace his face, and he swear he could puke the breakfast he was having just by looking at Annie's stinking cream hoodie.

"I'm already in hell just by seeing your fucking face." He hissed, unimpressed and bored, as he asked the circus-fascinated Falco to hand him the teapot Mikasa produced from the kitchen.

"I'll kill the both of you if you won't stop bickering like little kids." This time, it was Mikasa who replied, her face impassive, her eyes glaring with daggers. So Levi stopped, as he continued sipping the fifth cup of Peppermint that morning.

Not that he would admit, but he sometimes gets a little horrified whenever Mikasa would be acting with her glaring eyes only. But just a little, only a little bit not bigger than tardigrades. Humanity's Strongest Soldier's greatest fear is only limited to mildew and dust.

Maybe for now...

He sighed, swiftly running a hand to his hair. Of course the bickering shits with Annie a while ago was just part of the show, something the three of them can't get rid of. Although in a little part of him, he knew he forgave Annie the way she butchered his squad back in those years. Levi chose to not hold any grudge between any of the people he had oppositions before, thinking that it would make his life more peaceful, and less complicated.

But that principle would change if anybody dared to hurt his housemate.

Levi observed the way Mikasa sat besides Annie, her glaring eyes replaced with a type of secrecy, and her face was blooming reddish against her porcelain cheeks. What could she be thinking? Is there something shitty that Annie implied on her? Levi mused, his hand suddenly twiddled the eye-patch he was wearing. Even though he could imagine that there was something fishy they conversed, he simply doesn't intrude just like the way he is.

He swears if his blind eye could twinkle, it would. For the obvious reason.

Levi was about to get up when Falco caught his attention. "Captain Levi, aren't you gonna say anything?" Falco finished his question, a smug grin forming on his circus-fascinated face. _Damn brat._

"Mikasa." He called her, never beating around the bush. That's who he is: stern, blunt, and bold. He could call the higher ups 'pigs' if he would like. He could kick anyone in the face if he would like. He could do anything with a sense of force and superiority if he would just fucking like, but something tells him that something is definitely changing.

Because right now, he can't really be bold to admit it. Even though the ted-talks with Falco, he simply can't join it like a jigsaw puzzle.

"What is it?"

Or maybe, he was just clumsy at vocally expressing his own subtle unresolved feelings? 

"If you have a spare cloth, lend one to Annie. Instruct her how to take a professional bath." Levi said, his steps unfaltering as soon as he saw the look on their faces. Mikasa was confused, Annie was annoyed, and Falco...

Was a bit of showing dejected?

_Sorry, I just can't simply say it to her._ He thought as his hands squeezed back into his pockets. It was just nine hundred hours, and maybe he could hit the local market to find a good can of luxurious tea, just to avert his sure-but-inarticulate feelings.

#### 

MIKASA

After putting away all the trash and dirty dishes, Mikasa chuckled as she listened to Annie's never ending complaints about Levi. Although Mikasa could tell that Annie was just simply annoyed, but never really that serious angry, she can't help but to worry again about Levi's strange actions.

So she asked Falco. "Is there anything wrong happened to the shorty?"

"Nah. He's just languishing." Falco paused, his eyes looking at Annie's bored gaze. 

"Oh." 

"Languishing about what?" Annie asked, sounding too intrigued.

"You know... About the thing called love." Falco jokes.

Mikasa felt a little blush creeping all above to her cheek. What does Falco know about Levi? And how come he is so sure about what he is saying? 

_Wait, no. Don't assume._

Perhaps, it was correct to not assume any other things. It was an understatement, more of a childish assumption, and even if it was real, then why Levi never opened it to her?

"You all are talking like I'm not here." Levi surprised them, walking downward the stairs, his eye-patch removed. Then he strode towards the door, his eyes only locked at Mikasa's eyes. "I'm off."

She smiled like it was only the two of them in this world. "Come back."

Mikasa hastily finds the oxford shirt she brought with her back from the barracks. She already contemplated, and the decision she chose would definitely benefit both Annie and her. So without wasting any time, she called Annie to enter her room.

She showed Annie how to operate the showers, and told her that she could use the soap and shampoo that she used, but never to use any of the toiletries that Levi has. Annie hissed, telling her that the Grinch sucks, and so she just laughed.

Before letting Annie take a bath, she called her again, but this time, with a sincerity in her tone. Mikasa hugged the cloth she was holding, before slowly giving it to Annie.

"This is Armin's shirt..." Mikasa handed it to Annie, her lips curling upwards, her eyes so glassy and nostalgic. "Take it with you."

She noticed the way Annie's mouth fell into agape. Annie's ocean-blue eyes that are usually stoic and unemotional, produced streaming tears which made Mikasa in awe. So she just squeezed the hand which was holding the shirt, then she smiled again.

They didn't need words of confirmation and affirmation, so she let Annie take all the time she needed in the bathroom. Whether it be crying, missing, or just simply remembering. Mikasa was glad to do it, she knows that Armin would feel the same way too.

Mikasa noticed that Levi already came back, making the center island hold a bunch of paper bags. She inspected it carefully, delighted to see that Levi actually bought lunch for the four of them.

_Caesar salad, mozzarella skewers, devilled eggs, and blueberry cheesecake. These cost a lot..._

She withdrew the plates from the respective drawers, as she arranged the sumptuous lunch they would be having. Annie was still not done in the bathroom, so she called Falco to help her instead.

"Captain Levi may have a crude mouth, but he is really a good man, huh?"

Mikasa's step faltered as she listened to Falco's compliment. Her eyes lingered to the window, carefully observing how Levi raked the unwanted leaves on their lawn. "Falco... What do you mean by earlier?"

Falco shrugged. Then he paused for a moment before replying, almost carefully picking out the words. "Maybe you're someone special for him, Ms. Mikasa." He smiled, his hands now on the dining table.

She break gaze from the raking Levi outside, silently contemplating about what the kid told her. Levi never told her anything about the way he feels, the same way she never told Levi about anything the way she feels. Both of them could be consumed by cowardice, yet she chose to express her language in a term where she could be so touchy, and caring. If maybe then she would assume that Falco was right, then maybe she could confirm the feelings she has for him. As simple as that, but not that simple when it comes to expressing it. She sighed, _why does it have to be difficult to express how I feel?_

Clear as waters, she now knew the way she sees him. She wonders if she and Levi were on the same sailing boat.

"Levi is important to me. That's all... _I guess._ " Was all Mikasa said, as she told Falco to call Levi because it's lunch time.

But it always surprised her, especially nowadays, the way Annie or Falco or Levi would suddenly appear out of the blue. "For now. Stop faking yourself, Mikasa. _You love him._ " Annie sat beside her, her eyes were red, her short blond hair hanging, and the smell of Armin's shirt now clings to her. She shrugged, as she continued: "You could deny it... but you'll see it later on."

Mikasa nodded, as she shared Annie with her deviled eggs. Levi and Falco soon followed after, making them share a pleasant lunch.

No arguments, no confusions, and no bickering. Just silence, and only silence with understanding deep within their minds.

Just like the way she bid her goodbye to Connie and Jean, she needs to do it the same thing with Annie and Falco.

But this time, it's different. There were no hard feelings, let alone the engulfing emotions of being alone. She stood there, with Levi on her side, saying words such as: Let's see each other again and see you when I see you. It was one of the goodbyes where she found herself peace, where she found happiness about how others chose to live their lives in different paths. So she took a step closer to Annie, then she gave her a warm hug of friendship while giving her a piece of paper that includes their telephone number.

_That's for the things we've talked about._

Annie nodded, her ocean-blue eyes met her gaze, and it was soon becoming glassy. Mikasa nodded back too, and just like Levi, she didn't tell her any words. They just waved at each other, then she smiled at the wrinkle of her heart, looking again at the way Annie wore Armin's shirt. She may never see Annie again, and that was okay, because they both have lives that could be awaiting for them.

She strode back again at Levi's side, observing the way Falco transformed, then Annie climbing atop of him. 

_Good bye, Annie. Good bye, Falco._

She inwardly said, as she was the one who waved the final farewell.

The flying Falco soon shrinked in her visions, seeing how the hanging clouds gave them a dimmed afternoon. Levi pulled her closer, much to her unawareness, and told her things he hadn't told her back at the castle when they sent Connie and Jean. "Let's go inside."

Mikasa found her hand taking the three-digit hand she values dearly. It was unexplained, and maybe... that's enough. 

_For now._

#### 

LEVI

The days appeared to run shorter than the days they have back in the war. Of course, time tends to appear to run shorter when a day is filled with blissful times.

At sixteen hundred hours, while the crystal radio is on playing jazz, Levi found himself peering at the raven girl. Her eyes were closed, like the way her hands were clasped onto her lap. He can see how her eyelashes were impeccably long and thick, her lips pouting perfectly soft and small. Levi likes it that way, he always found their afternoon sessions soothing and hushed, and nothing can be compared just by looking at Mikasa's relaxed demeanor. 

Levi is always silent, calmed, and gnomic. It has always been like that, treating like the walls have ears, making himself reserved and concise. He puts the tea rim onto his mouth, holding it again weirdly for the million times he can't even remember the reason why he holds his teacup like that. Maybe, because when he wants to say something, but believes himself that he can't express it using the perfect words, he just let the locution fall into the rim of his teacup.

He gulped down the honey berry tea, tasting the docility that Mikasa unconsciously implied on the tea, much more on his life. The song from the crystal radio titled: _Bye, Bye Blackbird_ is coming to an end, making the beaming rays of a honey colored afternoon shine upon them. He watched her again, his eyes still fall on her beautiful face, yet her eyes were still closed.

_Asleep already?_

He smiled, remembering how he often smiled whenever he thought of her. This is very new to him, almost kicking him out of his stern nature, replacing his bitter consternation with a flame of hope. Too soon, maybe too later, but it has been a month and a half since he had that talk with Falco, and he knew it all too well the way he felt for her.

But he never got to tell her.

Sighing wearily, he stood up then took a step closer to Mikasa. She was still in the slumber of the hazy tranquil afternoon, her soft lips pouting, displaying a few crumbs of the Rich Tea she ate.

_What a pain..._

He fished out his pristine handkerchief, so slowly, almost hesitating, but his hand was already ready, acting independently unlike the way he clumsily admitted to himself what he felt. So in a brief moment, Levi moved his hand, gently wiping her lips to get rid of the crumbs, and all a while he thought she smiled a little.

When he was done, he went upstairs, the sky was now orange almost telling him that happiness was just residing at the corner. He went to her room- their room, as he retrieved the tumbledown quilt blanket he once hated to death. Levi quietly strode downstairs, fixing the blanket as soon as he tucked it gently to Mikasa's sleeping form. He then pulled the stool which Mikasa gave him, as he carefully placed her feet onto it.

With a quick glance, he left for the kitchen, as he prepared himself to cook dinner.

Dinner was ready at eighteen hundred hours, yet Mikasa was still asleep. Levi doesn't want to disturb the peaceful slumber of his housemate, yet he didn't want to eat a cold meal either. So he chose the former, as he gently shook her shoulders. "Hey... Wake up."

"Too soon, Captain?"

"Mikasa." He paused, thinking that maybe she had another dream where she was back in the HQ, where she was still his subordinate. "It's just Levi for you."

"Huh?" She yawned, rubbing her eyes so tender, her other hand delicately squeezing his wrist. Mikasa could be always sluggish whenever she woke up, and that was okay for Levi, because maybe he found it quaint.

"I cooked us dinner, your favorite." He said, his eyes never leaving her lovely gray eyes.

At night, he found himself again at his room, reading books which were in the possession of Erwin Smith. Too many books were available at the HQ, but he sometimes asked himself why he chose to bring the books of lame poetries? He shook his head, adjusting his torchiere lamp to the extent of making the words be visible to his good one eye. 

He reads, then he reads, then he just reads although the book was long finished about a week ago. There was nothing he could do, and having a long talk with Mikasa isn't anything he was really used to doing. So he just read again another Canterbury Tales from Geoffrey Chaucer, waiting for slumber to take away his mind.

Truth is, living with Mikasa for almost four months, somehow cured his insomnia. He still can't sleep on some certain nights, but whenever she was around, there was a sense of safety and security he would be feeling. The scars from the war were still there, but the feeling was new unlike before.

In a literal sense, he was no longer a floating balloon, waiting wherever the wind would take him.

_I hope she is too._

With all that said in a matter, he also thought about his comrades. Connie and Jean were still far from their visions, he wondered what the hell are they doing? Levi wished for their utmost happiness, as well as wishing peace for his dead comrades. He wondered again, what would Furlan tell him? Of course, in another world, he wished to tell Furlan and Isabel that he already bought himself a house where the sun was shining unlimited.

What would Erwin and Hange tell him? If he could, he would definitely tell Erwin that he was crazily living with the girl who glares with murderous intent, the girl named Mikasa Ackerman. And even though Hange's guffaws would constantly kill his peace, he would be sharing the after war stories with her. Hange could even ask Moblit to write every detail in-between, if that's what his eccentric friend prefers.

Levi flipped a few pages which revealed him a fragment of The Friar's Tale. Oh how he read this two times, and maybe the devil reminded himself of his uncle.

He scoffed, then he chuckled. Levi doesn't need to ask himself what Kenny would tell him, because he knew it already. _"Don't be a pussy, and be disciplined enough."_

Because that's the way it is, that's the way his uncle raised him. Stern, brutal, power, yet disciplined. Responsibility lies in every factor, thus making the reason for him against the idea of falling in love. He can't commit to women, thinking that he may be loving unruly, and he doesn't want women to suffer the same way his mother suffered. He doesn't know the details why his mother chose that path, but he won't blame her, as long as his mother didn't regret it.

Which was maybe a lie. Levi hated that dirty life. And probably, if he could bring back someone right now, it should be his mother.

_Tch..._

The dimmed glowing yellow light danced all throughout the evening. Fireflies flying around in his small window, if he was drugged, he could maybe feel the way it tapped his window. He closed the book, as he placed it atop his chiffonier. It was already twenty-three hundred hours, and maybe he would be staying for another hour. Slumber was hard to find this night.

Pinching the bridge of his celestial nose, he ran his other hand at his hair. His undercut was no longer an undercut, the roots already grown. His curtained bangs were also long, and he wished to have a haircut but he can't anymore. Three fingers aren't enough to do it. If only he could ask her, if and only if. 

So he gazed beyond his window, the stars were twinkling bright, the hazy moon appeared to be screaming at the far away sun. He was mesmerized, absent-mindedly thinking about the first star-gazing he shared with Mikasa. Levi recalled the things he thought, that he was afraid for her to turn into stars, much like the way he was afraid to love her.

His eyelids dropped low, but only to be stopped by the creaking door. As soon as he turned his head to look at his unheeded companion, a thorn was plucked from his insides. She was there at his doorsill, much like she was there at some place in his heart.

"It's late, Levi. Let's sleep."

Levi obliged, leaving the fireflies and stars. He couldn't stop thinking about how lonely his room might feel. 

#### 

MIKASA

Mikasa found herself alone in her bed. The pillow was still in the middle, but the other side of her bed was already fixed. Levi got up first, leaving her and her discarded half-sheet linen alone.

When she got up, there was a cup of hot chocolate on her side table paired with a buttered croissant. She chuckled, reading the note that was left by her gnomic housemate.

_**Good morning to you too.** _

**-L**

The smudged inky handwriting appeared to be improving every time. She noticed how Levi's left hand adapted to changes, as much as she noticed that Levi left a lot of notes whenever he had a hard time to express audibly what he was going to say. 

Although his notes were brief and gnomic, she knew that it was already enough for her to understand what he means even if Levi was an enigma to begin with. Simple things like this made her heart wrinkles, sometimes beating up to a pace where Tachycardia appeared to be romantically inclined. She blew her hot chocolate, then she sipped it savoring the way Levi made it. Bitter as always, but there's always a sweetness at the tip of her tongue. Maybe she could say his mixtures are always a mirror to him, perfect in any trying way.

Levi was nowhere to be found, making her morning alone again. There are certain times like this, where Levi would be shitting himself out of nowhere, then would reappear back in the speed of flash, or would grow himself like a mushroom.

Mikasa does not have anything to say about that.

They are not like normal people, who can have long conversations, making the two of them really awkward even though they have been living together for some time. That's why Mikasa understood that both of them really need to have some alone time, making them linger for a lot of things that they couldn't find the guts to talk about.

Which was really okay for her.

So she got the sewing kit which Levi gave her months ago, then started doing her mini project. It was only June and Mikasa knew that December was still a long way to go, but she needs to do it as early as now. Making a cravat for her housemate is not an easy thing to sew especially when her housemate is very particular even when it comes to stitches and thread.

Before, she would ask herself why the peculiar captain always wore a pristine white cravat? Was it because of his sense of style? Was it because he was just feeling fancy? Or maybe because just like her, the cravat has some hidden memories which make it precious to the point where he always wears it in battle.

She does not know the answer for that, she never asked Levi though. But all in a while, just like her scarf, she noticed that Levi also lost his cravat, the way she lost hers. 

That's why in an idle moment like this, she decided to craft another cravat for him, just like the way Levi gave her another scarf. She smiled at the thought as she continued mending the piece of the pristine white cloth. It would be nice if she would keep this as a secret, surprising him a gift the way he surprises her in almost everything.

_I hope he likes it._

#### 

LEVI

The city outskirt was a fucking mess to begin with. 

Levi, with his aching left knee cap, opts to go home, but cannot fucking go home because of the rally of some shitty Yeagerists. At nine hundred hours, there he was, falling in line at the bank just to witness a scandalous fight between the Interior Military Police and a few Yeagerist who are bickering about the queen's mystery child.

Of course, hidden secrets cannot remain hidden forever. A tumultuous gossip might have been circulating the whole island, revealing that the father of the royal child was Eren Yeager. He knew it all too well, that the Yeagerists will be the one to swarm like cicadas, pissing every information they got so they could see the royal child's face.

_Worshipping it like a pile of shit._ Levi sighed, as he wore his sunglasses. Even though he have retired being Humanity's fucking Strongest, there were still a lot of people who knew his popularity. He doesn't want unwanted attention, he doesn't want attractions, and importantly, he doesn't want his ass to get licked the way that bastard of a monkey does. His nose scrunched up, thinking heavily why he needed to remember the Yeager siblings all of a sudden.

Soon after he finished his business at the bank, writing down his new address to avoid confusions about his monthly pension, an interior police approached him atrociously. _How shitty can this day get?_

"Levi Ackerman. Hero of Shiganshina, Captain of the disbanded Survey Corps, protégé of the Ripper, a former thug and assassin-"

"What do you fucking want?" He asked, his temper was running higher than the walls of fucking Sina.

"The queen has requested for your presence. She ought to seek for your protection, guarding her and her child from these Yeagerists."

Levi replied without missing a beat. He can't listen to another pot of shit especially when he wants to go home and enjoy a cup of tea. "I'm not interested."

"That was an order... Soldier."

A moment. How dare these mongrels tell him what to do? Nothing changed to be blunt, that some soldiers still treated him like a street rat who was just praised because of his unordinary and exceptional skills. It was always like that, why just can't he live his life for fucking peace? There was no grudge between him and Historia, but he wasn't some toy soldier who they can get just because they want security and maybe display.

"So instead of eloping with a young lass, having date nights like some happy fucked up folk, keeping the oriental bitch all to yourself while fucking her every goddamn night..."

Levi Ackerman is not a fucking dog, for god's sake.

A rage fueled his glaring eyes. The police seemed to have a chatty mouth as he continued spatting words which made Levi inwardly furious.

"...Serve our queen, filthy runt."

So he let his instincts move, a medium power surging from every nerve of his body. If he wasn't treated well, and if he was still treated like some sort of criminal, then be it. He hated being called filthy.

"At the dawn of Friday, you'll be travelling for Mitras-" He lets the interior soldier spat shit before he totally cuts him off by pulling down his royal collar. Levi's hand gripped tighter, as his teeth gritted harshly. He doesn't care whoever the hell was seeing this circus, for he doesn't want to be treated like some shit who lives a fucking boring life waiting for disposal. Let alone the bashful mention of his housemate.

His other hand reached for the police's wrist, and he squeezed it so hard, enough for the scaphoid to detach from the radius. Levi spoke, clearly yet calmly. "Tell your queen," He paused, now hearing the bones popped in a satisfying way. He gripped, much tighter than before, making him say: "I won't obey your goddamn orders. Understand?"

Levi yanked the police with all his might, leaving him with his stupid screaming, calling for mercy and an ambulance. Too comical, he thought. Before, that shitty royal police was acting tough and nuts, but only to get his hand and dignity squeezed by a man who was once a former thug. So funny, he could fucking laugh out loud if only he was good at expressing emotions.

Enough said, he left the outskirt with a lot of eyes on his posture, so he glared back with daggers. He was going home now, and maybe scrub himself for a week to get rid of the filthy germs he have obtained from touching the fucking police. 

"Don't touch me." Was all he said when Mikasa was running to greet him from the stable.

Confused and dazed, Mikasa's lips fall into a downward curve, making her face frown bitterly. Even Levi was shocked by the words he used, he didn't expect some crude remarks hitting the warm welcome of his companion. So he pursed his lips as his head dropped low, uttering words he wasn't used to saying. "Sorry."

"It's alright." He could see Mikasa nodding, her heels spun faster as she soon went back to the stable. Again, and again, he felt apologetic the way he indirectly burst his frustration towards her. But he was shit at expressing, so he has no choice but to leave her be. He went inside unheeded.

#### 

MIKASA

Mikasa could see the way Levi averted her gaze. It was uncanny, something strange maybe, and as far as she can remember, Levi never acted chastened. So seeing this scenario was something new for her.

Perhaps, she could assume something happened at his early errands. Or maybe, he was acting strange because he hurt her a while ago?

Mikasa didn't know. But she wants to know. And she has the urge to know it sooner.

So she broke the silence by tapping her hands at the dining table, a little bit soundly, yet gentle. Levi looked at her direction, his face still stern, but his arched brow gave her a go signal to do whatever she wants.

"Is there... something wrong?"

A moment.

"Nothing." Levi stood up fast, his blue-gray-whatever-color of his complex eyes breaking from her onyx eyes. _Why is he so agitated by the way?_ She chose not to be annoyed at him, instead, she chose to worry about his attitude.

On her hands and knees, she began to scrub every corner of their house. Solving pieces by pieces the sentiments of her problematic housemate, she needs to discover it before her madness acts and beat the hell out of Levi. Mikasa gave a deep breath, sweeping her bangs away from her forehead. 

When she was done, she heard Levi hit the bath. The shower was boisterous, she could hear it raining hard, thinking that she was right, something was definitely wrong. She can't say she knew Levi very well, but Levi was a very reserved person, his calm demeanor described it accurately. But it doesn't look a lot like that now.

Levi was sitting at the davenport sofa, his usual spot at the usual time. He was drinking tea, which Mikasa found strange. 

Usually, she was the one to brew tea for afternoon sessions like that, but before she could even brew, Levi was already drinking his second cup. She was really itching to ask him what the hell was wrong, why was he acting like there's some stick stuck upon his glorious ass.

Her patience was running so low, she could easily snap in a few moments of bitter scenarios. But she needs to hold it, if she wishes to understand Levi more.

So she strode slowly, sitting herself beside him, acting so subtle yet cautious. There was no room for mistakes, she inwardly told that to herself, because she didn't want an argument for a tranquil afternoon.

"Levi."

She heard him hummed, his eyes still at the newspaper he was holding. 

"You could tell me."

A moment again. Then his eyes glanced at her, then hastily back at the newspaper. His face wasn't doing anything, which was making Mikasa irritated like she was talking to a painting.

"Levi." She called him again, this time, with a tone of authority.

"What is it, Mikasa?" Finally, he replied. Yet his tone was out of boredom and chagrin. There's no in-between.

Mikasa clicked her teeth, her patience at the tip of her tongue. "You could tell me what's bothering you..." She moved a little closer, her left knee now touching his right knee. She can't explain why she was doing this, but something tells her that there should be a closeness whenever talking about things like this.

To her surprise, Levi put his hand on her knee cap. "What do you see in me, Mikasa?" Her knees were shivering, his hand was gripping tightly. "You tell me, why do you need to do this?"

What? What was Levi talking all about? Mikasa can't understand the way she was shocked and mouth agape, her words were formed out of stuttered and slurred speech: "I, you, Levi-"

"You can't even say it," He scoffed, his hand now pinching the bridge of his nose. He never looks so frustrated like this before. "Do you do this because you pity me?"

"No, I never thought of that-" She was cut off again and again, making her eyes shiver with glass, making her fragility more oblivious.

"Then tell me what?" His voice was a little bit louder, his calm demeanor suddenly betrayed his actions making Mikasa stupefied, making her regret the decision to approach Levi in his bad days. Levi clicked his teeth, his hand on his forehead. "Ugh, sorry..."

"Levi, you are... You're important to me," Mikasa tried to collect the remaining fragments of courage she had never been prepared for. She needs to choose her words correctly, she needs to justify it clearly or else, ah shit what was she about to say? "I promise myself to be by your side-"

"Mikasa, stop treating me like I'm Eren!" He shouted, his eyes showing a glint of rage, a hint of desperation like the way it burned his throat. Mikasa shivered by the way she heard him scream the name of the former liege who once maybe betrayed her, and something... made her uncomfortably furious.

She bit her cheeks, counting from one to ten, telling herself to calm the fuck down like Levi always told her. "You will never be Eren."

"That's just fucking great." Without beating the bush, Levi stood up. His eyes never glanced at her, making his second cup of tea unattended. Mikasa couldn't hold her patience, so before Levi could truly go, she grabbed his wrist, almost pulling him back to her, but only to be reciprocated with words she absolutely hated.

"Stop touching me." He hissed, but Mikasa was quick to slap him hard in his face, making Levi's eyes widened. Her eyes were beading with forming tears, she never expected to slap him, but Levi was getting so much ahead. What did she do to deserve this? She didn't even understand why Levi was acting that way? It was a serious mess, leaving the both of them standing in the room where they shared a session of serendipity every afternoon.

Mikasa was shaking, but as soon as she saw Levi opening his mouth again, she lunged quickly at him, pinning him down to the floor. Her hand suddenly strangled Levi's neck, making Levi really shocked but never really fighting back. She doesn't know if she was acting on her instincts, or she was acting on her baffled emotions. It was so hard to distinguish as her tears streamed down heavily on her face. Even though her wit was falling, she screamed: "Stop telling me what to do!"

It hurts, it hurts so much. Hearing Levi to shout at her like she was some stupid fucked up doll who spilled a freshly delivered milk. Levi never shouted at her, and she never expected that to happen. All her life was always Eren shouting at her, and that kind of approach hurt her. It even hurts when she heard Levi the way Levi thought that he was being compared to Eren. Levi was wrong, Eren can never be replaced, and Levi was something much more to her than Eren. Why can't he see that he was better than Eren? So with her rage still fuming up, her eyes were clogged with teary visions, strangling Levi harder than the way she pinned him down on the roof in Shiganshina.

She could sense Levi was reaching for her hands, but nonetheless, her rage consumed her by only gripping him tighter to prevent him from speaking useless words coming from his crude mouth. She can't think anymore, her tears were spilling on Levi's stitched face. And if there's something, someone who could prevent this all-

"Stop it! Enough!"

A moment. A helpless haze from the look of Levi.

Mikasa found her hands suddenly weak, falling down on her sides. She was catching her breath, shocked to find herself on top of Levi. It almost appeared that she was pulled back into reality, observing and quizzical why Levi was down on the floor, breathing heavily like he has been choked for years. Has she gone insane?

She stood up slowly, her legs wobbling the way her eyes did. Levi was still there, his hand reaching for his aching left leg. Mikasa found herself apologetic, momentarily thinking about her actions and the things she had said to him. If only she could bring back time, if only she could have told him straight in his eyes that she wanted to protect him not because he was a substitute, but for the reason she was already in love with him.

But the look that Levi gave her, tells that Levi may not be in the same boat, or she might have vocally said the wrong words, maybe even worse, that Levi was afraid of love or commitments or whatever that goddamn thing called. _Fuck,_ she mumbled. Her ideas are tangled and she can't determine which was which but her mouth was too straight-forward so she managed to speak even though the afternoon was already hell.

"Why are you so afraid of love?"

She caught her mouth absent-mindedly while her glassy eyes staring at Levi's helpless haze. His indigo orbs were flickering, a hint of sadness almost spilling like tears. But Levi wasn't crying, his lips were only the one who was showing his real emotions. Insecurity. _Am I seeing it right?_

"I'm not afraid of love, Mikasa." He stood up, his curtained bangs now falling under his eyes. His eyes never met hers, just the way she imagined it to happen back in the days where she begged Levi to stay with her. While his heels spun towards the front door, once again, Levi spoke. She was tired of listening, but yet she listened even though she knew it would break her apart.

"I'm afraid... where love might bring us."

With all that said and might, the door shut closed, his shadow no longer visible in her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Levi was listening from the crystal radio: Bye Bye Blackbird - Gene Austin
> 
> I recommend you guys to listen to: I've Never Been In Love Before - Chet Baker. Maybe it sums up this whole chapter. Just try it. Promise, the lyrics fit the shit out of it.
> 
> -
> 
> Again, thank you so much for the lovely supports and the uplifting comments. You all guys know who you are, and I'm beyond grateful. For this chapter... ugh, moody/frustrated Levi is just so hard to write. I know, he's like _I'm so sweet and such a gent_ to _I will fucking rip your filthy throat_. I don't know what more to say, this chapter is just a fuck ton of emotions. I feel bad for Mikasa and Levi, I hope they could express themselves truly.
> 
> So yeah... please do leave a comment what you guys think! Thank you. (:


	8. Cigarettes and Spearmint

#### 

LEVI

_What the hell did I do?_

He found himself sitting at a rock near the eastern lake of Chlorba. Not that far away from his house, but at least his thoughts could be far from what just recently happened. Levi didn't expect that drama to be honest. He was in shock, he was stupefied, and he was being consumed by his guilt which rarely happens.

The deafening silence of the calm water, the rustling leaves, and the whooshing wind were all making his head throbs. _Goddamnit, nature's not even the reason. Fuck, just fuck._

Well... In truth is, Levi can't actually think right now. The way he saw how her eyes were clogged with salty tears, is also the way how his mind was clogged with words he told her. He shouldn't have screamed at her. He shouldn't have gripped her kneecap that bad. He shouldn't even have mentioned the name of the bastard brat to her. But everything... he ruined. He ruined the tranquil afternoon. He ruined their tea session. He ruined her pretty face by making her cry. 

Levi just hurt her, be it indirectly or directly, he couldn't care less. He hurt her, and that's what matters for him.

He bitterly scoffed, while inwardly telling himself words that would betray him sooner or later: I should never have let her in my life. But what's all said is done, and all shits he complained was now a part of his life. Mikasa wasn't just a bystander, nor was she a friend, nor a comrade or whatever the fuck the world tell him to see her. Mikasa holds a very special place in his heart, and that's what drove him crazy to the point he doesn't even know how many hours he have been spending his ass in the shitty rock he was sitting on. _Ugh, fuck._

If only Erwin was here, then maybe Erwin could have given him a manual to read about: 'How to fall in love without acting crazy?' Levi groaned, uncomfortable about the way he felt, about the way he can't understand the whole point now. So what about now? Now that all his friends were dead, and the only companion he has was also the same person he acted like a douche in front of, what the hell is going to happen now?

_Give me a damn break..._

#### 

MIKASA

_I should have told him what I truly felt._

She could assume that it has been almost two hours since Levi left, and there she was... still frozen on the floor. Not moving a muscle, not wording a sound. It was hard, she can't even tell if she could face Levi herself. What she did was wrong, she acted like a damn deranged beast to the only companion she has in this damn fucked up world.

Her tears were all dried up, and maybe she could assume that her lacrimal glands are definitely exhausted. But it wasn't any help to her situation, thinking that those tears can't solve anything, and left by the reason that she should be the one to act if she really wants anything to happen.

_Ugh, Levi, why are you just so hard to understand?_ Mikasa pinched the bridge of her nose, giving a similar expression she has seen before with Levi. Her mind was doomed, and if she can't understand Levi, then maybe Levi can't understand her too.

Everything now was all about Levi. Levi, Levi, and Levi. Her mind runs through the four letter name of that damn shorty, her heart pangs all just because of that stupid, irksome captain. What kind of poison has she been intaking to be so in love? Even Mikasa can't understand the stupidity they both were involved in.

But was it really stupidity?

_"I'm afraid... where love might bring us."_

"Really, Levi? Then explain the hell out to me!" Talking to herself, she might really need to consult a therapist. What does Levi mean? Does he even know what falling in love means? And where the hell would love bring them? To hell?

_Then might as well bring me to hell if that's what you're afraid of!_

She abruptly slapped herself making her cheeks much reddish. Her mused up thoughts aren't helping any better, so she decided to see the action for herself. Levi was not around, that's the first of her problems because where could the little runt be hiding his scared fucked up ass?

Wiping her tears away, Mikasa stood up. She told herself she wasn't like any girl who just cries and waits for men to pick them back again. She's a new person, well, all thanks to the person who made her cry a while ago. She needs to find Levi first, and the rest will be up for decision the moment she found him. It's exhausting but...

That's the thing you do for love.

As soon as she changed her clothes, she galloped fast to the city of Chlorba. Mikasa has really no idea where Levi goes whenever he goes out. It's like finding a needle at a barn filled with a ton of hay, and that's way too impossible to find.

But she needs to try it. Even if searching the whole island that would make both of her and Sunny have their tongues hang out. She needs to find Levi, she really needs to.

It was sixteen hundred hours, and the plaza was already being crowded. There's a feast of the free birds shit that was about to happen, and she knew it by hand that there's no way Levi would waste his time in boisterous crowds. So she took a quick scan, then she went ahead to the next idea where he could possibly be.

_J. Lyons & Co. Tea._ She went ahead inside, the reins of her horse tied at the tree branch outside. If there was one place Levi would be distressing, of course it would be his favorite tea past-time. So she scanned the whole area, even asked the fancy waitresses if they had seen a handsome-raven-haired-but-short man, but to her surprise... There was none. 

_Where could he be?_

She ran a hand to her hair, exiting the tea shop. She didn't ride her horse, yet she walked a little bit fast. Mikasa strode down the pavement, looking quickly at some of the establishments they usually dine. Speakeasy was a bit crowded, so Levi couldn't be there. Her choices were running out, much the same for her time. She gave a deep breath.

"You might want to consider buying from an old man, missus?"

A thin yet breathy voice caught Mikasa's attention. She turned around to see an old man wearing rickety clothes, his head almost going bald, his front teeth missing. So she replied politely. "Yes, sir?"

She was offered a view of a thing she can't remember the exact name, but she can tell it was some sort of a gramophone. The old man gave her a weary smile, almost hoping that she would at least give alms if she won't buy the thing.

But she was stressed out looking for Levi, and the least she wanted to do was not to listen to music after a tiring long day. "How much for that thing, sir?"

"Just a few bucks, missus." The old man smiled, reaching the small box to her while opening it for her to see. "It's an old Victor VV 2-55, missus. I'll give you a phonographic record, if ya' want, ya' see."

The bargain sounded good, even though she doesn't know what the old man was telling. She thought of it as giving it as a gift for Levi, as a compensation for their argument. "Can this play jazz?"

"Of course!" The old man exclaimed, giving her a phonographic record of a singer named Fats Waller. "Just put it inside, and wait for a little moment before it plays."

She nodded thinking that Levi might like it. Wait, aren't her and Levi just had an argument? "I'll take it."

The old man took it out as he handed it to her, wrapping the record in a paper bag. She just shrugged and gave him the payment, adding a few extra coins to help the old man. It's what Levi always does, and the thought of doing it the same made her inwardly warm.

"Thank you, missus! You reminded me of someone... someone stern yet good like Captain Levi!"

#### 

LEVI

Levi unlocked the door as it creaked open. Half before seventeen hundred hours, their little house was dark, and not a single light was open.

"Mikasa?" He called her, his vision quickly searching for her despite the dimmed room. He strode towards the kitchen, her hair cannot be seen. He strode upward to their second floor, then to the rooms, but not a sight of hers he found. 

Levi was getting more frustrated as he ran a hand to his hair, his left kneecap aching tremendously. _Where could she be?_

Not that he has any time to waste, he quickly changed to his combat boots thinking that he needs to find her before the night comes in. He can't let this happen, after all, he thought that this was all his fault.

_I'm sorry, Mikasa..._

He didn't even fix the traces of their argument such as the tumbledown stool, the unattended teacups, and the wetness of the floor. Levi just squinted his eyes, shaking his head, and telling his OCD to shut the fuck up.

He left, then left the lights still closed.

#### 

MIKASA

Mikasa took the long way back. She was hoping that maybe she can find Levi somewhere at the lake, or somewhere he can find his peace. She gripped tighter the reins, softly kicking Sunny to fasten up the speed. It's seventeen hundred hours, and soon it will be night. She can't think of more other places where Levi could be, but she still really needs to try.

She slowed down her pace as the lake was nearing her. Mikasa closed her eyes for a second, wishing that Levi was just there, his face just sulking and would just scold her for her recklessness.

But the moment she opened her eyes and saw the peaceful lake, Levi wasn't anywhere to be found. She moved, making rounds in the lake, but not a single sight of his raven hair was there.

Mikasa gulped an imaginary air, her hands shivering due to the cool breeze. She steadied her hands, her posture stiffened, inwardly telling herself that Levi might be waiting for her back at home.

_Our home..._

So she maneuvered back, tracking down the path back at home. Hoping once again to see Levi, with his scowling face, and maybe she would run back to hug him this time.

She barged right at their door but only to find out everything she left... Was still left untouched. Mikasa knew Levi very well, that Levi would rather be late at something if that would give him extra time to clean whatever shits he was itching to clean. But the unattended teacup explained the maze very well, so she assumed that Levi never went home.

The hope of finding Levi soon shattered the same way her back shattered at the wall of their house. Her head instantly throbbed, leaving her unanswered question still out of the blue. Where is he?

Sighing, with her hand scraping her scalp, Mikasa never felt so alone in her life. It was so wrong, what she did was wrong, and there was no one to blame for the sudden argument except for her. 

_I'm sorry Levi..._

She's thinking that maybe Levi, wanted some space between them. It was alright, of course it is... Or is it really alright for her?

Still lethargic and hopeless, Mikasa stood up and found her way to the kitchen. She was exhausted and dehydrated, and a little water would maybe cure her loneliness. She gulped it down fast, looking all over the place, then she suddenly remembered the small post-it notes that Levi has been using.

She ran upstairs, then pulled Hange's dirty leather briefcase, revealing a feather pen and a post-it note. _I need to get one, if it's alright Hange... Thanks._ She hastily wrote down a cursive note, and placed it atop of the portable gramophone she bought.

If I can risk my life and do crazy things for Eren... then what's a simple ride at night all the way to Trost?

So she pulled out and wore her combat boots, then she wore the scarf that Levi gave her. It was a half before eighteen hundred hours, and if there was one last place she can think that Levi could be... It must be at The Hat Bar.

#### 

LEVI

Levi was losing his shit in the city. It was his second time again this day in the city where he just knocked out an interior police officer, and now he is acting all like a bounty hunter searching for his companion.

_If only I haven't been fucking rude with her... Tch._

No time to regret anything, he politely asked the establishments where he could assume that she will stay. But to his extent, all he got for an answer is: no. Wearingly sighing, his three-digit hand almost trembling because of how abruptly he grabbed the reins, Levi can't think of more ideas where Mikasa could be.

Mikasa never left the house for entertainment purposes. It was always for necessities, and Levi knew that too well. Now that she was missing, where more she could be?

He thought about their friends, but they both haven't heard anything from Connie and Jean. It would also be too impossible for Mikasa to travel back to Marley because Annie was there, leaving him the question that irritated him to his nerves. It was only him and Mikasa for four fucking months.

And now it was just him searching for the woman he was so afraid to love yet so afraid to lose. 

_I fucked up again... Damn it._

After searching almost every alleyway of the city of Chlorba, Levi decided to halt his mission. It was nineteen hundred hours, and not a sight of that stubborn gloomy brat he had seen. 

Levi never felt so shitty and stupid before. And maybe... this would be the first time he'd be regretting the actions he had done.

So he galloped past the suburbs, almost turning his head around every minute just in case he would encounter her even in the slightest possibility. Levi was tired, hungry, and vexed. But none of it was really his concern as he admitted truthfully to himself that he can never lose her.

He scoffed, as he gazed into the changing colors of horizon, absent-mindedly telling himself that he would never hurt her again.

"Shit, I think we missed each other!" Levi exclaimed, almost shouting when he entered their dark- now lighted house inside. Frustrated, he almost slammed the door hard just because he lost her again. It was like he has been toyed, which actually brings back the memories of that fucking monkey in the forest. 

He groaned as he placed his palm at his forehead, thinking for the million times where the fuck could she be.

It's past dinner time and he's actually worried if Mikasa might have been starving herself again or been freezing herself outside. Levi used to be stern at all times, but not now. He can't even think for a moment how to regain his stern demeanor as his face could burst out a lot of emotions just by thinking of her.

_Ugh, fuck, Kenny, how the hell can I truthfully admit it to her?_

Levi strode towards the center island, grabbing himself a glass of water. Truth is, ever since that explosion, Levi was always tired and he was growing a little bit frail. A day of horse ride can be strength consuming to him, and he knew that someday, his body would just wear it off. So he pulled a seat, leaning his weary body onto it, and he closed his eyes for a moment.

It was always Mikasa Ackerman he could see in his dark visions.

Even if she was away from him, even if he doesn't know where the hell could her gloomy ass can be, it was always her. Levi wasn't wrong when he truthfully admitted to himself how he felt about her, but it only ends there. He knew it for a long time that Mikasa was at someplace in his heart, yet he never listened to his own feelings. Levi always tends to set it aside, miscalculating his hopes and unfortunes just because he simply can't say it to her.

And now that she isn't anywhere, his mind can't be simply at ease.

So he pushed back the counter stool, then he stood up while thinking of another possibility of where she could hang out. Levi was about to go upstairs when he noticed something new placed at the dining table.

_**For you... I'm sorry.** _

_**\- M** _

Levi opened the mystery box and he was revealed with a portable gramophone, with a phonographic record of some fat man he once heard before. Fats Waller: _Ain't Misbehavin'_

If she wasn't missing, for sure he would be smiling. But he needs to save his thanks for later, as soon as he sets aside the Victor VV set he was given. Both he and Mikasa have a thing for jazz, and that sums up the inward warm he was feeling and wait, wait, what?

_Ugh, why haven't I thought of this before?_

#### 

MIKASA

Mikasa arrived at Trost a quarter before twenty hundred hours. She was too tired, even forgetting her water canteen back at home. Nonetheless, her restlessness could wait as she trekked along towards the Hat Bar.

She was already known at Trost, the same way Levi had his popularity at every city they could be. So she approached the officer who was on duty, if she could tie her horse at the nearby stable designated for officers. When she heard the officer say yes, she ran hastily towards The Hat Bar, imagining that she would soon find Levi waiting for her there.

The Hat Bar was a little jump-packed this night than the other night they attended. So she strode inside, almost looking at every corner of the bar, when a man dressed in a fancy suit approached her.

"A table for how many, mademoiselle?"

"I, uhm," But before she could even understand the question she was given, the fancy man escorted her to a table designated for two.

"Almost every table here at The Hat Bar has been reserved, but an alas for you, the manager recognized you as the strongest soldier next to Captain Levi." The fancy man explained, then he smiled before he left. The mentioned name of Levi made her heart so terse, for the reason she wasn't supposed to enjoy jazz tonight, but she was here because she was hoping to find Levi.

_Just relax... he must be here._

She leaned her back against her seat, turning her head every now and then, while trying to find a scowling raven-haired man. Mikasa can't really feel at ease, so when a waiter appeared at her table, she simply ordered a glass of Scotch. Never knowing what it even tasted like, but she hoped that Levi would just appear out of nowhere, telling her that what she ordered simply tasted like shit.

But again, he was nowhere to be found.

Her face slowly frowned, giving a deep breath, and almost smelling the irony of the warm ambience the bar was offering. Mikasa felt a little sad with a mixture of nostalgia and guilt, reminding again herself that if she didn't burst out, then maybe she would just be having a peaceful night with Levi at their home.

But it was too late to redo her actions again, and even if it was, she can never take the past back.

_**How can you tell me that you're goin' away?** _

The beautiful woman started singing her soothing voice at the stage. Mikasa let another ten minutes pass, telling herself that she would just finish her glass of Scotch before exiting the bar. 

_**Don't say that we must part, don't break my aching heart** _

But things she planned didn't go that well, when the singer absent-mindedly caught her wishful thinking. It was so soon to go home, and even if she would go home, would she find him at his usual spot?

_**You know I've loved you truly, many years I loved you night and day** _

Sighing, while her tears are starting to find their way outside, Mikasa just closed her eyes.

_**How can you leave me, can't you see my tears?** _

_"I'm afraid... where love can bring us."_

_**After you've gone, and left me crying** _

Levi's line just kept returning and returning even if she tried her best not to think about it. Maybe, he said that because he's not good at words anyway...?

_**After you've gone, there's no denying** _

_**You'll feel blue, you'll feel sad** _

She scoffed, almost in the same way as Levi, _God,_ she thought. Everything she does now contains the four letter name, almost like poison, intoxicating every cavity of her body. Mikasa shook her head, being engulfed and clouded by the shitty lyrics that hit her damned mind.

_**There'll come a time when you'll regret it** _

"A martini glass of Devil Springs Vodka for our beautiful guest." The waiter served her a glass of drink she never heard before, and she was sure that she didn't also order.

"I never ordered it... and I must be going."

The waiter halted, almost leaning to her as if he was telling a secret. "You didn't," He paused, then he pointed at a dark corner. "But he did."

_**Someday, when you'll grow lonely** _

Her face was growing quizzical as she turned around, trying to spot the man who gave her a drink. Like a work of devil, tempting and maybe alluring.

_**Your heart will break like mine, and you'll want me only** _

Mikasa was about to stand up, when a man patted a hand in her shoulder. A surge of power for defense came raging up, but only to be shocked when she turned around.

"Jean?"

"Hey, Mikasa! It's really you, damn, I've missed you!"

Taking her seat back again, she asked him a question. "Is the drink from you?"

"Of course! I'm not really sure if it's you... So I sent a drink."

Can she be asking Jean about Levi? Can she?

_**After you've gone, after you've gone away** _

Jean took a seat beside her. It was a quarter before twenty-one hundred hours, and the lone growing night of hers, finally found a companion...  
But not the companion she was looking for.

"I've never heard a single thing from you, Mikasa..." Jean paused, as he approached a waiter to serve him a glass of another Vodka. "Come on, drink!"

So she tried the drink, even if it was burning her throat, even if the drink was the complete opposite of the drinks Levi gave her.

_**Someday, blue and downhearted** _

"Can you order me another of this drink?" She asked, her eyes that blurry and fogged. Maybe another drink, or two, can Levi be emerging from somewhere, telling her that she's too reckless to drink a lot of alcohol.

"Of course." 

_**You'll long to be with me right back where you started** _

"What brought you here, Mikasa?"

_I'm looking for Levi, Jean. I'm looking for him after I bawled him hard in our stupid floor planks._ She thought, but her mind can't really focused after consuming five drinks of that stupid devil vodka. "I'm having fun, Jean."

"You never looked like the girl who wasted her time just to have fun."

"Touché."

She noticed Jean gave her a concerning look, as he moved his hand to sweep her bangs off her face. Mikasa knew Jean had a thing for her, but she can't comprehend anything at the moment right now, and her thoughts of Levi were suddenly fading out.

"Let's get you home." Jean said, sticking his ass out of the chair.

"I live far away from Trost."

"Then let's check you in somewhere." She felt Jean gently pull her from her seat, then carefully leading her way out. "It's getting really late."

_**After I'm gone, after I'm gone away...** _

#### 

LEVI

Levi arrived at Trost at exactly twenty-one hundred hours. His mind can't constantly stop thinking about The Hat Bar, thinking that she might be there even for the slightest chance of making her there.

He galloped down slowly, trekking down the bar, but also concerned about his tired dark horse. If the horse can speak, then his poor horse must be cursing non-stop at him. The city was a bit crowded than Chlorba, making him irritated again, but he needs to ignore it the way he ignored his OCD tendencies, just to find his stupid companion.

"If this ain't the sassy captain of the Survey Corps!"

Jumping off of his horse, Levi halted when a familiar voice suddenly interrupted his night mission. "Perocho?" He called out to him, suddenly remembering that this was one of the few good officer in the interior military.

"What brought you here, Levi?"

"I'm looking for someone." Levi replied, his eyes almost scanning the face of Perocho. Perocho almost looked like he had an answer for Levi's future questions.

"Then she might be the one you're looking for." Perocho gestured to Levi to follow him, taking the lead towards the designated stable for the officers. Perocho pointed, making Levi look, and almost quizzical. "There."

"Stop fucking with me, thin moustache. I'm not looking for a horse."

Perocho chuckled, almost bending his posture to lean a little bit closer to Levi. If this ain't a night for moustache jokes, then might be for short jokes. "You're looking for the owner, am I correct?"

An arched brow grows at the face of Levi. "Yeah."

"Then she must be waiting for you at that bar. She left her horse with me an hour ago."

"How did you know that I'm looking for Mikasa Ackerman?"

A moment. Then Perocho tied his horse beside Mikasa's horse.

"A gossip has been spreading like wildfire that you've been living with an oriental girl, Levi." Perocho paused, his eyes filled with concern for the respectable captain. "Be careful. If you... you know. If you're worried about your reputation."

"Fuck the monarchy, Perocho. I'm retired and annoyed. They shouldn't give a damn on whatever businesses I do."

He watched how Perocho shrugged, then nodded afterwards. So what if he has been on the filthy mouths of civilians and officers? He was somehow thankful for Perocho's news, but nonetheless he found himself apathetic for that matter. He doesn't care what people would think of him as long as it didn't hurt Mikasa. 

Before he resumed going to the bar, he motioned to Perocho as he said: "Thanks."

"Let's have a drink sometime?"

"Maybe. But not tonight, I'm kind of busy."

The Hat Bar was a bit crowded, leaving him a small space at the corner. He declined the small voice at the tip of his subconscious, telling him that he won't find her in a crowded place like here.

_But, she's always there. Of course, it got to be always her._

Levi strode more, almost scanning all the faces he would encounter at the bar. Crazed and fucked, he was sure he ain't going to do this madness. He can't even last a minute of conversation with people, let alone seeing faces of a lot of strangers.

He spent almost ten minutes searching for her in a sea of people, but only to leave him with none. She's still not at his radar.

Then a girl with auburn blond hair, approached him. Of course, he was famous, and he'd be an idiot if he would deny himself that his name wasn't in the mouth of any women who fantasized about him. "Would you mind having a drink with me, Captain Levi?"

His name suddenly felt like a bitter gourd. Levi winced, he can't be having a drink or two with some fancy women he just met at the bar. "Not really."

"So the gossip's true. An oriental girl already got your tongue?"

He scoffed, the word oriental suddenly felt like a sudden vulgarity of bitching. Levi wasn't really a gentleman to begin with, he can manhandle girls the way he brutally wants. But he told himself, he can't lose his shit tonight, so he said bitterly. "Maybe."

The auburn headed woman was a little compulsive, and he hated women like that. But he just monitored her, as she brought him a glass of bourbon, and guessed what would be his fate this evening. "Thank your pretty face for that boring mouth of yours, Captain Levi."

"Women don't interest me." Levi said, as he pulled the auburn hair, making her lean towards him. He spoke so calm, yet with a tone of authority and disgust that can only be addressed towards the people who made fun of his loved ones. He gave a deep breath, only for the woman to smell his clean spearmint breath as he continued. "Only a real devil can tame me."

The haughty woman was about to kiss him but he stopped her as soon as his pretty face turned into a scowling face nobody would dare to mess up. "Get out of my fucking sight, you stinking bitch."

Good fucking thing Perocho came to Levi's table when the woman was about to slap him. Perocho actually scolded the woman for her discourtesy, then threatened her to jail if she wouldn't go away. Levi sighed wearily, as he offered his unattended Bourbon to Perocho. 

"Her horse is still there. So, a drink perhaps?"

A moment. Levi looked around one more time before falling himself to the drinking game. 

"Maybe." He shrugged.

#### 

MIKASA

Low tolerance or high tolerance, whatever the answer may be, her intoxication of alcohol this night has hit her hard in her head. Five martini glasses of the devil's spring work, Mikasa found herself so dizzy in the motel's lobby. Her visions could assume Jean walking towards her, with a key in his hand, and she recklessly stood up.

But she failed as she fell, only to be caught by Jean. "Careful, Mikasa..."

"I need to go home, Jean."

Jean didn't appear to be listening to her struggling thoughts. He accompanied Mikasa to the room he booked for a night "It's late. Let's stay for the night."

Mikasa heard the keys clang, then the circular motion of the doorknob being opened. She was struggling so much to get out of the situation, but her body was frozen as if she drank venom from a snake. 

Too tired to think, but there was one wishful thinking that has been lingering for hours. If maybe, she could be reckless with Jean, then maybe Levi would come and get her just to scold her with that crude mouth of his.

_Maybe._

#### 

LEVI

_"Thank you for attending tonight's Jazz! Well, not everyday may have a special guest of a hero, Captain Levi of the Survey Corps! So for tonight, we'll be requesting for Chet Baker's song-"_

"God, won't these damn brats shut their mouth?" Levi scoffed, unimpressed of how the people acknowledge him like some sort of chef kiss shits. He heard Perocho chuckled, as if he was that drunk, then sipped another glass of Champagne.

_**They're writing songs of love, but not for me** _

The singer made a chilled entrance sending goosebumps to his skin. Levi dropped his eyelids at the thought of Jazz and Champagne, as his mind suddenly wandered back to Mikasa. 

_**A lucky star's above, but not for me** _

Where could that damn brat be? He searched for almost everywhere, making him almost on his hands and knees, but she was still nowhere.

_**With love to lead the way** _

"Levi?"

He hummed, his eyes averting everyone.

"What's the thing between you and that girl?"

_**I've found more clouds of gray** _

"Nothing." He replied without missing a beat, much to the irony of the catchy song that was playing.

"It looked less than nothing, well, it even looked more for a stern boss like you."

He shrugged, still denying his feelings in front of everyone. Well, maybe that could be the reason why she was nowhere to be found?

_Oh, Mikasa. You truly are the real devil._

_**Although I can't dismiss, the memory of her kiss** _

"I should go."

He noticed Perocho's concerned face looking at his unattended half-finished glass of whiskey. "You haven't even finished your drink, Levi."

"I can't enjoy a drink without her... sir."

_**I guess she's not, she's not for me** _

#### 

MIKASA

Jean locked the door the moment she was brought to bed by Jean. Her body was wobbling, almost trembling, and even her hands were shivering all because of the sudden situation she was in. 

"You okay?" He heard Jean asked, but found herself inattentively to his question. She chose not to reply instead.

With her body leaning heavily against the rickety mattress, Mikasa smelled the scent of a faint whip of cigarette. It wasn't new if she would find out that Jean has been smoking, because almost everyone of them had a single taste of a faint shitty smoke even back in the military. Mikasa knew that it was obviously designated for stress and anxiety, and that would be bothering her tonight if she was only in a stable condition.

Why would Jean be smoking anyway?

Be it stress or anxiety or whatever the fuck Jean had on his mind, Mikasa knew it wasn't any of her business. She couldn't care, might be less or more, but she's not really in the mood to care. She was too exhausted today, and all at once the tragedy fell at her into small, tiny pieces.

"Why are you so afraid of love?" She asked absent-mindedly, her brain at the brink of shutting down at her extent. Mikasa doesn't know to whom she addressed her question, was it for Eren, for Jean, or for Levi?

Jean dragged a whip, inhaling the bitter Camel cigarette with all his might. He was shocked about Mikasa's sudden question, making him ask her: "What in the damn world are you asking?"

"I just want to be loved." She returned her words truthfully, but never in her world would she address Jean. She was just engulfed by the poison of everything.

"Do you want to?" She heard Jean taking a few steps closer to her. "Because I'd be glad to have you." 

A moment.

Was she hearing it right? Or was she just imagining it that she was hearing it from the person she wanted to love her? 

"I do want to be loved." She used her words, almost every syllable faltering at the point that if it could shout, then it would shout for abomination. It was so wrong, but she can't determine the moment she was. She stayed silent afterwards just letting where the waves would bring her. Levi was not here, and worst, Levi could have found himself someone too.

"So be it."

Mikasa kept her eyes steady, emotionless, and unexpressive. Jean was undressing his button-down shirt, not that fast, almost too gentle but never with a hint of subtlety. She eyed him, thinking how many times did Jean invite someone to sleep with him?

Jean finished his shirt as he threw it down the floor. She looked at Jean directly in his eyes, and that's where she noticed the flint in Jean's thirsty eyes. Jean unbuckled his belt, throwing it down the floor with a slam, almost looking at her as if she was a feast of food.

A fucking moment.

She could hear their heavy breaths, all soundless yet soundly to surround the locked up room. The locked up room she was trapped in. The locked up room where Levi wasn't the one she would be spending the night.

Intimacy, she thought. How funny to think of such a sacred word, when all she has at the moment is a clouded fog of ambivalence. To think of all the times Annie and her talked about relationships, and about love, but here she was, with someone she never loved at the first place. She gulped an imaginary air, almost asking to herself why she can't feel anything? Jean was there, undressing himself, his muscled body showing to her, but why can't her instincts feel the same way whenever she thought of Levi?

Was it really instinct? Or was tonight just a drive of sexuality which made her not to exit and just say goodbye to Jean?

Her musings were cut off when Jean removed his pants. Jean was only left with his undergarment, covering the bulging lump of his hardened genital, almost screaming at her to not disappoint his authoritative member.

As if she was the one who's the root of all fault.

_Maybe, I am._

Mikasa averted her gaze to the dimmed table lamp. She suddenly felt a mixture of disgust, remorse, and guilt. If she continued this, then what the hell would happen? Can she really face Levi with this? Can she found happiness with just a one-night stand with Jean?

Can she by lying to him?

Levi must be somewhere, somewhat waiting for her to come back. But he wasn't here to get her when Jean took a final step to her.

"Mikasa..." Jean called her, the same way Jean touched the scarf that was wrapped around her neck. It was so hard to ignore, yet so hard to focus. The sudden touch of Jean made her inwardly froze, as she suddenly pulled the scarf back from his hands.

She can't.

"Don't touch my scarf, Jean..."

Jean looked at her quizzically but then he made Mikasa lay her back down. He wasn't really speaking, but Jean's actions were already loud to tell what the hell he was thinking. Naivety was not welcome tonight, so when Jean unbuttoned the oxford shirt she was wearing, a realization suddenly knocked off her damned senses.

"I can't Jean... I'm sorry."

Another moment. Her hand found its way to twiddle the comfort scarf Levi gave her.

"Is it because of Eren?"

Mikasa heard that name again, but no, she can't feel anything about him. She was over with Eren Yeager. "No..."

"Then why can't we continue?" Jean took a seat down, his face really frustrated and flustered. "If you're over with Eren, then what's wrong?"

"I'm," I'm in love with someone else. "I have, uhm," Damn it, why can't I just say it?

"Mikasa, what? Don't tell me you're already in love with Levi?" Jean exclaimed, his sentence was uttered strongly, the way the scent of his cigar flourished the room so strongly. 

And how the hell did Jean know? What does he know about her and Levi? And why did he still invite her to come with him if he already knew all about it?

"..."

"Damn it... I can't believe you!"

"Am I not allowed to love him? Can you tell that to me, Jean?" Mikasa pulled the blanket to cover her bare breast. A guilt was slowly engulfing her just because of the mention of the person she really loved.

"Look, just look!" Jean paused as he ran a hand to his dirty blonde hair, almost screaming to her his frustrations. "Captain Levi is your superior!"

"We already had our retirements, just so you know..."

"But it doesn't change the fact that he is forty-five!"

She paused. Momentarily thinking about Levi's age. In fact, she doesn't even know the mystery age of the vampiric captain. But that doesn't apply to her. Jean was just telling lies just for her to quit her absurd thoughts. "Are you hearing what you are telling? You even looked older than Levi!" She exclaimed, then hastily adjusted the tone of her voice. "Where do you get that? From Connie's dirty jokes-"

"Mikasa, didn't you even realize that the both of you can be relatives?!"

Jean might be correct, she thought. Levi Ackerman was her only family. And he might be a relative too. But didn't she already think about it? That the closest they can get is way too distant for incestuous feelings.

And the hell she cares even if they are? Mikasa loved Levi to the point she could die for him.

"I don't care anymore, Jean." She began to work on her buttons, still averting her gaze away from Jean. She truly felt sorry for Jean, but what was done was done, and if this never happened, then maybe she won't really realize the way Levi holds a very important place in her heart.

That no one could ever replace.

"Sorry Jean... I need to go."

She heard him sigh while pulling the blanket to cover his almost naked body. Of course, Mikasa regretted it. Jean was just a friend, and she can't really reciprocate the feelings Jean has for her.

"I can't understand you, Mikasa." Taking a drag of the cigarette, Jean wearingly called to her, and his eyes with a flint of sadness. "I don't hate the captain, don't worry... even if you love him, but it just doesn't really make sense."

"He's not the one at fault, Jean..."

"Then what?" He exclaimed, almost choking on the stick of cigarette.

She sighed, her hand already holding the doorknob, as if she wasn't that drunkard of a person a while ago. "You won't understand... It's complicated."

"Yeah, I won't. Maybe."

Mikasa pulled the door open, but didn't turn her face around to say goodbye even if it was for the last time. All she did was just to hurt everyone, and maybe at some somber point of her, she felt embarrassed.

"Mikasa." She heard Jean called her name, but never sounded the way Levi called her name. It was never like honey, or sugar cubes, or whatever sweetness Levi can produce from his clean mouth of spearmint scent. Mikasa obliged, but her eyes were still that far away from Jean's.

"I'm just hoping for your happiness. Don't regret it."

When she closed the door gently, her tears suddenly streamed out of her eyes. Mikasa sobbed a little, halting herself while leaning heavily against the door of the room she left.

#### 

LEVI

At twenty-two hundred hours, Levi was cursing so bad.

He was just there, sitting at the lonely bench, almost eye-fucking the two tied up horses. His head hangs low, thinking for the billion times where the hell could that gloomy bastard can be?

_If she wasn't here, then she could not just be dumb to leave her horse just like that, huh._

Levi can't think anymore of places she could be, so he just stayed there at the stable, almost ignoring the filthy shits he has been smelling. It was like he was being used to it, which was a really bad thing, because it showed how much Mikasa did to him that made him lose his mind.

He ran a hand to his growing hair while resting his tired eye at the twinkling stars. Last night and tonight were so different from each other, but the stars never ceased to twinkle like tiny amazing shits, and that made him question more about the things he has done.

If he won't be denying himself, then maybe he would recognize that Mikasa loves him, not as a family but more than a romantic one. He was her ideal, much like the same for him, the ideal of his sullen heart. But he chose to broke her heart, and now he acts like a stupid dog searching for a love like her.

The night was not getting any younger, as he finally stood up from the bench he was sitting. He thought about what that shitty singer sang, that "She's not for me" shits, yet eventually finding the resemblance of the song to his situation.

Maybe, Mikasa was not just really for him, but what more can he do?

Levi was clearly in love with her. He just can't say it vocally. It was always hidden with the post-it notes, it was always served in the meals he would serve her, and it was always written in the books he used to underline. So much and so far for an affection he can't address so properly, but what more can he do, now that he got his ass stuck up with some shits called love.

_Too much shitty thoughts for just a day._

He moved himself towards the stable, as he untied the reins of his horse. 

A moment.

_What if she was also looking for me?_

Another moment.

_Ahh, damn. I'm really getting older for complex shits like this._

He shrugged, lost in the ocean of his own thoughts. Levi contemplated, his mind fucking a civil argument he was creating as he tied the reins back again. 

_Just another few minutes, I guess..._

"Levi?"

_Please be her, please be her..._

He turned around, but was annoyed when he found Perocho instead. "What do you want?"

Perocho shrugged as he left Levi wordlessly. He soon entered the small headquarters nearby the stable as he waved himself goodnight. Levi just nodded, his eyes squinting hard as he was feeling a little disappointed. Maybe Mikasa was just tired of seeing him.

Maybe Levi should just go home instead.

Maybe, maybe, may-

"Levi..."

This time, Levi didn't turn around. He waited for her as his eyes were still squinting. 

But damn the walls, Levi can't fucked this time around, so he fucking threw the pride he was going all around as he turned around to look at her. "Mikasa, what just happened?"

Mikasa was there, her eyes so red, her cheeks were totally flushed. She remained breathless, the way she remained wordless, almost hesitating if she would run at him or whatever.

Levi shook his head wordlessly as he took the step to close the chasm between them. Levi didn't want to be touch, _but fuck it_ , this day was a total exception for all his damn protocols and principles.

He pulled her into his arms, so gentle, yet so stern, almost inaudibly whispering to her words she wanted to hear: "I'm sorry, Mikasa... I'm really sorry."

"No, Levi, I'm sorry..."

Levi embraced her closely, as he cut her off, her head suddenly resting at his broad chest. Levi wanted it this way, but he never really admitted it to himself. Yet what was the point anyway? Especially that tonight, both of them were constantly seeking each other.

"Shut up you stupid woman. You're a work of the devil..."

He heard her chuckled as she sniffled on his pristine white oxford shirt. Levi ignored the screams of his OCD, the way he tenderly placed his lips atop her crown. He can't lose her again, not any fucking more. It was tiring, self-consuming, and regretting.

So when he pulled her face gently to see it once again, Levi, for the first time, truthfully admitted his own personal emotions without thinking of any barriers like the way he always thinks.

"I can't lose you, Mikasa. Not in this life, not in this world, not in the shithole of any fucking thing that can get between us. You understand?"

"Levi..." She called out his name with a hot breath, but chills only to be sent at every piece of his spine.

"Just let me finish for once... you damn woman." He paused, his dull gray eyes locking tenderly at her shining glassy eyes. His eyes were always a mystery to her, the way it changes from dull gray to steel-blue to indigo, just like the way his views change every time he would be with her. But he didn't care shit about his eyes or the ways his perspective changes as he continued.

"You're so important Mikasa, you just don't know it, or maybe I just treated you like shit, but damn. You are so fucking important to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you are wondering the two jazzy songs played:  
> After You've Gone 1920's (It has many versions but I prefer the Biohazard MT)  
> But Not For Me - Chet Baker
> 
> -
> 
> I love Jean don't get me wrong. But Jean does have the charisma of a playboy yet so gentle and sweet.   
> For this chapter, I've worked on the plot and the other shits, thus making a fewer RivaMika moments. So I apologized, mmmmm. Don't get mad, I'll try to work these two lovebirds next chapter. Who knows what could happen?
> 
> Thank you for all the lovely comments and supports. I appreciate it so much. (:
> 
> Please leave a comment on what you think. Thank you!


	9. Dream of Me Tonight

#### 

MIKASA

The reeking smell of alcohol and the faint dazed scent of cigarettes that now clings to her oxford shirt, actually embarrassed Mikasa Ackerman. It was one hundred hours, and they have just arrived at their small, tidy, and warm house.

Levi stayed silent all throughout the way. He didn't ask her things except if she wanted to stay at an inn which she hastily refused, in the slightest discomfort to see Jean somewhere.

Which she may not inwardly notice, but she was grateful for that.

Once they arrived at the so-called comfortable house of Levi, to Mikasa's surprise, Levi went straight to the kitchen and cooked like nothing happened. Like he was just cooking dinner for a normal night at eighteen hundred hours. So she strode towards the center island, pulling out a tall stool, and gently wiped the sweat off her forehead.

When Levi was done, he served the both of them sunny side-up eggs paired with a cup of fried rice. She noticed how weary the way Levi looked, yet he still managed to give her a little of his rarest smile.

"Good that you're back, stupid brat."

Mikasa smiled at the infamous endearment Levi always used to call her, and to almost everyone he comfortably knew. So she ate the simple meal yet comfort meal, and that's when she realized that her hunger was tying the noose of her guts.

She managed to look at Levi, who was just staring at her for almost ten minutes, but his meal was still almost untouched as if he wasn't hungry to begin with. So she asked:

"What's wrong?"

"Let's get you to bathe later. No buts, no no's, and no any other shits." He paused, his dull gray eyes flickering. "You stink."

Instead of being annoyed, Mikasa chuckled. She chuckled lightly, then she laughed, and then she smiled to the point the edge of her mouth began to reach her ears. Levi appeared to be shrugging, almost too quizzical by the sudden craze of her emotions, but Mikasa didn't care.

Because Levi just said that she was important to him.

And that's what all that matters for her as she set aside her pride, her secrets, and her ambivalence. She trusted Levi more than anyone else, and she knew that she loved Levi more than anyone else in this world where they were the only one left.

"I'm sorry Levi. I shouldn't have slapped and bawled you on the floor."

A moment.

As if he was thinking his words properly. As if he was afraid to commit a mistake. As if he was about to react to the same scenario all over again... But instead, she thoroughly noticed how Levi moved his hand to grab her hand.

"Forget it." He told her softly, the way his hand squeezed her hand so gentle and so warm. "What's important is that we're living this moment again."

She replied without missing a beat. "Are you happy, Levi?"

"I am." His hands intertwined with her the way she hoped to happen back at her birthday. Mikasa tried to gaze beyond the window, trying to catch a glimpse of the moon, but to her extent there was none. The clouds have fogged the view of the moon, and it was alright, because whatever celestial things up in the sky she cannot see... Was a picturesque of Levi Ackerman clearly seen in her eyes, and in her heart.

"But I'll be happier if you'd take a bath. You smell like an old Dot Pyxis enjoying a bottle of pig piss." 

After taking a quick yet morbid bath, she found her clothes already at the edge of her bed. Levi picked her clothes; her long-sleeves, her pajama, her undergarment... and she never felt so flustered before. She thought about her silly undergarments, the way it was mismatched and everything, ugh, she can't literally describe the rotten tomatoes creeping at her cheeks. 

Brushing her silly thoughts aside, she quickly changed into her sleeping wear, trying to get rid of the embarrassment she was feeling.

So much for this day, Mikasa was getting a little bit sleepy as she yawned.

_Where's Levi?_

Of course, he was always like that. He would always be gone every evening after dinner, but only for her to find out that he has been reading the same book all over again. She sometimes wondered, does Levi even get bored? 

Or does Levi want to read a new book?

She shrugged, exiting her room to retrieve Levi. She moved towards his room, walking really quietly, but only to find out a rare view of a knocked out Levi.

Hesitations were not welcomed to her that night, the same way she didn't let naivety consume her. So Mikasa placed her confident hand as she cupped Levi's pale cheek, all too slow and all too tender.

Levi may be short, but his face could kill a million of girls. Even Mikasa was star-struck on that pretty little face of his.

"Let's sleep, Captain Levi. Let's go to sleep." 

#### 

LEVI

As if last night was a very long sleepless dream.

Levi woke up to find a drooling sleepyhead, almost at the edge of her bed, waiting for a monster underneath to devour her. A somber yet silly morning like this, before, he wound found it a pain in his ass. But right now, as the peeking sun shone above them, he was just simply enjoying his view.

He asked himself: _Who else could enjoy this view?_

His dull gray—now indigo orbs suddenly dropped low, his thin eyebrows almost looking like he was somehow content at the simple enigmatic life he has. Who would have denied it?

A beauty or a pain, a blessing or a curse. Mikasa Ackerman was just an ideal for his sullen heart. Levi cherished the scenery of her this morning, much like the way he finally told her that she was very important to him, and he could never deny that again. He actually passed that unbelievable feeling, a tiny explosion of a dead star he was afraid to experience, yet when he did, he never regretted it. If stars can always explode so shitty yet create a breath-taking result, then he might kill all the stars he sees tonight.

All these crazy ideas just because of the sleeping woman beside him. Not wasting any perfect time, he pushed himself off the bed, and then he moved a little beside Mikasa. Levi gently moved her dead-weight body to the middle of the bed, just to prevent her from falling. He could not let her fall to the ground and break bones, but maybe, he could let her fall for him.

He scoffed, but then he snickered as he gently swept the tangled bangs off her face. Levi has never been this close to anyone, so he carefully studied her long eyelashes, her small celestial nose, and the thin scab of scar beneath her closed eyelids. Levi could see that her hair was growing the same way his hair was growing too, and maybe, he could ask her for a haircut later.

"You're such a pain the ass, Mikasa." He stated to her snoozing state, much to his zeal, and less to his chagrin. Levi didn't deny the fact that he really doesn't care if she heard him, more or less, his choice of words would only make her wonder if she was really hearing the right words. Because Levi was not that good with words right?

He moved his hands to caress the soft porcelain cheek of her, slowly, and almost savoring every graze. He treated her like a glass of luxury before, but then he realized that he doesn't want to treat her like some occasional display. But instead, Levi realized that he wanted to treat her like his own cravat; a fragile, precious, and treasured belonging of him which deserves to be exhibited. All the time.

Because that's what he believes she deserves.

When her face was already embossed at the back of his mind, Levi steadily took his hand away from her face. He remained silent, just like back in the underground, back at the Survey Corps, and back on any other days he existed. Silence was a companion since he was young, keeping his thoughts only for himself, but this time he knew he kept himself silent because he wanted to be selfish even just for once. An egoistic drive he wanted to pursue just to keep her for him and for him only.

So he tucked her with that tumbledown quilt blanket, silently whispering a phrase just for him to hear, and then he left.

"How old are you?"

His hands were scrubbing their dirty clothes when he heard a voice he was so familiar with. And maybe a question he was really used to.

Levi's impassive face slightly turned into a smug-formed grin, even though Mikasa can't see it because he had his back in front of her. He recalled so suddenly, that no one actually got his age correct, and a lot of civilians still assumed he was just a rebellious teenager. 

"Why do you ask, Mikasa?" He asked her, in a tone of a challenge.

Truth is, Levi doesn't really want anyone to know his real age. Be it for the reason of his height, or his skills, or just simply anything. Especially now that he knew Mikasa was only twenty-years old, and the fourteen years age gap difference would be such a barrier for their developing relationship.

But even so, he needs to tell her the truth. It's up to Mikasa if she wanted to be with him even if he was way too old for her, or if she wants to leave him. At least the sooner, then maybe the better.

"Are you forty-five already?"

 _Who the actual fuck told her that?_ He inwardly said, as he turned around to look at her curious face, while his facial expression was somehow between the middle of grimace and shocked. _Like, what the fuck?_

He found Mikasa's face turned from curious to relieved. Then she actually gave a deep breath of comfort as she continued: "God, good. I'm correct. You're not forty-five."

As a response to what she said, Levi raised one of his brow, as if he was waiting for a continuation of his age guessing game, and he was finding it a little too comical. Well, who was that crazy muck who declared that he was forty-five? "What's your imbecilic guess then?"

Mikasa pouted, her eyes looking upward like the fucking answer to his age was on the sky. "Twenty-five?"

 _Okay, that's it._ He thought, thinking how many bets did all of his subordinates gamble just to learn his real age? Maybe Hange was the culprit to all of these fuckering shits again, and maybe even ordering Connie to sneak him out whenever he would shower the way Hange ordered Auruo to peek whenever he would be pissing. As if his cock was the basis for knowing his age.

"I'm thirty-four."

A moment. 

This was another battle of heaven and hell, a battle of emotions and drives. He already expected Mikasa to be frustrated or even disgusted just by learning his real age... But whatever. He shrugged as he turned back around, continuing whatever laundry he was doing.

But never he really expected her true response. 

"Then why do you look so young?"

Levi scoffed, then he turned his head again. "The sun can fasten the aging of our skins, as well as our faces, and maybe our heights." He paused, his stern indigo orbs almost locking with her, as if he was threatening her not to make a short joke. "I live for twenty-three years without a sun."

"Oh." Was all she said. Her reply was just really short, almost like an expression, but it was actually good for Levi that Mikasa didn't try to tease him more about his height. Then he noticed her moved beside the laundry stool he was sitting in while she reached for another scrub brush and began to help him with the laundry.

"Levi."

He hummed, his picky eyes still choosing which detergent he will use.

"I'm just twenty-years old," Levi noticed the pause in her sentence, as she gave him the rub board which he curiously accepted. "But please don't treat me like I'm twenty. Treat me like an age you prefer or just treat me like someone you won't hesitate to share your wine with."

His eyes were on the popping suds when he halts just to listen to what Mikasa was actually saying. Her words were enough confirmation and much to a sense of a hidden affirmation. Of course, wine. Whatever flavor of wine may be, all too well he knew that wine means renewal and maybe a start of something else. Levi knew Mikasa left some meanings for him to decode, but screw that shit, he knew it all from the start.

So he tried to let Mikasa know that he had already decoded her message when he responded to her back with a question.

"White wine or red wine... You choose."

So how and when does wine become affiliated with their laundry day? Levi smiled when Mikasa told him the color of wine she preferred.

#### 

MIKASA

The days are brighter than the past.

That's what she can say about an afternoon where both of her hands dirtied beneath the ground. Her straw hat was wiggling all because of the blowing wind, yet she still managed to enjoy the delight of a garden day.

_Soon, the ground will be filled with different tea leaves._

Mikasa inwardly told that to herself, cheeringly proud of the little buds that were sprouting, and then her mind appeared drifted to the notion of Levi. 

She hummed, almost sounding like a sweet lullaby at the tune of Chopin's masterpiece. Almost two months since that wine-affiliated-laundry day with Levi, and things between them were getting good. She learned how to lessen her hostility the same way Levi learned how to control his crude mouth. She actually learned that Levi has an eating lax which made it really difficult for him to enjoy any kind of meal except for tea. Although Levi didn't tell her the reason about it, she just assumed that he got it from the same reason she had and definitely experienced: Poverty.

Even though she was learning little by little about him, Mikasa could tell that the past two months were definitely a big progress for the both of them. Right because,

Early mornings were always served with post-its and handwritings that said: _You're awake. Now eat._ or just simply _Good morning, Mikasa._

Lunch meals were always sumptuous because she actually learned how to bake an apple pie for dessert, and in the rarest chance she ever thought, but was actually favored by Levi. Before, Levi would just say _"Not bad"_ , but to her surprise after Levi gave a mouthwatering bite of the pie, he said: _It's actually delicious._

In the tranquil lazy afternoon that she learned which Levi and her declared as their favorite part of the day, Mikasa would probably find herself at the kitchen. Sometimes she cleaned, but oftentimes she would just be brewing her companion's bitter black tea, and much to her awareness, she found this simple hobby of hers quite pleasing and relaxing. Levi would just be at his usual spot, reading the newspaper, and sometimes looking at her like she was a work of art.

And in the late evenings, this is where she kind of loves it like snowflakes at the tip of her tongue. Using the compensation gift she gave Levi, Levi will pull out that portable gramophone and play a few jazz songs. It was always the same four songs he would play with his face almost looking like a natural scowl. Sometimes she would just hear him say: _Damn, I need a new vinyl._ And if she was lucky, sometimes she would overhear Levi singing along with the voice of Chet Baker, but deep within her, nothing would truly beat the low, drop-dead, sexy voice of him. As if he was the one singing jazz with his damn beautiful voice.

Which she rarely hears.

And if she does, it was always at those early twilight times in which she would pretend that she was asleep only to hear Levi say: _Sleep well, Mikasa. Just rest well._

Overall, Levi's words are still inadequate, but when she heard him speak seriously in the rarest of times, his words are like honey, sweet and sentimental to one's soul. Like a proverbial verse, it only contains nothing but truth, be it sour or sweet, his few choice of words are flourishing and healthy at least to her. It may never be enough, but it would always mean everything to her. Be it a sentimental phrase or just a shitty joke he spats.

She bit her lower lip while trying not to smile obviously. It was only fourteen hundred hours, and the garden she was plowing and fixing was already done. Mikasa noticed that Levi hadn't returned from his mini errands, which gave her more time to sew the cravat she was making. So she went inside, with a dirty apron, but with a heart that's full.

Mikasa was upstairs when she heard Levi cursing downstairs. She just shrugged, sometimes thinking really comical, that Levi may be stern but she actually found him a little bit funny. What more can be the reason for his cursing series?

 _Of course, germs._ Mikasa noticed that ever since Levi got sick, Levi took the double. Double cleaning, double vigilant, double particularity, and other shits which he really exerted twice an effort before. To her, she just got really used to it. Sometimes she would just laugh it off when Levi's not looking, and when she feels like it, sometimes she would just hold her tongue and give Levi a helping hand. 

Nonetheless, Mikasa just let him. She wasn't done with the cravat, so she put it aside, secretly hiding it back again in the drawer of her oak dresser. Mikasa needs to put on a show for Levi not to suspect anything with the secret cravat.

"Welcome back, Levi. Did you pummel enough germs?"

She asked him, but then he scoffed and gripped his arms. She could see that her housemate was not really amused, and overall, he might be a little too vexed. Prolly because of some interior police who fucked again the hell out of him while he was doing shopping for his beloved cleaning agents.

But Mikasa knew the solution to every vexing series her companion had.

"Stay right there." She ordered him, her heels fast to reach the kitchen. And when she reached the kitchen, she pulled out a kettle, and began to work on her magic.

For that magic part there, she was just overacting. Of course, it was just nothing but tea, and the thought of tea solution made her laugh recklessly. She knew that Levi could hear her, and even though it would add up the vex he was releasing, Mikasa knew that he would get Levi with this one.

After she was done, she went back to the living room, with a tray of a steaming hot tea on her hands, and a genuine smile on her face. Spending days with Levi gave her the art of practicing the mastery of smiling, and it was something she loved doing. A smile fit her face perfectly, and if she would be asked, a lovely smile would also fit the pretty face of Levi.

But not now, because he was scowling. And maybe she knows how to turn that scowl into a smile.

"A strong tea for the strongest soldier. _Appetit bon_." Mikasa confidently said as she paired it with a graceful smile. But, but, to her surprise? Levi just, what?

"It's _Bon Appetit_ , idiot." He said, his hand taking the cup of tea weirdly, and then he snickered. She watched him sipped the tea, and then when he was done, he actually smiled like his vexing series was just a show. 

_What side of Levi am I seeing?_ She inwardly asked herself, too amused to see the sudden change of her companion. "Why do you know so many French words?"

"It's because I'm French."

"Oh." She said as she studied the rare features of his face. Mikasa's features were the rarest of them all, but next to her was Levi's. Maybe that explained why he got steel-blue orbs that magically changed colors despite having raven hair just like hers. His nose, small yet very pointed, somehow similar to celestial, and it was just the exact nose that was albeit close to perfection. She broke her musings as soon as Levi snapped. "Mmhm."

"Well, uhm, it's pretty." Was all she said, even though _you're pretty yet petty_ was in her damn mind.

He scoffed again, his infamous 'tch' sounding the whole room, but then he glanced at her so tender, like a tidal wave reaching for the glowing moon. With the rim of the cup near his lips, Levi spoke so gently yet foreign for her ears to hear. " _Tu es belle. Je t'en prie, reste comme tu es._ "

"Huh?"

"Thank you for the cup of tea." She watched him stand, as he took the tray of tea, and a small curved on his pretty face she quickly noticed. It was the first time she heard Levi said something in a language she doesn't understand, and maybe... Her heart does understand what he means more than what he said. 

_No, thank you instead, Levi._

#### 

LEVI

A song was swiftly playing from the portable gramophone. It was always like that, every hot afternoon was always paired with a song of cool jazz, and the melody was actually too pretty to ignore. Even Levi sometimes sang just because of it.

Levi welcomed the strong Darjeeling with a vapor in his throat. What a strong tea for a strong soldier, but much to his dismay yet relief, he was no longer a soldier. Mikasa literally changed his irked mood all so suddenly, and underneath the façade of his impassive look was a sterile utmost of a radiant beam. So when Levi laughed which definitely caught Mikasa's attention, he was being so true, that he almost forgot that he was too vexed at the first place.

He moved the teacups back inside the cupboards, and he reminded himself that he must buy a handsome cabinet sooner. The set of their cutlery are growing too fast, all thanks to Mikasa's impulsive shits of shopping whenever she sees something on sale. Even though he was a minimalist, he just let her do the things she enjoyed without returning any negative kind of approach. 

Mikasa was unwrapping the groceries he shopped (most of the grocery were just a bunch of bleach and rubbing alcohol), when he heard her shriek and called his name.

"What?" He asked, as he exited the kitchen, his sleeves still rolled up in his arms. 

She handed him the paper bag that appeared to be not just an ordinary paper bag, but somehow a gift bag. "Uhm, is this... yours?" She asked him, but of course he knew the answer for that. He was the one who bought it.

"Open it."

Her curious gaze appeared to be growing when he told her to open it. So she did, but too slowly, trying her hard not to ruin the crepe paper that was neatly wrapped. He watched her open it, and found her face so quaint when the gift was revealed.

"A bear?" She asked, the head of the stuff toy was peeking from the gift wrap.

Levi rolled his eyes, almost looking like he was unimpressed, but underneath that was a curious demeanor. _Would she like it? Would she love it?_ He scoffed, almost too ironic, as he replied: "It's obviously a teddy bear."

She replied without her eyes leaving the teddy bear. "For whom?"

"For the mucky-mucks." Levi took a seat, his eyes glanced toward the direction of the turning phonographic record, yet his auditory senses were all ears to Mikasa's undeniable astonishment. Truth is, last night he just witnessed her dream a nightmare. Her body was shivering, and the tears were streaming ragingly from her pretty face. Levi wondered, was it another nightmare from her past? He watched her lanky body curl, and an urgency of protection came surging towards him. So he just held her cautiously while caressing her hair so tenderly, as if she was someone so important.

But she is. She is important to him. Levi doesn't know if Mikasa could remember a thing from last night's bad dream, like the way her perplexed face was seeking for answers who the bear belonged to. "Of course, that stupid bear is for you."

Mikasa pulled the bear from the gift bag, revealing a full view of the whole anatomy of the teddy bear. Levi simply averted his gaze when he remembered that the bear he bought from the indigent old man was actually missing a left leg. Part of him bought that because he sympathized with the merchant, and the other part was because he remembered Mikasa saved his left leg.

"My pardon comes for the missing leg-"

"No, it's perfect." Mikasa was quick to cut him before he could retort any more of his apologetic sentences. He raised a brow, thinking if this girl has a fetish for limbless shits, but again his musings were cut when she continued. "I actually love it. Thank you."

Mikasa smiled. 

But instead of scoffing, he returned the smile back, and it was a perfect fit for his pretty face.

The snip-snaps of scissors filled the sound of their walls. Levi was sitting, and for the first time in forever (other than Kenny), he let someone cut his hair.

He could describe that Mikasa was careful, and of course, very meticulous. If he would be overacting, he can describe that Mikasa was worshipping his hair the moment she touched every strand of it. Too funny, he suddenly chuckled a little which caused Mikasa to cut a little bit of skin off his ear.

"It's okay." He started her, while reaching for his handkerchief. Mikasa suddenly grabbed it without asking him, and started wiping off the blood of his ears. Of course, it does hurt, but it was actually nothing compared to his past injuries. So Levi affirmed to her that it was really nothing and he wouldn't make a fuss out of it.

"Just be careful and try not to trim it that short. I don't want to be looking like a bowl-cut Marlo." Levi jokes which made Mikasa's nervousness go away.

He heard her hummed, then followed by the snip-snaps of the scissors again. He could feel that it was probably Mikasa's first time to cut a man's hair, much due to the slight trembling of nervousness, although he already heard from gossips that the woman has been cutting her own hair just like him. 

When the blanket of hair that covered his undercut was trimmed, Mikasa asked him if he still wanted to have an undercut. Five months without a haircut made his hair grow long for about an inch or two, and sometimes he can't really believe how the hell did he let his painstaking self grow?

But maybe, a change of hairstyle can't be that bad. Especially if he would ask her something for a change. "What kind of hair do you think suits me the best?"

For a moment she was stupefied, but then she was really quick to recover as she replied: "Let's keep it closer to your undercut, but half an inch longer... What do you say?"

"Do as you please."

She started using the razor when Levi told her to adjust it at a specific level, then shaving his occipital lobe upward his mid-parietal lobe. Mikasa does it slowly, always meticulous the way he told her to, and when she was done, he was asked if he liked it.

Levi carefully stood up, afraid that the remnants of his hair were falling on his spotless floor. He moved to the quarter space of the stairs, then he finally looked at himself in the mirror. 

"Do you like it?"

Levi heard her ask him again, but he took his time to study the haircut he was given. The blanket of his hair was trimmed layer, much to his surprise, it was actually good. He touched and tried to sweep his curtained bangs, which she also trimmed but not that short yet not too long. And lastly, his famous undercut, which was no longer an undercut, was cut at the perfect style that would fit more of his suit outfits.

"It's not that shitty though."

"Just that?"

"Fine. It's not bad."

"Oh," He observed how she gripped her arms so tight, then putting up a frown in her face. "Levi..."

"Mikasa." He called her this time, understanding that she wants a real compliment of her handiwork. Good thing that Levi doesn't want a petty bicker at his golden colored dusk. "It's good. Thank you for not making me look like a fifteen-years old horse face."

Levi was not good at compliments, but he was really trying to say something to improve anything, even if he would say the wrong compliments at the right time. He was admittedly open that his tongue has a very philistine attitude that only speaks for dirty and painful truths. But for Mikasa, he was trying to improve it, trying to adapt on how to speak with chicken soup for a dauntless yet a very sweet woman.

So he tried to speak again, this time, with words sounding too reserved and efficient, but never the kind of words that are sugar-coated. "The work of your hands," Levi paused as he watched how Mikasa was patiently waiting for his next few chosen words. "Is very magnificent. Thank you for the haircut."

She scoffed, almost sounding just like him, and then she nodded with eyes like a crescent moon. "You are always welcome, Levi."

#### 

MIKASA

Mikasa woke at the sound of a neighborhood rooster. The rooster turned out to be her alarm clock whenever Levi would be missing from their shared room.

Sometimes, Levi would gently tap her saying: _"Wake up, sleepyhead."_ or _"Oi, it's already fucking hundred hours!"_ Yet even though much to her disturbed array, she always found it funny whenever Levi would transition from a real gent to a rowdy thug. No in-betweens.

So she quickly pulled herself a little towards her side-table, looking if Levi left her a breakfast and another note.

_**My payment for the haircut.** _

_**-Levi** _

_Strange, he wrote his name instead of initials._ This time, it was not a meal he left, but rather two tickets to a classic bar. She hastily rubbed her eyes, contemplating if she was still dreaming or what, and even asking herself what poison Levi ate for him to buy tickets to a classic bar? Then Mikasa read the ticket.

_Come hear jazz, but bring your partner!_

_Birdland Bar on Friday, at nineteen hundred hours. See you there and wear your dancing shoes._

"What? Is it the end of the world?" Mikasa absent-mindedly asked, and her hair just looked like a cow licked the hell of it.

"No."

Her eyes widened as she quickly turned around and saw Levi sitting at the armchair beside the window. _Wait, why didn't he wake me up?_

"What? Is there a ghost or something?"

"Not really." She paused, as well as her creasing brows stooped low, analyzing if Levi was real. "But much worse, I guess... Where's the real Levi?"

"Stolen." He deadpanned, but the word he said probably has a meaning much more than the literal word. Who stole him anyway? Mikasa noticed Levi strode towards the doorsill and then talked. "Let's go down. Breakfast is served."

Mikasa obliged, bringing the two tickets with her. She actually found herself blushing, how Levi actually made the start of her day already complete.

Competing like two crazy equestrians, the both of them galloped fast to the outskirts of the city. After Levi told her to change outfits because they are going shopping, she did immediately without retorting to ask him or anything. It was one of the days where she kind of gets excited, because it was unusual for Levi to ask her to go shopping with him.

When they reached the city outskirts and finally tied their horses in a designated stable, she broke the silence of questioning him.

"Uhm, is your bleach and detergent already consumed?"

That was a really absurd question, yet somehow a very fitting one. Even Mikasa was a bit dumb-founded on what she asked, but nonetheless, why would Levi suddenly want to shop with her? It has only been three days since that grocery day where Mikasa also cuts his hair, and it would be really uncanny if Levi decided to haul and hoard a bunch of rags and brooms... for the second time.

Not to mention that they really have seven different kinds of brooms at their house.

"Silly. Is detergent the only thing that goes on your mind?"

"Yes. Especially when living with a neat-freak." She deadpanned, while rolling her eyes out.

Levi hummed, then bobbed his head down, and almost suppressed a small snort. "Well, for starters, that neat-freak is taking a woman for wardrobe shopping."

She was quizzical. Which woman was Levi taking again? Mikasa doesn't want to sound jealous, but Levi has been talking a lot about women. Not that woman-woman in person, but he was talking like he was always referring to women, and other shits which she can't really understand. She just noticed that ever since the day they fought, he lessened addressing his favorite word of a brat. "Which woman again, Levi?"

The bitterness in her face was still a hint, and that's when Levi decided to take a move. She watched him move closer to her, the way his body moved was flawless, and as if he was about to steal her desiring heart. The perfect scent of spearmint was hitting her olfactory bulb again when he leaned his small pretty face closer. "You."

"Ah."

"Mmhm." His face was not moving a muscle, but he let his hand move to reach her. "Let's go... Unless you want a date with the horse."

"Can a date with a short grumpy cat, alright?"

She bit her lips, trying to die down her growing laughter. Levi just scoffed, his nose on the verge of scrunching as he replied: "Ha ha. Funny."

Levi grabbed her wrist and started leading them to a nearby classic boutique. She smiled, knowing that Levi's wallet was the one who's gonna cry out, and not hers. So she just followed, ignoring the looks of the civilians which she assumed that knew them.

At the end Levi bought them the same smoking jackets. But the smoking jackets were a little too altered to wear it at home, making it really classy despite surpassing the mainstream look of somewhere near a robe. Mikasa thought that it really looked good, and lovely, to the extent she wanted to wear it the moment Levi bought it.

"Aren't we gonna smoke?"

"Maybe." Levi replied nonchalantly. "But smoking means inhaling a drag of filthy shits inside your lungs. Plus the nicotine will inhabit inside you then kill you off when it gets bored of you. So you decide."

Mikasa shrugged, thinking that Levi said too much redundant information. And besides, she was just asking sarcasm, all because she knew it too well that Levi won't allow anything even if just a spec of micro dirt to touch his impeccable lips.

"But I did smoke before." Levi continued, much to her unawareness while she was untangling the reins of their horses. "Just for a try. Just to impress Kenny."

Not knowing what more to reply, she just nodded. Mikasa never thought of Levi as someone who is an ostentatious kind of person, and even if the sudden revelation of one of his insecurities was revealed. She always looked upon the model of her captain, as a strong, willful, _'not giving a fuck about what others think'_ kind of an authoritative person. But maybe, Levi too at some point, had insecurities of begrudging nightmares. Just like her, and she kind of understands that.

"Captain Levi was an intimidating person." Mikasa said out of the blue which made Levi raise his brows. She halted, but then continued when Levi looked like he was waiting for something else. "But Just Levi is rather captivating without really trying anything."

"You think so?"

She hummed, her eyes locking with his beguiling indigo orbs. She watched him sigh, trying to spot something somewhere in his single vision. As if it was the first time he received a compliment, and he doesn't know what to reply.

"You got me there, lady. Fine, now choose another pair of clothes."

 _So... this man still knows how to take a compliment._ She giggled.

#### 

LEVI

The day of the jazz classic serenade came in handy and fast.

As usual, their day started by cleaning with their hands and knees, and he noticed that Mikasa was a little bit extra today. She cleaned thoroughly without being a grouch, and to his surprise, she almost did everything with initiative and volition. _What kind of shit did that woman eat?_

"Oi. Are you sick?" He asked while removing his cleaning bandana.

Levi noticed her halted, as if he was waiting for a snarky comeback, but to another of his surprise, there was none. Mikasa continued cleaning thoroughly, thus adding up a smile on her face.

"Oi?"

"Just excited for later."

So that explained the peculiarity she was releasing. Levi just nodded without saying anything more as he strode upwards the stairs. He needs to prepare the suit he was going to wear, to lessen the hassle when dealing with it later. So far, he won't just say it, but he too was excited just like Mikasa.

_Tch. It's not really a date._

Levi gaped at her the moment he saw her walked downstairs wearing the dress so fittingly. Her hair was curled at the ends, much for a change than her usual hairstyle, and also her long eyelashes were curled.

Mikasa wore an evening black gloves to pair it with her black fitted flapper dress. She was a beauty to see, what a sight Levi cannot really ignore. So he just sighed, probably of his zeal, and adjusted the button of his double breasted black suit. He could assume that he was just frustrated because the right words just can't come out from his mouth.

"How do I look?" She asked.

"Not bad." He replied.

_What the fuck did I say?_

"Well, you look handsome, Levi. That coat suits you well."

 _This would be really the death of me. Words._ He thought, holding his tongue while thinking really hard for more words he could tell her that she just doesn't look 'not bad' but she looked like she was the prettiest woman he has ever seen.

"This is fucking difficult, Mikasa." He groaned, his tongue like sandpaper, but he was really trying to produce honey. "I can't say the right words to praise you, but I believed you looked astonishing. To the point I'm shitty lost between the words of lovely and attractive."

A moment. She was looking at him with intentions. He looked at her the same way too, and if this is not what falling in love means, then what more can this be?

"Be my date." He simply said, never ever beating around the bush. Levi held a hand to her, his calloused palm as an invitation to the jazz date, but can be seen as a deeper invitation to be a part of his life.

Mikasa took his hand. An amorous glance was peeking beneath her smoky gray eyes, and a mere longing from a desiring heart. He felt that her hand was warm, like a warm familiar feeling connecting her soul to his. Levi watched her move her mouth saying: "I would love to-"

A lightning. Then followed by a thunder. Finally, the sudden pouring of a heavy rain. As if the gods were fucking with their jazz date.

"It's raining..." He heard her said with a tone close to sulking. Levi suddenly felt bad, as if the most romantic thing that he was about to do for their first official date, only to be ruined by a sudden outburst of the crying horizon.

He led her to the sofa then told her to wait for at least fifteen to thirty minutes. If the rain won't stop between the duration of the time he calculated, then might as well be a misfortune to call it a night. She simply nodded, but the traces of disappointment were still embossed at her face.

_I need to do something._

When the clouds didn't stop crying for about forty-five minutes, he stood up, leaving Mikasa and the amputated bear at the sofa. He glanced at her quickly, then only averted when he saw the loneliness in her face.

_Don't give me that, you beautiful devil._

Understanding the disappointments caused by the shitty weather, Levi turned the crystal radio on. He tried to adjust the antenna, trying to get a signal, but to his chagrin, the weather was blocking the hell of it.

He tried to look at the gloomy Mikasa, who was now hugging the bear, but even the static of the radio doesn't seem to be bothering her isolated state.

Giving a damn deep breath while constantly telling himself inwardly that he needs to keep his cool, and must think of any other ways to save the fucking jazz night. Then, bingo.

Levi pulled the Victor VV 2-55 and hastily put it atop their tea table. Then he pulled a new phonographic record he bought the other day, thinking that this might save their jazz night. Even if it's impromptu.

"What are you doing?" Mikasa asked, the lonely traces dissipating with an exchange of a curious peer.

"Bringing jazz at the comfort of our home." He said, his hands on the vinyl record, setting it at the portable gramophone. "I'm just gonna change upstairs."

He removed the coat he was wearing, then next was his vest when he heard the start of the music. It was catchy, the melody was creating a perfect harmony of grace and melancholy. So much for his thoughts, without really removing his necktie and changing his gray oxford shirt, he hastily went downstairs.

_**Lullaby of Birdland that's what I** _

Levi caught Mikasa frisking little steps with the amputated bear. She was subtlety swaying, almost perfect to the tempo of the music. The shitty bear was her partner, and if Levi was bitching, he would tell her that she looked like A.A. Milner dancing with Winnie the Pooh.

_**Always hear, when you sigh** _

But Levi wasn't going to ruin the moment which fascinates him enough. As if she was really good with slow-dance, and if that's what makes her happy for the night, then might as well he should enjoy it too.

_**Never in my woodland** _

_**Could there be words to reveal** _

"Levi, I, uhm," Mikasa was shocked to get caught by her stern housemate, but only to be more surprised when he grabbed her hand in the gentlest way he could be.

"I hate unattended women."

_**In a phrase how I feel** _

Levi placed his other hand gently at the edge of her hips, as he told Mikasa to put her arms at his shoulders. Dancing was not really a thing he liked, but he knew that at least a little he could do a little slow-dance if that would mean putting a sweet smile at the lips of his housemate.

_**Have you ever heard two turtle doves** _

_**Bill and coo, when they love?** _

She smiled, then she chuckled. 

Levi hummed at the tempo of the music, while he tried to take the lead. There's a saying that goes by: _Never give a sword to a man who can't dance._ And he appeared to be taking the phrase too seriously.

"Good?"

_**That's the kind of magic** _

_**Music we make with our lips** _

"More than good, Captain Levi!" 

He scoffed at the mention of his former rank, although in the past he would correct her, but his mood appeared to have no time for correction. It was a lovely night, a hot jazz for a cool August evening.

_**When we kiss** _

Levi took her hand all of a sudden, and then he swayed her. His moves are too quick, all thanks to the years of practice with his maneuver gear, and he can't pretend that he didn't see the giddiness beyond the woman he was slow dancing with.

Her head was swaying, little by little, inclining with the tempo, and she was perfectly suited for this.

So he asked her: "You like it, don't you?"

_**And there's a weepy old willow** _

Mikasa hummed as a reply then she detached her hand from Levi. Levi was still on his dancing heels, much the same to hers, and he knew it all of a sudden that this night was going to change something.

_**She really knows how to cry** _

_**That's how I cry in my pillow** _

"I like it." She said her hands now on his necktie. 

Levi didn't care if she would ruin his necktie so he let her pull it, slowly, and almost caressing the silky piece of garment like the way she caressed his silky hair the time when he was sick.

When she was finished loosening up his black necktie, her hands rested back again at his shoulders when he heard her say one thing no one ever dared to tell him.

_**If you should tell me farewell and goodbye** _

"But I like you more, Levi..." 

_**Lullaby of Birdland whisper low** _

"Will you tell me if you like me too?" 

_**Kiss me sweet and we'll go** _

The grip of his hands on her hips loosened up when he shifted his hand beneath her armpit. Levi slowly pivoted, her words were still hanging up in the air, and the best response Levi could give her was not in words.

So he let his other hand intertwined with hers, and then he slowly made the move to turn her around. Levi could see that she was in all smiles, her crescent eyes almost singing to the sound when she was turning around so gracefully.

_Mikasa, can you tell me how to fall in love?_

_**Flyin' high in Birdland** _

_**High in the sky up above** _

Like the way Mikasa caught his heart and feelings, Levi caught her when she was done with her spinning.

The way her longing eyes fell right back to his desiring eyes, Levi couldn't stop staring at her. She was the same with him. Like stardust in the sky, like the never ending galaxies that were far beyond the universe. All those things he could think, all those comparisons he could compare, but to the extent that even the whole shitty universe and infinities aren't enough to express how he passionately feels for no one other than Mikasa Ackerman.

_**All because we're in love** _

Levi pulled her back as he ended their slow dancing session with a dip. Mikasa was gloriously laughing, her hands were gripping tightly on his forearms, and their bodies were just so close together. He could feel the both of them have heavy breaths, slowly rising then sinking as if the slow dance was much exhausting rather than sword fights and gunfights.

A moment.

Levi closed his eyes, and in his dark visions he imagined was her radiant lips.

#### 

MIKASA

After that glorious slow dance, Mikasa found herself a little bit sapped. Not for the reason that she was so tired, but she somehow felt that something was drained empty from her insides.

_Oh, it was my insecurities. ___

____

Levi made her feel like she was the only person in the world. It was a sight she has never seen before, and maybe it was a sight that only she has seen. However, Mikasa couldn't stop thinking how perfect Levi looked, how handsome his particular features were, how graceful the way he moved, and how careful he used his words this time.

____

She was moved. 

____

And when she saw that Levi closed his eyes, her heart suddenly stopped figuratively for a second. She was definitely in love with him.

____

"Tired?" She heard Levi ask, his hands clenched between his lap. He was already sitting on the sofa, the necktie she loosened was still loose on the placket-front of his gray oxford shirt.

____

"No, not really." She said while her eyes were still glued at his thin impeccable lips. Mikasa was not a puritan, and she was openly admitted to that. She bit her lips a little, as if she was showing desire to drive which would eventually make her insane sooner or later.

____

"Mikasa." Levi called her, not like honey, but this time her name sounded like chocolate and nutmeg. It was so good, the way he always called her first name, and nothing she could deny that would make her want to ravage the man's lips. Too good to be true, yet a danger to reveal, so she just let her thirst rest at the tip of her frenulum. 

____

He cleared his throat, but in reality he was just getting her dazed attention.

____

"Sorry... My mind is just _somewhere_."

____

"Mine too." Levi replied without missing a beat, his head on an interested position. "But before anything else... can you please turn in the song from Chet Baker?"

____

Mikasa obliged as she hastily placed the phonographic record to the gramophone. She read the title out loud in her head, but she actually doesn't seem to care about the hint in everything Levi does, especially when the actual Levi was running on her mind.

____

The record started to turn, creating a new melody, while giving in for a new song that was waiting to be sung. Her eyes were on his eyes and his eyes were on the phonogram's needle. She wondered like the pointiness of the needle, how will this night turn in for them?

____

____

_**Long ago my heart and mind** _

____

____

Words were out of the needle, and it was creating a beautiful harmonious sound. Mikasa looked away but only to find out that Levi's eyes were no longer on the phonogram's needle, but it was on hers instead.

____

_What are you trying to say, Levi?_

____

She watched him blinked. Much like a blink that tells her that she was the sparkle to his cold, lonely, fragile world.

____

____

_**Got together and designed** _

____

____

"Mikasa." Levi called her again. Not a command, but more of a plea, of a request that a stern man could never say.

____

____

_**The wonderful girl for me** _

____

____

"Have a seat beside me."

____

____

_**Oh what a fantasy** _

____

____

She moved the teddy bear in exchange for a seat beside Levi. His scent of musk, sandalwood, and fresh white sage has been roaming the little space they were enclosed in. If she would inhale, the fragrance would gladly intoxicate her lungs, leaving her gasping like a fish out of water.

____

But Mikasa didn't care.

____

____

_**Thought the ideal of my heart** _

____

____

She didn't care as she reached the hand of Levi. She didn't care about intoxication, or any other damned poison shits everyone would tell her. She let his fragrance consume her like it was a blackhole waiting patiently for someone to fall into his marvelous trap.

____

But was Levi a trap?

____

____

_**I wonder if she will be** _

____

_**Always a fantasy** _

____

____

A moment.

____

They let the silence fill the air. What a void, what a desire, what an everything. Chet Baker was the only one uttering, his choice of music came in like a tune of a music box, and it swiftly takes the moment so placidly. Levi wasn't looking at her, but only at their intertwined hands, and how uncanny that even if it was an awkward hell, there was no tension at the moment.

____

____

_**Will I ever find the girl in my mind?** _

____

____

"Thank you for the night, Levi."

____

____

_**The one who is my ideal** _

____

____

Love, she thought of love. She thought of it the moment she heard him hummed like a daylight break. A shout into the void, a surreal kind of feeling, and maybe an ethereal desire people would call. Love, it was a flint of a flicker. Love, it keeps going around, tumbling around, and whatever kind of motion it would take just to prove its flexibility. Mikasa thought deeply, even thinking of perpetual motion, but nothing beats around an action of definition.

____

Love, she wants to learn it from Levi. She wants to experience it from him. And if possible, she wants to give him the same love too.

____

____

_**Maybe she's a dream and yet she might be** _

____

____

All her thoughts about love and desires suddenly faded when Levi faced her.

____

Levi was never speaking, but she could feel that his insides were never quiet to begin with. He leaned so gently, ever so closer, his hooded eyes were showing his pupil a bit bigger. As if his indigo irises could steal her heart, but he did. He did steal her heart just like a thief in the night.

____

"Mikasa."

____

____

_**Just around the corner waiting for me** _

____

____

Her name, yes her name, her name on his lips, his lips with hot breath, and his breath smells of clean spearmint and tea.

____

How she loved that smell, how he was perfectly clean and flawless, like he was someone fictitious. So she closed her eyes, inhaling his perfect breath, until he placed his hand on her cheek and leaned a little more closer.

____

Dreams.

____

But except it was real.

____

Because he asked her.

____

"May I?"

____

____

_**Will I recognize the light in her eyes?** _

____

_**That no any other eyes reveal** _

____

____

She was quick to open her eyes, his question was a sudden axiom, and his lips were too close. Mikasa watched him patiently wait, his eyes were looking so intensely; like a rage right beneath a love gaze, like a hungry lion waiting for a feast of flesh. His eyes were an illusion of a winning battle.

____

But his words, the right words he used, were never a betrayal. Levi was stern, authoritative, strict, but never arrogant. He was gentle with her, he was always respectful, and even if he was a painstaking ass. He wasn't like Jean, never his cock was in his head, and he definitely is something more than the said traits of him. For tonight, he was soft, caring, and considering.

____

____

_**Or will I pass her by, and never realized** _

____

____

She liked him. But now she was sure that she loved him. He was the Tylenol to her pain, and maybe like a glass of lemonade for a hot summer day. She looked at him with passion burning at her eyes, and she felt the same burning passion in his eyes too.

____

A verse so good, and a moment of truth. Mikasa used her words. 

____

"You may."

____

He leaned closer to her, as he closed the chasm. Like tidal waves pulling the moon, like gravity pulling a dead sack weight. He was something, something she can only see, and he was more than ethereal. Mikasa felt Levi brushed his lips against her, his lips so moist and genuine, like ember flames in a very cold winter. He moved his lips so gently, as if it was so perfect, as if he has kissed a lot of girls but the truth is that she was the only one he gave his lips to.

____

There are a lot more things she could think, but when he moved his hand down to her neck just to kiss her deeper, she finally felt lost.

____

Lost in a good way, and lost in a way where the only person could find her was no other than Levi Ackerman.

____

So Mikasa kissed him passionately back in return, and maybe again, he was right. They were not good with words, anyway.

____

____

_**That she was my ideal** _

____

____

Levi led her upstairs. He opened the door to their room, and then he closed.

____

"Good night, Mikasa."

____

"Good night, Levi."

____

_See you first thing in the morning_ , she wanted to tell him even if he would always be there at the other side of the bed, leaving nothing but his love language at a piece of post-it notes. But before Mikasa could move her lips... 

____

Levi was quick to move on his own.

____

He kissed the crown of her head, a flame of intimacy within but with cautious admiration, and with words that would make her want to kiss him more.

____

"Dream of me tonight."

____

She saw Levi smiled, and then he turned the lights off. 

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRANSLATION:  
> (Thank you @Gorilla, and @Hayden-dsc for the help!)  
> Tu es belle. Je t'en prie, reste comme tu es. - You are beautiful. Please stay that way.  
> SONGS USED:  
> Lullaby of Birdland - Jean Constantine (Supposedly it was French, but most of my readers are English so I used the Sakamichi no Apollon ST)  
> My Ideal - Chet Baker
> 
> Please I recommend you guys to listen to the songs I mentioned. It's really moving.
> 
> -
> 
> Happy Birthday, Captain Levi! You deserve nothing but a good life and a good kiss. You are too special for this world.  
> Merry Levimas to all my readers! This is for you guys. I hope you did enjoy it.
> 
> Should I continue? Let me know what you think about this chapter! Thank you. (:


	10. Like Someone In Love

#### 

LEVI

Love can bring them somewhere.

Maybe elsewhere, nowhere, and everywhere. Levi was frightened, estimated, and sometimes to the point where being flagrant can be described. He wasn't a believer of love, hell, he doesn't even have a religion to begin with. Love was something close to a deep dream; hence for people who sleep like oil. For him, love was just a luxury of some fairytale privileges, something that he can't really find realistic. 

But after the way he held her porcelain cheeks with intentions... Levi doesn't give a fuck anymore, truth be told. 

Her lips were divine, the way he kissed her deeper was more than divine, and that was something he can't describe further more. Levi recalled that he confidently said: _"Dream of me tonight."_ But if she would ask him how did he sleep and how did his dreams go? Maybe he'll tell her that she was living paradisiacal in the liminality of his passive and impassive state of mind. In other uncomplicated words, even in his dreams, Mikasa was there.

But this time, Levi proved a famous psychiatrist wrong. Maybe? Maybe not. Sigmund Freud can go to hell for all he knew, because if his psychoanalytic explanation of a dream means a disguised fulfillment of a wish, then what was all with that slow romance he experienced last night? Was it real? Was it hallucinations? Was it just some kind of a fucked up shit? Because it was too perfect for it to be real, too perfect for it to be under the characterization of a vague, blurred dream.

Same with love, Levi was not a believer of wishes. He simply does not wish for things to happen, and he does not really wish for things since the beginning of his poor, miserable, and tragic life. It was always like that, living his life and letting the current take him to whatever, to wherever, and to whoever.

But all those things that were ringing bells in his damned mind, even in the state of his damned sleeping notion, can now go to hell. Love, wishes, desires, drives, and any other romantic things he heard of it like stories before. Like a mystery, like a fancy book, like a fable. Levi now understood it. He understood it when she burned passion in her eyes, when she danced all throughout the night, and when she intimately kissed him back like it was the end of their world. Like at any weak fickle moment, they will explode and turn into dust.

But wrong. Mikasa didn't explode. Levi didn't explode.

He was still there, at her queen-sized brass bunk, atop on a spring-filled soft mattress covered in silky periwinkle linens. Levi was there just like the day he started sleeping at her room. The walls of her room were still painted the same color, the oak-dresser was still looking glum, the door of her wardrobe cabinet was ajar, and a designated armchair for him was still the only one looking perfectly neat. Almost all look the same.

Almost nothing changed if you would ask Levi.

But not the way he woke up. 

At seven hundred hours, he found himself warm and surprisingly sleep-filled. If overacting was his forte, then he would tell himself that he magically developed an undiagnosed hypersomnia; a contrary to his mind-fucked insomnia. His eyes- hazy, sluggish, yet so alive, found a beautiful raven-haired woman sleeping so close to him, as if the bed was smaller than a single-sized bed. 

He moved his eyes, the same with his arms, but she was blocking everything. Mikasa's head was slightly leaning at his shoulder cap, and her left arm was on atop his broad chest. The pillow which he used to separate them, to reserve his respect for her muliebrity, was no longer there. It was now on the floor, and it was unheeded and lonely.

Levi didn't know how the whole thing reached to this point. He didn't know why Mikasa was subtly embracing him in her dozing slumber. He didn't even know how the hell did he sleep this long, but one thing he knew for sure. 

Love, he can define, was true. Truer than any other things he could think of right now. Truer than a shout into a void, than an inevitable helpless doomsday, and fuck oblivion because he would live for her and for her only. And if Sigmund Freud would be asking him whereabouts; wishes and dreams, he would sourly admit that: _It was surreal, yet too real. Like vacation in hell, by the courtesy of heaven._

Too much guffaws, too much thought. Mishaps and foreordination seemed to be very opposite in the comparison of oil and water, but whatever. It was regardless, it was enjoyable, and it was something he wanted to try. Levi moved his right arm and returned the embrace to Mikasa's sleeping state. He could feel that she was warm, she was too warm and that she was real. The curled ends of her hair were no longer there, but the graceful reverie of last night's work was still hanging above the nirvana morning. It lingered, it filled, and it ran the whole blazing morning of Levi.

He leaned his face much closer to her, his lips are tempted to kiss her once again; to steal kisses from her lips, from her cheeks, and from her forehead. But even though he was hungry from the touch of her precious skin, he was still Levi; courteous and considerate. He smiled when the thought of spearmint and tea never betrayed the scent of his faultless breath as he pressed a morning kiss to her dainty cheek. A renewal, a certainty, and a plead. He spoke words for the morning, like his love language always written on a sepia-colored note, but instead he made it more personal by moving his lips.

"Good morning, Mikasa."

#### 

MIKASA

A sight of a perfect symmetrical face in his sideview is what Mikasa saw the moment she opened her enraptured eyes. It was a rare sight for her to see it in the mornings, for Levi would always be gone every time she would wake up. The first time was when he introduced the jazz tickets, and now this was the second time.

Except he was still on the bed, and his scent of last night's soap and musk were in the air. His bed hair reached his pale cheeks, and his long eyelashes almost reached his orbicularis oculi muscle. There were more facial muscles she couldn't identify, but it was really unimportant for the subject of her interest. She watched him blink, his eyes full of lingering emotions, and she wondered what he finally saw in her. She breathes, inhaling every scent of him, not really noticing how close they were.

Levi was reading a newspaper when she turned to see the small clock which declared that it was already a quarter before nine hundred hours.

There were no sepia-colored post-it notes.

But when she looked back, Levi was no longer reading the newspaper, and his alluring indigo orbs were on her. He looked like a different person, a scowl wasn't detected in his face, but still, he was still Levi.

"Good morning, Levi." She moved her lips, his eyes now on her lips.

If he wants to kiss her, then he could. He already won her permission.

"What a sight to see." He replied, the clean scent of spearmint and tea was a whip from his moving mouth. She wondered, for the million times, how and why his breath smells so nice and flawless? She mused, for the gazillion times like the way his lips found into her last night. His lips were pestering her mind, but she doesn't seem to be bothered yet instead she loved it. Mikasa listened as Levi spoke for the second time around, all too unrealistic, but except that it was real. "I could go on a day like this."

She watched him as he held the newspaper down. Levi was reading a segment from the literary corner, a poem from _Charles Baudelaire: Illusionary Love_ , and she just shrugged, not even trying to look at the smudged print of what the poem was all about. She doesn't even know that poet.

"Same." Mikasa said. "I love being with you." She added like devotion.

As if she was already comfortable with revelations, divulgence, and acknowledgements. It didn't hurt to tell her what she really felt, and it was a thing she would never regret.

"Hn." He uttered, in a tone like hers, and his hand reaching for her hand.

She hummed back, comfortable in squeezing back the reach of his hand. She grazed his calloused hand, his perfect long fingers; the lunula of his nails as if it were like a crescent moon looking all so right. Levi was so clean, that she even doubted why would he kiss her if he was afraid of body liquids such as saliva. Mikasa smiled afterwards, a small victory blooming up, and the sight of Levi's scowl-free face was a thing she enjoyed the most.

"So help me clean downstairs the mess we made last night." Levi said, his voice in a tune of playfulness, but there was so much more in-between. Mikasa closed her eyes as she blew a small chuckle, thinking funnily that her companion's obsession for order would be a shitty barricade for whatever that was between them.

But again, Levi was an enigma that is a box full of surprises. He pulled her up as he spoke: "Then I could partially fulfill," She noticed him paused, then her hands now on the edge of the bed, readying for a new day with Levi. He continued as he swept the tendrils of her hair. "The thing you love about being together."

Levi's chosen words would always be odd and bizarre, but nonetheless, it was what she loved about him the most.

Levi didn't fuck her after their shared night of intimacy like in the romance stories Sasha told. He didn't ask her for sex, and he didn't even remove his gray oxford shirt when they sleep last night. Whatever happened after the intimate kiss, was just that, and nothing else. Levi wasn't like Jean, she could tell again, never his cock was in his head, and maybe that was something she would be really grateful for. In terms of adjustments.

Of course, Mikasa does not obtain a loss of libido resulting in sexual dysfunction. Masturbation and sexual intercourse weren't taboo topics for the small circle of friends she has, and sometimes she would even overhear Connie and Jean discussing it. Discussing it the way how they like to fuck women of different faces, like Kama Sutra was the only book they have ever read in their lives. It was all too funny, maybe a little malicious, but not until she had heard Hange fantasizing about her horny titan dreams.

_Levi: "Sorry for not providing you with a hot titan date."_

_Hange: "I'm actually thinking if titans can get horny too... aren't you curious Levi?"_

_Levi: "Save that for Erwin. I don't want to talk with you."_

And maybe like the way she also overheard Hange asking Levi how he masturbates.

_Levi: "You are just fucking gross, you dumb four eyes."_

_Hange: "I just want to know if your hand acts the same energy the way you handle your blades! Is it also reversed? Or is it-"_

_Levi: "Go to hell you dumb ugly moron, go find someone else to discuss it with you!"_

Which made her really flustered the moment she overheard that back in the castle. _Does he also disinfect his member with alcohol before entertaining it?_ She thought accidentally. Well, truth be told, just by remembering the scenarios of the sexual explicit contents of her former comrades also made her flustered now.

Mikasa shook her head instead, trying to get rid of the shitty deliriums about thinking if Levi really has a sexual exercise. In her eyes, Levi wasn't the type of man who would take a whore for a one-night stand. Sure, Levi loves toilet jokes and anything that contains _'ass',_ _'fuck'_ and _'shit'_ but he was never really that lewd to begin with. She had never heard him talk about lust, sexual drives, or even sex jokes. He was always concise about that matter.

Perhaps, he has never taken a liking for ardor, but not until the way he kissed her passionately.

Mikasa didn't expect that. A man so stern, yet with lips that are so soft, gentle, and intimate. Lips from an owner who was close to gospel. Levi Ackerman was a real deal, she guessed.

"What the hell are you thinking, huh?" Suddenly cut by the dozing thoughts of her weird daydreams, Levi asked her while he was dusting the imaginary dust of the portable gramophone they used last night.

She smiled, then she shrugged. "Just... _Something_." Her cheeks were still red, but she thought that it won't be that obvious especially if the cool weather was present at the moment.

"Whatever you say."

_Whatever I say, yeah, you're just really eye-dropping, Captain Levi._

#### 

LEVI

It actually surprised him that both of them were not awkward with each other. The day went by with cleaning, having breakfast together, Mikasa cooking this _'crumble de légumes'_ he called but only for Mikasa to call it as _"Vegetable pie, because I don't understand French"_ , then actually enjoying the company of each other in another tranquil shared moments of them.

Except that she was beside him, and the aroma of peppermint tea was roaming the air of their peaceful house.

"What's the best way to your heart?"

Levi quirked a brow to her sudden question. It didn't really surprise him though, Mikasa has always been straight-forward with her feelings even if she can't explain it properly. 

"Through the fifth intercostal space at the left midclavicular line of my torso, I guess?" He explained thoroughly, his answer from a book he read back then, as he circled the rim of his porcelain teacup.

"Funny." She retorted, her eyes rolling playfully. Of course, he got it. He knew exactly what the lady wanted for an answer.

So he replied again: "That's a fact." And then he paused, trying to get the right tone of vehemence, because the next thing he's going to say would definitely be a certitude. "Because you won't be capable of finding the best way to my heart if you are already there."

A moment.

Mikasa stood up, her dark-green scarf swaying from the way she walked towards the kitchen. He just watched her, the ghost smile of her lips were now permanent, and then she returned back and handed him something to pair his cup of tea.

_**I liked your lips last night.** _

_**-Your roommate, M** _

Days have passed by, and autumn season has begun to crawl up. Colder hands, colder feet, but he must say that both of their hearts have been warmer, and things were getting a little alter-ego for the both of them. She was his confidante, and he was the same for her.

Levi would always move a little curling muscle from his lips every time he would be passing by at the little window in their kitchen. He would see her at their huge lawn, doing her daily- now favorite activity which is gardening. He looked at her, a straw-hat on her head paired with blue cardigans and a yellow sundress. Mikasa was always a sight to see, and he could feel himself falling in love deeper, maybe because she planted their garden different varieties of black tea leaves he obsessed over.

Even if she would be entering their backyard door with dirty hands, he would just shrug, but still doesn't have the tendency to ignore the filth from the dirt. _I'll just clean it again and again,_ he would inwardly say while offering her a cup of tea.

At thirteen hundred hours, Levi muses. He dressed himself neatly in his black trench coat, applied a beeswax pomade to his hair, and then went to the attic to fetch himself a pair of shoes he often wore.

_Goddamn this sultry woman._

He hissed, while he shook his head in a mixture of chagrin and laughter. Well, it's just that this sultry Mikasa added an inch of platform to his derby shoes. Not that he would care, but, maybe yeah, sometimes he wished for himself to be a little taller.

Even though it was annoying him in a good way, he forgave her.

He retrieved his small leather satchel as he went downstairs, preparing himself for another errand at the city of Chlorba. When he passed at the small bulletin frame hanging on their newly painted gray walls, he took the pinpointed sepia-colored note indicating the list of things Mikasa asked him to buy at the market.

" _Bonjour ma belle_ , I'm off."

He simply said, exiting the fence of their house, while leaving Midnight back at the stable. Levi watched her give a small wave, and a small smile, telling him her _see-you-later_ remarks a million times.

"Please come home safe."

_I will_. He whispered as he disappeared into the vast meadows.

#### 

MIKASA

When she was done with her garden activities, she went inside then hastily took a bath. Of course, germs are always the explanation to everything.

Mikasa noticed that Levi would use his native tongue whenever he would be speaking to her in an odd way. Not that odd; odd-bad, but odd in whereas he'd be speaking in a tune of a sweet compliment. (which was rare) Something like that maybe, she can't really describe it, and she doesn't know how Levi's language works.

However, when it comes to the terms of Levi's love language, she understood it more and more every passing day. Mikasa finally understood his calm demeanor of saying: _"Calm down"_ , and any other soothing words she refused to obliged before. She understood him better by the use of that sepia-colored post-it notes, and sometimes, she understood him by the work of his hands.

Courteous and polite touches are what she craved. The way his hand would find its way to her hand, the way his hand would find its way to her shoulders, and maybe the way his hand would find its way to her cheek. All so good, all so lovely, and all so subtly seducing.

She pulled her embroidery set from her cabinet, then she brought the cravat project with her downstairs. A lot of things changed between them, but there are also a few things that haven't changed. Like the way he would do his errands alone, or the way he would not ask her to buy groceries because of his fearful thought of her buying anything she sees on sale.

So she just let him a while ago, observing the way he disappeared in the vast meadows, with both of his hands on the pocket of his trench coat, and a new sight of him wearing a fedora hat atop his styled hair.

Going back to her business, after she settled herself in the living room, she pulled the portable gramophone near the candle-stick telephone. The candle-stick telephone suddenly reminded her of Annie. How has she been, and why haven't she called? She tried to put the handset in her ear, while trying to say a few words like: Hey and Hello. 

_Hey, Levi. Hello, Annie._

She just shrugged, and then she put it back. No one knew their telephone code except for Annie. Whatever Annie was doing right now at the other side of the sea, she just hoped for her happiness. Even if she would still call her, even if not. She just smiled and adjusted the portable gramophone afterwards.

Levi has ten phonographic records, a lot from Chet Baker and Frank Sinatra, few from John Coltrane and Bill Evans, and the one she bought back which is Fats Waller. So she chose the one that had a funny name; the one she bought from the old man at Chlorba: _Ain't Misbehavin'_

The music started playing as soon as the needle hit the vinyl record. Piano keys tapping, followed by the blowing of a trumpet, and maybe a few hits of saxophone and cymbals. It was good, it was cheerful, even if it kind of missed some few notes, but that was okay. That was jazz all about, creating music without the fear of having a mistaken note, and maybe, that was the same as life too.

She let it play, enjoying it while doing her cravat project. Mikasa could tell that the cravat was really sewn meticulously, because for god's sake, she has been working on this for god-knows months. After she was done with it, but not that really done, she continued her next task which is... cleaning.

Levi's obsessiveness for order was infectious. Sometimes, she can't also go on a day by not dusting imaginary dust at whatever things she could think. So she wore her cleaning bandana, scarf, apron and she began to clean on her hands and knees.

Like a dutiful housewife.

After the first round of cleaning, it was her turn to take the garbage bin outside. The black garbage bag appeared to be a little heavy, and somehow that made her quizzical. Why would the garbage bag be heavy if there were only the two of them and almost every night, Levi would take it outside? Might Levi be throwing away her things secretly?

Like a nosy racoon, she silently scuffed the trash, and was later revealed by an obnoxious pile of something she would never expect.

Letters. 

Unopened letters to be exact, all addressing the same name, the former rank, and the same address in order. 

_Captain Levi of the Survey Corps._

She was feeling nervous, slightly asking herself if she would open it or not. Levi was a very secretive person, she was not naïve about that, but it somehow kind of made her dismayed because she felt that Levi was always keeping a lot of things all to himself.

So Mikasa opened one of the letters, and read it.

_Captain Levi of the Survey Corps,_

_By the order of the monarch, by the order of the queen, and by the order of the future king. I am writing this to let you know that once again, the queen has requested for your service. The threat of the Yeagerist community has created a lot of mishaps, and it would be an honor if you would go back in serving the monarch again by protecting the future king._

_Queen Historia asks for your pardon regarding the rowdy argument between you and one of our royal police. We free you of any charges of assault and harassments, but once again, we inform you that we do not tolerate violence in this new world. Please leave the mercenary occupation once again._

_Sincerely,_

_Wincerzein, Head Military Police in the honor of Nile Dawk_

Mikasa hissed after reading the letter, then she crumpled it with a raging force. She violently tore the other unopened letters, and all were written the same. All the same format convinces Levi to serve the fucked up monarchy, and what's worse is that he has been accused of his violent behavior. She never expected it to be like this. It wasn't her fault that these fucked up Yeagerists swarm like shithole of dirty pigs, and it wasn't also Levi's fault. Perhaps Historia was still shy to approach her, that's why it has always been Levi who has been continuously disturbed?

Her head throbbed all of a sudden.

Levi was her family, and anyone who will get between her only family, and perhaps her _'paramour_ ', will make her rip throats like Kenny Ackerman.

#### 

LEVI

A quarter before seventeen hundred hours, Levi arrived back home. It was an eerie setting, the garbage outside has been scattered like some fucked up rat went on a crazed garbage feast. He didn't take a look at it as he went inside quickly.

"Mikasa?"

He set foot onto a dimmed living room with a slouched knocked-out Mikasa on the davenport sofa. Her head was leaning heavily, a headache was a perceived cue because of the way her brows furrow, and that was something he rarely saw. So he placed the stash of grocery bags on the tea table, removing his hat as he moved beside her.

"Hey, wake up." Levi shook her gently, and he heard her bleat in a sense that made him worried. "Mikasa, what's wrong?"

Mikasa was now awake, but instead of replying anything, she reached for his wrist instead.

"Talk to me, Mikasa. What happened?"

"I, uhh, wriggled the trash."

Levi squinted his eyes as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked around, the broom and mop were still muddled, making him test his patience one more time. Why would she feast the garbage like some sewer rat? The filth was infuriating his OCD so he sighed and finally spoke. "Let's talk about it."

"The letters, Levi..."

_Tch. What a pain..._ Levi thought as he gave himself a moment to think of the right words. He wasn't really sure what Mikasa would want to hear from him, since he hadn't opened the letters he had thrown. Levi was always stern to his decision, that no matter what happened, he won't accept that goddamn offer.

Which leads him to another question: Why would Mikasa act strange if ever she has seen the letters that he actually threw? Didn't she get the idea?

"It's all from the mucky-mucks. Shitty letters don't really interest me."

"I'm just... afraid." She said, her hand clings tightly to her wrist. "I'm afraid that they will force you..."

"No one is going to force me, alright?" Levi assured her, his words were stern just like the way he clenched his teeth. "You think I'm just gonna agree to that?"

"It's not that..." He noticed the way she paused, her eyes were weary and glassy. She was worried about something, maybe much more to the issue itself. "I just don't want you away from me... and they have been accusing you as a former mercenary."

He waited for a moment.

Levi recalled that he has never told Mikasa about his past life. Not that he has plans on keeping it away, for sure she has heard already tumultuous gossip from the mouth of the bastard fanatic of him. He just can't really find the perfect timing on how to reveal it, how to tell her that he was a lawbreaker, a dirty criminal who hated filth. 

But maybe now would be the perfect timing.

"I was a former mercenary. I was a thug, a thief, and an assassin. A notorious criminal, Mikasa. Those pigs want me to lick their asses so they will seize every opportunity they will get even if it's bringing one of my past crimes."

It was her who waited another moment.

But then Levi added. "Does it now scare you, Mikasa? You're living with a fucked up monster."

"That monster has the gentlest lips with the gentlest touch, so no. I'm not scared of you." She halted, her words grazed his earlobe so delicately, so reserved, and so true. If he would be honest, he didn't expect that, and he was so lost for words. Levi heard her continue: "You are my family, Levi. Whatever wrong doings you did, I don't really care. If you want to kill a police officer right now, I'll be the one to put it in a black bag and help you throw it in the lake. There are a lot of wrong things I've done too, but it didn't stop you from accepting me in your life, right?"

He nodded, understanding that she had accepted him in her life a long time ago. Mikasa was not like Eren who worshiped him as some magical deity for his skills, or maybe like Petra who actually fangirled and followed him in every way. Mikasa was so much more to that. She accepted him for the way he is, for the way he deals with his problems, his OCD, his cleaning, his eating lax, and a lot more crazy things people would find absurd. Mikasa has seen his weaknesses as well as his secrets. So easy as that, but it was more than genuine that he could feel. It just gave him more reasons to stay with her even though he already has proved a million reasons to actually stay with her for the rest of his life.

"You had no idea how much that means to me."

"And you had no idea Levi, how much it would hurt me when you leave."

"Stupid woman." He smiled, and then he put a hand to her shoulder cap, almost rubbing it in another form of reassurance. Levi would never leave her, and even if that would be the one to kill him. Not unless she changed her mind and left him instead... "I won't leave you. I'll only leave when you leave."

Mikasa placed a hand on his stitched cheek, then tenderly caressed it, and she leaned a little closer. Her face was no longer weary, and her eyes are twinkling in a sense of some star-crossed fuck who wants to end the world. A comet? An asteroid? A meteor? _Whatever_ , he thought, as he tried to push his face to kiss her lips but then she chuckled only to move her mocking face away.

"Not so fast, Levi. I wriggled trash, you forgot?" She winked, and then she snickered. She put the stash of grocery atop their center island, singsongingly little lullabies from the fat fuck named Fats Waller.

_God, help me. This woman is crazy._

He helped Mikasa clean the garbage-banquet looking lawn, observing how she actually tore every letter like it was a damn party confetti. Levi never asked her questions about why she needs to do that, because precisely he understood her rage, but it just kind of trickled his compulsiveness about controlling his damn obsession for neatness. Like the way he thought that at any time a hoard of farm rats would be attacking their neat property.

Inwardly frustrated about his screeching OCD tendencies, he told Mikasa that he would just rest his body inside. Levi doesn't want to see the letters, he doesn't want to be constantly reminded about the annoying fuckers, so when Mikasa agreed to his request, he found himself wanting a shower.

The bathroom was extra cleaned to his surprise. His toiletries are in order, the bottles are organized from a-z, even the rugs and towels are changed to the point that he easily forgot the garbage-banquet that happened. The wall tiles and floor tiles were really spotless, it even smelled like lavender bleach, and not a hair of her literal raven hair could be seen. Which was odd, even if he sarcastically asked her a million times if she had been secretly having radiation therapy for her hair to lose that much, she would just say no and it was almost impossible for that hair loss to have a solution.

So the bathroom scenery was heaven for him, and yes he could have a great shower today especially after the tiring errand plus the hideous garbage feast.

It was needless to describe the way Levi bathed, but for most of the time he would scrub his whole body three times repeating the same order as if it were rituals. He preferred using satiny soaps with shea butter, a scent fragrance of amber accord and blackberry juice. Levi could describe that the scent was clean-fresh, vibrant, and somehow the abstruse intriguing aphrodisiac. He won't make a comment about their _'his and her'_ toiletries, because most of the time he could guess that Mikasa would be using the same body wash he would use even if he told her not to. He was in the middle of a shower when he heard Mikasa yelling.

"Levi! Are you the one who ordered chickens? Because I didn't order those live chickens!"

Which brought him back that he actually forgot to tell her that he actually asked some merchant to deliver chickens at his home. Of course, Levi wasn't hypnotized, or drunk, or messing around when he made that decision. It just happened, that after a fast transaction at the local bank, some poultry wagon stopped in front of him.

Levi wasn't good with people. He can't even hold a normal conversation without him bitching in almost every syllable he would spat. But Levi, out of everyone, can be called as a zoophilist. The fondness he has for animals, was a rare attitude for a stern man like him to obtain. That's why the moment he saw the hoard of chickens that were about to be butchered, compassion and sorrow strike the tip of his tongue. 

"Levi?!"

"Just give me a fucking minute... I'm still shitting, so please." Levi replied even though he was not really in his crapper business. He just still needed to find some words to explain it to Mikasa, because he was not that insensitive to forget that he was living with her, and handling chickens was a different kind of mess.

Levi just hoped that she would name the chickens too... so she would also be the one to clean shit.

#### 

MIKASA

"You're just disgusting. Anyway, I'll just let the chickens inside?"

"For god's sake-"

"I know, I just love messing with you. I'll just take it to the stable."

Mikasa was done cleaning the confetti-letters when a merchant asked her if Levi Ackerman lives at their address. And never in her life she would actually see chickens being delivered at their house.

At first, she tried to refuse. Telling the old merchant that he got the wrong address, that the merchant was definitely mistaken, and that she was living with a grouch who literally hates clutters and people. But after hearing the merchant say that it was fully paid, she was flabbergasted.

So she looked for Levi, asked him the intriguing question, but only to be answered by a shitty answer. Literally. Going back to their fence, Mikasa led the merchant to the little stable, and told him: "Thank you" that he could already leave the work to her.

Ever since, Mikasa was a zoophilist. But when a series of tragedies ruined the innocence of her simple life, her love for animals became shrouded. Not that she doesn't like the stinging digitigrades or unguligrade, it's just that animal attachment has been a paradox to her since the age of ten.

But post-war things made her back to her young, passionate and innocent self. The love for nature, the love for animals, and the continuous love for family were all brought back to her little by little. And that is all a big thanks to Levi.

So she tended the chickens, observing how frail and little they were, and she noticed them shaking mostly because of the trauma in some poultry farms. It was a good thing that Levi and her were vegetarians, because lessening casualties would always be better than doing nothing.

"I forgot to tell you that I actually bought chickens." Levi was walking from their porch, his hair still wet from the bath, but he was already dressed up wearing his cleaning apron.

She hummed, but her eyes never left the new members of her family. She wondered what could possibly be Levi thinking? "Care to explain, hmm?"

"Of course. It's just... for some reason I see, they deserve to live too."

Mikasa nodded. Of course, she understood that perfectly, making both Levi and her lives the complete example for Levi's rescued chickens. "I know that, Levi. It's just surprising how you became so soft."

Levi scoffed, but then he strode towards the stable to check the chickens. There were a total of seven chickens; three white, one brown, one black, and a fluffy gray one. She doesn't know the breed of these avian, hence she doesn't even know what to call it, so maybe she could ask Levi the way she did it with the horses.

"You have names for the chickens?"

Levi replied without missing a beat. "Name them."

_Name them? Something's fishy, hmm._ Mikasa thought as she tried to pet the gray fluffy chicken. Perhaps there is something Levi isn't telling again.

"Can we name them together?"

He scoffed. "I'm not good with names."

"Or you just don't want to shovel shit?" She retorted, her head slightly leaning towards his direction like she was just waiting for Levi to tell her right.

Levi didn't reply as he shrugged nonchalantly, his face was still impassive like a statue. Playing the games of charade, shit got to be kidding, Mikasa was an expert at this game. Given that Levi was inscrutable to begin with, but after months of living with him actually made her decode him even if it is just microscopic as dust.

"You always let me do the dirty jobs!" Mikasa exclaimed as she arched her back, standing up from petting the chickens. It was almost nineteen hundred hours, and dinner was not around the corner, so she needed to make arrangements with Levi in the easiest way for her to prepare a quick meal. She sighed deflatingly as she said: "Just give one name, and yes, I'm still the one in-charge with all those shitty chores."

"Just call it Kenny." Levi said as he rolled his eyes, but cranky isn't a mood to describe him, especially when he offered his hand and led her back inside.

At the end, Mikasa named the chickens: Kenny, Liam, Naomi, Perle, Butter, Hope, and Armie. Those were the names she could actually think of, and even she found it funny to name chickens. She heard Levi making fun of her as he said that sooner or later she would just forget the names because they all looked shitty alike. She didn't mind though, but still, she laughed with him instead while serving him a luscious potato gratin.

Mikasa watched him build the chicken coop day by day. She knew that he wasn't a carpenter, or an architect, or any other jobs she didn't know names that would fit the description of building something. But it was needless to say, Levi was great, he was always great with a lot of things and she would say that he was very skilled.

So it made her enjoy watching the way he built the chicken coop. Very meticulous, very painstaking, and in order to the point he actually ordered a shelf cabinet just to store specific cleaning materials for her to use when shoveling shit. Mikasa doesn't have anything to say about Levi's love for particularity, so she just shrugged it off and asked Levi to paint the coop like the color of the sky.

"It's odd. Chicken coops are mostly painted red."

She scoffed in a way that was almost the same to him and then she replied: "I like odd things... Isn't living with you an explanation to it?"

"Whatever you say..." He continued as he installed the nesting boxes while explaining to her that sometime in a while, if they would be lucky, they wouldn't have to buy eggs at the market anymore. She was excited about that.

It was her turn to have errands at the bank. Mikasa told Levi that she may not be able to make lunch for them, elucidating that she would spend the day in the plaza... going shopping for necessary things. Levi just stared at her dumbfoundedly, his nose wrinkling in a funny expression.

She left him cleaning the second floor of their house, ruffling his bandana-hatted ebony hair, while telling him ' _pax vobiscum_ ' with his cleaning. She was actually thankful that Levi ignored her ridiculousness, and instead of spatting out snarky remarks, he just asked her what she wanted for dinner.

After retrieving some checks at the bank, which was a wad of money, Mikasa went straight to the local realtor. That was all a secret plan she had in her mind, constructing it thoroughly by herself, and not really telling Levi about it.

So when she arrived at the local realtor in the city of Chlorba, she immediately asked if there are any cheap commercial properties that are for sale.

"For what business, missus?" The realtor asked.

To think of it, it has always been Levi's dream. She once heard it from the loud mouths of Sasha and Connie, that if there was something Levi would like to have in the impossible future, it was to open a tea shop.

But both of them have the time, the money, and maybe the impossible future that the both of them fought for. The simple dream of Levi was now within reach, that near and close, and she sometimes wondered why Levi hadn't taken any step to reach it even if he could.

So maybe, it was her who was going to do it. Tea business has never been a dream of her, but she would want to share the only dream Levi wanted, and that was more than having her own dreams. In the countless ensued things of post-war, Levi gave everything to consider her, and never she heard Levi complain (except for cleaning) or bring the things he has done for her. Just thinking about that made her want to love him more.

"A tea shop sir."

Mikasa confirmed the details to the realtor, giving him a specification of a property she preferred that was: cheap, near Chlorba, and peaceful. When the realtor told her that there was one available; although it was old and untidy, she hastily agreed with it. If she can't buy herself a house, then maybe she'd just use her small money to buy this shop for Levi.

She paid it in half, and when she signed her name: _Mikasa Ackerman_ , she smiled thinking that this unexpected life was the life where she had all of her dreams waiting.

#### 

LEVI

Levi loves two things before. First one is the obsessive liking of cleaning anything and everything just to be in order. Second one is his obsession for tea that is limited and specific to the same variant again and again: Black Tea.

If someone would see it, it would appear that the things he derived pleasure from, were obviously and contiguously unhealthy. But for him, it was merely the normal setting. Waking up, cleaning, shitting, drinking tea, and sleeping if he would be lucky. That's the daily routine that worked for him before, which led him to a rhetorical question of what routine worked for him right now?

Maybe the same. Waking up, cleaning, shitting, drinking tea, and sleeping if he would be lucky.

Maybe just the same. But except that it was: Waking up to her, cleaning up with her, drinking tea that was made by her, and sleeping next to her if he would be lucky, but damn that, he was already too fortunate. Crapper business was the only exception because that was overly unhygienic, but in almost everything, Levi was always with her.

And it was wordlessly explainable that Levi did allow and allocate another list to the things he loved.

Sighing with a breath of relief, he had finished cleaning the whole house at fifteen hundred hours. He even finished feeding their farm friends outside, and he even watered the garden activities that Mikasa left. There was nothing more to do, except for inspecting the whole house for the final touch, and it kind of bothered him that Mikasa was still not at home.

Trying to shuffle his boredom away, his one good eye remarked on the surroundings of their house. He noticed that the gray-painted walls were not really decorated with anything. It was just really plain, and unornamented. Not that Levi would say it was something like homespun, but he felt like it was lacking something. 

_Bookshelves?_

_Copper figurines?_

_Shitty chinaware?_

_Ahh. Photographs._

If Levi would recall, this fucked up illustrations created by light falling on a photosensitive surface were the things Hange and company went nuts when they took a survey at Marley. He remembered the boisterous laugh of his squad, smiling and putting up their ugly faces in front of the big Collodion dry plate, (in which Sasha assumed that was used in serving meals) and even Armin asking him to put a little smile for the photograph.

He smiled at the gentle memory, reminding himself that when he went upstairs a little later, he'd be finding that damned photograph in Hange's dirty leather briefcase, and maybe would ask for Mikasa to frame it on their walls.

Perhaps, he could ask her for a photograph with him.

At sixteen hundred hours, Levi fell into a little nap while waiting for Mikasa. He was slouching at the sofa, when he heard someone yelling his name from the outside.

_God fucking damn it. When will these damn brats shut up?_

Levi inwardly thought that it might be another shit and fucked up letter from that damn, irritating and crazy mucky-mucks he swore that he was gonna shove his foot into. He scoffed sourly as he hastily wore his smoking jacket before going out. The season was in the middle of a breezy autumn and the weather was just so cold.

_Where could that damn woman be?_

He wasted no time as he went out and was greeted by a mailman. Which was something really strange because it was one of the mailmen from the seaport.

"Captain Levi of the Survey Corps?"

"Just Levi. The corps were fucked up and disbanded." He replied nonchalantly, observing thoroughly the mailman who was clothed in a striped-vertical weird looking uniform.

"Anyway, Mr. Levi, these are letters from Hizuru." The mailman halted as he fished the letters from his messenger bag, and then continued. "If ever you want to send a letter back, you can drop it at the port."

Levi received the letters and then he opened it when the mailman left. His name was just the only indication in the format of the envelope, hence he could assume that some of the sapheads don't know his address that tracing him could be the possible solution why the letter was delivered. It was sealed in wax, stamped in a symbol where an illustration of three swords almost forming the letter 'A' greeted his face. He knew that symbol all too well, and something numb was trickling the surface of his nape.

Sweat beaded the temples of his impassive face as he read the letter.

_Captain Levi of the Survey Corps,_

_My sincerest and warmest regards to you. I do not know when these letters would arrive in Paradis, or if these letters would arrive in particular. But nonetheless, I am writing this letter for you to know that I've tried, and if you are reading this right now, might as well send a letter back._

_I am truly sorry about the effects of the war. Great nations and countries have been destroyed, but I am thankful for your heroic acts- you and the Survey Corps to be exact. Without your heroic sacrifices, we couldn't have stopped the rumbling caused by Eren Yeager._

_For the last eight months, Hizuru has been progressing. Little by little, we tend to step upwards, and we hoped that the progress would be continuous and all for the better. Although I am delighted to be writing this letter to you, there are some concerns I want to deliver and tackle far._

_Please pardon the affair, I myself knew that you bear the last name of an Ackerman, and by means that you and Mikasa Ackerman share the same clan. However, Ms. Mikasa is also a member of our Azumabito clan, and as casualties have degenerated in our nation, we wished for her to travel to Hizuru. Ms. Mikasa has always been a wise lass, and choosing her as a successor for Hizuru's new nation would fit in perfectly._

_I wrote this concern directly to you because you are her captain, and I expect that you would be the one to deliver it to Ms. Mikasa as the last of her family. Again, with all my regards and gratitude, I am grateful._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Kiyomi Azumabito_

Three words. "Levi, I'm home!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONG USED:  
> Ain't Misbehavin' - Fats Waller  
> TRANSLATION: (Thanks Hayden, ily)  
> Bonjour ma belle - Hello beautiful
> 
> -
> 
> I want to thank everyone for all the supports, kudos, arts, reblogs, asks uplifting comments, and messages I received from the last chapter. I didn't expect that, and you guys made me so much warm and happy. You all are too kind. Thank you so much for loving After The War and thank you for loving 1920's Levi and Mikasa. I don't know if this chapter did give you justice, but let's see where this would take me. Thank you so much once again, and please leave a comment on what you think! (:
> 
> _(LEVI DO NOT DIE ON US pls ily. ): I'm anxious about C136...)_


	11. Inevitable

#### 

MIKASA

Tugging down her dark-green scarf, Mikasa excitedly entered their fence while shouting: "Levi, I'm home!" She made the good deal with the realtor, she bought groceries with her little money, and she managed to get Levi another phonographic record for the love of jazz. She was all so good, all so excited, but not until she saw Levi sitting all so tensed on the patio chair.

"You're home..."

Her brows suddenly raised quizzically upon hearing the croaky voice of her housemate. Levi would never say anything like that unless it was the end of their world, or a start of their new world, or whatever sulky things that she may find absurd. She was intrigued. Perhaps, in a deeper sense, worried. _Have Levi been consuming muriatic acid?_ So she tried to observe the lawn, looking if there was another garbage feast, before she completely strode towards Levi.

"Yeah... I'm home," She paused as she reached the porch, letting her stash of grocery lay atop the half-barrel table. She wanted to tell him that he looked constipated, but instead she asked: "What's wro-"

Mikasa was greeted in the most unexpected way. Levi was fast, it would never be an understatement, as he reached the hem of her scarf, pulling her down to crash his lips against her lips.

The way he did it was quite opposite to their first, yet a parallel to his old disposition. The way his lips crashed against her, violent; like how he bit her lower lip so hard to the extent she felt a slight heated pressure, but also longing; as she could sense the ardor beneath his heated lips. His steady breathing- now in a mixture of heavy and labored, as if he was catching her breath just to save himself from drowning.

She pulled from his furious lips, heated, and heavy. "What's wrong, Levi?"

But Levi, was not a man of words. She felt Levi pinned her against the wall as he kissed her more, and more, and more to the point he used both of his hands to support her neck. His left phalanges moved to the apex of her sternocleidomastoid, feverishly tracing it down to the manubrium of her sternum.

Stupefied could be the right word to describe how flabbergasted she was. But even though she knew there was something wrong, that him kissing her for whatever vague reason, that him kissing her in their porch not giving a fuck if some of their neighbors would see them, she just couldn't stop him.

Regardless of the peculiarity he was showing, he was still Levi for her. So she pulled the collar of his smoking jacket, bringing Levi closer to rummage her lips a whole lot better, a whole lot versatile, and a whole lot of understanding.

_Levi, you could do whatever you want._

She let him indulge the feverish kiss more; he kissed her violently, she kissed him passionately back.

_Levi, you could own me._

She gasped with her mouth opened as she opened her eyes, but only to close it again when Levi spoke between his lips and hers. "Do you trust me?"

_Levi, you could touch me._

Mikasa muses the moment he saw the look in his eyes. His steel-blue eyes were cold, vague, and dead. As if she was looking into a different person, a different version of him, but no- she didn't realize that she was looking into his old eyes, the eyes where he displayed back all those years.

It was needless for her to reply on what question she was given; Mikasa knew that she trusted him, and she trusted him not just after the war, but she trusted him even back all those years. She wanted Levi to know everything, but it was beyond words, and it would just break the burning sultry kiss they were sharing.

His lips suddenly found its way to her chin, making her hand grasped the surface of his steady nape. Levi threaded her all the way down to her neck, his spearmint scent was owning her neck, and it was such a waste to let a good thing die. His left phalanges went to work more as he slowly tracked her sternum all the way to its body, passing every costal notch, making her gasped like she was out of air.

_Levi, you could even kill me if you want-_

She opened her eyes to learn that he froze. 

"I'm taking it overboard. I'm sorry."

He said without missing a beat, his hands were quick to detach from the touch of her anatomy. Levi waved a hand frustratingly, then he halted mid-air, and he plunged a wrinkled letter to the pocket of his smoking jacket.

Eyes widened, hair disheveled, and lips swollen... Mikasa watched him leave the porch.

Mikasa could say that she held the threshold of having patience higher than the walls of fucking Sina. Being with Eren all those years have made her learn how to deal with mood swings, aggressive behaviors, and even insanity from seeing people getting eaten by titans.

But being with Levi was another different story. She could be aggressive, reckless, impatient, and any other childish behavior she could be whenever he would be around. But Levi was Levi, again, he would still act and be the bigger picture by not reciprocating her negative behaviors.

Which was a thing she learned to improve post-war.

Living with Levi made her learn to be the real her. Caring, joyful, sometimes sultry, mischievous, tough, and more. She could act much freely, and that was one of the things she liked. That's why at nineteen hundred hours, while cooking dinner for the both of them, she knew she was irritated for a reason.

She settled mashed potatoes with onion leeks for the both of them. Levi was the one in charge to make dinner, but earlier plans appeared to sink simultaneously. Mikasa was not in the mood to prepare a sumptuous dinner, making her remember that she hated when Levi would act like he was out of the world again. So she called him.

"It's dinner, Levi."

She was left unanswered, hence the explanation that her housemate was upstairs. So she went upstairs, only to open the door of her room but he was none, and then she proceeded to his room.

She turned the doorknob but it was locked. She swear she could kick his door if he would've left her unanswered again.

"Levi." She knocked as she called him. "It's dinner time."

"I'm not hungry."

"Cool. So now you want to play the role of the gloomy brat?" She replied.

The door jolted open, revealing Mikasa his eyes first. His eyes are now dull-grey, probably because his bluish eyes are nowhere to be found because of the dimmed room. He stared at her for a while, his orbs glanced tight and it showed a little weariness. He moved past through her.

"You're making it hard for me."

Mikasa ignored him as they both went downstairs. She watched him scrubbed thoroughly his ink-stained phalanges in the kitchen sink, inwardly wondering what had really gotten into him? Levi appeared to be freakish and in disdain.

She set the cutlery a little muttered, but still, he appeared to be somewhere far.

#### 

LEVI

Levi was not listening.

He could tell that, while his dull eyes glanced tediously at the unattended mashed potato. Levi can't decipher what Mikasa was talking about; he can't even figure out the reason for her clenched jaw and narrowed eyes.

Truth is, things went too fast for him. The mailman from the seaport, the letters from Hizuru, the sudden appearance of Mikasa in their fence, and the kiss he impulsively implied just because he was too obsessed with his frustrations. Levi, for the first time, was too disoriented.

"Are you even listening to me?"

He heard her ask, her deep dish entirely consumed of mashed potatoes, but her cutlery etiquette indicates that she does not clearly like something going on.

"I'm not." He said bluntly, his words formed out of nothing but plain truth.

She stared at him, her eyes dull and tired. "I guess you're just tired."

A moment. But it felt like an eternity. If he could just make things with her for an eternity, then he would do it. If and only if. But the world was simply not a wish-granting factory because he does not own her... And sometimes he wished he did.

"Yeah." He moved their dirty dishes to the sink, his face impassive as he told himself that glancing at her would only affect his decisions worst.

"I'm just here, Levi... Just so you know." Mikasa said, but Levi pretended he didn't hear it. He needs everything to fade away. For his own good, for her own good, and for everyone living's own good.

Levi knew he didn't kiss her just for nothing. For years of living his poor, pitiful, weaponry life, he has never felt so desperate that kissing her amidst his frustrations was the only solution he could think for a while.

_"Do not leave me, Levi."_

Her words just kept coming back and back again, replaying like he was stuck in a last-song-syndrome fuck that he cannot get rid of. He scoffed, all too soundly, yet all too isolated that filled the walls of his lonely room.

Dinner was done for about three hours, and their house has never been so silent before. There was no VV-Victor playing hot jazz, there's no stridulating presence from the crickets outside, and not even her small joyful chuckles can be overheard from the damn house. It's all too odd, too lonely, and too empty.

He won't admit it, but he doesn't want an empty house.

_That's just an absurd silly dream._

Because she was always not his to begin with. Because he needs to let her go. Because he should know that once again, every person he loves would come and leave.

_Why can't I understand that?_

But wasn't that an understatement? The way he kissed her that burning afternoon. The way he does not give a fuck about anything but just tending to his selfish desires. The way he makes him want to own her means that letting her go would be something really ridiculous because he would be just making a fool out of himself.

_Tch..._

He scoffed again, thinking that everything is just complicated. That maybe everything was just a big chunk of joke he pretended not to see just because he was drunk in love. Levi raked a hand to his hair, so frustratingly that his unattended cup of tea placed atop his chiffonier was getting a little bit frozen.

He glared once again at the letters from Hizuru. 

Then he glared back at the letters he has been trying to write for three fucking hours, but only for everything just to end up at the trash bin. Why can't he decide what he wants?

If he really loves her, then why would he doubt everything in-between them?

"Levi, it's getting late." He sensed her even before she called out to him. She was always there at his doorsill, silently always at his side, but now what's the whole shitty point? She's not going to stay forever. He should've known.

_Because she's literally a part of my shitty life and that's what made it harder for me._

He stood up from his armchair, turning off the light from his torchiere floor lamp. He let her remain unanswered. Levi knew that she was staring, but he chose not to give back her stare. He walked past through her, his footsteps appeared to be burdensome just the way he was too exhausted to sleep for another night.

There were no stars or fireflies visible in his room that night.

When they arrived at her room, he immediately grabbed the bottle of rubbing alcohol as he harshly rubbed his ink-stained phalanges, wanting to get rid of all the filthy lonesome feelings he has been feeling.

"What is wrong with you?" Mikasa asked him, her face was already visible with frustration.

He finished himself pampering alcohol before he could retort something. But he wished not to lie anymore. "Everything."

"If it's because of the kiss then I don't give a damn care about that!"

Levi sighed while he acknowledged her piqued demeanor. He moved past through her for the third time that day, sitting himself down at her bunk. "Look, I kissed you because I need it." His nose scrunching at the verge of bile in his throat explaining something that was not even the root of his problem. "But I was taking it overboard."

He felt Mikasa raised her voice as she bombarded him with questions. "So? So what if you are taking it overboard? Don't you like me? When the hell did you care about what others think?"

"You don't understand, Mikasa." He held a hand to his forehead as he continued not really telling her what it was all about. "We can't. We just can't."

"Fine Captain Levi. This bullshit is noted." Mikasa hissed as she hurled him the bottle of alcohol he used. She walked towards the other side of the bed before adding up something to say. "Do me a favor by rubbing alcohol to your senile mind because _I always don't understand_."

He watched her pull the tumbledown quilt blanket that reached her neck. She tucked herself to sleep, much like she tucked herself away from him. Levi clearly understood her frustration and it would be actually okay if she would slap him for his disoriented situation. He was always prepared for fucked-up moments... Maybe not.

_Because I don't even understand, Mikasa._

He stood up from her bed, tempted to go back to his own room. Levi placed the alcohol back to her oak dresser then he strode towards the door when he glanced at her for the first time in a while.

_I'm the worst. I can't even talk to her._

Mikasa's eyelids were hanging low, her eyes were in a daze, and somewhere almost akin to a distant longing. His hand was already holding the doorknob, but he took the time to study the helpless haze of her face.

"It's complex to be me, Mikasa. I know you understand that."

He watched her close her eyes yet he was not that blind to miss the drop of tear escaping from her eyes. Levi knew he couldn't leave her be. That's the least he could do for her especially if he chose not to talk about the letters from Hizuru. He still needs time to think.

_To at least think of a decision I won't regret._

So he strode back to her bunk again, tucking himself at the other side of the bed. He knew that she was already ignoring him, and that was really justifiable for him. Levi was the one who acted like a stick was stuck up on his ass.

But still, he dropped something all so sudden,

"Do you love me?"

"I d-"

Yet also so sudden to take it back without even letting her to finish the only answer he needs to hear.

"Forget it." Levi said. Her heavy breath filled the auricle of his ear. "I'm sorry." He added.

A moment. It was needless to tell the tension and heartbreak present in the air.

"Yeah..." Mikasa said as she soundly clenched the periwinkle linen of her bunk. Both of them are frustrated, and maybe, they should just both go to sleep.

"Good night, Levi..." Her words are too pure, and he knew that he would just miss her the most.

But he chose not to send his good night back. Because she was Hizuru's last hope.

#### 

MIKASA

At one hundred hours, she woke up with a heavy bladder. 

But that was the least of her concern why she woke up at a dead hour. Sleep was too hard for her to find, almost sensing every now-and-then movements from her bedmate. He was frustrated, she was too, and she just can't still understand what the hell was wrong with him. At least sleep has helped her cope up with the irritation she was having for Levi.

So Mikasa slowly leaned her back against the headboard of their shared bed until she noticed that she was the only one enjoying the company of her lonely brass bed. Levi was not around anymore, and it was making her really frustrated.

But she needs to understand him.

Because he was the only one left for her in this world, and that brought her back to the question Levi asked her before going to sleep.

_"Do you love me?"_

_I do._

Yet he was quick to cut her, making her answer disdain and in dread. She swept the tendrils of her bangs, although she was also unconsciously sweeping the small tears that beaded the lateral canthus part of her eyes. 

Even though his mood was unpredictable, Mikasa wished for him not to go.

She strode downstairs, trying to seek the comfort of their toilet for her screaming bladder, and that was when she heard a harsh scrubbing sound that came from the kitchen.

_Don't tell me he's cleaning again..._

After flushing herself some relief from the toilet, her curious disposition led her way to peek a little towards the kitchen. The harsh scrubbing sound was still there, and it appeared to be scrubbing much heavily. 

She found Levi on his hands and knees, his sleeves rolled out with a disturbing wrinkle, and his hair was glimmering because of his sweat even though it was a cold midnight to begin with. He was scrubbing thoroughly, treating like if the kitchen tiles have a massive amount of virus but only in fact that it was pristine cleaned even if subtracting the scrub-shit-feast he has been doing.

She now understood that it was not only the kiss he had been worrying. How come had she been so dense? To see Levi frustratingly tending his obsession for cleanliness was something so bothering because she has never seen Levi so disoriented to the point he forgot to wear his cleaning scarf.

_Is he going away?_

Mikasa felt sad just by the thought of it. Right when they have been building something in-between them, right when she bought him a tea shop business for his dream, and right when she has finally understood that they were not stars who would explode and turn into dust.

She glanced once again at the cleaning Levi, and for her, his stature and appearance seemed to be a little odd that calling him filthy would be an appropriate term. The annoyance she felt for him suddenly died down when she saw how his upturned eyes looked so sunken and hollow.

She made her way towards the center island, not giving a damn if Levi would shook her away or whatever. She felt him stopped.

"You should be sleeping, Mikasa."

Just like the way he ignored her before, she ignored his obvious telltale by pulling out a kettle from the cupboard. She can't handle seeing Levi like this. She filled the kettle with water from the faucet, and then she placed it atop their stove. It's obvious she was boiling hot water for his midnight bath.

"Let's get you to bathe. No other shits of your excuses." She said, almost sounding like the way Levi said that to her the night where he followed her back to Trost. "You stink."

But Levi didn't smile nor chuckle. He just stared at her, his hand on the coconut husk, and the other hand gripping tightly on the bottle of bleach. Even his choice of cleaning agents doesn't seem to match each other.

So she bent her knees, almost doing the same position Levi was sitting, and she extended her hand as she reached for the coconut husk he was holding. 

"We both should be sleeping, Levi." She tried again to use her words, assuring that she had told him in a tune of comfort, of a sweet assurance that everything would be okay. "I'll prepare you a hot bath, and maybe you could leave the cleaning to me... Would that be alright?"

"Okay."

She watched him move, leaving the husk and bleach in her hands, but little did Levi know that she was already looking at his reddish knuckles. He appeared to be scrubbing his ink-stained knuckles instead of the floor tiles. 

_Letters._ She sighed as she fixed the 'cleaned mess' Levi left.

The scent of amber accord woke her up from her accident nap at the sofa. She hastily glanced towards the grandfather clock, indicating that it was already two hundred hours.

She wagged her head, trying to get rid of the slumber haze she had dozed off, but only to find Levi beside her with the tumbledown quilt blanket covering her body.

He was wide awake, his hair slightly wet from the bath, but his eyes were still a little bit far from her reach. She wanted to hold him so badly.

"Did I wake you up?" He asked, his tone now full of concern.

"Oh, no, no... I'm just surprised to see you beside me."

His furrow brows started to drop low. "About the thing..." He finally started, his fingers now on his temples. "I haven't been honest with you about what's bothering me."

Mikasa nodded. She knew he couldn't express it. However, she gave him a signal to continue whatever he was trying to say.

"Mikasa, do you trust me?" Levi asked, his head slightly leaning at the headboard of the sofa. It was a sad, eerie midnight, that even the constant bwok and bwaks of the chickens aren't present.

She nodded again.

He sighed, his hand now on his hair. "Use your words, Mikasa."

"I trust you."

Mikasa suddenly felt a stinging sensation beneath her smoky-gray orbs. She was sleepy, frustrated, and desperate to know what the hell was their problem. "But you always kept things hidden all to yourself, Levi."

"It's because I don't want you to be bothered by it." He explained as he turned his head to look at her. "It's a lonesome burden that should only be shouldered by me."

She shook her head no, silently thinking about the tea shop she bought for Levi. It was an absolute off-topic for her to bring it up, but it was the only thing that she could think about especially that she can't ponder what Levi has been saying. If those burdensome things are troubling him, then why won't he share it with her? 

She's not just a housemate, right?

"Mikasa." He called her once again, and his honey spooned words appeared to die down. It sounded in vain. "I'm no good with words."

"I understand that, Levi." She said, her voice now hoarse from blocking the stinging sensation that was also blooming in her throat. It was just a simple talk, _it's needless to shed a tear_ , she inwardly thought as she fidgeted the edge of the throw pillow from the sofa. "But at least talk to me... You're not just the one who seemed troubled about it, because it also affects me."

"I see." She felt him breathe, his spearmint scent was intoxicating her lungs the way that rainy jazz setting again. But that was all the least for her concern, dying just because of metaphorical romantic shits that include a flawless breath doesn't seem so right. She listened to him. "Let's talk about it later in the morning. I still need to regain composure from all the shitty things I've done to you the whole day."

But even though she knew that, he was forgiven because she loved him.

So she tried to reach his hand, lacing it like it was the first time she had held it. His hand was cold, his basilic veins illuminated from the kitchen light, and she has never felt his hand so lonesome and needy. Mikasa could wait whatever he was going to say.

And trusting him was a decision she won't regret. 

_So whatever he would say, I would accept it. Even if it's hard._

She didn't answer him, but she took the move to lean her head onto his shoulder cap, slowly and yearning. Mikasa missed this so much, having late idle moments with him, treating like if the new world was just for the both of them.

But no. She needs to understand the benefit of the doubt. She still needs to understand that there would always be chaos in everything.

Even if Eren Yeager accomplished freedom, it does not mean that personal mental civil wars can be easily won too. Maybe, maybe because developing a love story with Levi Ackerman was just that surreal and complex. She needs to understand that. Even if it hurts so fucking hell.

"We could sleep in here if you want."

She heard him suggested as she glanced towards his youthful face. His eyes were no longer dull, but instead it was soft and glassy. His steel-blue orbs are illuminated like the way his basilic veins shone from the dimmest of the kitchen light. He was still Levi, she reminded herself as she placed a hand to his chest, tracing the midclavicular shit he told her for obtaining the best way to his heart.

"We should." Mikasa told him, her hand feeling the calmed beating of his heart. She does not want this to end. If and only if. "Could we stay like this?"

Levi pulled her closer as he ruffled her hair so tender. As if he was another different person, as if his earlier disposition was just for show, because she was now seeing the real him.

"We should." He mimicked her, his hand grazing tenderly on her cheek. "We could do whatever you want for the time being, because even I... don't want this to be over."

She hummed, pretending that the world was chaos-free, that there was no in-between deeper meaning from the word he just said.

_My understanding could wait... I just want us to be selfish. I just want this midnight to be fatal-free._

Tracing the visible stitched scar from his face, she pulled him closer as she bid her goodnight kiss. No regrets and drama. It could wait. Just maybe, she could still see a dream of her and him underneath the clouded moon.

He kissed her back as he broke his gaze away. Her slumber was growing fast, and so she pulled her legs as she moved her position to sleep. Mikasa placed her head onto his lap, a little too dreamy, but all she knew that she never wanted this fleeting moment to end.

_Good night, Levi._ She inwardly said, not voicing out her thoughts because all in a while, there were no words left for the both of them to say.

She felt him caress her head as they let the dead air take them in the dreamy passages of a childish dream she hoped. It was hard, so hard, but she trusted him. She let a few idle moments pass, before she decided to call a halt for the night, and then he spoke.

"Please know I feel the same way too."

_I do._

She closed her eyes as she drifted herself to sleep.

#### 

LEVI

The first few rays of sunlight lit up the living room they resided for the night. However, for him, he was awake even before the crack of dawn.

Sleeping less than three hours was something not new to him, but he couldn't deny that being sleepless for the night was a troublesome exhaustion. Even if his eyes were closed, nothing but her happy smiling memories flooded the liminality of his mind.

And it's making him sick for the decision he was about to choose.

Levi glanced towards the window as he heard the dawn chorus of some melodic birds drifting in. It was a new day, but it was also a new tragedy, at least for the both of them. He next glanced towards his sleeping companion, sleep was still heavily pooled on her eyelids, and for another vague reason, he felt himself relaxed just seeing her head nuzzling on his lap.

He swept a few strands of hair off her face, her long eyelashes were a little moist, and he probably won't get tired just by looking at her.

If only the world would just let him happy.

Or if only he would just choose his own selfish desires then he might be.

He took his graze from her face as he blinked for a moment, and then he closed his eyes trying to contemplate love or duty. He was always like this. He needs to do this not just for her, but for other people too. Choosing himself was not in his option; he was always ready to give up what he wanted if that would result in the betterment of the world.

He kept himself stern by averting the dreamy look at her face.

_I hope you will understand me, Mikasa. You're a smart woman._

Yet somewhere hidden within a haze, a fog that descends with the rising sun, a hangover of her remains. He let her there, untouched by hands or salty tears that would quench the morning thirst they would be having later.

Waking up to her smile, the one he fell in love with when the world was just theirs. 

He hummed a sweet melancholic song, sending unheard lullabies to her unconscious state, and maybe that's the least he could do whenever she was asleep.

Their screaming chickens were already baffling the early morning, but he chose to ignore it as he let his hand to rest on his forehead. Maybe he could sleep a little, even just for a while, even just for a bit.

But the gods appeared to be at the opposite when their candle-stick telephone rang for the first time.

_Who could be calling at this fucking early._

Levi moved her gently, afraid that she might be waking up just because some fucker decided to disturbed the peaceful morning of them. He stood up hastily, as he picked the handset and placed it on his ear.

It was already chaotic before he could even distinguish what decibel he was hearing.

_"Mikasa! Just thank whoever the hell should I thank because you answered."_

_Fucking grubby brat. Annie._ He thought as he rolled his eyes.

Annie: _"Hey, hello? Mikasa, are you listening?"_

Levi: "It's Levi."

Annie: _"Okay listen, you one-eyed Grinch. I need to talk to her."_

Levi: "Stop screaming because she's asleep... And why the hell do you need to talk with her?" 

Annie: _"Just give it to her. Overseas phone calls are fucking expensive at Liberio!"_

He sighed. Thinking that his day was ruined before he could even start it. What kind of gossip does Annie needs to deliver to Mikasa early in the fucking morning? He groaned, shaking his head while thinking why do women need to be complicated all the time.

Levi: "Fine. I could smell your fusty hoodie through the phone."

Annie: _"Oh, go fuck yourself."_

He placed the handset on hold, as strode towards the sofa. He shook her gently, calling out her name in the softest tone he could make. 

"Hey..." She mumbled, her eyelids still pooled with heavy slumber.

"Hey too. You need to wake up." He explained, his hand still on her shoulder cap, slightly massaging it as if he was calming her down. "Annie's on the phone."

Mikasa's eyes suddenly opened as she wasted no time hastily running towards the telephone. He has never seen her act like a caged animal who has been set free.

_Women._ He thought.

Mikasa: "Hey, Annie? Why did you call?" 

He heard her confused voice as he fixed the messy sofa they slept in.

Mikasa: "Jean? No, I haven't heard from him. Why are you so tense, Annie?"

_Jean? Don't tell me that the grubby brat would ditch Armin for the horseface..._

Mikasa: "What?"

Mikasa: "Annie, stop joking it's early in the morning."

He arched his brows as he felt that Mikasa turned to look at him with a very surprised face. What could they be talking about?

Mikasa: "I'd ask Levi... if he could go. I still do not prefer seeing Historia."

Levi flinched upon hearing his name. _No,_ he thought.

Mikasa: "So you are sure about that huh... Jean knocked up Pieck."

_What the actual fuck?_ Levi's eyes started to widen, recalling everything that happened back in Marley. Of course, how could he not forget about the public fuckers who were fucking in front of the drooling Connie?

Mikasa: "Oh please, Levi and I are doing good. We're uhm, we're okay."

Mikasa: "Alright Annie. Take care. See you, when I see you."

Mikasa ended the call as she placed the handset back. He felt her stopped, her face still with traces of confusion. He raised a brow in response.

"Jean's going to be a father in a few weeks." She stated coolly, but her eyes did not lie. Even though her hair looked like some cow licked it, she couldn't help but to pass a mental note for him to explain.

_God, how do I explain that I caught them having sex?_

He cleared his throat. "You know what happened when a man and a woman fucked right? As I remember, Hange stated that in one of her stupid adulting lessons."

Mikasa chuckled. "No, no, of course, I already know how to make babies. It's just that how do you guys managed to fuck at Marley?"

"I never copulated with anyone."

He saw her blushed. "Right, yeah," Of course, he just indirectly told her he was a virgin. Mikasa's stuttering made her more flustered as she continued to explain. "I mean, Annie just saw Pieck last night as she visited Liberio, and of course, just like me, we're shocked about the news."

Levi sighed as he sat down on the sofa. "I've seen the both of them fucking. In front of a sleeping Connie." He explained, his indigo eyes now looking bored.

"You didn't do anything?"

"What do you want me to do? Join them?" He scrunched his nose up, tapping his three-digit hand at the sofa arm. "That's just disgusting."

Mikasa moved beside him, sitting herself on the neatly fixed sofa, and as if she was acting like nothing terse had happened. "Yeah, okay, I just can't believe Jean's going to have a little family!"

_Family_. The word itself made him click his teeth.

It was needless to say how Levi would react. He just shrugged, ignoring the small grin on Mikasa's face, and it would be a lie if he would say that he was excited too.

It's just an irony for him. Everyone was starting a new life, new friends, new family, yet for him... He was just having a bunch of farm animals at the huge lawn she requested back at the castle. All because at some point of his life, she's going to leave for good.

"Levi?"

"Ah, yeah." He shook his head, reminding himself that there are still certain things that should need to be tackled. "Do you want me to brew you a tea or hot cocoa?"

"Brew me an Earl Gray paired with honey and milk, please." She requested as a ghost smile formed on the curve of her lips. "I'm going out a little later."

_Whatever you say..._ He left and went to the spotless kitchen he scrubbed last night.

#### 

MIKASA

Dressed up in a simple rose-gold frill dress, paired with a brown trench coat and an elk-leather sport boots, Mikasa was ready to go out.

She glanced at the kitchen window to found a sleeves-rolled Levi feeding their farm animal friends. She put a ghost smile on her lips.

"I'm off, Levi." She said as she wore the dark-green scarf around her neck.

"Come back, Mikasa. We still need to talk."

_Yeah..._ Huffing as she inwardly replied then she exited the fence of their property. 

Although she has always been travelling alone, she has never felt so lonely that she wished for Levi's companion. Mikasa left Sunny at the stable because she preferred to walk, and maybe to try to contemplate a few things.

With stumbling steps from her boots, she reached the local realtor in an hour of travel. 

_I should feel excited about this..._

She scoffed as she tugged her scarf around her mouth. The ghost smile on her lips was no longer there.

"Are you ready to see the property, missus?"

Mikasa nodded as she followed the realtor inside the touring car. She just hoped that the glum remains from her face won't be easily distinguished by the realtor.

But it was too late.

"Come on, missus! Put a little smile. It's a good fortune for business."

Mikasa pulled a little curve from her lips. Although she doesn't believe in fortune and luck, at least, there's nothing wrong in trying.

"See! What a pretty face. That's already luck for the man who's in love with you." The realtor chuckled as he clutched the pedal and stepped onto the brake. He turned the ignition as the engine started. "Mind if I ask if there's someone waiting?"

"I don't know what to call us." She said sheepishly, her face averting the look the realtor was giving. Mikasa gazed along the city outskirts, and she just wished for the realtor to shut up. "It's too complicated."

"Don't let a good thing die." The realtor remarked as he focused into his driving, and they stayed silent throughout the trip. Mikasa has nothing else to say.

The commercial property was only at the western side of Chlorba, making the proximity a little bit closer to their house. She went outside the touring car as she observed everything.

The small property was in need of a little refurbish. It was grubby, the dust was residing at every corner of the property, and the weeds are too obnoxious. 

But nonetheless, Mikasa felt relieved. She strode over their soon-to-be tea shop, imagining a busy scenario where the both of them are dressed in their classy aprons, and the permanent scowl on Levi's face just because there were too many guests.

She loved that idea.

Because even though he will surely make a scowl and be a grouch, she knew that in the end, everything will fade because they will still be returning at the same house with the same contentment on their faces.

"When can I start cleaning this area?" She asked while adjusting her scarf from her neck. 

"Anytime. The property is yours." The realtor smiled at her as he tried to sweep a few dust from the walls of the property. "Just give me a call and I will help you with the promotion of your tea business."

She gave the realtor a nod, as she lingered a little excitedly at their future tea shop. She was glad to have him share this dream with her. Even though it was a secret and probably Levi doesn't have any idea with it just like the cravat project she has been sewing.

Mikasa suddenly giggled, remembering that in two months, Levi's natal day would be coming over. It would be good that she has prepared something for him.

"Mikasa?"

She heard someone call her. Mikasa turned around and?

"Connie?" 

"What are you doing here?" She finally saw Connie running towards her then giving her a big embrace like she was his mother. "I haven't seen you in a very long time!"

She nodded as she gave the realtor a furrowed brow, examining that the parked touring car now has a companion. It must be Connie's car.

"I'm checking out my property... How about you?"

Connie detached from his embrace, giving her a look of you-need-to-tell-me-a-lot-of-stories and it made her smile a little. "I was just driving, then I saw your raven hair checking out this shit of a property!"

"Don't call it shit. It's a soon-to-be tea shop." She refused as she glanced towards the realtor. "Sir, I think I need to catch up with my stupid friend."

The realtor agreed as he told her a few information about the property. She agreed as she signed a few more agreements, and then she asked for the realtor's number, explaining it to him to expect a call in the near future. When the realtor left, it was her turn to explain things to Connie.

_Maybe he would understand, not like Jean..._

Which led her back to the 'Jean knocking up Pieck the last nine months' phone situation she just witnessed earlier. She was happy for Jean, him having a little family of his own, but she can't deny she felt a little jealous of the family he will be having.

"How's Jean, Connie?" 

"Oh, he's on leave starting yesterday. Probably he'd be on Trost visiting his mama. Haha!" Connie shrilled as she noticed how Connie looked so healthy and happy. "We're still the same, Mikasa. How about you?"

If Connie had asked that for the past eight months, then she'd be sure of her dead answer. But now, everything has changed. There were her farm animals. There was their spotless house. And there was Levi. Maybe changed for the better bad, but it also changed for the better good.

"I'm okay." Was all she said. "I live near here."

"Then kiss your grubby soon-to-be tea shop 'cause we'll be driving to your house!" Connie pulled her towards his Reo truck, he seemed so proud of it but it was indeed a funny car for her, because it appeared to be dying.

"Your car looked like... It's gonna collapse at any moment."

She slightly chuckled when Connie glared at her as they both entered the funny car.

_I hope Levi wouldn't mind... again._

#### 

LEVI

Pulling out his vegetarian recipe of a classic Shepherd's Pie after fifteen minutes of heat-bitching in the oven, Levi couldn't help but to smirk because of the sumptuous scent of his handiwork.

Mikasa was out for two hours, making him finish all the chores and the important matters. Although he wanted to ignore the letters from the Azumabito bitch, he knew that he should still talk about it with Mikasa.

After all, Mikasa was Hizuru's last hope.

Levi knew that it would be coming. That those matters would be coming especially when he recalled what happened after Hizuru joining forces with them the past three years. He couldn't stand to hear those shitty premises that he even decided to not attend the meeting after Mikasa showed her wrist sigil.

He shook his head, bringing himself back to his reality, that whatever uprising things that would rise, could wait. It's a tranquil noon, and shitty things would be a waste for him and his Shepherd's Pie.

As soon as he set the cutleries and plates on the dining table, he held his amputated hand up. He peered once again at his three-digit hand, and he couldn't help but to feel a little sullen. It's a shitty scenario, to be honest, because he just felt something totally worthless. Levi can't even cut his own hair.

And if she goes, who would've cut his hair?

He waved his hand frustratingly, trying to brush the thoughts away. He already made a decision, and what was left for him was to tell and convince her the decision he made.

For everyone's good.

Levi sat himself at their dining table, his tired eye lingered through the ceiling, ignoring the simple muses of being alone again once he kicked her out of his house.

Even though he does not like it... But it was decided for everyone's good.

Then he thought to himself that having her companion for like eight months was good already. It was enough for him, as he repeatedly told himself that he should be content with what they have. That bringing her back to her nation would always be a selfless decision for him. Levi does not own her. That's it.

It was enough. He should be content. But he won't be happy.

No longer than five minutes when he heard someone barged into their front door. Two pairs of feet he heard that stomped the floor planks of their living room, he rolled his eyes thinking that Mikasa decided to adopt Annie back.

But it was unexpected as things always surprise him.

"Captain Levi?!"

He suddenly turned around and found the buzz-cut boy almost akin to the same scenario he caught Jean fucking Pieck. Mouth agape, a grossly drool on the side, except that his eyes were open wide this time.

"Long time no see, brat." He nonchalantly greeted Connie.

Levi watched Connie strode over to the Davenport sofa, while Mikasa was striding towards him. Then Connie asked. "What are you doing here without Mikasa's permission?" 

_Still dense as ever._

He scoffed as he squinted his eyes, his lips pouting as if he was telling him _I-want-you-dead_ because of his small brain and understanding. He was about to speak when Mikasa cut him off.

"We're living together."

Connie's jaw dropped all in an instant. Levi watched how Connie almost choked out of his own saliva, and maybe out of his own stupidity. He glanced towards Mikasa, who has her face the same with him, impassive and bored.

"Okay, okay," Connie stated, as he chuckled a nervous laugh. "I understand! Don't worry, I'm not malicious like Jean!" He looked all around, thoroughly observing their house as he continued. "You guys are just friends right...?"

"Connie..." 

"I know, I know Mikasa! I'm not stupid," Now Connie was laughing as he strode towards them. "I'm not a believer in gossip, jeez! Plus Captain Levi is forty-five... No way you like old men." 

"That foul mouth of yours be talking like I'm not here." Levi hissed as he told Mikasa to invite Connie for lunch. After all, Connie might not be eating properly that resulted in his brain damage. "And for fuck's sake, I'm just thirty-four, idiot."

"Okay, okay, Cap! But yeah, as I was saying," He paused as he scooped the dish Levi prepared. Connie nervously chuckled again which made Levi uncomfortable. "Nothing to worry about. You two are just good friends who are living together amidst the rumors."

He felt his ears being stabbed by a hundred of screwdrivers. Why do people tend to stick their noses in others' business? He was getting tired of it. He was getting a little bit irritated, because all in a while he's going to let her go for good.

Telling his subordinates to go fuck themselves wasn't a thing he was used to but it was Mikasa who cut him off again.

"I am his lover." She stated boldly, her eyes never leaving her deep dish full of mushrooms and lentils. As if she was so sure of what she said, that even made Levi stop eating. He glanced at her hastily but only for him to catch that she was already glancing at him. "Levi is my lover." She repeated again, and her words were just pure poetry to his ears, sending every love song that can make him fall asleep.

He wished he could keep her.

All for himself.

If only he could, then he would.

But that's not just how the world runs.

"God... You guys ever had sex?" Connie spat while the crumbs from his meal spilled out from his unfiltered mouth.

Fucking idiot... He mumbled, trying to make sure if Connie wasn't suffering from Schizophrenia or any other brain disorders for him to react that way. It was just too comical, but maybe not for the person beside him. Mikasa was blushing from her neck to her forehead.

"Just eat your lunch, you ungrateful brat. Us having intercourse isn't any of your business... Does Hange possess you?"

He watched Connie laugh as he nodded, before continuing to eat lunch. Levi just let them talk about a lot of things, not inviting himself to participate in whatever shrilling revelations from _Jean being a father in an instant_ and any other shenanigans Mikasa discussed. 

All because he just can't mask the sadness he was feeling.

They let another two hours pass, Mikasa telling Connie all the stories she was itching to tell by starting it off with: "Levi and I..." in every sentence she spat. All every other adventure they have shared, which he assumed she had treasured the most. He won't admit it, yet he found that somewhere close to satisfaction and gladness.

He heard Connie say something stupid. "Good progress that you're not barking Eren anymore, Mikasa. I'm proud of you... at least 'Levi' isn't a bad replacement."

The name of Eren trickled off his ear. But it was the least of his concern as he peered towards Mikasa, trying to sense if she was somehow hurt by the upbringing of her childhood friend, Eren Yeager. However, she replied something so unfamiliar and uncanny for her to say.

"Levi is not a replacement, Connie."

Levi ignored the both of them as he moved himself upstairs. He can't bring himself to listen more, to listen to whatabouts and whereabouts happy fleeting memories. He still needs to dust imaginary dust, he still needs to get the letter, but in truth he just needs to prepare himself.

To not hurt her.

In the most impossible ways he could ever think. 

#### 

MIKASA

She sensed Levi silently walked himself upstairs. 

"Mikasa, you're slacking off again!"

"Yeah, sorry."

"I would never understand why you fall in love with an impassive ass like Captain Levi." Connie retorted, his lips pouting like a waddling duck excited to dive down in deep waters. She can't bring herself to laugh even though it was funny. "But if you're happy with him, Mikasa... Then I'll be happy for the both of you."

_I am the happiest whenever I am with him._

She let another hour passed before Connie bid his goodbye to her. They talked mostly about some nonsense things like asking her if Levi snores whenever he sleep, and any other stupid things she found laughable. She guaranteed Connie to let Jean know about the fatherhood news, plus she asked Connie a favor to helped her refurbish the tea business she was about to open.

Everything was all set as she gave Connie their telephone code, then yelling at Levi to come down because Connie was leaving.

"Better fix that brain damage of yours, stupid brat." Levi paused as he tapped Connie's shoulder. "See you, when I see you."

She watched how Connie snickered while teasing Levi that he should read the book he always read but only for Levi to retort that Connie should just fuck himself if he doesn't want his balls to end up like disco balls.

She laughed at his dark humor, thinking that Levi has indeed a very sassy yet loveable demeanor. Mikasa smiled a little at the both of them as she said: "See you soon."

At seventeen hundred hours, Mikasa was crafting small wardrobes for her little bear. She chose a 'he' gender for the bear as she crafted the little bear matching tuxedo and a small cravat. She was getting really good at sewing.

"I'll pretend that I do not know someone who wears a cravat."

She was a little startled by Levi's announcement. It has been an hour since Levi went to his room again, and god-knows what has he been doing in his room.

"You don't even have a cravat right now." She sarcastically replied back.

He groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Right. I sometimes wished to craft one myself."

_Too bad, I crafted one for you._

But things be damned, the tension was still present in the room they were enclosed in. Even if they won't speak about it, it was still lingering like a swatting fly. Maybe right now should be the perfect time to discuss it? She wanted to know. She was itching to know. She needed to know.

"Levi, about the discussion..." She gave a deep breath, averting her gaze away from him. "Should we discussed it right now?"

She heard him sighed as he fished letters from the pocket of his smoking jacket. He slightly tossed it towards her bed, his steel-blue orbs never leaving her gaze, and it made her nauseous.

"Those letters are from Hizuru."

Her eyes widened as she covered her mouth with her hand. It was all so sudden, one she must have been expected before, but it almost sounds surreal now that she was having a good life with Levi.

She wanted to barf.

_It can't be... I can't serve their nations, I already talked this with-_

"Mikasa." Levi sat beside her as he placed a hand to her kneecap, massaging it as to relaxed her stiff posture. "Calm down."

She listened to Levi. She hold her breath for two seconds, as she released it back. She repeated the same thing while counting from one to ten, trying to regain composure of not breaking down.

"I know you won't agree with it." 

"You already know my answer to that, Levi..."

He sighed as he rake a hand to the temples of his head. The traces of frustrations are beginning to form on his youthful face as he said: "And you know my answer to that, Mikasa."

If he already knew her answer to that, then why would he stressed it over? Why would he made it to the point where everything involved got so complicated? True, Levi was a complex ass, but still, it wasn't justifiable. What was his main agenda towards the letters?

She swiftly ran a hand to her hair, making it a little disheveled than before. She was just out of words, and the abandonment trauma was getting overboard of her.

"Look... What you said earlier..." She felt him sighed, his face was readable to the point that he was looking for answers to give her. "That I am your lover, is true."

"No, I can't understand you anymore-"

"But you understand that everything is temporary, Mikasa." He arched his back towards the headboard of her bed, in unison with a few blazing embers from the horizon that was pouring in. "We, of all people, knew that."

_Am I dreaming?_

_Or Levi was just drunk?_

_Please someone, at least someone tell me..._

Levi was too fast at shifting his thoughts from here to there, and any other shits that was too easy to comprehend but appeared so hard and gut-wrenching for her to process. She did not want this to end. She can't let this thing to end. She wanted to slap Levi so bad...

But Levi wasn't stopping. "I'm letting you go, Mikasa... You were never mine to begin with."

The beaming rays of the horizon appeared to die down. Same with the tiny figment of composure and bravery she hold for her not to break down. Kaleidoscopic vision of his face, her periwinkle linen sheets, his neat maroon armchair, and everything that was present in her room while she was hearing Levi told her the things she was afraid of.

She bit her lips too hard, her cheeks were already wet from the streaming tears her eyes betrayed her for. "You just can't do that."

"I can." His face was stern, void of all emotions. "Because it's for the better."

"You're such an asshole, I just can't, ugh, I can't believe you!" She screamed a little too hoarse as she clicked her tongue, her fist clenching her spring-filled mattress. "Please tell me you are just joking with your irresponsible and used dark humor, because..."

A moment. The look of helpless haze in his face.

"Because you need to do this, Mikasa. You are young, you are brilliant, and you are just the perfect successor for the nation of Hizuru."

"They could've pick someone else!"

"Just let me finish it." He sighed as he moved himself closer to her. _No, no,_ she thought. She can't let him closer to her if he planned on breaking them away. But like tidal waves pulled the moon, she appeared to be iodized. "I thought about this, that they could have pick another one, but Mikasa... We are atoned for the sins of Eren. We must take part in whatever shit-feast to fixed the fucked up world's situation. I know you understand that."

It's too painful for her to bear. But what Levi said was true. They were at fault. No, everyone was at fault, and by passing responsibilities to another then onto another was like a series of circuit that wouldn't die if one of them won't break the habit.

And after all, even though she can't make herself to say, at least half of the fault can be blamed to Eren. The rumbling. The massacre. The genocide. The population of the world. Everything. Just fucking everything.

_Why does everything has to be unfair?_ She thought she already understand this last night. But even though she had prepared for this, a moment of truth would always be a pressure for forfeited emotions whether if it is good, or bad.

Mikasa squinted her eyes as she wished herself to drift from the fucked up scenario she was having. It was already enough, that her realizing again that everything was just plain temporary and nothing else.

One moment. She's happy with her parents. One moment. She's happy with Eren and Armin. One moment. She's happy with the Levi Squad. One moment. She was the happiest with Levi.

But she understands it, right? Because she needs too.

She sniffled the heavy tears from her eyes, pulling the tumbledown quilt blanket to wipe the mess of her face away. Mikasa do not give a damn fuck if she would be trickling Levi's OCD by completely doing anything messy against him, because fuck that, she just can't think about anything.

But he pulled her closer to his chasm, his hand grazing tenderly her cheek, and his other hand placed sweetly on her shoulder. As if physical moments can cure everything, even if it is a faux, yet it was what needed for the both of them who were not good with words.

"We could still dream a world for the both of us."

Right. Dreams. Because dreams are too impossible for it to be real. 

Mikasa grabbed him from his shoulder as she crashed her teary face against his pristine oxford shirt. He might have told her the hurtful yet truthful words, but it was him whom she trust the most.

Whom she loved the most.

Whom she needed the most.

She was so loss at words, and she has nothing else to say. So she just let Levi enclosed her by his broad arms, slowly embracing her while caressing her hair like the way he did last night. He couldn't be this gentle, he couldn't be this good, and he couldn't be this sentimental.

But as soon as the dark glow illuminated her glum room, she saw how his face was looking all so scared, and his eyes, that dull-gray eyes that was so stern, now replaced with a blooming mist she won't ever forget.

It would be a lie if she won't admit that she cried more when she saw him having those glassy eyes that were so close to crying.

She now understands him. That Levi Ackerman would never be a selfish man.

"You said you trust me, right?" She heard him asked.

And it was needless for her to response as she nuzzled deeply in his broad chest while feeling the still heartbeat of him. She could just stay like this forever, but forever seemed to be an absurd childish wish.

She felt his hand gently grasped her hair, soothing it, caring it, and treating it like they were stars that were about to explode.

Until Levi spoke like he was giving a soliloquy for dead stars.

"I'll try to give you the best date in this fucked up world before you leave for good. We'll go back to The Hat Bar, we'll even find every scrawny jazz singer you prefer, and maybe I could brew the black tea leaves you grew in our lawn."

It was needless to argue. Because she understands the situation.

"You did understand everything, Mikasa... right?"

_I do understand you._

"So don't worry for now... and I ask for you to trust me again."

_Even if it's hard. I trust you._

"Please know that I feel the same way too."

_I do._

"Even if you would be far, even if we would never meet again."

She understands everything clearly now. Under the many circumstances of a star-crossed love, in the end, tragedies would always be inevitable. Mikasa doesn't know what his eyes now looked like, but somehow in her selfish dreams, she wished for his eyes to cry.

For the good times, for the memories, and for the blurred relationship she wanted the most.

She gulped as she cleared her air passageway. Trying to hold every ounce of courage to say one word she knew she'd regret later on.

Bittersweet liquid formed from her tongue as she finally said it.

"Okay."

Because sometimes, it's time to let a good thing die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote Levi's eyes depending on light rays. Bluish indigo when it is bright, steel-blue when it is neutral, and dull-gray when it is dimmed. 
> 
> -
> 
> I'm not going to lie. It's very challenging for me to write this. So thank you so much for everyone's kind support and such. I appreciate everyone of you, you all are kind and extra awesome. (:
> 
> A few chapters left until the ending! Please leave a comment on what you think about this chapter.  
>  _Please do not hate me_ , ahah. I'm also sad about the both of them. I'll try to update sooner. (:


	12. Cup of Tea and Regrets

#### 

LEVI

"Hey, Levi..." The wind was softly blowing, and the morning scent of her hair was intoxicating the air he breathed. "Have you," She paused as she asked, a slight daze of hesitation on the curve of her mouth. "Written a letter to Hizuru?"

"Yeah."

_Kiyomi Azumabito,_

_I am writing you this letter to let you know that I have agreed upon your request. I and Mikasa Ackerman have talked about this shitty-saving-nation that you have written in the past letters, and to put this up, she has been convinced._

_Please know that I do not totally conform to whatever shenanigans you and the mucky-mucks have been planning. It is only a part of the atonement. My only request is for your nation to take care of her as the last of my remaining family._

_Not that sincere,_

_Levi_

#### 

MIKASA

She watched him give a deep breath after they finished reading the letter that his left hand wrote. It was not a neat handwritten letter.

_So this is it._

"Mikasa." He called her as he placed his hand on her hip. Mikasa flinched, but she still wished that Levi hadn't noticed anything at all. It has been three days since Levi had confronted her, and things were just that vague for the both of them. She recalled everything, but never were tears in his eyes. Sometimes she speaks, sometimes she won't. Sometimes he speaks, but all the time he won't. 

As if the walls have ears.

As if it's the end for the both of them again.

"Stop thinking too much."

Because it is.

#### 

LEVI

His lazy eye watched her make a beeline towards the center island. Their small windows are open, allowing the air to enter inside, but all in a while he still feels that he cannot breath.

_Did I make the right choice?_

Levi sighed as he let her be, striding himself upstairs, and he wished himself to disappear into the void. As much as he wanted to be selfless, putting other people's sake at first just because both of them are Humanity's Strongest, he still wanted for her to stay even in the smallest part of his heart.

_I did make the right choice._

Letting her go was not easy for a stern man like him; she was his comrade, she was his friend, she was his only family, and she was his lover. 

In a deeper sense, Mikasa was all he had in this shitty world.

He leaned heavily against the vestibule, raking a hand to his hair, observing the 'pajama lounge' he and Mikasa arranged the last two months ago. He pushed himself towards the Chesterfield sofa, slowly grasping the embroidered 'Ackerman' she created with her magnificent hands the last two weeks ago. Levi realized that the walls of their second floor were filled with different tea leaves framed in a gilded picture frame. All things set beautifully by her.

But he quickly pulled himself from his sentimental reverie as he fisted his hands tightly, acknowledging the fact that he was not ready to let her go. 

Perhaps, he doesn't want to let her go at all.

_But I need to fucking do it._

Levi squinted his eyes as he sat himself hardly on the sofa, contemplating on the truth he had set for himself but constantly avoided it, and god, ugh, why does he have to be so complicated?

No one would ever know as he dozed himself to sleep at nine hundred hours.

#### 

MIKASA

The seaport was thronged with the constant shrieking of the albatross. She watched the birds as they slowly swooped low over the water then would fly back and forth as if it was like back in the Survey Corps.

Mikasa put a ghost smile on the gentle memory as she glanced sideward to Levi whose face was impassive just like back in the Survey Corps too.

"Cheer up, Levi." She lied, her words tasted vile in her tongue.

Deep in his eyes she saw a flicker of sadness, a daze of confusion, and maybe a choice of regret. Levi glanced at her, his bluish indigo eyes- the kind of blue that she loved, the kind of blue where his innocence could freely be expressive.

"That's absurd, Mikasa." He replied, as if she also knew that the words from his tongue tasted like vile. She watched him watch the birds of different kinds like he was seeing it in a form of nostalgia, a form of something he has kept hidden all by himself for many long years.

Of course, both of them were not fools to not know what absurdity means. And a very great example for that is the situation they were in. Levi doesn't want to let her go, but he did. Mikasa doesn't want to obey him, but she did.

"We've already sent the letter Levi." She said as she bit her lower lip, recalling that it has only been fifteen minutes since Levi dropped the letter at the postal office. Recalling that there were no arguments that have been made when she said yes to what Levi offered. No changes made. "We've already made a choice."

A choice. 

Mikasa watched how Levi's upturned eyelids dropped so suddenly, as if he was apologetic, but the fact that he was so apologetic to begin with that mentioning superlative forms of words would be redundant anymore. It has already been done. It has already been there, as the choice was already made. What's left is to enjoy the time left for the both of them.

"You're right." He realized. Levi turned around to see her, his pomade-styled hair was slightly disheveled by the fedora hat he was wearing. Mikasa watched him as he gestured his hand, in a form of offering, something she has never seen before. "Let's go on a date, shall we?"

She softly smiled as she answered without hesitation. "Okay." She took his hand but was surprised when Levi poured a chaste kiss at the back of her hand. "You don't have to be a little extra today, Levi?"

"Shut up." Levi scoffed as he tugged her wrist gently allowing the both of them to exit the façade of the postal office. She glanced one more time at the sea, and the mere realization hitting her that a lot of things have changed.

If only they had been more selfish, then maybe things would have changed a lot for the both of them too. But both of them are driven to a single frustration, a drunkenness of a fool's idea, and the helpless devotion to whatever that ignited the past half of their lives.

She arranged her cloche hat as she let Levi pull her to a nearby alfresco diner.

Home.

That's what she saw in him.

That's what she saw while he weirdly picked the rim of a lacquered teacup, bringing the aroma of his favorite Orange Pekoe to the stitch of his lips, as he benevolently sipped his tea the way he would kiss her good morning or good night.

It almost appeared that Mikasa's membership with Sasha's Glutton Club had already expired as she barely touched the pumpkin pie Levi ordered for her dessert. She tried to glance away, trying to observe the serenity of the alfresco diner they were eating lunch, just to forget every troublesome thing she needed to deal with.

But her small glances with the surroundings appeared to fail whenever her eyes would suddenly bring her back to the person in front of her. Mikasa let a few idle moments pass, letting her smoky-gray orbs rest at the picturesque of Levi Ackerman, and all in a while she felt her eyes stinging and lonesome.

"Cheer up, Mikasa." He mimicked her, but the vile was already spilling figuratively from his blatant tongue. He was not really good at lying.

"That's just absurd, Levi." It was needless to reply, but it was the only way out to prevent herself from spilling any tears from her betraying eyes. They both gave a damn sight.

"You calling me absurd may be unacceptable at the moment..." Levi replied as he leaned, his spearmint breath with a tang of orange hitting her cupid's bow, then he pointed his ring finger behind Mikasa's physique. "Something there might be more absurd."

_What?_ She thought as she hastily turned her head around, trying to find sight of what Levi has been calling absurd, but then only to find out a very small world.

"Jean..." She murmured only for her and Levi to hear, then Levi added. "And Hitch."

Mikasa turned towards Levi as she raised a brow of confusion. Levi only shrugged as he replied, while his face remained bored as always. Could be that Jean already knew? Or worst, could be that Connie might be so dumb that he forgot to tell Jean?

She sighed, reminding herself what incident happened the past few months between her and Jean. If any of that, she shouldn't mind Jean's fatherhood business as she wanted Jean to not mind her business too.

"Captain Levi!" Mikasa heard the shrill of the quirky blonde girl named Hitch. Of course, she shouldn't be that shocked. Hitch definitely knew Levi and her since the start of the Uprising, plus the shitty incident back at the house barn. "And... Mikasa? What are you doing here with the Captain?" 

But as always, Hitch was a nosy girl to begin with. Mikasa rolled her eyes.

"We're out on a date." Levi said like he was just stating a weather report that caused Hitch to drop her jaws. Mikasa dared not to look at Jean's awkward reaction. "What? Is it illegal?" Levi deadpanned.

"I told you..." Jean retorted as he averted the suspicious looks of Levi. There's no way she could ever forget that Jean knew her love interest for Levi.

"Hello to you too, Jean." Levi said as he offered Jean and Hitch the vacant table that was beside them. She watched how Jean nodded as he acted like a gentleman, pulling out a seat for Hitch to sit, then to be followed by a gentle graze by Hitch to Jean's forearm. She was starting to feel a little confused.

_Don't tell me they are... lovers?_

Mikasa shook her head as she focused her gazed upon Levi. Perhaps, she could tell that something was not going right, and something might ended up wrong, but Jean needs to learn the truth-

"Jean. Are the both of you dating?" Levi asked straight to the point as if he had already read what Mikasa was thinking. She watched him glance a little towards her, and then back at the couple on the next table.

"We are, Captain. Why?"

"Then tell Hitch that she's soon to be a step-mother." 

Nothing but dirty unacceptable truths could only be formed at the mouth of her lover. She listened to Jean's confused asking while observing Hitch's shocked reaction. The constant _what, how, why, who told you that_ was way too funny for her to imagine but except that it was not that funny but it was indeed an incurable situation. Jean was having a small unexpected family, although it might hurt Hitch, in the end at least one from their fucked-up relationship would be happy. Not like for Levi and her.

_Fair weather, indeed, huh..._

"It's obvious that you are going to be a father. Do I need to remind you what kind of extracurricular activities I saw back at Marley?"

She watched how Jean appeared to be flustered, like his face was a sunburned tomato by the lewd commentary Levi mentioned. Although Levi was not that good with words, he immediately told Jean that Jean should be responsible for the child, regardless of whatever decision he would come up with. She listened as Levi told Jean the whole news, giving small glances at the shocked Hitch, and Mikasa wouldn't really be that surprised if ever one of any other days Hitch would bombard Jean's house telling that she's pregnant too.

Too much of her guffaws, she somehow felt a little sorry for Hitch too. Right because she knew that feeling, that exemplary feeling right in the beginning of a blooming relationship, but only to be stopped by some mayhem shit not even Satan would like. It was like buying a new Kodak styled camera using the paycheck you have earned, but only to be snatched by a lazy thief.

"Anyway, Mikasa, let's go." Pulling back from her thoughts of comparison, Levi called her as he offered his hand as a sign that it was time to go.

"Just a minute!" Jean squeaked, the curve of his mouth was forming an awkward smile, and his shaky hand on his nape. "You guys won't mind staying a little longer? I, you know, I missed the both of you."

Mikasa watched Levi shrugged as he motioned Mikasa for her to answer. Just like Levi said, the decision would depend on her liking; that they will be doing anything that she would like or love as a compromise to their numbered days. Hell, it was like dying, but even worse.

"Sorry Jean." Mikasa replied as she paused, her other hand reaching for Levi's forearm. "I would love to, but I would love to seize the day with Levi alone."

It was needless to explain why.

"Oh come on, as if one of you would be going away! You both have all the time together... and besides, I'm happy for the both of you."

_How I wish Jean, how I wish that the world was fair._

"Jean..." Levi started, his steel-blue orbs were filled with sorrow, and it was the most miserable thing she had seen that day. "Mikasa's leaving for good."

A formidable truth that was hard to avoid; no matter when, no matter what. She watched Jean how stupefied he looked, his mouth constantly blabbering _'I don't understand, what, why?'_ but only for Levi to shake his head expressing that it would hurt more if they would talk about it. 

But the truth is, it hurt her even if they won't talk about it, or talk about it, or whatever. Mikasa was only human, even despite her human power, and she was not an exception when it comes to underlying emotions of a battle between love and duty.

_Or am I?_

#### 

LEVI

They took the steam locomotive the way back home.

He clicked his teeth, realizing that the word _'home'_ would vanish away right the day of her departure. It was already inevitable, he should have known better. 

_This drama is redundant. I was the one who made the choice._

Levi remarked as he removed the eyepatch he was wearing, he was weary, and what he needed was a clearer view of blurred vague things. Next he removed his fedora hat, then he raked a hand to fix his curtained bangs. He placed both eyepatch and hat beside him, as he listened to the nuzzling exhaust steam, creating a boisterous chuffing sound. Even his ears couldn't get any rest at all.

But avoiding won't get him any better.

He better knew that. He was stern, he was straight-forward, and he was never known for his emotions. So what was changing? If he had been like this from the start.

_Her._

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose, silently observing his companion who was fast asleep, and he was slowly realizing that he was hating himself more than he could ever be. 

He gave a deep breath. From what he has read in the newspaper segment, train trips should be romantic; enjoying a splendid view of the developing island, talking about everything with the companion one has, and while drinking wine from the free liquor served in the first-class trip.

It should have been like that. 

But no. It was just a trip back home for Levi, especially after sending his lover's ultimatum of letters away. He looked at her once again, her dark-green scarf embracing the porcelain of her cheeks, and he reminded himself once again that the woman in front of him deserves everything before she goes.

_Maybe, I could still... do something for her._

Because that's what the truth is. He wanted to do something for her, he wanted to do much for her, and he wanted to do everything for her. Levi believed he would never be the right person for Mikasa, that he was so afraid to love her that he might end up losing her, yet in the end all he did was to sacrifice everything. Levi wanted a good future for her, the best for her, and only the unconditional love for the woman he had only loved all his life. 

Even if it means that disappearing from her life was a must. 

He gazed beneath the moving train, his eyes laid on the beautiful scenery of a murder of crows, and he told himself to remember to buy two tickets for Birdland Bar on the upcoming weekend.

"Where do you want to go next?" Levi asked as they got off the steam locomotive. It's only a quarter before fifteen hundred hours, and Levi wanted to make sure to seize the day with her as what she said earlier.

"Anywhere with you." Mikasa truthfully replied.

If spending the rest of the day back home could be counted as _'anywhere'_ then maybe Levi would suggest that to her. _But no,_ he thought as he interlaced his three-digit phalanges with her long spiky phalanges, and he knew that he should at least put a smile into her face by obviously surprising her even with small petty things that she would remember.

So he led the way as he called a metered cab. Maybe for once he could not blame Erwin's shitty eyebrows for his awkward decisions when it comes to love. He better not.

As soon as they got inside a metered cab, Mikasa asked him.

"Where are you taking us?"

"Nothing special." He replied, even though he was taking her to Trost, back to the riverbank where indigo tulips grow and where Mikasa first gave him his first eyepatch and custom glove. It was indeed nothing special, but the memories lingered at the back of his mind making it extra special for him, and the delirium of being devoted to do something for compromise would someday kill him.

Levi was deep in his notion when he noticed her chuckled, a soft smile pouting from her impeccable lips, and all in a while he knew he can't control himself just by seeing the passion in every little thing Mikasa did.

_Why can you still smile even if we are miserable?_

"If you are taking us to a merchant who sells your damn cleaning agents-"

He couldn't wait. He couldn't wait for her words to be finished, for her to mock his obsessions for his damn cleaning, for her to retort an innocent expression, and for her to finally slip away from his lonely world. 

Levi couldn't fucking wait as he slammed his lips against her lips, tired of giving a fuck about everything that even the cab driver was the least of his concern. Everything was indeed tiring, everything was indeed bullshit, and everything was just a fucking mess because all in a while he cannot choose himself for once. He grazed upon her nape as he pulled her closer to him, allowing his true emotions to spill at his lingering kiss, and he wished for her to understand the words he had failed to say.

He shut his eyes so damn hard to prevent himself from seeing the truth in her eyes, but when his hand moved to sweep the small tendrils of her bangs, he felt that her long curled eyelashes were damp.

"Why are you crying?"

Levi asked, afraid that he might have hurt her, that he might have kissed her again out of context, but everything just appeared to stop for his world when he saw her opened her glassy eyes. It was sad, the longing kind of sad where both of them knew that dying would be a better option. That not being able to feel anything at all would be the best type of feeling in this fucked up complicated mess.

"I wanted us this way," She said as she wiped the tears from her face, pulling him back from the kiss they had shared. Levi has seen her cry so many times, but never this kind of crying where beneath a smile is a lonesome kind of love. He does not regret it. He, of all people, does not regret kissing her even if the cab driver was throwing so many glances every now and then. He, Levi, would never regret being in love with Mikasa, but only one thing he knew he would regret the most.

He listened to her closely as she added in a kind of devotion, in a kind of plea, and in a kind of chaste. 

"So please, Levi, can we cherish the moment? Even just for a little longer."

_I'm sorry._

#### 

MIKASA

Mikasa: "Connie, can you come help me fix the tea shop?"

Connie: _"Yeah, of course, like when?"_

Mikasa: "Is fourteen hundred hours good today?"

Connie: _"It's hot, Mikasa! Plus I need to style my hair today!"_

Mikasa rolled her eyes as she sighed. It was just six hundred hours, and phone talking to Connie at that early maybe a thing she would regret. First, he accepted her favor but was soon to complain. Second, does Connie even have that strand of hair to get styled? She remained speechless at the moment, turning her head every now and then, afraid to get caught by Levi.

Time flew fast for the both of them. A week has passed since the both of them sent a letter to Hizuru, since they have seen Jean and Hitch, and since Levi shamelessly pulled her for a kind of kiss she unexpectedly needed. Everything after that was him never leaving her side, was him serving the best dinner dishes, and was him looking at her with sorrow in his eyes.

Connie: _"God, Mikasa, stop slacking!"_

Mikasa: "Do you have any time you prefer? I also wanted to talk with you."

Connie: _"...Hey, anything wrong? Did the Captain and you kind of... fight?"_

She wished that it was just as simple as a fight. But the truth is, Mikasa knew that she was leaving, yet she never even told Levi her plans of sharing a tea shop dream with him. 

Mikasa: "No, Connie... I guess I'll see you at the grubby shop?"

Connie: _"Yeah, okay. Take care, 'Kasa. Oh, and kiss the Captain for me!"_

She hung up the phone and she made her way towards the kitchen. 

_I'm gonna miss everything about this house._

Probably, she is going to miss everything about their house. Half of her life she spent waiting for the wrong home, residing in a warzone area, and living her life being devoted to a lifeless viability. Perhaps, she has found her home and needs in the house she shared with Levi, but everything is soon coming to an end once they receive a letter back from Hizuru.

She slowly leaned her back against the kitchen wall, tired to pretend that everything was smooth and fine, and maybe if Levi won't be coming downstairs for another hour, she'd sob herself for a little while.

"I'm off, Levi."

"Take care."

She stayed silent as she exited the fence of their property, ignoring the dilemma of why Levi didn't tell her to _'come back.'_

Mikasa arrived at the grubby soon-to-be tea shop a quarter before fourteen hundred hours. The place was quiet, calmed, and something that made her feel alone. She took her time to tenderly grasp every foundation of the grubby property, and even though she knew it would hurt, she took the time to imagine her and Levi neatly dressed in an apron serving guests in their tea shop.

Because that's all she can do when she thinks about their numbered days.

She went inside then she dusted the rickety stool, placing a few belongings of her while patiently waiting for Connie. Mikasa innocently wondered about a world where things could be fair.

_But the world is still cruel, right Eren?_

Pulling the makeshift stool she arranged, she sat her behind as she drowned herself in the memories of Eren. It has been a while since she thought of him, it has been a while since she was freed of him, and it has been a while since she realized that there is so much more to life than just a life beside Eren.

_Yet the world can be beautiful too... right, Armin?_

She lazily tapped her long fingers at the abandoned bar, placing away the infesting obsession for cleanliness Levi impart on her. She knew she probably cannot cry right now, but she has also never missed Armin and Eren that fucking bad.

Mikasa placed a hand on her forehead, and for the first time in a very long time, she was beginning to feel a throbbing headache.

"And the genius is here!"

Even though Connie's shrill voice was exemplary in making a perfect comical appearance, Mikasa didn't take the time to react to something about Connie's funny greeting. Her position was still on the same spot, hand slammed onto her forehead, and it might not be a perfect day for cleaning a soon-to-be tea shop.

"Mikasa... what happened?"

"It's nothing."

She heard Connie sighed and he proceeded sitting beside her. Even though the rickety stool was infuriating with dust, she didn't want to scold Connie for his cleaning lax, and maybe she wanted him to just listen.

"You could tell me anything, Mikasa." Connie tapped her shoulder, and his voice sounded so concerned as ever. She listened to him as he continued: "You're like my sister, so... are you pregnant too?"

Mikasa smiled softly at Connie's dense idea. She shook her head, a small laughter from her lips, but her eyes were again betraying her for the million times. "No, Connie... Levi isn't that type of man."

Of course, Levi wasn't the type of man who would touch her just because he liked it. She has felt so many times how Levi restrained himself for touching her further down, and even though she would want anything to happen between them, it's just that it would always be Levi who was always hard to understand.

"Then why are you sulking like a baby?" Connie asked the same way he gestured his hands opened.

"Because I'm leaving soon."

She watched how Connie's jaw dropped, his mouth agape, and she listened how Connie mumbled those stuttered words. Just like Jean, she was bombarded with obvious questions and disbelief, and she wished that Levi was there to answer it instead of her.

Explaining things hasn't always been her forte, but she needed to do it as soon as she explained everything to Connie. It tasted bitter, it tasted like vile, and it was really that hard to digest everything.

She wondered, if she chose a different answer... Would it be possible to feel this sad?

Perhaps not.

"Then why did you just agree to Captain Levi, Mikasa?!"

_Why did I even agree to him in the first place?_

"Connie-"

"Mikasa, do you even love him?"

"Yes, Connie! Can't you just listen to me?" She yelled and the tension was filling the small space they occupied. She tapped the rickety bar frustratingly. "Sorry... I, uhm, I agreed because I trusted him... and it's the consequence of what Eren did."

"You're still at Eren again, god, I just can't believe you!"

She sighed as she shook her head. Was it Eren again? Mikasa pulled herself from the stool she was sitting, and she knew that even explaining things to Connie would be impossible for him to understand. What was the point anyway?

She was going away.

"It's not Eren, Connie... I've been freed from him by Levi." She gulped, imaginary air was choking the hell out of her throat. But still, she needed to prove her point. That Eren was not in the bigger picture anymore, but instead it was her unconscious devotion towards Levi. "I did what I felt was right. I obeyed Levi because I trusted him... Do I need to explain that too?"

She watched Connie shrugged as he stood up, pulling the bucket of cleaning materials he brought. She started to dust the grubby walls, getting rid of the freaky cobwebs, and all in a while she watched Connie's comical face turned into something she had seen when Sasha died.

The sadness was inevitable. It was needless to explain as Connie already stated that he treated Mikasa as his sibling, and blood-related or not, losing a family would hurt again like a bitch.

They didn't speak in a while as they cleaned the tea shop. Every movement was heavy, every soaked sponge was loud, and how ironic because it should have been exciting to clean something new. But not at all. Not at all because the dilemma of leaving one's side was still present, as if it would never fade away.

"Mikasa, are you gonna be happy about your decision?"

_No, Connie. Not at all._

It was eighteen hundred hours when they finished cleaning the soon-to-be tea shop. Connie suggested to Mikasa that he will drop her off in her house, that Connie would not be accepting 'no' as an answer, and she just nodded as she went through his Reo truck.

"When will you be leaving?"

"Once the letter reached the mailbox of our house."

She listened to the boisterous cackle of the engine when Connie ignited the ignition. She watched him clutch the pedal, and by far she knew she had to look away. Mikasa wasn't in the mood for more follow up questions.

But Connie was just that dense for feelings, and maybe he was just that teskey to know more details about her relationship with Levi.

"So what's your plan with the soon-to-be tea shop?"

Mikasa shifted her gaze from the horizon, to Connie's teskey, yet somehow clever question. What would happen to her tea shop when she would be gone from the lives of the people she cared about in Paradis?

"The tea shop is my secret gift for Levi." She replied truthfully because lying won't get her any better.

Connie hummed as he focused himself into driving. She shrugged as she sighed, her hand reaching the auricle of her ear. She thought Connie was done with his interrogations but yeah, not at all.

"I'm going to help you with everything you need for the time being, Mikasa. Just think of it as a debt for when the Captain saved me during the war."

"Okay." She agreed. After all and maybe for the first time, Connie made sense from his dense mind.

"But I'm sure... If you're that in love with the Captain," She heard Connie sighed before he continued. The tea shop was indeed that near, but it almost felt like a very long drive. "You're going to regret leaving him alone."

#### 

LEVI

A plaid picnic blanket was laid all over the freshly trimmed garden lawn. Levi was self-admittedly unromantic; he had never properly dated a woman all his life, but at eighteen hundred thirty hours, he found himself fixing a small picnic dinner at the accommodation of their garden lawn.

Of course, his neat-picking tendencies were above his concerns. Levi made sure that the leaves were raked, that the lawn has been trimmed of weeds, and the blanket he laid was thick. He'd rather die than let Mikasa touch dirt.

Which brought him to the realization that above his neat-picking shits was Mikasa.

_Tch..._

Levi placed the tea set properly, arranging the paired porcelain saucers, and pulled a dinner made for two. He next turned the garden fairy lights, like fireflies illuminating the huge lawn they owned. It was good, and for sure, he knew she would like it.

But the sadness was beneath his eyes as he asked himself inwardly:

_What will I do with this huge ass house when I'm all alone?_

He probably would sell it. He probably would buy a smaller house, replacing the home he has built with her. He probably won't have any reasons to stay at the house where he finally found contentment with irreplaceable things. For sure he couldn't take the guilt as he betrayed her for his selfless shit.

_Everything is just pointless._

He waved a hand frustratingly, then he raked it swiftly on his raven hair. Come to think of it, Levi's hair was growing fast, and probably before she goes, at least one favor of letting her cut his hair would be something uncanny.

"Captain Levi!"

He heard a shout as he also heard the cackle of a boisterous engine that sounded like dying. _Connie,_ he mumbled as he stood up.

"That truck of yours looked like dying."

Levi replied as he walked towards Connie's hilarious Reo truck. He scoffed thinking that the shitty mucky-mucks are just plain as shit for providing Connie a car that appeared to be somewhere from a fifth-hand user. That damn thought made him chuckled inwardly.

"So you're romantic as well?" He heard Mikasa said as she hastily exited the hilarious Reo truck. He watched her walk towards him, her one hand tugging the hem of her dark-green scarf, and he thought he was dreaming but he was actually greeted with a small gentle smile.

Levi smiled even though he knew that it would only be temporary. But that was the point right? To give her something- no, to give her his damn whole world just to seize their numbered days. He offered a hand to her, a gesture of a chaste invitation, softened eyes watching her take his hand so tender.

"I guess, time for the genius to go!" Connie shrilled as he awkwardly gave a mocking smile. Levi nodded at him as he watched Connie go back to his damn Reo truck. He was leading Mikasa towards his makeshift picnic when he heard Connie added something: "Just call me again, 'Kasa, okay? Kiss the Captain for me!"

_Damn stupid brat._

It was a quarter before nineteen hundred hours, and the embers of the endless horizon are soon coming to an end. The tiny countless stars are starting to show up, the sullen clouds are hiding, and believe it or not, it could be a perfect night for stargazing. He noticed that when Mikasa whispered into his ears.

"I love this."

_No, I love... Tch._ "I guess the same for me."

He silently clicked his tongue as soon as he finished his sentence. What was still wrong with him? He still can't form the words he wanted to tell her. Properly. He shifted his gaze back to Mikasa, who was pulling her scarf while sitting down on the freshly laid blanket. He watched her- because that could be the only thing to do, because that's the only thing that he could do for her. Unfortunately. Levi gave a deep breath.

"Come sit with me, Levi..."

He nodded as he sat beside her. He pulled every lingering thoughts away from his reverie and he told himself that he shouldn't turn his efforts into a useless drama. Perhaps, making her smile would be a right thing to do, eh? Levi grabbed the tea pot along with the tea cup then he poured a fresh mixture of black tea and honey that would suit to her liking. 

"Strawberries? Where did you get these?"

"I bought it myself." He lied even though he called someone to deliver the finest strawberries in town because he found that she loved strawberries so bad. How funny because he knew every small thing about her. "Suit yourself, Mikasa. Enjoy the alfresco dinner with our farm stinky friends."

He watched her giggle as she tossed a piece of strawberry in her mouth. There was nothing really special with the picnic he prepared; only a picnic basket of a variety of different fruits, and his never ending black tea. They both seized the dinner as they ate, the engulfing silence was also a mere company, yet the longing look that Levi was giving her would never be false.

"Hold on, there's something I like to get." Mikasa informed him as she went inside their house. He glanced at her as she left, the scent of satsuma citrus coming from her silky hair was hanging above the air, and she was just that perfect for him to see.

He wondered, if he had chosen a different decision, would things still act that way?

_Perhaps shitty not._

He laid his eyes upon the twinkling stars as he watched it glimmer the way he saw her smoky-gray orbs. The horizon was getting a little bit dimmed, but the fairy lights he installed illuminated brightly their huge garden lawn, and maybe if he could be optimistic about things, he could mistakenly take it as a silver lining. But not at all. The scenery was too good and at the same time was too sorrowful. He let a few moments pass before he heard her foot steps back at the plank of their porch.

"Still a member of Sasha's Glutton Club?" He asked her without looking, assuming that she went inside because she wanted something additional to eat.

"Oh, so you're still snarky... Captain Levi." Levi heard her reply as she plugged something from the electric outlet at the porch. The wrinkling of his nose couldn't deny how he hated whenever she would call him by his rank. He first heard a static, then followed by a voice of a scrawny man reporting some fucked up news that happened in the monarch.

"Mikasa, I'm not in the mood to hear some shitty evening news from the radio."

She scoffed, sounding the way he scoffed. This time, he turned his head to catch a glimpse of her beautiful persona, and all in a while he wanted her to turn off the crystal radio because he wanted her for himself at the time being.

"Just wait a bit, impatient old man." Mikasa rolled her eyes at him as she moved back to the picnic blanket they were sitting on earlier. "You know that the station would play jazz every evening."

Jazz.

The fancy dressed man. The choice of their stylish wardrobe. The classic Hat Bar. The star-like tasted Champagne. The jazz song. The man in a bowler and a bowtie. The night when she first smiled after the war. The night when he first told her that she was much more beautiful than the night would be.

Everything connected and related to jazz brought him back the memories of her, his favorite memory of her drinking her star-tasted Champagne like a sophisticated woman from the books he had read from Hange's messy shelf.

Levi wished for it to see it back again.

Her smile. The star-like tasted Champagne. Slow dancing accompanied by Lullaby of Birdland. The cool jazz playing for a hot August evening.

"Levi?"

"I wished to see you drinking your silly star-like tasted Champagne." This time he replied directly but without having the thoughts to kiss her. Levi would never admit it but her lips were like vice, addicting and irresistible. So he needed to calm the fuck down. "I don't know what you did to me, but hell Mikasa, you look so fucking beautiful."

It was true that the crystal radio would play jazz at every idle evening like that. He listened as the static turned into a melody, then a melody into a harmony, and maybe for once, the crystal radio did something good for the choice of jazz. _Stardust_ was the jazz song playing, perfect for the picturesque of her underneath the stardust sky, and maybe, just maybe, he could keep her even just for the night.

"You like the song?"

He heard her ask as she guided both of them to lay underneath the endless horizon. She pulled everything away from the blanket, leaving only the two of them as she rested her head atop his broad pectoral muscles. Mikasa Ackerman was always a sight to see, a woman to love, and Levi knew he would regret everything after she left. He was sure about that.

_Funny, because I never regretted anything since then._

"I like the song." He finally said, his words coated with honey, but with subtly the tang of coffee grounds. "But I like to keep you more all to myself."

"Huh?"

Levi ignored her ignorance as he feigned gazing upon the endless sky. The satsuma citrus fragrance of her raven hair was still blazing, was still lingering, and he just couldn't resist it as he placed his hand on her hair. He grazed upon her scalp, devoting his fingers to every strand of her marvelous hair, and he slowly turned her head to make her look him right in his steel-blue eyes.

"I said I like to keep you, stupid woman." The crystal radio was still playing _Stardust_ and the fairy lights were still twinkling at the extent of their garden lawn. He could feel the breeze, that windy cool breeze of November, and he knew that he could also feel her blushing cheeks piercing right through his softened heart.

_Mikasa. I am so damn in love with you._

But he knew that the world was cruel and saying her those words would probably feel like a stab into her heart. That he has already betrayed her for sending her away, that addressing her those words would be the final betrayal because it would probably be useless for the complex relationship they have. He must not say it not because he can't, but he doesn't have the right.

So he kept that thought hidden for himself, treating both of them again like stardust underneath the endless sky. He finally reached her cheek as he replied while looking at her with destruction straight into her eyes.

"But the fucking truth is that I can't... and never can I."

#### 

MIKASA

She watched Levi pass her the letter from Hizuru. But in truth, Levi didn't even take the time to open and read the goddamn letter. She watched him again as he went upstairs and she heard him slammed the door.

_Captain Levi of the Survey Corps,_

_Greetings from Hizuru! I am so glad that you actually took my request seriously. I am also delighted of how things went well for you and Ms. Mikasa Ackerman regarding what I've written in the past letter. Well, there is not much for me to say, but I would like to inform you as soon as you receive this letter, expect that in two to three weeks time, a ship from Hizuru will be picking up Ms. Mikasa Ackerman._

_All regards and our pleasure to welcome you if ever you wanted to pay a visit in our nation._

_Yours truly,_

_Kiyomi Azumabito_

She pulled herself from her sullen reverie as she hastily ran upstairs. Mikasa didn't even bother to knock from Levi's isolated room; she quickly opened the door and she moved herself forward just to find Levi on his hands and knees, thoroughly scrubbing every plank of his floor.

"I'm... really going." She managed to say even though her throat was easily becoming tight, and her nose was blocked from inhaling his peppermint scented room. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

She felt him stop like the way her world suddenly stopped. Levi was at it again, rubbing the floor plank with a coconut husk, trying to get rid of his frustrations away that she doubt would go away.

"Dress up." He said, his words too short, almost unrecognizable.

"Did you understand what I told you? Levi, I'm-"

"You're going away. Yeah, I know." He sighed, sounding too tired from everything. That Levi appeared to be messy in the contradiction of being so orderly. Mikasa noticed that Levi wasn't even looking at her in the first place. That their happy days are soon coming to an end. That whatever they built, will soon come to a wreckage. "I know, yes, because I was the one that sent you away, right? So dress up."

"What?"

"Dress up. Let me take you somewhere. Do you want to stay sullen like me in this house?"

_Sullen like me._ She thought as she stared into Levi's poor posture. Mikasa didn't want to go out; hence she could say that she's not in the mood for romantic shits. It was also obvious that Levi doesn't even want to go out, but he prefers to go out even if he is somehow contrasting his mood and actions.

What's shitty wrong with him? Mikasa did not want to have an argument with Levi as she realized that their relationship would soon be coming to an end, and debunking everything would not be necessary at any moment.

But for one last time, Mikasa wished to understand him.

"Levi..."

Even if it hurts.

"What is it?"

Even if she would never see him again.

"I don't want you to be sullen. You should... enjoy a new life when I leave permanently for Hizuru." She said, even though she can't decipher where she got those words that she had said to him. Everything felt bitter and distasteful. All lies, and nothing but plain unagreeable truth forming at the edge of her tongue. Even the look Levi was giving felt so irresistibly bitter.

"I see." Levi replied as he stood up, absent-mindedly dusting the wrinkle of his rolled-up sleeves. She looked at him with sorrow in her eyes, and longing in her heart. Mikasa felt the same reciprocation back too. "That's why you dress up. I'm taking you somewhere."

She wore her favorite Sunday dress as she followed Levi towards the vast meadows. They both didn't bring their horses as they walked for a quick trip to Chlorba. 

She was always quiet and reserved, but now she could tell that she was more than that. Mikasa glanced at her quiet companion; he was wearing a simple peaky blinder coat, topped with a navy blue overcoat that was paired with altered trousers. She noticed that Levi was also wearing a necktie which brought her back at the thought of her cravat project. Levi never looked good in a necktie.

It will always be his signature cravat.

Brushing off her gnomic thoughts, she inhaled the cold breeze as she moved herself along with him. Mikasa added a mental note for herself that she should give the cravat to him, especially that it was already December, and his birthdate was nearing.

"Cold?" Mikasa heard Levi asked. She nodded as she glanced away at the western side. The clouds were all hanging low, and the sun was too greedy to share the warmth she was seeking. "Come closer."

Levi hastily removed his overcoat and he gave it to her instead. She won't argue, it was needless- because even if the sun would be too greedy to share its warmth, then the warmth from Levi was just everything that she needed. Mikasa let Levi fix his overcoat atop her mutton sleeved dress, it was indeed funny, that he was pampering her like a kid when he was way shorter than her.

But instead of laughing and asking where to go, she kept her mouth shut as she followed him to the busy outskirts of the city. 

_A studio?_

She inwardly thought to herself while she observed Levi talked with the old man who smoked like he wanted to die so bad. She could feel how Levi subtly grimaced every zero seconds but acted so patient like he was in debt with the old fusty man.

What's the deal? It's not normal for her to see Levi act so patiently while hearing respectful words come out from the crude mouth of Levi Ackerman.

She shrugged then she proceeded to observe the studio. White walls, thick black curtains, a vintage armchair, a flash lamp, and a... press camera?

_So it is a photographic studio?_

"I know what you are thinking, idiot." Levi stated as he moved towards her.

"No, I'm not thinking of having a photograph with you." Mikasa deadpanned.

She heard him chuckled in his low, cold, and sexy voice. Hearing him chuckle after a long time of being sullen was a treasured moment for her; she couldn't even remember when was the last time he laughed as if the scenario was too blissful. She just watched him dusting the imaginary dust of his neatly fixed blinder coat while hearing him as he invited her to take a photograph with him.

Good thing that she chose her favorite Sunday dress, a simple mutton-sleeved in an elegant color of gray, paired with the dark-green scarf Levi gave her. She looked good, she smelled like the aroma of moringa seed, and she wondered how Levi would think of her after everything they have been especially now that she had no idea why he would bring her to a studio.

"Hey, lady, move a little closer to your man." The photographer- she assumed, stated in his scrawny accent, a cigar dangling between his chapped lips, and for a moment she thought he looked like Zeke. She glanced at Levi before she nodded, a feeling of excitement and nervousness as she remembered the first photograph they had with the squad back at Marley.

The mocking of Eren and Jean.

The laughter of Sasha and Hange.

The smiles of Armin and Connie.

And the enigmatic relief of Levi as the photographer counted backwards from three to one.

"Sorry for not informing you about this." She listened to him as he whispered, his spearmint breath touching the auricle of her ear. "It looked like I'm not that bad at surprises."

Mikasa hummed, giving Levi a soft upward curve of her lips. Impressed, she smirked, what a fleeting moment that can't be replaced as soon as Levi sat himself onto the armchair. She moved beside him, giving her a standing position just like the old photographer suggested as a pose. Before the countdown began, she placed her hand on his shoulder, wasting nothing but soft glances at his youthful face.

Regret was not welcome as soon as she realized the light that flashed upon her face, manipulating light rays that would soon develop into a photograph of a special memory.

She never looked at the lens. She was busy looking at him.

#### 

LEVI

Honestly, Levi already reserved two tickets for Birdland Bar a month ago. It was one of his promises to her, that he should at least bring her to a classic jazz bar before she leaves. Hell, he doesn't even know if there are jazz bars in Asia. Just the thought of it made him wonder what kind of genre would Mikasa next enjoy.

_Tch. Not my business anymore..._

His finger pulled the rotary phone dial of their candle-stick telephone, each number brought the tension from the spring as he observed the wheels returning back to its home position at a speed regulated by a centrifugal shit he can no longer describe because the line had connected to the other line.

Levi: "Hey, it's Levi."

Well, it was just one of the days where he rarely asked a favor.

Connie: _"Oh hey, Captain! Wait... is it really you?"_

Levi: "I won't be naming myself if it wasn't me... Are you busy?"

He glanced at the grandfather clock that indicated that it was already a quarter before seventeen hundred hours. It was actually a relief for him that Mikasa went to check her little errands that he has no idea of.

Connie: _"Well, the genius ain't busy? Want some help with the tea shop?"_

Levi: "Tea shop? Wish I had, but I don't own a shitty tea shop."

Connie: "Oh shit... yeah, you don't have one, that's so bad."

_Dumb brat._ He scoffed.

Levi: "Anyway, if you are not busy on the upcoming Friday... I would like to ask for your dying truck to accompany us."

Connie: _"You know that I would never say no to my pretty Captain. Count me in and my Reo truck! I'll pick you up at...?"_

Levi: "Friday. At eighteen hundred hours. For Birdland Bar."

He properly placed the handset back as soon as he thanked Connie for the little favor he rarely requested. The jazz date was now set, a relief even though Levi would be having an add-on for the date he promised to the raven haired girl. Now, he just cannot wait for her to come back home.

Which made him wonder: _What the hell kind of errand would she be doing?_

Every other day, or at least every two days, Levi could notice that Mikasa would be going out without even telling him what shit she was up to. Although Levi wasn't the type of person who sticks his nose in other's businesses, he just can't help to wonder what kind of things she would be doing before she permanently leaves.

That debunked his curious thinking. "Levi, I'm home."

Mikasa's welcome greeting was not as enthusiastic as before. He heard the front door creaked a little too soft, but it was also recognizably heavy and breathless. How many more times would she say: _"I'm home"_ before she goes?

Or the better question would be: How many more days are left before he succumb again to the shit fuck of being alone in that unfairly world?

Four.

"Where have you been?" He asked even though his mind was running tirelessly contemplating decisions and regrets, of sorrow and tears.

Even if he isn't one for crying.

"Just some errands... I bought us dinner." He watched her proceed to the center island, placing the grocery bags atop the marbled table. "I'm honestly tired, Levi. I just want to vanish from everything."

He won't persuade her more to tell her about the errand she wanted to keep as a secret. He won't give her sugar coated words like: _"It's going to be okay"_ when it's clearly not going to be okay. Like her, a mirror to his pitiful self, Levi was tired and just wanted to vanish away from everything too.

_But running away won't solve anything, isn't that right, four-eyes?_

Three days.

The sound of shears and clippers from his raven hair was filling their golden-colored sunset dawn. He was having a haircut; perhaps the last haircut he would be receiving, and it might be a little longer for him to find someone he could trust to cut his hair.

"Is there any style you want?"

The style that Mikasa gave him for the past few months was the style he wanted. Trimmed curtain bangs, a blanket of silky hair covering his head, and half an inch longer of his undercut. But maybe, not anymore.

"Shave my undercut like the style I used to do back in the military."

Because it was obvious that his hair would grow back again, and she won't be there anymore to trim the haircut style he wanted. He could ask for Connie, but Levi was self-admittedly afraid that his hair would end like a dumb buzz-cut style. He was just being practical, setting aside his emotions that at least his undercut would take a little longer to grow.

"Okay. If that's what you want."

She adjusted the razor level as she worked on shaving the back of his head. Every trimmed hair that fell onto the floor was illuminated by the honey-colored sunset, making his raven hair vivid of its original dark-brown color. It was a mess, he hated it so much, but hating it would mean nothing especially if that was the last.

"The work of your hands," He said much to his affection, an ethereal feeling of desire to articulate every ounce of what he felt, just to let her know that he could swallow his pride just to say every word she deserves. "Is very magnificent... No, every doing of your passionate persona never failed to make me happy. Mikasa, I am grateful."

He cannot see her face but he could hear the subtle sniffs. If only he could wipe those tears away without him regretting everything, then if and only if.

But regrets were just there in the corner.

#### 

MIKASA

It would be her last day at the soon-to-be tea shop. She sighed as she thoroughly observed every corner of the shop; the newly painted walls, the classic type of furniture, and the tea brewer she ordered from Yalkell. Everything was good, hence it was even set accordingly and the only thing missing was the owner itself. Levi.

"Connie, do you think Levi will like this?"

She watched Connie gulp down his thirst by quenching a fruit juice. If it wouldn't be with Connie, then the soon-to-be tea shop would always remain as a dream. So she was thankful. 

"I thought you were smarter than me, 'Kasa." Connie started with a mocking smirk, and he held his hands open. "The person loves you, so everything that you do, would come naturally for him to love it."

Mikasa huffed an imaginary air as she let her mind absorb the thing Connie said. She had wished that she had seen Levi much sooner. Because now she felt that everything was so limited and numbered.

"I'm leaving in two days."

_Two days._ She repeated inwardly as she recalled that the caller ID that called this morning was an officer from the port, reminding her that the ship from Hizuru would arrive in two days time.

"What?! In two days?! So you won't be able to attend Jean's wedding?"

Mikasa picked her satchel as she brushed Connie's whimpering away. As much as she wanted to hear more about who Jean was going to wed, she just can't be in the right mood. She still needed to pack a few things, and maybe give herself some time to think alone.

A cup of Assam tea paired with strawberry syrup greeted her when she came back.

No hello, no hey, and no hi. Just Levi staring blankly at her. So she stared back but not with the same blankness that was present in his dull-gray eyes. She was tired and she wanted to be alone, right? So why can't she tell him right away?

"I'm..."

Because she can't.

"Heading upstairs... So see you later?"

Because the thought of being alone was slowly sinking in the depths of her notion even if she tried countless times to ignore it. Moreover, she never wanted to be alone. Not at all.

Mikasa squinted her eyes as she sighed. There were a lot more things to do rather than sulking herself to a pointless unchangeable decision. She headed upstairs and left Levi alone, sitting lonesome at his davenport sofa.

She woke up at six hundred hours to the aroma of a cup of bittersweet cocoa waiting for her atop the side table. Levi was not in the room anymore, but a handwritten sepia-colored note was there instead.

_**Be my date this evening. Wear something fancy.** _

_**\- Levi** _

One day.

#### 

LEVI

Fixing the collar of his powder-blue oxford shirt, he stood in the quarter space of the stairs while looking at himself in the mirror. He pulled the eyepatch from his pocket, same with his custom glove, and he prepared himself for the night's jazz date.

It was December and it was also a week before his birthday so Levi chose to wear another overcoat. The cold weather was freezing him down to his balls, and it would be a misfortune if their jazz date would be ruined by some shitty weather like before.

"How do I look?" He heard her asked, her oxford shoes slowly touching every plank of the stairs as she strode towards him.

Of course, his choice of words undeniably improved. There were no rooms for hesitation tonight. He wanted her, she wanted him. That was simple but complicated at the same time.

"Beautiful." He admitted as he gaped across her black fitted V-neck dress paired with evening gloves that made her look like she was some actress of a classic Gatsby. She was wearing the same see-through dress back before the night when they shared their first kiss.

"You look beautiful too."

"Is that the right compliment for a man?"

"I don't know." Mikasa chuckled as she softly tugged the collar of his oxford shirt. Maybe before, he'd be irked for her clumsiness, but not now. She paused while she bit her lower lip, and she looked so fucking good to him. "But I know something that will look extra good on you."

Levi was presented with a small gift box that can be bought in a haberdashery shop. At first, he thought it was another color of necktie, but he became speechless as soon as she had shown him the inside of the gift box.

A piece of pristine white cloth greeted him right in his face. He carefully touched it, trying to feel every mended stitch that was sewn meticulously enough for his standards. Levi was gifted with a cravat.

"Where did you get this?" He asked, but his eyes were never leaving the sewn masterpiece of his lover.

"I stole it." Mikasa chuckled as she grabbed the cravat from his hand. "I made it and it was supposed to be for your birthday..." He watched her pull the collar of his oxford shirt, aligning the cravat as she wrapped it in a tender act. She checked once again the dutiful handiwork she made before she continued.

"Now, you look much better."

"I don't know what to say, Mikasa. I honestly do not know."

Because he doesn't really know what to fucking say. That her, giving him a piece of a part of him just a day before her departure meant torture for his ego. He looked at her in a daze, regret was soon corrupting every cavity of his selfless self, but it was damn too late.

Only eighteen hundred hours left.

"Then don't say anything. You said that we were not good with words, right?"

_Yes._ So he pulled her in for a kiss, his feverish fingers tracing every skin of her porcelain nape, that he wanted to fucking touch her so bad, to at least own every bit of her before she goes. His hand glided down to detach the scarf she was wearing, pulling it while he was giving her more of the kiss he wished for her to have in a lifetime.

She was breathless and he was breathless too. But none of it was his concern when his hand worked more to reach the apex of her clavicle, tracing it further below that made him graze upon her desirably ample cleavage. The clad of beads that was mended from the edge of her V-neck dress tempted him more to feel and desire her curvaceous breast. He heard her yelp in a sensual way, her mouth ajar and his tongue was slowly giving in for an instinct. Oh how he craved for it, how he wished to own her so damn bad that ditching the jazz night for an activity in a bedroom would be the practical choice for his selfish desires.

"Levi, I want-"

Then the fucking boisterous knock of the fucking front door.

"God fucking damn it." He was still having his labored breath when he glanced at the grandfather clock that indicated that it was five minutes before eighteen hundred hours.

"Hey, Captain Levi! I'm here and early! Open the door!"

He looked at Mikasa whose face was an embodiment of a freshly picked tomato. She was so red and that she even looked quaint fuckable because of how sensual she was while biting her goddamn lip.

_Fuck, when will my mouth stop spitting out uncivilized words?_

"I'll get the door." She suggested.

But he grabbed her wrist as he shook his head no. She should just let him get the door for her while she goes and fix her carnal look. He paused for merely a second, then he walked towards the front door to open the disastrous Connie.

"Captain, why are you so red?" Astounded and dumb, Connie glared at him in the dumbest way he could imagine. 

"None of your fucking business. Your face looks like leaking shit... do you want a trophy for punctuality?"

The ride to Birdland Bar was for thirty minutes. Both him and Mikasa sat at the wagon-like attachment which seats were customized at the taste of his comfort. He inwardly thanked Connie for taking his neatness obsession with volition and care, even though Connie ruined something he might never grab again.

Levi gave a deep breath as he leaned comfortably against the shaky wagon. He watched Mikasa; how her eyes glimmered as she indulged in the mist of the fog that was accompanying them for their jazz date. At least for a moment, he felt that she was happy.

" _There will be many other nights like this... and I'll be standing here with someone new..._ "

He heard Connie singing who sounded like a quacking drunk duck. Of course, he didn't forget to scoff, which obviously made Mikasa snickered.

" _There will be other songs to sing, another fall, another spring..._ What? Don't you like the song?"

"I like the song," Mikasa butted in.

"I just don't like your scrawny voice." Levi admitted.

" _But there will never be another you..._ "

He sighed as he raked a hand to his hair. The cool breeze, the purplish-blue horizon, the shy stars that are peeking, and the free show of Connie's failed circus that made Mikasa laugh like she was having no problems at all. Maybe even the poor song that Connie was singing...

He loved it.

" _There will be other lips that I would kiss..._ Haha, I'm not bad at singing!"

"But you are bad at kissing. You've never kissed girls before." Mikasa teased Connie as he gave him a small smack on his head.

"Well, why don't you name a good kisser, huh? I dare you."

Levi noticed how Mikasa peered at him as she blushed redder than the scorching rays of sunset. He was speechless, and she was speechless too. Maybe it would be a good thing that Connie would always be dense in noticing things because only Connie's scrawny style of singing filled the peaceful quiet moment they were having.

"But they won't thrill me like yours used to do... Come on, 'Kasa! Give Captain Levi a review of his oh-so impeccable lips."

"Don't make it sound like you had kissed me, stupid."

" _Yes I may dream a million dreams, but how can they come true?_ "

His eyelids stooped low; relax and longing. He watched how her eyes were curved like a crescent moon, how her lips parted a little just to snicker at a good memory he'd be sure to remember at all times. After all, who knows if he could still find someone like her? Someone whom he deeply loved like Mikasa Ackerman.

" _If there will never ever be another you._ "

Luckily, Birdland Bar was not crowded for a Friday jazz session. He pulled out a barstool for her to sit on, and without waiting for any more requests, he asked the waiter of the finest Champagne they have.

"Here's your silly star-like tasted Champagne." He passed the tulip glass onto her hand and he watched her drink like it was her first time.

"Levi." She called him, and he attentively listened. "It's like tasting your lips."

She gave him a ghost smile as he continued to watch her gulping down the finest Champagne that Birdland Bar had. Levi reached her other hand as he gave it a gentle squeeze. Whatever may be her interpretation about it, only one thing he had in his mind. He won't mind wasting any dimes for tonight, especially if that would make her smile even if it would be the last time he would be seeing.

The jazz musicians started to play and the rhythm was just so relaxing that it even made Connie stand up from his seat... and danced. He heard how Mikasa laughed, how she enjoyed every comical scene they were witnessing even though a part of him wanted to deny in front of everyone that he personally knew the dumb buzz-cut boy who was fooling around.

So much for his thoughts, he arched his back as he told himself to relax. It was a good night, and he just wanted it to stay that way.

"Hey 'Kasa! Let's dance!" Levi glanced at Mikasa who was waiting for his approval as he nodded as a gesture for her to go. She could go and dance all the night away, and he would surely be happy and content just by watching her from afar.

Every beat of improvisation, every hit notes of the saxophone, and every hard tap of piano keys ignited the makeshift dance floor. The jazz song was indeed making everyone laugh, dance, smile, and even Levi could feel the little tapping of his forefoot. What a good night indeed.

"Snarky Captain of the disbanded Survey Corps?"

"Fuck off, Perocho." He stated to his chagrin, but mocking, and almost laughing as he greeted his so-called trusted interior officer. "You're almost present at every Jazz bar I went to. Do me a favor by keeping that moustache away from me."

"Whatever you say, Levi. Glad that you found a beautiful woman who can tolerate your ass-attitude."

"Yeah." Was all he said.

"Enough with your one-ass-word replies." He listened to Perocho as he tried to observe the melting ice from his lowball glass. It would be fun if he was in the mood to be sarcastic. "Come on, tell me something about her!"

"I wish I could tell you more... But the story would end once she leaves for tomorrow." Like vile rising to his throat, like sandpaper being shitted on his thorax.

"Is that so..." He listened once again even though he wanted to shove his foot into Perocho's talkative mouth. But nevertheless, he had kept so much patience that maybe if Zeke Yeager was alive, he could even invite him for a tasteless shit of tea. "I guess it's time for you to have the last dance with her."

"What do you mean?" Levi asked as he turned his head around to see what the hell was happening. He hasn't even noticed that thirty minutes have passed since Connie made a fool out of himself. So he tried to summarize the shit that was going, and finally understood that the fancy shits were playing a romantic genre of jazz. Typical slow-dance for a passionate evening.

"Levi, you're literally old and you know responsibilities. If she's going away then-"

"Oh fuck off. I'm not the type of man who uses his cock for thinking." He said even though he sounded like a proud virgin who hasn't scored or even jerked for years. Funny, he was not in the mood for lewd pensive as he sent Perocho away. Of course, he should know that. He should learn how to control himself... Even though what he did earlier was a little selfish and overboard for both him and her.

"Captain Levi!" He heard Connie shrilled as the buzz-cut boy ran towards him while putting an awkward big smile. "Take Mikasa for the final dance! No shit, but come on, I need to find myself a girl too!"

He rolled his eyes as he gulped down the liquor, and then chewed a tiny leaf of spearmint he always kept inside his breast pocket.

#### 

MIKASA

The ambience of the bar was comfortable enough for her. The warm gust, the classic jazz songs played, the drinks she intake, and the handsome man that was approaching her. She knew she was leaving, but she can't hold herself but to smile at the fleeting moment. She loved it.

And she hoped he would too.

"I'm shit at dancing... But shall we?" Levi asked and it was in unison as the fat man blew the saxophone.

Mikasa let him take the lead as he placed his hand beneath her armpit, then interlaced the other with soft graze. They both took small steps, almost looking at each other with understanding that only the both of them knew, and she shrugged as she indulged herself at the extent of the melancholic love song.

_**The song is ended, but the memories linger on** _

A crowd like sea, full of mystery, and a never ending chaos that the song had brought. But chaos would always be there, just like her and Levi, and just like any other people that were there at Birdland Bar enjoying whatever last they could be.

_**You and the song are gone, but the memories linger on** _

_**The night was splendid, and the melody seemed to say** _

So every step, every glance, and every moment that they could both do together, she let it linger. Lingered like the way every breath of spearmint scent touched her neck, and what little remains of him, she wanted to make it last.

"Anything wrong?"

_**"Summer will pass away, take your happiness while you may"** _

"No, no... It's just," But even before she could finish her sentence, her eyes were betraying her once again. She shouldn't feel like this, it was not very of her- weak, delicate, and frail. She knew she should act better, that she was once a soldier, that-

"Let's go home, Mikasa."

_**There beneath the light of the moon, we sang a love song that ended too soon.** _

Her misty-eyed seemed to be subtly shocked after hearing those words from Levi. Mikasa squinted her eyes as she pulled Levi into an embrace she would forever seek, and will probably forever miss. _To our home,_ she repeated inside her head, and she finally let her eyes betray her once again.

Levi hastily pulled her out of the stage, giving her his pristine-white handkerchief for her to wipe those tears away. She heard Levi called Connie, saying a few words like: _"We're going", "Enjoy the night"_ , and _"See her tomorrow."_ Either way, she cannot find the time to decipher what Connie was trying to argue about as she let Levi fish her out in the sea of crowd.

She knew that sadness would come, that this surreal moment would soon vacuum her into an abyss, and there was nothing she could do. Her oxford shoes were hitting the heels of her feet, it was aching, but she wanted to go home for the last night so she could call Levi's house as her home even for the last time.

It was December and the breeze was getting colder, and again with the fucked up mood swings of the weather because it soon rained while they were still running on the outskirts of the city.

No words or anything. Levi removed his overcoat as he covered her quickly, protecting her even though he was obviously shivering out of the drenched cold situation. They both ran as fast as they can, thinking that if they can run faster to avoid getting more drenched, then maybe her hopeful thinking could assume to outrun the problems that she would be facing for tomorrow.

When they both reached the house at twenty-one hundred hours, they were both soaked and tired. The drippings of the overcoat she was wearing was constantly soaking the planks of their floor as she heavily leaned herself onto the wall. Not to mention, but she finally noticed that Levi hadn't reacted at all as he slouched his drenched messy self onto the sofa. 

Clutter.

Mess.

Everything that she knew well that he hated, but the night seemed to be so young when he wasn't a neat pick; yet instead he stood up and walked towards her.

"Take that off. You'll get sick."

She can't find the right words to say as she looked at him with tired eyes- a daze in a haze of sadness. She let Levi pull the overcoat then hung it on the coat rack like he was pretending that he didn't notice the wetness. Mikasa was emotionally tired to react with things so she just let him do whatever he wanted.

Such as things that she knew that weren't important for her night; boiling water for hot baths, getting a bucket and a mop, and a lonesome speechless conversation. It was her last night, she wanted something, and it was indeed making her insane.

"Levi." She called out to him, her voice in a tune of request, in a tune of longing. She heard him humming as he turned the stove off and she knew that she needed to do it if she really wanted it. It's now or never especially after she felt that they both have unfinished, hankering cravings that desired every part of their anatomy.

"What is it?" 

She let Levi's question unanswered, because answering it with words right now would be the last thing she would do. Mikasa hastily strode towards him, then she grabbed him by the collar as she finally slumped her lips against his lips.

She knew she was drenched that bad; her clothes were soaking, her hair were soaking, but fuck that. Fuck that because she pulled him more, touching every soaked clothes of him as she grabbed him by his dampened hair. She wanted to be soaked so badly, that even the nether regions of her body agreed to be soaked by the man she was doing intimately.

"Do you want this?" Levi pulled back his lips from her lips as he asked her, but Mikasa was impatient about his damn prude kind of attitude. She retorted back by unbuttoning the buttons of his oxford shirt; her feverish fingertips were fast with the buttons, but at the same time she wanted the zeal to burn at the back of her mind.

Heavy breaths and burning eyes, the desire to be consummate with Levi was an unnoticed desire since the beginning back then. Fervor took her in as she undid his oxford shirt, sliding the sleeves off his muscled forearms, revealing her a wider view of his fine sculpted muscles embossed at the veneer of his torso.

But veneer was a fallacious word once the seize of her hands began to work on every inch of his skin; caressing it, desiring it, and yearning it. True enough, he was like a vice for her, he was so addictive that made her gasp when Levi parched his fiery lips starting from the apex of her neck down to whatever he could kiss. He took it slowly, giving her flaring bites, marking wholly of her unending soft skin.

No more time to waste, only fifteen hundred hours left for the both of them to spend; she ignored the unlocked door, the opened windows, the clutter of the living room... and everything as she let Levi pull the back zipper of her black fitted dress revealing a sight of her lacy brassiere.

"Where do you want to do this, Levi?"

"Mikasa, stop asking me questions..." 

Right. She shouldn't be asking imbecilic and obvious questions that would ruin their shared delicate intimacy as she observed him gasping with his breath labored, and with both of his pupils dilated. She took another grasp of a clad of his silky hair, making his lips closer for her to reach, and biting his impeccable lips means wanting more of him and only him.

They left the living room as she let Levi pull her to the quarter space of the stairs; careful yet feral, the touch of his hands never leaving her thirsty body as their feet guided them all the way upstairs. The famine of desiring each other was needless to explain as they ended up in a heap of floor- him bare-chested, her bedraggled dress, and she let Levi undid more of her as he hitched his phalanges up to her thigh then to the waistband of her laced underwear.

Voracious orbs pierced her through the dimmed lounge as she closed her eyes, feeling every heated touch of his fingertips, gliding steadily from the girdle of her pelvic and all of a sudden he was...

_Shaking?_

"No," Spearmint and liquor scent filled the chasm they were entangled with. Breath shaky, hands shaky, and... "We can't do this."

"What?" Eyes opened, and cold sweats dripping. "What do you mean? Levi it's my last night, and we won't see each other again!"

She heard him sigh, the tension and frustration were much visible even though the lights were closed. What the fuck was just wrong with him?

"That's the point. We won't see each other again."

_You're kidding me..._ "Then why won't we do it? Aren't you in love with me anymore?"

"You still don't understand it, Mikasa. You knew that you're the only person I only loved this much and I might not control-"

"Then why can't we?!"

"Because I don't want you to end up like my mother. We do it now, then how about the consequence? You are leaving for tomorrow... What if you end up pregnant like Historia and Pieck?"

"Then I will raise the child!"

"No, Mikasa. The child will end up like me. Fatherless." He gave a damn breath as he stood up from his position, his eyes averting every glance she gave. "And I don't want that to happen."

Then that was enough to shut her off. The thoughts of family: murdered, killed, fatherless, motherless, an orphan, and any other havoc experience both her and Levi witnessed. She wanted a family, a husband and a child, but maybe Levi was right... That no child should experience the gruesome shits they had.

"I'm sorry, Mikasa... But as much as I desire you, I can't bear the thought of you ending up like my mother." She watched him put his palm on his forehead as he walked to the direction of their bathroom. Mikasa was speechless, she can't decipher what just happened as she curled herself against the cold floor.

She didn't know what fell from her eyes, was it the wetness from her hair or was it tears all over again? Disheveled clothes, disheveled hair, and disheveled mind, Mikasa closed her eyes.

#### 

LEVI

Sitting in the bathroom was a thing he hated to death. But on topless state paired with clasped hands and chaotic guilt, Levi just couldn't help but to sit at the cold bathroom tiles.

But no, he needed to make things with her. He needed to fix whatever mess he did because everything will just be useless if she leaves for tomorrow. Levi started fixing himself by wearing a shirt and quickly drying out his hair. He soon grabbed a towel for Mikasa as he exited the bathroom, but he was too dismayed to witness the woman with her body curled against the cold floor.

_Fuck. Do I now understand what shitstorm I've done?_

#### 

?

At one hundred hours, Mikasa found herself slouched against the chest of Levi.

"Shh. It's alright, just sleep."

The pitter-patter of the rain was still present, but she felt herself warm at the shelter of his arms, being covered by the tumbledown quilt blanket Levi used to hate. Her soaked and disheveled condition were already fixed; Levi already changed her clothes into something comfortable such as letting her wear his drawstring pajama and long sleeves shirt.

It was alright. Mikasa does not want to know anymore the process of what happened during the earlier events. It would just break her heart.

Maybe it was not alright. Levi does want to know what she truthfully felt, because hurting her was not any of his intentions. He was just bad at expressing affection and emotion.

"It's okay, Levi... It's really okay." She stated in her half-snoozed state, and her eyelids puffed like she was indebted with a long sleep.

"It's obviously not okay." He stated in his wide-awake state, and his eyelids were dropped low like it was begging for some sleep salvation.

They were two people with the same mirrors, yet they were also two people who have contradicting differences. It was hard, at least for the both of them. One was selfish, one was selfless. One was soft, one was stern. One was longing, and the other one was ignoring.

But both of them are just edgy and lonesome.

The cool breeze of the weather was making it more forlorn as Levi couldn't take it any longer when he finally spoke. "About the thing, I'm-"

"Levi." Mikasa reached for his wrist as she continued. There was no need for arguments. "It's alright." She stared back into him, although her eyes were in good description of a sad gaze. She was just _that_ tired.

Again, maybe she was right too? Levi nodded and caressed her hair. If she felt like there was no need for argument, then Levi felt that there was no need to waste any more of their remaining time. Explaining complicated things would probably leave both of them battered.

He moved in a little closer, closing more of the almost non-existent chasm as he embraced her. It would be the last time, the last midnight, and the last time he won't be alone.

She accepted the cordial offer he tried to act. She knew it very well how unpredictable Levi would always be, and she ignored that by asking him a useless sensible question.

"Let's sleep, Levi?"

Cold feet, warm hands, and soft linens. Cold tears, warm touch, and soft eyes.

"Let's sleep, Mikasa."

_Did I choose the right path?_

The luggage set for departure was already arranged at the corner of their living room. Levi checked everything just to make sure she didn't forget anything.

He watched Mikasa through the small window of their kitchen and he overheard her talking with their farm animals. He pursed his lips when he saw Mikasa gathering the tea leaves she grew for the last four months.

Levi shook his head.

As much as Mikasa wanted to call him, she chose to pretend she didn't see Levi looking from the small window of the kitchen. She raked a hand to her hair then she continued to put the tea leaves in each designated canister.

_After all, he still doesn't know, right?_

She gave a damn breath. Too good to be true, of course, Mikasa was still hurt about what happened last night. But it was no use, she was leaving, and as Levi said: _There's no room for regrets._

_Then why does his eyes look regretful?_

"Mikasa."

"Yes, Levi?"

_Why can't I just say it to her?_ "Ah, it's nothing."

"Okay." _Even if I had so many words to tell him._

A lot of shortcomings and pleas, when they were done with each chores and preparations, they both sat down at the sofa. She was staring at him, and he was staring at her. Both afraid to tell something, and both afraid to lose something.

He watched her open her mouth a little, but then she closed it back then.

"Go on."

She heard him speak with a tedious tone, and it was just making her heart nervous and unconscious of what to tell him. Should she tell him? That she was going to miss him so fucking bad, that they should exchange letters because in truth was that she can't lose him still?

It's useless.

"Thank you for the good eleven months..."

Because what was the point of sending letters?

"Thank you too."

There would be no reason to call each other or write letters. It would be meaningless, it would be absurd, and it would just be torture.

"Yeah."

Especially when they would just be away, especially when they would just be both alone, and especially when they couldn't hug each other tight at night.

Mikasa pursed her lips before she gave him a gentle smile. Everything was all set, and she was just waiting for the boisterous honk of Connie's dying truck. She already accepted that Levi won't accompany her to the port, because not like any other woman, she understood that it would just be painful for the both of them.

"Well, there's your third-class trip." He announced as soon as he heard the small honk of Connie's Reo truck. "Go greet the dumbass and I'll take care of your luggage."

Levi watched her exit their house- now his house, and he never felt so sad in a sudden. He thought that he was immune to that shitty scenario, that he have experienced that all his life and it won't still change a thing, but why does seeing her leave right now hurt so fucking bad?

He hastily waved his hand frustratingly, aware that Connie and Mikasa could notice him. _Not now,_ he told himself. He hated that the stern demeanor he masked himself was slowly fading away just because of her. So not now, but a little bit later.

"Captain Levi... Are you sure about not escorting her to the port?"

_No, Connie. No._ "Yeah. Use your mind and don't lose track of the road."

"I guess this is..." _Goodbye? No, I still don't want to, Levi._

She watched Levi bring her luggage to the wagon of the truck. He was calm, quiet, and gnomic. Just like every morning. Just like every handwritten note at the piece of his sepia-colored paper. She couldn't contemplate what Levi was thinking. Was he sad? Was he happy? Was he going to miss her?

Why can't she see his true emotions?

Why now of all times?

"Mikasa, let's go... Say goodbye to the Captain..." Connie informed her as she watched Levi head back to their porch, his face devoid of all emotions. Just like the first night at the castle in Trost.

"Levi!"

He chuckled. Was he crazy? "Hm... Mikasa?"

Levi watched her run towards him, biting her lips as if she was preventing to spill words, to spill tears, and whatever. She was there, and she was the only person who did that to him. He watched her as her feet slumped to the plank of their porch, embracing him like it was the final moment,

But indeed it was the final one.

"I'm not good with words," She said as she reached something from her narrowed pocket. "But I want you to know so bad how I will remember everything, that you," She fished out the small key she kept hidden as a secret for him, a shared dream for the both of them, but not for her anymore because it would always remain as a dream. "That you will always be a part of me, Levi. Take good care of this- our dream."

He watched her turn her back as she finally exited the lonesome porch, leaving nothing but sadness and regrets. Levi couldn't believe what Mikasa just did, that all this time she was out, was her busy preparing this bullshit of a dream of his, and fuck everything was just so fucking pointless and shit.

Levi squeezed the key so damn bad as he hastily catch up to Mikasa, then he pulled her, ignoring everything as he tasted her lips for the fucking last time. He held her so tight because if at least he cannot say it into words, then at least she should feel it every inarticulate emotions he have. Levi knew Connie was watching, but fuck Connie and his dense mind, because almost everyone who was watching them would only feel one thing: _Pain._

Mikasa indulged deeper into his kiss, and as she indulged deeper was the same time her eyes streamed like waterfalls. She knew one day she would get over this, and no... She knew that she would never get over this for a man whom she loved to death. That it was the end. That it was reality. Maybe, today was just a good day to die.

_Goodbye, Levi._

He pulled and turned around quickly as he walked towards their lonesome porch. Just like any other times.

_Goodbye, Mikasa._

She watched him go back, and not once... he looked back. He never looked back as he shut the door close.

#### 

MIKASA

"I hate that you're stupid, I hate that you're dumb, and I hate that you're dense!"

With her head slumped against the headboard of the truck, Mikasa sighed. It has been almost thirty minutes since she left their- no, Levi's house and it has only been two minutes since she stopped producing little tears.

"Connie. It's over." She stated sourly, ignoring Connie's redundant choice of synonymous words.

"It's over because you are fucking dumb, Mikasa! God, I can't explain how much I hate you right now. You're still not over with your dog-like devotion and loyalty like what you had with Eren!"

"Enough with Eren, Connie! Just shut your mouth up!"

"No, Mikasa! I won't fucking shut my mouth, because you still don't realize what you are acting the whole time!"

_What are you saying? What is he saying?_ She inwardly thought as she leaned more heavily. She was just so done with everything, that even a throbbing headache was present, that why can't she still understand everything?

Mikasa has never been like this. The post-war changed her so much that it even brought her childish happy self. That she knew it herself that she had changed a lot. That Levi taught her so much, and that was expressing her emotions so freely whether it would be being so smiley or crying, and what was Connie saying?

She heard Connie sighed. "Mikasa... You're in love with the Captain right?"

She didn't answer Connie. It was useless to express in words how much she loved him. After everything post-war.

But Connie appeared to have no plans of stopping. He opened his mouth again, and Mikasa swore she just wanted to slap him if ever she got the perfect opportunity.

"And you never realized that you were the lucky bitch that the Captain had loved all his life? Tell me, Mikasa," She noticed how Connie glared at him like he was the one who was affected in the complex situation they have. "Why did you agree to his senseless yet selfless decision?"

"Because I trust him."

"No, Mikasa, it's because you are dumb and uncapable of deciding for your own self!" Connie shrilled as he hit the break so damn bad making them choke from their seatbelts. "I thought you were over with your dumb-dog loyalty with Eren, but it appeared that you only made yourself another dumb-dog loyalist of the Captain!"

She was speechless.

Was it true? Was she loving someone wrong?

But love was an understatement and a very complicated topic. To think of it, Levi never brought her the topic about 'love' and that was something she did understand. She knew every movement and every action he made was quite dedicated just to let her know that she was loved, even though it was not said, but though it was heard.

So did she love him wrong? Was it that wrong that she never realized not until Connie brought it up?

She wouldn't know. Maybe yes, or maybe no. But none of it matters, it was too late.

The clouds were hanging too low and the sun was too shy to come out. She gave a deep breath as she observed the road, the railroad, the trees, the free horses, the birds, and everything that simply reminded her of him.

Him as her home, him as the only one she wanted to be wherever.

_So why did I...? Just accepted it that easy?_

Mikasa placed a hand on her forehead as she let the memories fall into pieces, slowly sinking that she just made the ultimate trash decision for herself. With Levi, they both could laugh and drank till three hundred hours. That with Levi, they both could stargaze and talk about a million things underneath the stardust of the dull horizon. That with Levi, she could be home anywhere she wanted to be.

Would it still be too late?

Connie parked his Reo Truck as he unloaded the luggage. The sea birds are so damn noisy, and the ship for Hizuru was indeed waiting for her.

Would it still be too late?

She watched Connie glared at her as he carried all her luggage, tired to lecture her or whatever the fuck he wanted to do. She appeared to be so speechless that she made all Connie do all the talking with the seafarers.

But would it still be too late? Especially that the stairs attached to the ship were already waiting for her to climb up.

"Connie-"

"Mikasa." She heard Connie as he gave her a sad frown. "I hope it would never be too late to make the Captain realize... That both of you are selfless and dumb. I care for the both of you, but if that's what you wanted to do, then yeah. Do him a favor by not returning back on this- your homeland."

#### 

LEVI

Levi can't believe it was over. He stood in the corner of their- now his lonesome house as he watched the whole thing to fucking fall like shredded paper.

It was over.

The days slipped so fast, that maybe, he could tell again that the good things did actually never last. He scoffed, no, he sniveled as he pretended to not see her smokey-gray eyes accentuated with salty tears an hour ago.

It was good, everything between them and every little fucking thing that happened only to the both of them. Like maybe, how seasons changed: From summer turned to winter, and from the melting snow that turned into rain.

But he should have known that the rain could turn into tears like the one that streamed upon her porcelain cheeks.

_Mikasa._

Her god-sent eyes. Those eyes that would make him get through his lonely insomniac night. That even her lurking shadow from the dark corner of her mint-painted walls whenever she would think that he was not looking at her. Every inch of her soft unending skin, every soft laugh of her, and every special shit would only remain as a memory of the past.

He knew she said: _"Goodbye"_ even if it wasn't heard. He shouldn't have replied. He should have never replied as he hardly recognized the woman she was, when he himself was hardly recognizable too.

Lost.

But Levi hoped it was not too late.

He hoped that it was not too late as he moved from his position, spying the lonely portable gramophone that accompanied the both of them through the bad days and the good ones.

Levi squinted his eyes so damn hard as he broke every piece of vinyl records that keep track of jazz, that keep track of every songs about her, that keep track of every fucking little things. His face was still impassive, but he didn't want to remember her as he slammed, crushed, gnawed, every little figment that would only remind him of her.

Because it was just too late.

He was alone before. Then she came. Then he made her go. Then he was alone again.

Regret was such a heavy word. But it was damn too late...

?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONGS USED:  
> Stardust - Nat King Cole  
> There Will Never Be Another You - Chet Baker  
> The Song Is Ended - Frank Sinatra version
> 
> -
> 
> Pardon for the slow shit update! But I hope you did enjoy 16k words of this _long-ass_ chapter.  
> I hope this chapter satisfied everyone on how I conveyed Levi's _shitstorm_ emotions and Mikasa's possible character development.  
> Ahah, only two more chapters left! Please do leave a comment on what you think, and let's see where the next chapter would take me. Thank you for your kind supports, everyone! (:
> 
> _You could search me on tumblr: rivaille-13_

**Author's Note:**

> I dedicate this work for: @ackersquad37 and @dewipersik / Akihams. Thank you so much for reading my fanfictions. I hope you would enjoy this one too. (:


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